Coping with wife's affair with neighbor that turns out

[why1234]

The AP represents fantasy and freedom. She does not feel the need to put on airs with him. She doesn't care if he respects her or not. And since she doesn't care if he respects her, she is not afraid of losing his respect by subjecting herself to fun, kinky or humiliating sex. See how that works?

 

She does have fun doing all those kinky things, but they would not be fun if she did them with you. It is a stupid hangup and the only way she will get past it is to be open with you. And she needs a decent IC to help her overcome these issues.

 

Oh man. So wrong. She probably has low esteem. Which means that she can only respect men who don't respect her.

 

In other words, she cares deeply if AP respects her or not. She needs for him NOT to respect her. She isn't turned on by someone who respects her.

 

The only way she will enjoy doing those things is not IC for crying out loud. It's for OP to show her that he's strong and doesn't put her on a pedestal.

[JS84]

I think it's important to understand the stigma of women and sex. So often they have these types of desires but fear expressing them because they don't want to be judged.

 

I think it is very much the case here, which is why she hasn't responded. There is a good chance she doesn't want you to judge her or think less because of what she may see as guilty desire.

 

This. What do they call it, the Madonna Whore Complex or something along those lines? Can't read her mind but I'm going to bet she has no intention or desire to do anything adventurous, freaky, or outgoing sexually with her husband. At least not to the extent she's done with her APs. That's not his role. His role is provider, husband and father figure for her children. Not some new, strange, different man for her to get her jollies off with without having to worry about fear of judgement, exposure, or lowering herself in the eyes of her spouse due to her sexual desires regardless of their origin.

 

As someone else aluded to she most likely settled for OP for security and stability.

 

There's probably an element of shame in what she does sexually with these men as well since it stems from rape that happened as a child. OP is looking at this entirely the wrong way. A large part of what she's doing is probably out of an unhealthy cumpulsion moreso than solely just wanting to get laid. There's a good chance she hates how she behaves and doesn't want to be reminded of it at home in her own bed.

 

OP you could make a bad situation worse if you basically try to bring the same environment that your wife has been living behind your back into your home. I'm not saying that's 100% the case for sure, but she needs to do some work with a therapist before you start trying to spice things up or make changes like that when it comes to your sexual relationship. Especially with her history of childhood sexual abuse.

 

Your wife obviously has some pretty deep seeded issues. Not sure if it was mentioned before but she's probably had other affairs and this will probably not be her last. She needs to be in therapy.

 

And you need to be willing to have her served with divorce papers. Because she's going to have to want to change for herself, you and your marriage. She can't change just because you want her to. Right now it doesn't sound like she has much of an incentive to change.

 

< moderator edit: thread is continued here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/605662-told-my-wife-9-5-years-i-want-divorce >

Edited December 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[40somethingGuy]

So even though the long text sting has been deleted since April 2016, I always wanted to be able to read the entire thing. I read some of them, definitely enough to figure some things out, but not all. About a month later I used Dr Fone to recover deleted texts off her phone and got maybe a couple hundred out of 3600 or so they had per the phone bill text activity. Recently I came in contact with someone claiming to be an experienced hacker who said he can recover them for me without needing her phone. I have not yet responded. But I am tempted. Anyone ever do this?

[Clay]

That sounds shady to me. Its one thing to say you can root a phone and get all the data. Its completely a different thing to state you can get the text without the device. This gives me the impression the hacker would try to hack the provider. There is no way I would put my name on that.

 

What model of phone is it and what Operating system does it have on it?

 

C

[Mr Blunt]

Recently I came in contact with someone claiming to be an experienced hacker who said he can recover them for me without needing her phone. I have not yet responded. But I am tempted. Anyone ever do this?

 

Why do you want more proof that your wife is twisted sexually?

 

 

You cannot fulfill her sex desires as you are not taboo.. If you can live with a woman that desires sex from taboo men and watches porn then you are somewhat like a cuckold man. Are you satisfied by not being her number one man for her sexual desires?

[BetrayedH]

Forget the text msgs. Study up and dominate her or get the heck outta there.

 

My $.02

[Cobra_X]

So, knowing all this I am now trying to channel some of her adventureous sexual side my way. I told her I really want to spice up our sex life. I know what her fantasties are but I know I am not taboo. Maybe I am wasting my time but I tend to get the standard vanilla sex where I truly think she had desires to go all in erotic with him. I am having a hard time with this. I guess I can't make her desire me that way but I do know she is looking at a lot of porn. Yesterday I emailed her that I feel she is channeling her sexual energy in alternative places and that is only hurting us and it is hurting me. I did not get a response. So, when I am ready to confront I am going to simply ask her what her reaction to my email is and whether or not she is 'all in' on me or not since I know she can express intimate desires with someone who has become a virtual stranger and never loved her at all. Well see.

 

I think reading your thread I've lost respect for you as a man.

 

If you want more than vanilla sex get divorced. Right now you seem to still be trying to compete with the Other Man... and failing.

[40somethingGuy]

I think reading your thread I've lost respect for you as a man.

 

If you want more than vanilla sex get divorced. Right now you seem to still be trying to compete with the Other Man... and failing.

 

The last post was written almost a year ago when I was sorting thru stuff and trying to process this. Honestly, I wasn't ready to give up time with kids and half of what I earned cuz she decided to be a sneaky s***. Lots have changed for the better since then. We do anal which I love and our love life has spiced up. Do I have scars from last year? Yeah some but I told her what I would or would not tolerate and things are much better. Still, I do hate the fact that she will always be tainted in my eyes. The only reason I made a post on this was that I have the chance to possibly recover the texts and I only saw some of them. I always wanted to know what I still don't know and was wondering if I should not it but I am worried about it. Wondered if anyone successfully was able to do it.

 

As far as being a cuckold, well, except for not launching her then (which I wondered if I should have done without trying to R) then every man who ever tried R is one and my actions have been far from it. Plus the OM is scared to death of me and he is about 370.

[40somethingGuy]

Forget the text msgs. Study up and dominate her or get the heck outta there.

 

My $.02

 

In hindsight, I was guilty of the pick me dance as I was in severe shock. Once I got my head back I did the 180 and when she couldn't take it anymore I gave her several conditions. Things are better for sure. There still will always be issues as she is a CSA victim and she has a past for sure but she doesn't know my methods for snooping on her and she has come up clean. All that said, I know these texts existed and I choose to want to read all of them. I don't see how lack of dominance and still wanting to recover the texts are connected. I can dominate and still want to read them. And Betrayed H don't act like you never had your moments of shock, confusion, and sadness when you 1st found out. Once we get past the initial shock then we often change for the better. Not sure how I am different. Much has changed since this was an active thread in LS.

[wmacbride]

Of course. I could have told you that. Google "Saving the Best" by Rollo. It's classic. Girl rides the c*ck carousel having freaky sex with alpha guys/jocks who are good looking, knowing she could never "land" them. Then settles for the next tier down, but never puts out her best stuff for the poor schmuck. Happens all the time.

 

If you go to reddit relationships sub, you will find story after story of guys saying "My wife only does missionary and she says BJs are gross and she doesn't do them. Then yesterday I found a video of her from her twenties having an*l sex with two guys."

 

Childhood sexual abuse can really mess up a person, whether they are male or female.

 

The child learns that their value is as a sex object, and that they are bad or "dirty" and they start to think that is all they deserve. they also learn to hate their body, especially if they had an unwanted physical reaction tot he abuse.

 

Add to this the way the op's wife's parents reacted to the abuse, and her self esteem was likely shot to hell. She may well have wanted to be with the op because she felt like he was a gentle and kind person who wouldn't hurt her and whom she could trust and be safe with. Turns out, she ended up being the one to do the hurting.

 

It's not about riding "cock carousel" or anything like that. It's about a woman who was broken a long tie ago, needs help but likley won't ask for it.In fact, if asked, she might well say she really doesn't have a lot of interest in sex at all, which I know doesn't mesh with her behavior, but it's true. I worked with women and men who were abused for a long time, and this was almost universally the case. To them, sex is associated with pain and humiliation.

 

Op, your wife sounds like she is "walking wounded", but you can't help her. The only one who can is her ( along with a therapist). Her abuse happened long before you came along and really isn't about you at all. It's not your fault. If I were in your shoes, I would make her getting counseling on her own as well as part of a couple with you and your fmaily as well a non-negotiable part of reconciling. These things have a way of poisoning future generations.

[road]

40something, the level of detail that you, a BS, needs is

what you need. The level of info needed depends

on the individual BS. Some more, some less.

 

I will point out that when a BH has the need to

know a little bit more they usually will let that last

few questions go unanswered.

 

Though when a BH has lots of unanswered questions

about his WW's affair then he will usually never

rest till he gets the rest of his answers.

 

So I can understand you needing to know more.

Though remember what you learn you can never

unlearn.

[40somethingGuy]

Childhood sexual abuse can really mess up a person, whether they are male or female.

 

The child learns that their value is as a sex object, and that they are bad or "dirty" and they start to think that is all they deserve. they also learn to hate their body, especially if they had an unwanted physical reaction tot he abuse.

 

Add to this the way the op's wife's parents reacted to the abuse, and her self esteem was likely shot to hell. She may well have wanted to be with the op because she felt like he was a gentle and kind person who wouldn't hurt her and whom she could trust and be safe with. Turns out, she ended up being the one to do the hurting.

 

It's not about riding "cock carousel" or anything like that. It's about a woman who was broken a long tie ago, needs help but likley won't ask for it.In fact, if asked, she might well say she really doesn't have a lot of interest in sex at all, which I know doesn't mesh with her behavior, but it's true. I worked with women and men who were abused for a long time, and this was almost universally the case. To them, sex is associated with pain and humiliation.

 

Op, your wife sounds like she is "walking wounded", but you can't help her. The only one who can is her ( along with a therapist). Her abuse happened long before you came along and really isn't about you at all. It's not your fault. If I were in your shoes, I would make her getting counseling on her own as well as part of a couple with you and your fmaily as well a non-negotiable part of reconciling. These things have a way of poisoning future generations.

 

My wife is very proud and the fact that she has a good job and is a good mother is her justification for not really seeking treatment. She feels she survived it. Her mom only now gives her the time of day but that is because her dad died last spring, a year after D Day. Before kids, sex was easy but to be honest I never pursued much more than standard sex but it was in abundance and she did let me do her on her period. That was maybe as kinky as it got. She is a church goer and I never realized that kinky side of her like that. It wasn't until she revealed to me that she is quite experienced many years later that I desired the kinkier stuff. Yes, I think Rollo had it right. I also wonder if things would have been different if I set the tone earlier. The OM was one of the kinky partners from her past. He told me she was a slut back then but doesn't think she is now. Back then, she was a drop dead gorgeous Indian gal with enormous breasts and curves than any man would want. She told me one day when she really opened up that due to the years of rape and her mom's rejection of her blaming her and basically defending the perp (her dad was a nice man but the ultimate doormat) that she used sex to feel good about herself. She knew she had the body and looks and men constantly hit on her. So, she learned how to detach emotion from sex. Her mom is the most hypocritical worthless mother I know and I don't even try to be that civil. I think she is the devil but plays up that 'I am all about Jesus' crap. One day my wife did just break down and apologize profusely for the affair and 'all the bs I put you through' she said that 'I was the first and only who loved her for her' and realized that she wasn't just a hot easy lay for me. I am not against her getting IC but frankly I think a lot of those in that profession are terrible. Some of it too is my wife not comfortable truly going there and like MC she partly tried to play victim for having the affair. And one MC basically felt for her and treated me like I deserved it and actually told me that I was largely responsible and to get over it. Even my wife agreed she was horsecrap and we fired her. I definitely have my moments when I just think someone with less of a past and baggage from childhood would be the better call. And I am kind of vindictive in that I know if I divorced her out of left field I would hurt and crush her...and there are moments I am wanting to do just that. But I also take our kids into consideration and the fact I don't want to give up what I earned bc she made such a selfish choice.

[40somethingGuy]

40something, the level of detail that you, a BS, needs is

what you need. The level of info needed depends

on the individual BS. Some more, some less.

 

I will point out that when a BH has the need to

know a little bit more they usually will let that last

few questions go unanswered.

 

Though when a BH has lots of unanswered questions

about his WW's affair then he will usually never

rest till he gets the rest of his answers.

 

So I can understand you needing to know more.

Though remember what you learn you can never

unlearn.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head. Part of what I need to know is how did she portray me. The OM said 'quite well.' I did see a text where she told him 'I would never leave my husband. He is a good man to me and loves me. but I love you too.' But you always wonder if I am compared to or whatnot. I know there was talk about sex, anal, s&m, oral etc so that won't shock me but again...depending on the context. Wife told me right at D-Day that if I was to hack the texts then I would want to divorce her right away and she doesn't want that. For me, seeing the whole context will fill in the blanks and better let me decide how to proceed. Its always eaten at me that I only have seen parts here and there.

[oldlion]

You have a wife that had a hard time in her younger years. She saw someone from that time and almost, until fate stepped in, mad a horrible mistake. A mistake with someone she didn't even want as a life partner. She even told him she wouldn't leave her husband. She had a lapse in sanity and judgement. I think she has recovered from that lapse. Just about everyone does something really stupid in their life. Maybe not leading to cheating but I have seen stupid from people that lead to someone else losing their life. I will give you some advice that I was once given.----Never judge someone by what they were before. Judge them by what they are today.--- Contrary to what some may think, people can change. I have seen some change from bad to good and I have seen some change from good to bad. If you are having a good life today then looking for something from the past is pain shopping. Just assure her that a line has been drawn in the sand and if ever crossed again then it means instant divorce without any discussion. Just my 2 cents worth. I do wish you well.

[road]

I think you hit the nail on the head. Part of what I need to know is how did she portray me. The OM said 'quite well.' I did see a text where she told him 'I would never leave my husband. He is a good man to me and loves me. but I love you too.' But you always wonder if I am compared to or whatnot. I know there was talk about sex, anal, s&m, oral etc so that won't shock me but again...depending on the context. Wife told me right at D-Day that if I was to hack the texts then I would want to divorce her right away and she doesn't want that. For me, seeing the whole context will fill in the blanks and better let me decide how to proceed. Its always eaten at me that I only have seen parts here and there.

 

You have to assume that WW had lots of sex with the

OM. During the affair WW most likely had more sex

with the OM then you.

 

Also assume when WW says you would divorce me if

you knew has to mean that there was no limit to what

she did with the OM and never gave you. Then why did

a WW not want to divorce her BH but kept having sex

with the OM has to be that the sex was that good.

OM's equipment and skills are way above yours.

 

You know this in your gut. You want to be wrong. You

need to see those emails/texts to prove you are wrong.

 

Though what will you do if those emails/texts prove

you are right?

[merrmeade]

I think you hit the nail on the head. Part of what I need to know is how did she portray me. The OM said 'quite well.' I did see a text where she told him 'I would never leave my husband. He is a good man to me and loves me. but I love you too.' But you always wonder if I am compared to or whatnot. I know there was talk about sex, anal, s&m, oral etc so that won't shock me but again...depending on the context. Wife told me right at D-Day that if I was to hack the texts then I would want to divorce her right away and she doesn't want that. For me, seeing the whole context will fill in the blanks and better let me decide how to proceed. Its always eaten at me that I only have seen parts here and there.

You tell her unequivocably that it is simply not up to her. Period. That is NOT her call to make. It is YOURS! The fact that she usurped that from you is why you still have questions.

[40somethingGuy]

You have to assume that WW had lots of sex with the

OM. During the affair WW most likely had more sex

with the OM then you.

 

Also assume when WW says you would divorce me if

you knew has to mean that there was no limit to what

she did with the OM and never gave you. Then why did

a WW not want to divorce her BH but kept having sex

with the OM has to be that the sex was that good.

OM's equipment and skills are way above yours.

 

You know this in your gut. You want to be wrong. You

need to see those emails/texts to prove you are wrong.

 

Though what will you do if those emails/texts prove

you are right?

 

Not exactly. As said earlier in this thread, I did see a text when he broke it off and she was somewhat protesting she said, 'I am not going to loose a friend especially when we never even f****d.' There was a lot of talk about what they wanted to do to each other etc but he was a real smooth talker behind a phone and very weak in person. Also, he told me he has ED. I could believe it bc he is 6-5 and about 370. Extremely large man. I have no doubt he has and she remembers his big Johnson from back in the day. He is so physically gross and hairy it has to be that and apparently that isn't working great now a days. My equipment works good and was working very well especially in the endurance dept during the affair.

[40somethingGuy]

You have a wife that had a hard time in her younger years. She saw someone from that time and almost, until fate stepped in, mad a horrible mistake. A mistake with someone she didn't even want as a life partner. She even told him she wouldn't leave her husband. She had a lapse in sanity and judgement. I think she has recovered from that lapse. Just about everyone does something really stupid in their life. Maybe not leading to cheating but I have seen stupid from people that lead to someone else losing their life. I will give you some advice that I was once given.----Never judge someone by what they were before. Judge them by what they are today.--- Contrary to what some may think, people can change. I have seen some change from bad to good and I have seen some change from good to bad. If you are having a good life today then looking for something from the past is pain shopping. Just assure her that a line has been drawn in the sand and if ever crossed again then it means instant divorce without any discussion. Just my 2 cents worth. I do wish you well.

 

I do think you made a very thoughtful post here and I do appreciate what you said. One thing I strongly disagree with is calling this a 'mistake.' A mistake is losing track of time and being late or not carrying the one in a math problem. This was a choice and decision that was made for selfish reasons that could have been ended at any time and only was bc of the OM not her. There was a 3 month time lapse from when she (and I) ran into him for the 1st time and when he started contacting her covertly. In that 3 months she instantly changed from the wife I knew to a cold person who actively tried to push me away. It was weird but she blamed work on some of that. But later admitted she was hoping all along they could hook up bc she had feelings for him...18 years later. She only got out of her funk when she realized the likelihood of hooking up would happen. She was aggressive in letting him know she was for the taking. On the phone he was aggressive. In person, he was not. I know not every woman does this but it would severely hinder my chances of ever trusting someone like I once did. The scars this all caused are very deep. I make probably triple what the OM does and of course she wants me around to support the lifestyle she has become accustomed to.

[Cobra_X]

The last post was written almost a year ago when I was sorting thru stuff and trying to process this. Honestly, I wasn't ready to give up time with kids and half of what I earned cuz she decided to be a sneaky s***. Lots have changed for the better since then. We do anal which I love and our love life has spiced up. Do I have scars from last year? Yeah some but I told her what I would or would not tolerate and things are much better. Still, I do hate the fact that she will always be tainted in my eyes. The only reason I made a post on this was that I have the chance to possibly recover the texts and I only saw some of them. I always wanted to know what I still don't know and was wondering if I should not it but I am worried about it. Wondered if anyone successfully was able to do it.

As far as being a cuckold, well, except for not launching her then (which I wondered if I should have done without trying to R) then every man who ever tried R is one and my actions have been far from it. Plus the OM is scared to death of me and he is about 370.

 

I don't know. I could not live like you. I do so well on the dating market that sticking with an unfaithful wife just isn't something I would be willing to do.

 

I know it takes all kinds and to truly forgive and move forward is difficult. I wish you the best of luck with that.

[40somethingGuy]

I don't know. I could not live like you. I do so well on the dating market that sticking with an unfaithful wife just isn't something I would be willing to do.

 

I know it takes all kinds and to truly forgive and move forward is difficult. I wish you the best of luck with that.

 

I don't disagree with you. I also felt at the time it was better to try R and see where it went before forking over half of my assets and time with the kids. Many times D is the right call and if you can afford to pay her for being a s*** more power to you. I distinctly remember not being ready to give her a big pay day for bad behavior.

[oldlion]

Let me correct myself. Instead of "mistake" let's say she made a "foolish and self-serving choice". As far as trusting her again, you could live with her the next 50 years and you will never forget nor will you likely ever trust her 100% again. You might get up to 99% but probably never 100%. The thing about trust with me is, if I find out there is someone I can't trust, then they can no longer trust me either. Ever action has an opposite and equal reaction. (Learned that in Physics class) I watched a movie called "The Vow". A woman's husband had a PA with another woman. The daughter of the BS wanted to know why her mother had stayed with her father after his infidelity. She told her daughter, "I stayed with him for the many things he has done right instead of leaving him for the one thing he did wrong." If I was in your position and I had a reasonably good and happy life, after what has happened, then I would stand on that line I drew in the sand, dare anyone to cross, and enjoy the life I have. I wouldn't be looking for something to damage it further. But there are those that just has to know everything. Nothing wrong with it because everyone is different. I got hit once in a firefight. I didn't need to know what weapon was used or where the enemy was standing when he fired or how far away he was. All I needed to know is I got hit. Different strokes for different folks. It has been a while since the physical interest she showed in the lard ass OM. How has it been between you and her for the past few months? I think I remember that she said you would divorce her if you ever read those deleted text. I am betting it was a lot of really bad junk talk. People who are cheating can really generate some raunchy junk. Really at this point, without the recovered text, you have two choices. (1) You love her and you want to make this work. (2) This is all too much and you want out. With all the advice in the world; with all the IC and MC and any other type C, it all falls on your shoulders. You are the only one who knows what you really want and the only one that can make the decision. I do wish you well.

[merrmeade]

It absolutely IS up to you, 40, so that's first. No ifs, ands, buts about it. But once you're confident in that position (who cares what she thinks?) that it is your choice, THEN you can think about the choice itself without any confusing side chatter.

 

And the only thing to consider about the choice is you. How will it help, change, hurt you? The thing about delving back into the cesspool of affair evidence after some time has passed is that you see afresh just how bad it was. You will get upset again. Guaranteed. Different but still upset.

 

For myself, at some point (with some help from some LS friends) I just gave it up. I'd reached a point of no return. Any more information was just reinforcing what I already knew without any new insight. At some point, I stopped needing it.

 

Just my take on this too familiar issue.

[road]

Let me correct myself. Instead of "mistake" let's say she made a "foolish and self-serving choice". As far as trusting her again, you could live with her the next 50 years and you will never forget nor will you likely ever trust her 100% again. You might get up to 99% but probably never 100%. The thing about trust with me is, if I find out there is someone I can't trust, then they can no longer trust me either. Ever action has an opposite and equal reaction. (Learned that in Physics class) I watched a movie called "The Vow". A woman's husband had a PA with another woman. The daughter of the BS wanted to know why her mother had stayed with her father after his infidelity. She told her daughter, "I stayed with him for the many things he has done right instead of leaving him for the one thing he did wrong." If I was in your position and I had a reasonably good and happy life, after what has happened, then I would stand on that line I drew in the sand, dare anyone to cross, and enjoy the life I have. I wouldn't be looking for something to damage it further. But there are those that just has to know everything. Nothing wrong with it because everyone is different. I got hit once in a firefight. I didn't need to know what weapon was used or where the enemy was standing when he fired or how far away he was. All I needed to know is I got hit. Different strokes for different folks. It has been a while since the physical interest she showed in the lard ass OM. How has it been between you and her for the past few months? I think I remember that she said you would divorce her if you ever read those deleted text. I am betting it was a lot of really bad junk talk. People who are cheating can really generate some raunchy junk. Really at this point, without the recovered text, you have two choices. (1) You love her and you want to make this work. (2) This is all too much and you want out. With all the advice in the world; with all the IC and MC and any other type C, it all falls on your shoulders. You are the only one who knows what you really want and the only one that can make the decision. I do wish you well.

 

1st bold: is a valid reason to recover. Nothing to do

with the need to know what happened.

 

2nd bold: Being in the military, and in battler, being shot

all a person wants to know is I am going to die. Then

will I be good as new when I leave the hospital.

 

Nothing to do with the trauma from an affair, except both

are traumas in general.

 

In an affair the BH is attacked on a personal level on 2 fronts.

By the OM and a 5th columnist (his WW).

 

At war on a national level. It is just business nothing

personal.

[Just a Guy]

There is something called ' Reaching a point of diminishing returns'. If one knows the fundamentals of an affair then that should be enough to make a decision on whether to reconcile or divorce. In the case of reconciliation the WS's true remorse will be factored in assuming the nature of infidelity is not so severe as to nullify any chances of reconciliation. If the infidelity breaches the boundaries set by the BS then I guess divorce would be the way to go. Of course there are many BS find it difficult to actually initiate divorce even though the infidelity was serious. I think it finally boils down to 'Different strokes for different folks'.

[road]

There is something called ' Reaching a point of diminishing returns'. If one knows the fundamentals of an affair then that should be enough to make a decision on whether to reconcile or divorce. In the case of reconciliation the WS's true remorse will be factored in assuming the nature of infidelity is not so severe as to nullify any chances of reconciliation. If the infidelity breaches the boundaries set by the BS then I guess divorce would be the way to go. Of course there are many BS find it difficult to actually initiate divorce even though the infidelity was serious. I think it finally boils down to 'Different strokes for different folks'.

 

Problem is that most WS will only admit what the

BS already knows. Then after being pressed for

more they will trickle truth some more bits and claim

that is the rest of the story.

 

So enough may not be revealed to correctly considering

recovery.

 

Then for me there is no amount of remorse that

will make up for the missing pieces to the affair

story.