RyanO1991 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Move on, pal. Go NC - make her respect you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 17, 2016 Author Share Posted October 17, 2016 How do I regain that respect.. I'm prepared to do nc for however many months but what is the secret to repairing the damage? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 How do I regain that respect.. I'm prepared to do nc for however many months but what is the secret to repairing the damage? You regain your respect for yourself and for no one else. And that means cutting contact and focusing on you. I can safely say that once she cuts you off that way, there is no chance of reconciliation. I read your exchange with her. When she's telling you to leave her alone and cannot tolerate contact with you, it is over. Unless, she comes banging down your door down the line -- for now she has completely checked out and there is nothing you can do to change it. Move on from her. It's going to take awhile for you to start feeling some relief from this but for now, grieve and accept that it is over. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I refuse to give up.. I am persistent, and I believe I can get her back. I have been nc for 2 weeks now. What should I do. There has to be something that will help. I really want to contact her, I know this is my last chance and I don't want to blow it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I refuse to give up.. I am persistent, and I believe I can get her back. I have been nc for 2 weeks now. What should I do. There has to be something that will help. I really want to contact her, I know this is my last chance and I don't want to blow it.. There is peace in acceptance. And, have you ever heard this "If you love them, set them free. If they come back, they are yours forever". The more you pull someone to you, the harder they will pull away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I refuse to give up.. I am persistent, and I believe I can get her back. I have been nc for 2 weeks now. What should I do. There has to be something that will help. I really want to contact her, I know this is my last chance and I don't want to blow it.. Then contact her. If you believe you have a chance, pick up the phone and call her. Maybe rejecting you again will help you grasp her decision and move on. Sometimes you need to get knocked over the head several times to finally learn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I refuse to give up.. I am persistent, and I believe I can get her back. I have been nc for 2 weeks now. What should I do. There has to be something that will help. I really want to contact her, I know this is my last chance and I don't want to blow it.. You sit. You wait. IF (and its a big if), if she contacts you then you need to show her you have changed. You need to be thoughtful and put the effort in. You need to spend time and invest your energy into her. You need to be complimenting her and treating her with respect. You need to take everything she said and use it to turn yourself round. You chase this one you will lose it. You just have to let it come to you. Might never happen. But you just have to let her make that decision. While you wait educate yourself, keep working hard, get some exercise and keep going out with friends and family... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 You have to be strong and stay NC. You are thinking about your feelings and what you want. She has made it clear that she wants out of the relationship. You have to accept it somehow, we can't all get what we want. So many people here with broken hearts that want their ex back but it never happens. You have to go through the pain and accept it's over. I know it hurts and you want her back, but if she wants you she will be in contact, she won't forget you trust me. If she loved you the same she would be banging your down down asking for forgiveness and another chance. She has moved on with her life you need to do the same. I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. Right now you are working yourself into a frenzy. Calm down. You do not keep making promises and keep breaking them. She has had 5 months of that and can't be bothered with it any more. You leave it. You sit back and take your time and you let her come to you if she wants to. If she doesn't then I am afraid that is just tough luck on you. Good news is that there are more amazing women out there and now you know that if you take them for granted they disappear off. So you find another and you learn your lesson and you make so you do not treat another prize woman in such a cavalier way ever again. At the end of the day its only you that looses in the long term... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. As I said in a previous post to you, step back and if she comes to you, then you go from there. The more you chase and push her, the more unattractive you become. Relationships end. People move on. There were two people in the relationship, not god. Own your actions that caused the demise of this relationship and use it to help you seek self-awareness, and I am sure she's doing her share of reflection as well and realizing this isn't what she wants. Respect that decision. Also, find other ways to work on your anxiety rather than trying seek her out to help you feel better. You can't find comfort in what hurts you, and you will kick yourself into a hole if you break NC again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) mate, we all know its hard. I'm 90 days NC, it is hard. But you are doing it wrong. NC only works if you do it for you. You see, the fact you are thinking how she will react to your NC is just continuing to give her power and so she will never see you as an equal partner if a recon chance ever became available (which is quite a big IF). Try and let time pass, set yourself targets, but try to do it for yourself. Go and read the second-chance forum. The only second-chances that work are those where the dumpee totally disappears after the breakup, stays NC and somehow reconnects with the dumper (usually initiated by dumper) a year or even more later. Take the time to heal and make you strong. Each day you don't have to feel that rejection makes you a little stronger. Its the only way. I tried your way several times and IT DOES NOT WORK. You are only ready for a recon when you won't really care whether it happens or not. Then you are on the same page as her. It's the only way. Edited October 26, 2016 by marky00 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Sorry accidentally repost above.. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. You have to let her go because the more you harrass her, pull on her, she will grow to resent you. Let her come to you if she wants to. I'd say you were smothering her to begin with. Continuing to do that will only make things worse. She will need to see that you have "changed" your ways by backing off if you can even have a slim chance of her coming back. Get back to focusing on your life and moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Thank yall for all the advice.. I'm really grateful for yalls time trying to help me through this. However Im finding it hard to accept not ever trying to reach out to her. She is gorgeous and has guys lined up around the block. I can't just wait forever. She has a lot of pride and i don't see her chasing anyone, especially me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 She has a lot of pride and i don't see her chasing anyone, especially me. She won't be chasing you, yes. But if she comes to the conclusion that she wants to resume a relationship with you, she will let you know. And you are not waiting for her. You are moving on. You accept that it is over. IF she comes around, then you are free to decide if you want to take her back. For now, you need to find acceptance that this relationship is over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 There has to be something I can do to increase my chances.. Post pics of me and other girls on social media, make her jealous, send her flowers, call in her bday.. Something! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 There has to be something I can do to increase my chances.. Post pics of me and other girls on social media, make her jealous, send her flowers, call in her bday.. Something! Please stop. She will come to you based on her realizing your value, which is important because that would be of significance rather than trying to garner her attention through silly games. Don't send flowers or call her. When a woman is feeling negatively about you, you'll only make it worse when you do things like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm so torn on what to do.. Do I wait longer, do I say all the things I said before, or do I text her some across the bow text and slowly build things up, do I ask her to move in together, or do I just forget it and hope she contacts me? I cant accept that god put this incredible woman in my life, only to take her away. She is so beautiful inside and out, I'm worried someone else will end up with her. I've read your initial post and it doesn't look good for you. Her responses are clear and blunt. I don't think she has any doubts about what she wants in life. She sounds very mature and confident. She gave you a chance and you blew it. That doesn't mean you're a bad guy or worse than that ex-boyfriend of hers, but you're not what she wants or needs. She's made everything very clear and politely asked you to stop. What will you accomplish by putting pressure on her again? Nothing or at the very least pushing her away a bit more, if possible. I wouldn't do it if I were you, but perhaps you need even more closure to confirm what those who aren't emotionally involved in the situation see pretty clearly. Dude, you remind me of myself just a year ago. I blew it too and it was hard to accept, but once I internalized sadness, regret and anger, I realized that the only thing I could do was let her go and find someone who made her happy. And it happened. Both situations look quite similar. I know it's easier said than done, but I think you should give up on this one, reflect upon your mistakes and try to do better in a future relationship. If she ever wants to give you another chance or simple regrets it, she'll knock on your door, believe me. Hang in there! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ok, sorry I'm acting crazy.. just overwhelmed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ok, sorry I'm acting crazy.. just overwhelmed Don't be hard on yourself. We all act desperate when someone says "no". But now you have a chance to do things right. I wish I had know this place then and followed the advice given here. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have kept her, but at least I wouldn't have made a fool out of myself. Be strong. It's a matter of days before the nervousness recedes and you can think more rationally. Keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ok, sorry I'm acting crazy.. just overwhelmed You had a relationship for 5 months with her. In that 5 months you had already lost sight of her. I have to wonder if you're running on your ego being bruised rather than genuine remorse and realizing you truly made a mistake. Use this time on self-reflection. You could possibly be romanticizing her/relationship. In any case, I understand your anxiety. But reaching out to her is not the way to manage those feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 No I truly love this girl.. Ive never had such a strong feeling for someone.. girls have always come easy to me. I didn't put forth the effort to keep her. Given I was working 12 hour days 6 days a week, I still took her for granted and hate myself for it. you don't know what you have until it's gone. My ego is of no concern. I want to spend my life making hers better. Link to post Share on other sites
malebroken Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Damn this is me, but please let her go. I was married for 12years, I got my wife back after I let go, 9months later. I did screw it up coz I couldn't get over she had been with some inbetween. I'm now In the sme situation with my ex. I'm dying inside, but I have to let her go to have any chance Link to post Share on other sites
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