Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 No I truly love this girl.. Ive never had such a strong feeling for someone.. girls have always come easy to me. I didn't put forth the effort to keep her. Given I was working 12 hour days 6 days a week, I still took her for granted and hate myself for it. you don't know what you have until it's gone. My ego is of no concern. I want to spend my life making hers better. Well, unfortunately you can't project all those desires on someone else. She has a completely different perspective on what happened therefore has chosen to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zuur Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 No I truly love this girl.. Ive never had such a strong feeling for someone.. girls have always come easy to me. I didn't put forth the effort to keep her. Given I was working 12 hour days 6 days a week, I still took her for granted and hate myself for it. you don't know what you have until it's gone. My ego is of no concern. I want to spend my life making hers better. Hometown, i'm in the exact same place at the moment, it's tough. Unfortunately we cannot let them look in our hearts (and if we could, would it make a difference)? Mistakes were made, try to repair it and if that doesn't help, don't make the same mistakes with your next love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is is a bad day for me. Not the worst since the break, but close to it. I am having a hard time not contacting her today... Im a broken record aren't I? I just want my sweet girl back. It hurts... Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is is a bad day for me. Not the worst since the break, but close to it. I am having a hard time not contacting her today... Im a broken record aren't I? I just want my sweet girl back. It hurts... Hang in there. How many days has passed since she broke the relationship? Is she dating someone else now? Nothing is irreversible, and nobody is irreplaceable. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is is a bad day for me. Not the worst since the break, but close to it. I am having a hard time not contacting her today... Im a broken record aren't I? I just want my sweet girl back. It hurts... Let it hurt and feel it. Your ONLY way forward is to feel and absorb the pain,accept the reality of the now and get on with life to your best ability. Some days will be nightmares. Some will be 'ehh..ok?'. Others will be good days. Eventually,with NC, your good days will outweigh the bad and 'ok' days. You're 'detoxing' from an addiction. You HAVE to go through it to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Hang in there. How many days has passed since she broke the relationship? Is she dating someone else now? Nothing is irreversible, and nobody is irreplaceable. Almost 2 months now, I'm not sure. Still says single on her fb.. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Almost 2 months now, I'm not sure. Still says single on her fb.. You have to remove yourself from her social media. What stops you from moving forward is keeping yourself connected to her life. It keeps digging at the wound. The least you know the better. Two months means nothing if you're constantly finding ways to keep reminding yourself of your pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 You have to remove yourself from her social media. What stops you from moving forward is keeping yourself connected to her life. It keeps digging at the wound. The least you know the better. Two months means nothing if you're constantly finding ways to keep reminding yourself of your pain. I deleted her and don't follow her anymore. But I still check her page(more than I want). I justify it by telling myself I'm looking for clues to get her back Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I deleted her and don't follow her anymore. But I still check her page(more than I want). I justify it by telling myself I'm looking for clues to get her back Never follow her - that will drive you crazy. I've been there done that, it stopped me from moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I don't want to move on! I want her back.. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Do you see each other or communicate in other ways? Sorry I haven't read the whole thread... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 **** I am desperate, the time we had together was incredible for both of us.. she did so much for me and tried so hard. I just didn't put forth the effort like she did. It's not about effort, it's about whether you both felt you clicked in the first place and feelings grew about each other. She is saying that they did not grow for her. Feelings can't be changed by logic, reason, or promises to change. It will make no difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 ZAHARA, i appreciate all youre saying. I just cant accept the fact that theres nothing i can do.. theres never been an obstacle i couldn't overcome with perseverance. I do not quit. I'm sorry, this must be frustrating to read. Like you said, maybe i just need to be hit over the head repeatedly until i wake up. Unfortunatley, I can't accept this outcome right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 ZAHARA, i appreciate all youre saying. I just cant accept the fact that theres nothing i can do.. theres never been an obstacle i couldn't overcome with perseverance. I do not quit. I'm sorry, this must be frustrating to read. Like you said, maybe i just need to be hit over the head repeatedly until i wake up. Unfortunatley, I can't accept this outcome right now.. You do realise that being unable to know when to walk away isn't a good trait? Don't kid yourself that 'quitting' is always a fail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) ZAHARA, i appreciate all youre saying. I just cant accept the fact that theres nothing i can do.. theres never been an obstacle i couldn't overcome with perseverance. I do not quit. I'm sorry, this must be frustrating to read. Like you said, maybe i just need to be hit over the head repeatedly until i wake up. Unfortunatley, I can't accept this outcome right now.. She's not an obstacle. She's a person with feelings. And you have no control over how she feels. And if she is telling you to leave her alone, then you need to respect that. Your insistence to get your way is actually selfish. You didn't appreciate her when you had her. You did what you wanted to do. Now that she has left, you again want what you want. As a woman, I am telling you that when we've reached a point where contact becomes annoying, there's no turning back. It sounds like she has reached that point and there is nothing you can do because you cannot control how she feels. She's put you in a box that she does not want to touch. There you will stay. Unless some epiphany happens in HER own mind and heart in that she wants you back, there is nothing you can do to change how she views you. And I'm telling you this again, and I speak from experience -- there is nothing more unattractive/repulsive than a man chasing you when you've told him no. Edited October 26, 2016 by Zahara 5 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Hometown mate. Take this from someone who's faced deceit, rejection and abandonment more times than I can remember. Take it from someone who's made the mistake/s you are thinking of going through with, at this point in time, and done them at a loss. Anything you do, from now, will have consequences. Anything that involves her atleast. You need to take the advice of 'doing this for yourself, moving on for yourself'. It's what you need to do. You need to give it time. Not a week, not two weeks, not a month. A substantially good amount of time. Otherwise, your ex is simply going to insinuate that you can't do anything without her. Let's be brutally honest, because it's true, right? which is perfectly fine. You know, if it was all as easy as turning up at their house, or announcing your everlasting love and commitment towards them, pleading/asking for a second and last chance. I think I'd prefer it that way. Unfortunately, the generation we currently live in, it's very hard for a situation to go to that type of predicament. You need to think of it like this. If she has not made any effort, if she has blocked you out, if she has put you through this emotional torment, what makes you want to go through every extent to get her back? willingly? just so that it can happen all over again? if you get her back weeks, months from now? you'll be in the same dilemma's you're currently in, and you'll regret all of this commitment and effort you're putting into someone who doesn't want to be requited to you back. You can argue, that 'she needs time', 'she needs to think about what she wants', 'she's only upset'. Okay, granted, that might be true. But, nothing is more petty and downgrading than begging for love, pleading for forgiveness. Some people might find it flattering, most find it extremely petty and will consider you weak and desperate. Believe me, from past experience, don't bother. I mean it. You're causing yourself to have multiple mindsets. Most of which negative. You're assuming what she's doing, if she's moving on, how she is, and so forth. Why? because you love her right? you want her back, you care for her. If it's not the other way round, and you are the only one making the only significant effort here, I'm afraid there's no chance for any reconciling. Reconciliation has to be acknowledged from both parties, if it's one, which is from your behalf, then it's hope for reconciling, and for her it's just simply not wanting to reconcile with you at all. I'm not trying to put you down, I'm simply enlightening you from my own situations and how it can affect you and your chances of even winning her back in distant future. Your actions from here, will benefit you, regardless whether she notices or not. No matter what happens, if you go through a mindset with 'Hey, I'm going to do everything in my power to acknowledge my mistakes, understand what went wrong and become a better person in doing so', you can't lose. Because, if worst comes to worst, she does not return, you'll be left with a foundation to build off of and repair. Putting your entire heart, mind and soul into her and for her to reject you again and confirm that for future reference, there is no other chances, you'll be left to wallow in your own self-pity and self-loathe. Do you really want that? I'm 18, I faced an emotionally and physically abusive relationship when I was 14/15. I struggled to let go, I made mistakes after she used me and abandoned me and I made every attempt to get her back. I was left, independent and depressed for over 2 years. I struggled to do anything. My most recent relationship, had ended for absurd and ridiculous reasons. I struggled to let go again, I made mistakes after she abandoned me, threatened me and ridiculed me, and I made every attempt to get her back. I have been left for the past 75 days to wallow in self-loathe and wonder what on earth I had done wrong. Besides going to my work occupation 5 days out of 7 a week, and going to the gym, there's nothing else I do. I procrastinate, I cried, I hurt, I felt constant sorrow. Don't get me wrong, I currently still do, but I myself am putting myself through the mindset, that if she does not return, then it is in fact her loss. I don't want you, or any other person to experience these feelings and emotions long-term. It's horrible, utterly horrible. It'll make you question your living existence. If you really want that, then continue what you are doing. If you want to avoid that, then make yourself better and don't consider her apart of your present or future. If she really loved you and wanted you back, she'll make the pen-ultimate choice to return in your life. Take care, Hometown. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 And I'm telling you this again, and I speak from experience -- there is nothing more unattractive/repulsive than a man chasing you when you've told him no. This ^^ And may I add disrespectful and sometimes scary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hometown Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Please, keep hitting me over the head. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Please, keep hitting me over the head. You're just not listening are you... So be it, be in-denial. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Please, keep hitting me over the head. I can send you a piece of cyber 2x4 if that helps. Sometimes a good smack upside the head does help us get back into reality. Find acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 **** I am desperate, the time we had together was incredible for both of us.. she did so much for me and tried so hard. I just didn't put forth the effort like she did. There was NOTHING you could have done. She doesn't feel it for you. She said she knew it from day 1. The feeling she is talking about cannot be manufactured; it's either there or it isn't and she's telling you she didn't feel it with you. It's not a matter of you working harder for the relationship or opening up more emotionally, she doesn't feel the connection with you. After seeing her ex she remembered that is how she is supposed to feel when she's with you but she doesn't. I hate being so blunt with you about this but you don't seem to be getting it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I'm going to be honest with you. When a guy won't take no for the answer the way you are it is scary for a woman. I've had men in my past become obsessive after a break up and as a woman you don't know what they might do next. If you continue bothering this girl don't be surprised if she gets a restraining order against you. No means No so you have to find a way to accept it. Try therapy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I get it. You didn't make the 'effort' whilst you had her. You only realise this when she has literally had enough of you and wants to take it no further. There is unfortunately no compromise here. You made mistakes, you pursued, you persisted and you lost her. You realise this now and you're struggling to let that go. You can't do anything, at all. Not to get her back, nothing. You have to, you need to accept it's over. You had your chance, you didn't take it. You regret it, sure, you wish it didn't happen, sure, but it doesn't change the past. I know you hope there is a chance, but in most cases there just is not. You cannot force, manipulate, persuade someone to give you another chance or take you back and forgive you. They make that decision on their own, or not at all. Forcing her and yourself, to prove something that you should have proven before all of this commotion, just isn't going to work. It doesn't work in this day and age. It sucks, I know. But you need to be living in the reality that mistakes happen and you often more than not, lose out on things you probably shouldn't have, so soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damaya Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Can you post sum more text messages? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Can you post sum more text messages? Don't do this. Do not read them over again do not go back. Move forward. Take the advice given here and move forward... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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