independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 It's been over two years and he's still living with his wife. When will he finally leave? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Honestly? Probably never. Read here. The general consensus is that MM rarely leave, even when they say they will. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 If he hasn't after two years he won't leave....now he may get tossed and then come running, however that would likely be a conditional, she she wink he would run back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Honestly? Probably never. Read here. The general consensus is that MM rarely leave, even when they say they will. I was just going to say 'Never' but there are the lucky few and even then there are no guarantees. My parents were both AP's when they met (a typical Exit A) they have been M'd over 40 years but my mom went on to have 3 more A's on my dad. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 But he says he's leaving, that he loves me, just things keep coming up that aren't his fault. His wife is really horrible, he says they don't talk or sleep together. He promises he IS going to leave, just with all that life has thrown at him it's been hard. I am trying to be patient, but it's hard after all this time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 But he says he's leaving, that he loves me, just things keep coming up that aren't his fault. His wife is really horrible, he says they don't talk or sleep together. He promises he IS going to leave, just with all that life has thrown at him it's been hard. I am trying to be patient, but it's hard after all this time. They all say that. Have you read the stories in this section? 16 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 lady he says this is his first affair, that he's never done this before and he wouldn't have but he was just so attracted to me we just couldn't help ourselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 lady he says this is his first affair, that he's never done this before and he wouldn't have but he was just so attracted to me we just couldn't help ourselves. Look at his actions not his words! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 They all say that. Have you read the stories in this section? I haven't really read much here yet, just starting to read, I just feel like we're special, we've weathered so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I haven't really read much here yet, just starting to read, I just feel like we're special, we've weathered so much. (((independentwoman))) I'm so sorry unfortunately MANY of us have traveled the path you are on. Keep reading here! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I'll answer your question with a clip from my journal: What the other woman believes The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. As the saying goes, "Don't hold your breath." Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 But there are men who do leave, he is a good man, his wife is just terrible and I feel so bad for him, she's basically keeping his trapped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 I'll answer your question with a clip from my journal: What the other woman believes The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. As the saying goes, "Don't hold your breath." Take care. Wow Satu I almost typed what you typed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 I have tried to end it a few times, but I just miss him so much when we aren't talking, and I feel like I'll never meet anyone else like him, that if I just wait, he will leave and then we can finally be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I have tried to end it a few times, but I just miss him so much when we aren't talking, and I feel like I'll never meet anyone else like him, that if I just wait, he will leave and then we can finally be together. Why would he leave when he has everything he wants now? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 But there are men who do leave, he is a good man, his wife is just terrible and I feel so bad for him, she's basically keeping his trapped. She can't keep him trapped. If he wanted to leave bad enough he'd find a way. I promise you that. ExMM and I never really did the future faking thing. There was some talk from him about us being together for real but that's just wasn't reality and I believe when it came down to it, him and I were pretty honest with each other about it. As you continue to read here youll see that most of the sotries prove that when the MM say they're going to leave, it doesn't happen. It's also the norm for a lot of MM to lie about how terrible their wives are. You aren't in the M so you have absolutely no idea what his relationship is with his wife or what kind of a person she is. You're going off the words of someone who has proven that he lies. As many say here, words don't mean a thing. Actions do. 2 years later and all you've gotten are pretty words, no action. I'll tell you this, although my exMM seemed to really and truly love me, when the A came to light and his wife found out, I was dropped like a hot potato. Granted I had expected that and never intended to "steal" him from his wife and family, it still hurt. The NC letter hurt. He said some things in that letter that were MEANT to hurt me. Save yourself from the pain and walk away. Tell him that he may contact you when he has signed divorce papers if that makes you feel better about it, but don't wait around for him. Go on with your life until you see those papers. You deserve more than crumbs. You deserve someone who will give you all of them all of the time. Remember your worth. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I know walking away hurts. I've been there. I wish I could go back and stick to NC before dday. I truly believe it would have been easier to heal. You can do this OP. You really can! Hugs to you. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 Why would he leave when he has everything he wants now? Well he doesn't. He says he hates staying there. His wife has known for quite a long time. She's begging and pleaded with him to stop, threatened suicide, she wrote me a letter begging me to stop, she told my family and his that we were having an affair. So obviously he doesn't want to be with her. But he is just afraid of the financial mess if he leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Oldest line in the book "My wife doesn't understand me." Second line, " Trust me I'm not like all the other guys who cheat on their wives, I'm different. The sad part is I've already used the quote about a dozen times on LS, just in case you think your relationship is special. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 But he says he's leaving, that he loves me, just things keep coming up that aren't his fault. His wife is really horrible, he says they don't talk or sleep together. He promises he IS going to leave, just with all that life has thrown at him it's been hard. I am trying to be patient, but it's hard after all this time. He sounds like a person prone to self-pity and unable to take ownership of his life. Lots of people suffer hardships a lot worse than being one half of an unhappy marriage and they manage to pick themselves up and keep working until they get to a better place. It's not fair for him to expect you to be his secret girlfriend indefinitely. I'm sure he really believes he's impotent to stand up to "what life has thrown at him" but I have a feeling it's more conflict avoidance and lack of healthy coping skills keeping him stuck than external forces beyond his control. It's not your job to save him or coach him through empowering himself. He needs to figure that out for himself BEFORE he offers himself as a partner to another person. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 She can't keep him trapped. If he wanted to leave bad enough he'd find a way. I promise you that. ExMM and I never really did the future faking thing. There was some talk from him about us being together for real but that's just wasn't reality and I believe when it came down to it, him and I were pretty honest with each other about it. As you continue to read here youll see that most of the sotries prove that when the MM say they're going to leave, it doesn't happen. It's also the norm for a lot of MM to lie about how terrible their wives are. You aren't in the M so you have absolutely no idea what his relationship is with his wife or what kind of a person she is. You're going off the words of someone who has proven that he lies. As many say here, words don't mean a thing. Actions do. 2 years later and all you've gotten are pretty words, no action. I'll tell you this, although my exMM seemed to really and truly love me, when the A came to light and his wife found out, I was dropped like a hot potato. Granted I had expected that and never intended to "steal" him from his wife and family, it still hurt. The NC letter hurt. He said some things in that letter that were MEANT to hurt me. Save yourself from the pain and walk away. Tell him that he may contact you when he has signed divorce papers if that makes you feel better about it, but don't wait around for him. Go on with your life until you see those papers. You deserve more than crumbs. You deserve someone who will give you all of them all of the time. Remember your worth. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I know walking away hurts. I've been there. I wish I could go back and stick to NC before dday. I truly believe it would have been easier to heal. You can do this OP. You really can! Hugs to you. I don't believe he would lie to me, he says he never lied to his wife. I'm sorry if was so painful for you, but in my case dday didn't stop the affair, doesn't that mean he really means it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I don't believe he would lie to me, he says he never lied to his wife. I'm sorry if was so painful for you, but in my case dday didn't stop the affair, doesn't that mean he really means it? Dday didn't stop his M either. So now I believe the man is a cake eater who now has 2 women loving him and feeding his ego. He's living the dream. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 He sounds like a person prone to self-pity and unable to take ownership of his life. Lots of people suffer hardships a lot worse than being one half of an unhappy marriage and they manage to pick themselves up and keep working until they get to a better place. It's not fair for him to expect you to be his secret girlfriend indefinitely. I'm sure he really believes he's impotent to stand up to "what life has thrown at him" but I have a feeling it's more conflict avoidance and lack of healthy coping skills keeping him stuck than external forces beyond his control. It's not your job to save him or coach him through empowering himself. He needs to figure that out for himself BEFORE he offers himself as a partner to another person. He was so unhappy when we first started talking, at first we were just friends and I just wanted to help him, and things got out of control. I do often feel like I have to save him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author independentwoman Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 Oldest line in the book "My wife doesn't understand me." Second line, " Trust me I'm not like all the other guys who cheat on their wives, I'm different. The sad part is I've already used the quote about a dozen times on LS, just in case you think your relationship is special. But in some cases it can be true? He said he is just a paycheck to his wife, nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 He did lie to his wife by having an A with you. I highly doubt he looked at her one day and said, "Honey, I'm gonna go ahead and get myself a girlfriend. Is that cool with you?" 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 It's been over two years and he's still living with his wife. When will he finally leave? No, he won't leave. If he wanted, he would've done it already. TWO YEARS!!! Of your life. I strongly encourage you to read more here on LoveShack. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
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