darkmoon Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I made a decision to drop people who are cutting. This is because I have learned that they do not change. The advice, the arrogance, the opinions, the lack of loyalty. All start small. But are red flags. No more months of fruitless explaining myself or pleading to be understood. I know better now. Who agrees? or not... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Depends what it's about. There are things I will be patient with and others I won't give any chances. Something may bother you in a relationship and that same thing may not be an issue with me. If the person is warned that a certain behavior is a deal breaker for me and they keep on doing it, no there won't be a 2nd chance. It's hard to answer your question without more details. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 No second chances. Make it clear what you won't tolerate right from the start, and then stick to it. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I made a decision to drop people who are cutting. This is because I have learned that they do not change. The advice, the arrogance, the opinions, the lack of loyalty. All start small. But are red flags. No more months of fruitless explaining myself or pleading to be understood. I know better now. Who agrees? or not... If you mean cutting as in physically injuring themselves, that is a sign of a serious mental and emotional dysfunction. It it not something that can be stopped as a result of being asked to stop . . . it is a dysfunctional coping method. This is not like asking them to pick up their dirty socks, this is not something that can be changed or stopped without serious, professional intervention!!!! And, yes, you should not date people who cut themselves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 no, I mean verbally cutting, being unpleasant 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 no, I mean verbally cutting, being unpleasant I do not tolerate any harsh or demeaning speech towards me, or anyone else. It is a form of emotional violence, that has no place in any civilised conversation. Zero tolerance recommended. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Yeah put me on the zero tolerance list. No one gets to say nasty or demeaning things to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 Yes, when someone verbally abuses you, you don't need that person in your life. Just because you get to know someone doesn't make you obligated to keep knowing them if you then find out they're a jackass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I'm with Gaeta. I have zero tolerance for some things and near infinite tolerance for other things. Many other things fall in between. Racism - Zero toleranceCheapness - 3-5 Date toleranceBluntness - Near infinite toleranceVerbal unpleasantness doesn't really phase me, but it would bother me if I observed her directing it to people who are sensitive to it. I don't know what my tolerance level would be, but I imagine not very high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 no, I mean verbally cutting, being unpleasant I can't think of any verbally unpleasant people I keep around in my life aside from some business associates that I have to deal with as part of my job. I'm curious if you could provide more specific examples of what you find to be "verbally cutting" or "unpleasant" because they could mean different things to different people. It's also unclear if your talking about romantic partners or friends and there are things I might tolerate in a friend hat I would never tolerate from a romantic partner. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I made a decision to drop people who are cutting. When first reading this, I thought you meant with sharp objects. Get it now. Sure, make the choice and own it. Billions of people on the planet and practically none of them care whether you live or die. Might as well set your own standards of association. This is because I have learned that they do not change. The advice, the arrogance, the opinions, the lack of loyalty. All start small. But are red flags. While it's possible to change throughout life, basic personality characteristics are formed early and, by 25 or so, are pretty ingrained. Sure, life-altering experiences can upset them and maybe change them. Seen that happen. Facing death is one. No more months of fruitless explaining myself or pleading to be understood. I know better now. Oh, yeah, why torture yourself. People simply aren't that important. If you want an example, just examine how important you are to them. Heh, eye-opener, eh? Who agrees? or not...Agree with dropping? Sure, been doing that for decades. I called it 'disconnecting'. Make like a hole in the water and their existence is irrelevant and gone. Next. Billions more around. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 1-off bouts of anger when pushed to their emotional limit from someone who's a good person 99% of the time I'll have the patience for. Someone I don't know. Tolerance is near 0. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 Totally agree, apart from the lack of loyalty bit. Insensitivity (often described as being blunt or 'saying it as it is') is a personality trait. People who are blunt and don't care how they make others feel don't change. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 (edited) Totally agree, apart from the lack of loyalty bit. Insensitivity (often described as being blunt or 'saying it as it is') is a personality trait. People who are blunt and don't care how they make others feel don't change. I'll take a blunt person over a stab in the back person any day, any time. Edited October 15, 2016 by Timshel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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