Online Dating Questions

[Harrybarrylarrygary]

I've noticed on OLD that I get a lot of message from guys who place a lot of emphasis on slim women. On OK Cupid they have questions/answers you can go through. These guys will say things like it would be a deal breaker if a potential match were overweight even a little bit, they only like athletic/toned bodies, etc.

 

One guy who messaged me I was about to message back because I liked his initial message but then I noticed he had probably 5-6 references to this.

 

As a woman I realize men need to find a woman attractive but find this attitude shallow and a turn off. Just curious why men write this stuff on their profiles. I find it even stranger that I get messages from these guys when I have several full body pics - I am not tiny, slim, toned. I about average size for a woman but I have more of a Christina Hendricks body type.

 

I find it especially funny when they are fat, balding, etc. themselves. Can someone explain why men post this all over their profiles? I'm curious if I'm reading this the wrong way as a woman.

 

It's no more shallow than the huge numbers of women online who write things like: 'Please only message me if you're 6ft+'

 

 

Just ignore the guys like this and find a non-shallow one.

 

 

As an addition, a lot of women will post photos from crazy angles or from a few years old. I see a lot of women from various dating sites out and about and they are invariably 2 dress sizes larger than their profile photos would suggest. I'm guessing some of these guys have been burned by this and are making sure it doesn't happen again.

[salparadise]

I've had probably 20% of them with very little or nothing in their profiles try to meet after a Hi or How are you type message. I literally know nothing about this person. I have no idea what they were attracted to from my profile (other than pics).

 

If they have nothing in their profiles and send you a "Hi" message, you should next them without a second thought. They're just picking the low-hanging fruit.

 

I am all for getting things into the real world quickly. But I don't see why I would pick these guys to spend my free time on over the guys who actually seem to show some sense of care.

 

You shouldn't. But don't confuse "care" with propriety or integrity. Why would you expect someone to show "care" when all they know about you is a pic and a few words on a dating profile?

 

I could understand a few calls, some really details messages, etc. But I literally have no idea other than a pic. Women just don't work the same way as men do here.

 

Don't try and vet people this way. It doesn't work. Don't expect a man to act like he's invested before you've even met in person. Not realistic. That's how the crazies pick low-hanging fruit... see if she'll respond to "Hi", then love bomb her to create a romance fantasy, hit it and quit. Just allow them eliminate themselves.

 

Start by reading the profile. Judge for intelligence, congruency and integrity. Read between the lines and use your female intuition. This stuff is hard to fake, so when you find one with no suspicious gaps give him a chance. No amount of messaging or calls or anonymous communication will be as good as a bit of face-to-face conversation. Yes, make sure that the messages are congruent, but all you're doing is qualifying him for a face-to-face meeting. When you do meet in person, you will know within the first few minutes if there is potential.

 

Expect success but don't expect it to be quick or easy. Patience and persistence is key.

 

I'm in a wonderful relationship that began as an OKC contact. Ninety-seven percent match. She was browsing "incognito." She liked my profile. I read her profile and determined it to be intelligent, congruent, and integral. I sent the first message (a paragraph) introducing myself and asking her to meet for a drink and casual dinner (Mex). She accepted. We exchanged a few more messages only to arrange the time and place, then no more for several days. We met, it was great. We had chemistry and a real connection. That was 14 months ago. I call that a success.

 

However, going back to the quick and easy part... after my previous relationship ended I remained single for over a year. I went on many, many such first meetings. She had been doing the same, but a bit less time. Patience and persistence. Intuition, optimism, moderated expectations.

 

Best of luck!

[The_Onceler]

I would say that physical attraction is required for me in a relationship. That being said, there is no one thing that makes a woman attractive. In my life, I have found myself attracted to women of a variety of appearances. However, in the OLD world, we are on some level encouraged to distil our preferences, such as they are, down to a list of bullet points. So, we should all start by keeping that in mind.

 

For me, I don't particularly care about "fat" or "skinny", but I typically will state that I am interested in "fit" women. I say this primarily because I am interested in activities like cycling, hiking, rock climbing, etc. I enjoy being active and I work out consistently - no six-pack here, I just aim to stay healthy and strong. I presume that a good match for me would be a woman who also likes to be active, and as a result, is probably "fit". Of course, there are always exceptions, but if I am required to attempt to describe a type, it seems I will weed out fewer good matches by limiting myself to "fit" as opposed to the number of bad matches I might get if I also state that I am interested in "obese" women.

 

Does that make me shallow? I hope not. That isn't how I see myself...

 

I can say that I find my ex to be OUTRAGEOUSLY sexy. She is small, at 5'4". I found her to be outrageously sexy when she was 29 years old and a size 1. I found her to be outrageously sexy at 34 years old and a size 8. I found her to be outrageously sexy at 32 and 8 months pregnant. When she was proud of her six pack, she was sexy. When she was ashamed of her "mom belly", she was sexy. When she had long hair, she was sexy. When she had a bob cut, she was sexy.

 

Not to dwell on my ex, but my point is - there was more to her sexiness than her weight, size, fashion, or hair. But how do you present that via your OLD profile?