Nikki Sahagin Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 IMO most people are 'average' in one way or another, yet most people are able to snare at least 1 partner in their lifetime. If you see average as 'boring, uninteresting, not special' then think of ways to be exciting, interesting and different in a way that feels authentic to you. Maybe you are unhappy with yourself and this is feeding back in how others relate to you. Also love is not an exact science. It's not an equation. What we are attracted to/intrigued by really varies and can be a lot more complicated than it seems on paper. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Probably sucks even more being less than average. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxbelieverinlovexx Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Most people can be attractive and be above 'average' (whatever that means to you)... they just need to have a good hygienal care .. smell good... dress nicely (doesnt mean it has to be expensive), have a good haircut and please shower everyday ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Idk, I mean, I don't look at myself as an average guy. I like to think of myself as the best. I have gotten rejected a lot but don't let it shake me. I have done great dates and everything but still it just doesn't work out. I do think social media plays a big part in the way dating has evolved. Women that are "average" are 10x better on social media. Dating is commonly done more online these days unless you meet someone at work or school. My big thing is interest. That's a big word. I feel if a woman is interested in you she would show it. You'd feel it. She would do something out of the ordinary for you. If you don't get that effort back then I don't see any point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Man, I was working out and this dude was beside me doing his workout. What was weird was he kept talking to himself. What he kept saying was "you want to be average??!!! You want to be average??!!!!?" and I was like, ....average isn't that bad. I mean, it's not as good as the best, but it's not as bad as the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I'm with Nikki here. Most of us are varying degrees of average. A few people got hit with the ugly stick or have a social skill impairment. And a few people are gorgeous or have the gift of the gab. But they are few and far between. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I do think social media plays a big part in the way dating has evolved. Women that are "average" are 10x better on social media. Dating is commonly done more online these days unless you meet someone at work or school. Agreed on the social media. You'd be surprised how women even in their 40's are taking selfies several times a week be it at the gym or wherever. They aren't that much to look at, cute, but average...but some could even stand to loose a few pounds...but wind up getting some kind over-inflated ego by doing so. I guess if they get enough those, "Your hot, your beautiful" comments to get them going, then why get a boyfriend, right? Social media unfortunately is the modern day, "Mirror mirror, on the wall! Who is the fairest one of all!!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I think I said before in this thread - I love an average guy!!! 100% better than a guy who proclaims himself to be 'nice' and isn't! Self proclaimed nice guys are THE WORST men to date - always. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fishfingersareyummy Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I think I said before in this thread - I love an average guy!!! 100% better than a guy who proclaims himself to be 'nice' and isn't! Self proclaimed nice guys are THE WORST men to date - always. An average guy can be a self-proclaimed nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 An average guy can be a self-proclaimed nice guy. True, I just have had my fill of self proclaimed nice guys - they never are. I avoid at all costs. Average is hot though - not self proclaimed nice, kind, generous etc etc... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fishfingersareyummy Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I've known a tonne of guys and I've only ever heard one guy refer to himself as nice and he was genuinely a nice guy, he was just still attached to his Mum's apron strings which hampered his dating prospects. It seems you are going after the wrong guys, perhaps try and incorporate analytical thinking into your dating game and see if that yields better results. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I've known a tonne of guys and I've only ever heard one guy refer to himself as nice and he was genuinely a nice guy, he was just still attached to his Mum's apron strings which hampered his dating prospects. It seems you are going after the wrong guys, perhaps try and incorporate analytical thinking into your dating game and see if that yields better results. Er..I'm not dating, Have known of plenty who say they are nice guys and aren't - it's every day life aside from any dating. No doubt the same with women also, I am only guessing your post here referred back to mine? But I'm OK - thanks anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Fishfingersareyummy Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I've never come across a woman who referred to herself as nice and if she did I probably wasn't listening but I have seen what you mention being mentioned on the Internet. I really should pay attention to people instead of being wrapped up in my own thoughts. Food for thought. Take it easy. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I've never come across a woman who referred to herself as nice and if she did I probably wasn't listening but I have seen what you mention being mentioned on the Internet. I really should pay attention to people instead of being wrapped up in my own thoughts. Food for thought. Take it easy. Sweetpea, no need to reply to me or give unneeded advice - I am not the OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 I'd say that what "sucks" is being a guy like me, who is WAY below "average", and very much aware of said fact. It's frustrating on one hand, because I'm not a dishonest, untrustworthy person, I'm not an abusive person, I'm not a drug user or an alcoholic or a sex-crazed womanizer. Unfortunately, those things don't matter until you've actually started dating someone. Because I'm also not any of the things that would draw a woman to a man. I'm not at all physically/ sexually appealing (and not even for reasons I can control, such as weight, rather, for reasons I can't do a thing about). I'm not particularly interesting or funny. I have no unique perspective or outlook on the world. I'm not an intellectual person. I have a very low end job with a very low income. I'm socially awkward and inept to an almost painful degree. I'm also extremely introverted. I've never been on a single date. Heck, I've never even had something resembling a flirtatious conversation with a girl. I've tried online dating several times over the last 5+ years, and no one ever responds to my messages (or, the very few that do only respond once, with a two or three word reply, then I never hear from them again). I've even tried Tinder a few times over the last couple of years, and I literally never get a match on there. So, no offense, but I don't really have much sympathy for the "average" person, because even the "average" person will probably manage to date and mingle and have experiences with people. But someone like me, with nothing whatsoever appealing about myself? There's no hope there. Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I think I said before in this thread - I love an average guy!!! 100% better than a guy who proclaims himself to be 'nice' and isn't! Self proclaimed nice guys are THE WORST men to date - always. I give up!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Herbalist Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I give up!!!! What she says is somewhat true though and is a common thought among women. It's a stereotype because there are a lot of guys out there who are not respectful or genuinely compassionate but believe that sex is like a vending machine that accepts niceness coins. They can often be spotted with online dating profiles that include bitter monologues about how women don't want nice guys anymore / nice guys finish last. It's like there is a factory that churns them out. There are female equivalents of this as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 What she says is somewhat true though and is a common thought among women. It's a stereotype because there are a lot of guys out there who are not respectful or genuinely compassionate but believe that sex is like a vending machine that accepts niceness coins. They can often be spotted with online dating profiles that include bitter monologues about how women don't want nice guys anymore / nice guys finish last. It's like there is a factory that churns them out. There are female equivalents of this as well. Leaves decent blokes in a no win situation then really doesn't it??!! It is possible to be a gentleman without being self pitying and bitter! I'm a nice bloke so I guess that rules me out of ever meeting someone again then (I jest) but I'm far from perfect and being nice doesn't mean I don't have a fun and adventurous side to me but I'm never going to stop being a gent, even if that does put some women off. There are female equivalents, I met one a long time ago (previous to my ex wife, she was just bad) and she was quiet as a mouse, polite and the nicest person I've ever met. She also turned out to be the most passionate, exciting, crazy, but good crazy, woman I have ever been in a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 So I've never been good at dating. I did a month long experiment on various dating apps and found that with a ****ton of effort I could net a date every once in a while with a chick way below my standards. However the vast amount of silence and conversations that lead to silence was soul crushing, and the dates I got were unsatisfying at best. more women in real life. I then got rejected a bunch more. And so I slowly started hitting on random women again this month. I've gotten two numbers and an email, and all have led to silence. Taking risks while being honest about who you are and your intentions won't necessarily help, because being just yourself never did in the first place. If you're an "average" person, your best bet is to get involved in hobbies and maximize your social circle and you'll eventually meet a like-minded person. Online dating only works if you have a strong game (ie good situation/look) as a man. Cold approach with strangers only really works if you've got the looks and way with words. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Relationships are one of those things in life that isn't just simply handed to you if you're the average guy. I don't know about the average girl. Dating is not easy, you can't do anything to improve yourself and expect a relationship or for girls to open their legs to you. That's just not how it works. Online dating is a joke, it's clearly built in a woman's favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Relationships are one of those things in life that isn't just simply handed to you if you're the average guy. I don't know about the average girl. Most things in life worth having aren't "just handed to you" anyways. But as someone said above, by definition most people are some degree of average, and most people end up with someone. Everyone's problems are unique. A man's problem might stem from his ability or inability to provide, a woman's problem might stem from the fact that she can't find the right guy, which is often crucial because the time investment involved (child bearing and care) is much greater for her. Dating is not easy, you can't do anything to improve yourself and expect a relationship or for girls to open their legs to you. That's just not how it works. Online dating is a joke, it's clearly built in a woman's favor. While the things you do might not get her to immediately "open their legs to you" (few things anyone can do actually can right away), if you spend your life eschewing "averageness" and mediocrity, OLD will not be, as you described, "a joke." It will be easy. This thread and that attitude is just another embodiment of the things frequently echoed here, like: "women have it so easy, OLD is biased against men, etc." No, women don't have it so easy. OLD, and women in general might be biased against average men whose solutions to their problems are to complain about unfairness rather than do anything about it, but less biased against men who realize this, put in their due diligence, and try to improve their situations. The solution: stop complaining and ascend above "averageness." Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Most things in life worth having aren't "just handed to you" anyways. But as someone said above, by definition most people are some degree of average, and most people end up with someone. Everyone's problems are unique. A man's problem might stem from his ability or inability to provide, a woman's problem might stem from the fact that she can't find the right guy, which is often crucial because the time investment involved (child bearing and care) is much greater for her. While the things you do might not get her to immediately "open their legs to you" (few things anyone can do actually can right away), if you spend your life eschewing "averageness" and mediocrity, OLD will not be, as you described, "a joke." It will be easy. This thread and that attitude is just another embodiment of the things frequently echoed here, like: "women have it so easy, OLD is biased against men, etc." No, women don't have it so easy. OLD, and women in general might be biased against average men whose solutions to their problems are to complain about unfairness rather than do anything about it, but less biased against men who realize this, put in their due diligence, and try to improve their situations. The solution: stop complaining and ascend above "averageness." The more I read this post and the more II read the initial OP the more I think they are both on opposite ends of an issue. People need to ask, how important are relationships really, are you simply not better building the life you want without bothering to find people along the way? I have met enough people in general to know average doesn't really exist, however average happens when people settle for anything as opposed to trying for what they really want. Sure, we cant all get what we want all the time but we also shouldn't get fixated on things we cant get either. Its easy to get lost in rejection but maybe the answer is to just keep moving, trying to better the person next to you is tiring and you still wont find any happiness either because unlike the post above, success on its own doesn't make one any more desirable to ladies, maybe it does give more confidence though which could lead to more success. The best thing the OP can do is to simply stop caring, be that bird flying free because you know what. Caring about people who don't care about you is like cooking food for people who aren't there. Thankless and pointless. Find out what makes you happy and when you find that, relationships become meaningless things everyone else does for whatever reason. Its when you want something so badly that it consumes you and yes then you become average. For example this past weekend I got kissed on the cheek by a gorgeous model, it felt fantastic even though it was done in a friendly way, take the good out of thing and average doesn't really exist at all. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The best thing the OP can do is to simply stop caring, be that bird flying free because you know what. Caring about people who don't care about you is like cooking food for people who aren't there. Thankless and pointless. This is great until the thing you want is to be cared about by those other people. Which is precisely the problem he's having. That's pretty much the reason this forum exists. And I'd disagree, to me it's like asking someone "Why do you care about food so much? Just stop eating." People naturally desire other people, we have the biological urge to pair up and mate, and the suggestion to just "not care" is to suggest that it's something that can be turned on and off. If it were that easy, I imagine a lot of people would do it rather than subject themselves to some of the alternatives. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The threadstarter hasn't been seen in ten days so we'll close this up until they alert moderation via the 'Alert Us' button on this post. Thank you for the contributions. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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