Married coworker is flirting with me through text - What do I do?

[qqqthrowaway]

I'm not sure if there's an option on here to post the texts, but I was hoping I could do that to see what your guys's opinion is on this.

 

**Update: Here are the texts [] Prior to all this, I initially thought he was a girl with how much he was talking about high heels. When I finally met him, he was completely normal and calm. I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt. He's also a minister or something at a church or he was previously? I don't know there was some church conversation going on towards the end of the meeting.

 

The backstory: My boss and I had a meeting with two external people from a different company. I had to schedule the meeting and was in touch with one of the guys. He sent a typo of high heels and apologized - I reassured him that it's okay. I figured he probably was super worried about that typo and thought I was going to get him in trouble for that? So he kept profusely apologizing and I wanted to go out of my way to let him know that it really wasn't a big deal so I was extra nice in my messages with smileys and exclamation marks saying it's okay! That's when it all started. He continuously kept texting about heels and the look and it was just a bizarre conversation. I felt awkward and tried to just give responses that wouldn't continue the conversation, but he kept going. I can't just dismiss him either because we will be working together in the future. I can't be mean or it just gets awkward. I try to keep it professional and friendly. He may also just be socially weird and not too sure of how to communicate professionally? I have no idea. Today, he's been talking about spilling yogurt and it's very strange but I'm getting the feeling he's trying to compare the yogurt to something else? It's just the things he's saying like "creamy" and messy and gooey. I need advice on this - I don't know how to react, say, or do. I don't know if I'm being inappropriate or if I'm just thinking weird but I'm really trying to be professional and friendly at the same time - Basically responding to what I'm being given if that makes sense. What I usually do is try to match the other person's energy and text style - I do this with everyone so they can feel comfortable and just get a friendly vibe if that makes sense? Anyways, I could use some outside perspective on this with what he's saying and how I'm responding.

Edited October 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Nowty V]

You need to close this down.

 

Run it past your boss. If only to Highlight the person from the other company you are meeting doesn't seem to be dealing from a straight deck.

 

Compose a text something like "thank you for your interest in our company, the date & time of the meeting is xx/xx/xxxx @ xx:xx "

 

And use the same reply for any further texts.

 

Last thing you need is a creep or a stalker.

 

forget the company, your safety should be paramount.

[doyathinkso]

Wow. This is one totally weird and creepy guy. Stop answering him!

[elaine567]

This guy is definitely throwing out sexual stuff to see if you will bite, even the high heels "typo" was most likely deliberate and as for the yoghurt conversation just ugh!

Innuendo can sometimes be fun, but this is just creepy.

 

I think you should nip this in the bud and talk to HR about it, just to let them know, not to necessarily get him into big trouble. Keep a record of all conversations and keep it professional, if he starts any similar "friendly" stuff about yoghurt or high heels again shut him down.

You are then covered if he starts complaining that you led him on...

[aileD]

He's testing the waters "my wife doesn't.....". ..."my wife is out of town"

 

I realize you're trying to be nice but you are encouraging him to continue by responding the way you do.

 

You could have stopped it muxh much earlier with a few simple "lol" responses

 

Not unkind, but also not giving any more info or asking him more questions he has to respond to.

 

Also. Just stop answering him if it doesn't have to do with work.

[ChatroomHero]

Yeah, I wouldn't respond in any depth and shut the conversation down. I probably would have thrown my phone in a lake after the 957th "haha".

 

 

If you continue to respond and anything comes of it, it will be your fault as much as his. It seems like you are encouraging the conversation. You could have easily sent something like, "Well, good luck with the yogurt I have to go help my boyfriend with...have a great rest of the week". Very easy to do.

 

 

On his end it looks like he thinks the yogurt sex chat is going well because you keep responding. He seems to be fairly explicit and you never told him his texts about high heels and creamy goo are crossing the line. I'm not sure why you wouldn't just end the texting with any number of easy outs unless you are somehow 'into' it.

[Friskyone4u]

Maybe you can't "dismiss" him but you sure can and know how to shut it down.

Don't tell me when you are out at a club and you get unwanted advances you don't know how to shut it down without getting violent.

 

How about a simple statement that the "heels" and anything else sexual needs to stop because it's going no where. If he can't take that clue, he is either too stupid to understand or ain't going to stop until you really tell him to stop it or you will tell your boss.

 

But every time you respond to or send a "smiley" you are encouraging this behavior. You are smart enough to know that so lets make sure you are not enjoying the attention and that that is what has you confused.

 

Either way, you need to shut it down and pronto

[BlackCherry]

Woah, what a creep. He couldn't be making himself any clearer in his interest, whether it's just to pass the time of day flirting or seeking an affair. You've handled it well so far with what you've said in your replies (I.e. bringing it back t wife: if these messages get uncovered at home, nobody could say you've encouraged this or flirted back, other than the fact you've kept replying), but in being so friendly and responsive, despite the content, you're giving him the green light to carry on, he probably thinks he's working away at you successfully as despite all the talk of heels and yoghurt, you're still responding!

 

Does this guy actually have any seniority or management position over you? You gotta stop replying to anything unless it's specifically work related and appropriate. You do NOT have to include all of these smilies, exclamation points or emoticons, instead of friendly and professional you're coming across like a teenage girl trying hard to please him. Given how unprofessional he's being, scale it back to cool, polite but professional, and only reply to work related messages. He'll quickly get the message and back off when he isn't getting nice friendly perky interested replies.

 

He knows he's a skeeze. No offence intended, but I'm curious as to how you don't know how to handle this situation. How many years into your professional career are you?