Husband abusive/suicidal; met a guy at work

[Bear1407]

I've been married for 12 years now two young children. My husband has been emtionally and mentally abusing me for 5 years now since my son was born. He puts me down, calls me fat. Says he wants to kill himself, calls the kids names. Reads my messages, constantly checks up on me on social media.

 

I started a job last summer met a great guy so much in common easy to talk to and a neighbour. I got very drunk new year at work told him how I felt. My husband found out and moved me some distance from the other person. This other person has recently got back intouch telling me everything I wanted to hear at the begining of the year.

 

He wanted me to move back down to be with him. After the first of revelations he started going hot and cold saying just mates, no let's take it slow. I've said twice now no contact and he has come back saying stay in touch or if your in town or closer get intouch. He also told me he slept with someone last weekend. I really like this guy but he is confusing me and I don't know what to do

Edited October 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
More descriptive title, paragraphs

[Grapesofwrath]

Bear: Difficult as it may be, it's best to make a decision about your marriage independent of this other person. Leave him out of the equation. Whether he wants a relationship with you is unimportant right now. The important question is whether you want to stay with your husband. Sort that out first.

 

Part of your thinking may include the possibility that someday you could be in a loving, positive, healthy relationship. That's a fine thing to think about. But leave it as simply thoughts, and don't complicate the marriage with an A. If for no other reason than it would take away all your credibility. If you decide to end your marriage with an exit A, the divorce will be all about your A and not at all about the legitimate reasons you had to divorce.

[Forever broken]

Am sorry about the situation with your husband but an affair might complicate it even the more. Looks like your husband needs intensive counseling or you might have to protect the safety of you and your kids.

 

 

On the other hand, I won't be too quick to rely on your affair partner. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

Take it from a former affair partner.

 

 

Hope you find peace.

[ChickiePops]

He calls your kids names? So he's abusing them too? Why are you still with him?

[anika99]

Why are you concerning yourself with a another man when you have an abusive husband who calls your kids names. How is an affair going to help your kids, or you for that matter?

 

I'm sure it feels nice to escape into the attention of another man but it doesn't fix or change anything and it actually has the potential to make things so much worse, especially for your children. If you love your kids then please cut this other guy off and start making a real concrete plan to leave your husband and save your children.

[Chica80]

I know it seems like OM is the answer to your pain. He is not. YOU need to get out!! If you don't do it for yourself. Do it for your children.

 

Leave OM alone and get yourself safe, to a better place.

[aileD]

OM is just your distraction from dealing with the real issue on your life:

 

Your abusive marriage

 

Focus on Loser OM and you dont have to think about abusive H.

 

Wake up. You have children. You need to forget about yourself and your need to have someone tell you all the things you want to hear, and you need to pick yourself up and get your kids out of that situation before you shape their entire lives.

 

Do you want your son to put his future wife and kids through what you are going through?

 

Wake up and forget about all this outside **** and put your kids first

[sandylee1]

Get out of your abusive marriage first.

Edited October 15, 2016 by sandylee1
Incomplete

[sandylee1]

Think about your children and the damage your husband is doing before anything else.

 

Your husband is nasty to them and you aren't stepping up to remove them from his abuse. You don't need another relationship on top of everything you're dealing with.

[whichwayisup]

I've been married for 12 years now two young children. My husband has been emtionally and mentally abusing me for 5 years now since my son was born. He puts me down, calls me fat. Says he wants to kill himself, calls the kids names. Reads my messages, constantly checks up on me on social media.

 

I started a job last summer met a great guy so much in common easy to talk to and a neighbour. I got very drunk new year at work told him how I felt. My husband found out and moved me some distance from the other person. This other person has recently got back intouch telling me everything I wanted to hear at the begining of the year.

 

He wanted me to move back down to be with him. After the first of revelations he started going hot and cold saying just mates, no let's take it slow. I've said twice now no contact and he has come back saying stay in touch or if your in town or closer get intouch. He also told me he slept with someone last weekend. I really like this guy but he is confusing me and I don't know what to do

 

Start with making a plan to divorce your husband. Why stay married and then cheat on him? He's abusive, controlling and has threatened suicide to manipulate you. Get some counseling, talk to your family and close friends to help you leave your husband. Then, when the timing is better and you're single, then date. Until then, your life will just get more complicated and your husband will probably be more abusive to you and your children. They need to be safe and feel protected - If you go off with another man, they are home alone with him. Do you trust him alone with your kids?