Aquamarine_86 Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I have been married 4 years to a man I once loved more than I ever thought possible but over the last year that has slowly started to change, I feel I've become less attracted to him and I have become distant towards him, He owns his own business which requires him to travel frequently so I am putting most of it down to that. I have a feeling he senses my change towards him from the way he looks at me and he keeps buying me gifts that I tell him I don't want or need. I love when he is away and I dread when he is coming home - no wife should be like this with their husband and I feel awful but I cant help it. He is very hands on with me which is starting to annoy me. He told me today he booked next weekend away for us, I had to pretend to be happy about it but the truth is I'm dreading being alone with him. I don't know what has caused me to go like this with him, He hasn't done anything wrong, I do love him but I don't think I am in love with him anymore. Its driving me crazy all I can think about is packing a bag and running away and being free because I know if I was to leave he wouldn't make it easy for me to leave. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I know if I was to leave he wouldn't make it easy for me to leave. Would he lock you in the basement ??? I'd guess you mean he'd be hurt and try to convince you to stay in the relationship. Since you don't indicate he knows any of this is coming, are you surprised he'd try and fight for your marriage? Too bad you don't seem willing to do the same... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 It sounds like this has more to do with you then your husband. Have you considered individual or couples counseling? I would also recommend just being honest with him, it is healthier in the long run for both of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 This is about you not him. He sounds like a good man. You sound very immature. You may not be cut out for marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 snip *I don't know what has caused me to go like this with him *You need to know why. I strongly suggest that you get into therapy, to get some clarity on your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to stay with him if you don't want to, but you need to get to a point of greater self awareness. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 I'd guess you mean he'd be hurt and try to convince you to stay in the relationship. Since you don't indicate he knows any of this is coming, are you surprised he'd try and fight for your marriage? Too bad you don't seem willing to do the same... Mr. Lucky For me with the way I'm feeling and as selfish I know it sounds I think leaving is the best option for us but then like last night when I catch him looking at me with confusion I can see I'm hurting him and think I should try work on my marriage. I have no family or close friends in the country we live in that is why I have turned to this forum for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I have no family or close friends in the country we live in that is why I have turned to this forum for advice. Are you homesick and blaming him for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 Are you homesick and blaming him for it? I guess I am to some degree. He travels around Europe for work but always makes sure we travel to his home in Moscow at least every second month but can't take time to go back to the US. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I guess I am to some degree. He travels around Europe for work but always makes sure we travel to his home in Moscow at least every second month but can't take time to go back to the US. Can you not go home to the US for some time whilst he is travelling for work? Being apart from friends, family and familiar places is hard if you are spending a lot of time on your own as well in a foreign country. Can you speak the language where you live, have you made any friends there? Do you work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 How old are the two of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 Can you not go home to the US for some time whilst he is travelling for work? Being apart from friends, family and familiar places is hard if you are spending a lot of time on your own as well in a foreign country. Can you speak the language where you live, have you made any friends there? Do you work? I don't travel home much because there is always something that comes up that he wants me to attend with him and that prevents me from going. We live in London so yes I speak the language but when we go to Russia I haven't got an idea on what people are saying, as I said my husband is Russian but he never thought me much of his language. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 How old are the two of you? I just turned 30 and my husband is 42. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I don't travel home much because there is always something that comes up that he wants me to attend with him and that prevents me from going. I guess that may be deliberate. I get a feeling and I could be wrong but is he a bit controlling? Do you feel safe with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 I guess that may be deliberate. I get a feeling and I could be wrong but is he a bit controlling? Do you feel safe with him? I wouldn't call him controlling, but it depends on him whenever we go back to the states because he likes to accompany me. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I wouldn't call him controlling, but it depends on him whenever we go back to the states because he likes to accompany me. But why? You don't need him to be there in order to go visit your family surely? I would talk to him and tell him you want to go home for a visit asap. He can't expect to drag you to Russia every two months and then ignore your need to go home sometimes too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarine_86 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Share Posted October 16, 2016 I guess I'm wasting my time on this forum as no one else seems willing to offer any advice to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 I guess I'm wasting my time on this forum as no one else seems willing to offer any advice to me. Huh? Mine is the 17th post in your thread, take away your 7 means there's been 10 efforts to offer feedback. What you mean is no one's told you what you want to hear. You don't need anyone's permission (ours included) to pack a bag and sneak out of the marriage and country when he's gone on one of his trips. You could be back home 12 hours from now... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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