Teddi Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 hey guys....ill try my best to not make this a violin accompanied story!! (im 21 m ire) i have no friends!...there i said it!...uhh.....hard for me to say..... the thing is...i really dont know why... bit of my background first....growing up i was brought up in a quite remote area...i.e hardly anyone around and i believe that is where it all stemmed from. from primary to scondary school i lived in this remote area.... i got along pretty fine in school...no major problems..bit of bullying here and there but that happens to all of us...as some of us do..i fantasised about hanging around with the most popular people...but that never happend so i opted to stay in the middle (the not so popular to the popular)...i never had a solid relationship with anyone in school....not because i was a loud mouth...or annoying...or any of those sterotypical attributes ud find in people who dont have much of a fan base...i believe it had something more to do with shyness?...lack of confidence...? anyway...a year before i finished....i realised "whats the point in trying so hard to fit in???".. i found it pointless...if people arent going to like me for me...fook em!!so i became alot quieter in my last year...but i still chatted to people etc... fingers crossed things would change when i went to college...but..well...didnt go exactly to my plan...i had a great first year..went out...met new people...partied...etc...but still no strong connection with anyone.... im 21 now...and i think i have one friend who...hardly bothers to call me... (hes just an extremely lazy guy!) things about me: 1.) im not ugly (as this could contribute)..not being big headed...just been told im good looking 2.) i know how to have fun!!!.... 3.) im kind, generous, considerate, caring, witty, funny, confident (much more than i was) and i couldnt hurt a fly! 4.)ive a really good dress sense (doing design in college)...i know its not a big thing...but it gets you noticed i meet people..they like me....but then nothing!!...i dont get it!....people tell me im a cool guy...but still...nothing!! believe me...ive tried doing the upfront approach (hey...you want to do something this weekend?) still nothing.. it really gets to me sometimes...not having friends to go out with.......id love to go out clubbing and partying...but i have no-one to go out with!!!... i know there are people out there like me...who like the things i do (ive a huge varied liking in music etc) its so sad to think..i get jealous of people who have more than like 5 friends....i feel so lame...lol people who meet me..think i have a thousand friends..not because i lie and tell them i do...but just the way i carry myself, and act. i dont stab people in the back...i dont bitch about people (whats the point?..gets you know-where) im a generally happy go lucky kinda guy... im 21...i keep saying that too myself...i shud have years of friends foundated by now....unlike my sister...who is hugely popular with pretty much everyone she comes in contact with!!! ive posted something like this before..and people always say the same things...join a club....try and meet people with your same interests...i have...and it hasnt been successful... some people are happy with just the odd friend...but deep down i know im the type that functions properly with people who like,care for and who enjoy being around me...im sorry this has gone on a bit...but ive run out of ways to connect with people..... ive been depressed about this before...totally brought me down.....and eventually hits my confidence and self-esteem..... again..im sorry ive ranted on a bit...but i really need to get this kinda stuff off my chest.. any reply will be really appreciated...thanx guys Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 I don't have any real friends, either. Just acquaintances. But I'm a homebody who loves reading and what have you, plus I work a lot. You just need to be happy with the person you are, that's all. Sooner or later you're going to realize that most friendships are just for convenience sake, as are most romances. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try, nor does it mean you should. Maybe you're just not as shallow as the rest of your comrades, or you think too deeply about things. I do too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teddi Posted July 9, 2005 Author Share Posted July 9, 2005 thanx for the reply man... yea...i know what you mean...ive had instances of being apart of a group of "friends" and i loved every bit of it....i was seen as one of the "life and sole of the party" kinda guys....and it was like a drug rush for me..... and i really miss it...ya know? im not living in a remote area anymore...and its still the same.....pain in the ass man.. ive acquaintances by the tonne load too...lol.....i know how that is!!... but i do see how some gangs of friends get on...the bitching..the back stabbing...... ive been fooled into thinking i was a persons friend...just when they had alter-ambitions for my use....ya know? one day man...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Hey Teddi, I totally understand where you're coming from. I had a great group of friends in high school, but after graduation we all went in separate directions. I've lost touch with all but a few of them, and I don't see them very often. Same thing happened in college. I met a few great people, then some of them dropped out while the rest of us transferred. I spent a lot of time with my now ex-boyfriend because most of the people who were my "friends" at the time were more concerned with drinking 24/7 and doing lord knows what else instead of focusing on an education. So here I am, 2 years out of school and with maybe one or two "close" friends who are both guys (!) and both live about 30-40 minutes from me, so I don't see them all the time (though at least I talk to them fairly frequently). Westernxer is right. If you don't like who you are, you can't expect others to like you either. Do you have any acquaintances from your classes? Do you have a job? Working part-time can bring you into contact with all sorts of new people. Don't be sorry for ranting. I'm a firm believer in expressing feelings. Plus, that's what we're all here for. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 I have "friends" I guess, but at this point they are all married and have kids. Not to mention that I moved around alot in the last 7 years since college. Even now that I've technically lived in one location for the past 4 years, I've had a lot of temporary assignments overseas that have broken that up. I work days and take classes at night (during fall and spring) for an advanced degree, it's hard to be very social. And the area I live in is a bunch of transients (like 50% military families here) so everyone else moves out of here a lot also. It's ok though, because honestly, my wife is my best friend and I am hers. I guess if I had to say in a typical week, I hang out with church friends while I am at church, I hang out with work friends while I am at work, and school friends while at school. Ok, maybe they are more like acquaintences. Whhaaaaawhhhhaa, boo hoo, i'm such a friendless wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I'm going to give you a different spin on this issue. when I was in college I was an outgoing, friendly person who people liked but I really didn't have lots of hang-out buddies to do things with. I did have lots of g/f's. Since you say you are good looking there could be an envy factor from the males of your class. I was considered good looking also and alot of guys didn't want to hang out with me or they only wanted me to help fix them up with girls. Well, I don't like being used so I pretty much ignored most of the pseudo friends and have/had a select few good friends who I still run with today ( I am 32 now ). This could be the same situation for you as well. I would concentrate on the people whom you like and whom like you and f^ck the rest. You can't force friendship. Just find those people who seem to like your company and are willing to do things with you. You don't need bunches, just 1 or 2.. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 only problem with 1 or 2 is once they are married w/kids, you have 0 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teddi Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 thanx angel...nice to get the womens point of view i have a good job...in a clothes shop...and the people i work with are kewl.....still...nothing much going on there... in college...yea...i was with a few girls....its only short term fun though...nothing else..... im an outgoing and confident guy but sometimes can lack in it...depending on the situation.... on the outside...no-one would ever see me as the person im making myself out to be on here.... i seemed to have met alot of people in college...they were all buddy buddy but didnt really follow up on anything outside college...one or two instances....but nothing glue binding! i know the exact type of people i get on like a house on fire...but they seem too and far between.... when people meet me...they generally like me straight off as im very welcoming and engaging...and always treat people with respect... and...i have the "nice guy" factor with girls too..so aiming for long term relationships with girls is as easy as finding a needle ina hay stack! why me??...grrrrrrrrrrrr!...hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Since you say you are good looking there could be an envy factor from the males of your class. I was considered good looking also and alot of guys didn't want to hang out with me or they only wanted me to help fix them up with girls. Ditto. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Oh yea, I'm also so darned good-looking. And I have a large pecker. hehe, this sounds like the "I'm so good looking" self flattery thread. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Oh yea, I'm also so darned good-looking. And I have a large pecker. hehe, this sounds like the "I'm so good looking" self flattery thread. Haha. I don't think my mojo will stand up to yours, no matter how much I flatter myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teddi Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 one of the worst things for me it the oppertunity to get a girlfriend.... everyone by default thinks that the person that they hook up with would have loads of friends etc...but in my situation...if she found out that i wasnt swarming with friends....it would just make me look so lame...ya know??? i know that my diamond in the rough is out there..a girl who wouldnt care about those things...but as time goes on i loose faith in that way of thinking... it makes a person think...well..why doesnt he have a good bunch of friends?...there must be something odd about him... when people see me...they see me as this confident guy...a guy who looks like he as it all stuck together real well...and then to find out that the closest thing to a friend he has is his brother?....it actually scares me a bit..... i know how some girls in the past have been...."yea.....you bring out your mates...and ill bring out mine and well have such a laugh!!!" ive had to make excuses for that, not to go out....not that i said id loads of friends..she just assumed.... im ranting again..but i keep on finding new paths to walk in this subject!! Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Oh yea, I'm also so darned good-looking. And I have a large pecker. hehe, this sounds like the "I'm so good looking" self flattery thread. You go Virgina Bob. Women love a good-looking guy with a large pecker. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by Teddi everyone by default thinks that the person that they hook up with would have loads of friends etc...but in my situation...if she found out that i wasnt swarming with friends....it would just make me look so lame...ya know??? Depends on the girl... some couldn't care less. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 You can't force friendship. If a gal doesn't want to be with you because you don't have 25 friends then she is a social deb and only looking for her best interests. Don't be so down on yourself. Ranting is acceptable if you are getting value out of the rant. Just don't wallow in self pity. We at LS can't stand a pitier. You only look lame in your own eyes. It doesn't matter want you have or don't have if you think you are just as good as everyone else. A lot of false friends have no value but 1 true friend is priceless. Link to post Share on other sites
dresden Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 You are going to meet new people all through your life. And as circumstances change, so will the people in your life. That's the way it is. One true friend really is worth all the rest. My best friend has been in my life for...well, a long long time. She knows me better than anyone and she is my champion. I hope you find someone like that. Me, I'm looking for the good-looking guy with the big pecker who knows the right way to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Friends is all about quality, not quantity Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teddi Posted July 12, 2005 Author Share Posted July 12, 2005 hey J dub... yea...i totally agree.....i just find myself meeting a**h***s!!...im cursed!!...im not boasting but i know im great friendship material....id know how to be a great friend.... i seem to meet people either so into themselves...ignorant and obnoxcious and think their the bomb.... its having quite a strong psycological effect on me....like i feel inadaquet and i dont feel like a whole person...i buzz off people so much (get a great rush from interacting with people...brings out my fun side) even saying it to someone "i dont actually have any friends"....is scary to me...as ive never heard anyone say that to anyone else... but id only say that to a person that id trust.... what if a guy you were interested in said that to you J?? people i meet never think i have no mates....because i carry myself really well...would you think there was something wrong with him?...think any less of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer'sSecret Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 I know where you're coming from. I grew up in a small town and have spent a large part of my life feeling very lonely. In high school and college, all of my "friends" were really just more of "good acquaintences" than real friends. I was always surrounded by people, going out, having a "good time," but I always felt alone. I had similar feelings in law school as well. I'm two years out now, and I JUST NOW am starting to learn what a REAL friend is...and in LA, of all places! This may sound too simple of an explanation as to your current problem, but I think that at your age people tend to be more selfish and self-centered and not interested in developing any real, deep relationship of any kind. It's with time, experience, age, and maturity that you begin to see the value in developing and working on relationships with people that really matter. You're just far ahead of your peers - you see the value, they do not. Until they do, you'll continue to feel the way you do. Additionally, a real, true, good, honest friendship just develops naturally with time. Like any other relationship, it can't be forced. When it's right, it just happens. Give it time and just enjoy being in your own company, because if you can't, no one else is going to want to either. Link to post Share on other sites
MobileUnit Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Wow great advice here, I can really relate what your going though now. It seems that the only people that i can really see hanging out with dont have much interest in hanging out. But really its hard but you just really have to take it easy and not depend on other people for your own happiness Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret Additionally, a real, true, good, honest friendship just develops naturally with time. Like any other relationship, it can't be forced. When it's right, it just happens. Give it time and just enjoy being in your own company, because if you can't, no one else is going to want to either. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 I too understand where youre coming from...for the most part. I used to have a lot of 'friends' all throughout school, but then got pregnant (in college) and what-not, and realized they werent really friends at all...just acquaintances. And sometimes it bothers me.....but really, they were mostly guys, since I dont like friendships w/ many girls (most are too fake, manipulative, gossipy, shallow, etc) But here's the thing w/ me: I dont really like to put in that much effort to try and establish or keep a friendship. Most people dont understand me. I cant stand having 'girls time' at the mall or some crap like that. I prefer activities with more substance....although I do enjoy sporty activities as well. It really bothers my boyfriend that I dont have friends. Ive told him that I love to hang out with people and have fun w/ them, but I just dont like close, female friendships...they irritate me....besides the fact that every one that I had was one-sided: I was always there for them to help and advise, but when I was going through crap (stupid relationship probs, depression, suicide, family probs, pregnancy, etc etc) no one was there for me. I'd try to talk, but within 2 sentences they were talking about themselves again.....and I wont put up with that. But my BF doesnt seem to understand, and wishes I had friends. I like being more solitary though I once read something that said: if your encounters with someone always leave you feeling worse than you did before, then the relationship isnt healthy for you. I cut off some persisting relationships b/c they werent doing me any good. Anyway, I suppose your situation is a bit different, b/c you seem to really WANT to have friendships. Could you join a sports team in your area??? Some type of club?? Link to post Share on other sites
Horse Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 I've moved a lot, so I have had to make new friends over and over again. It kind of sucks leaving all of you friends and making new ones when you move some place new, but it's cool when you have friends all over the world. I don't really try to make friends. I guess I'm just kind of lazy about that stuff. I just hang out with people that I think are cool. Some of those people become aqcuaintances, then eventually the relationship with one or two people that grow into a true friendship. It can take a year or two before I truly consider someone a friend. It's not really something you can make happen. The best you can do is get out and hang out with lots of people until you find some that you click with. It's pretty much the same with girlfriends too. Go out... hangout and date a bunch of women until you find one that you click with. It sounds like you are looking for one person who will instantly be your best pal. It doesn't usually work that way. Even if you hit it off with someone right away, it takes a while for friendship to develop. What kind of design are you studying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teddi Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 hey guys..thanks for all the replies..means alot one of the aspects im trying to get across is that i know im a great guy without feeling big headed or boastful..id be the type of person mentioned by your mums as a "lovely guy"....i know that doesnt mean much...but just another side of things... i know how the social structure works...i just cant make out why it isnt working for me.... id be the best friend anyone could have because i have most of the attributes that make a friend...a friend! im caring..sensitive...considerate...kind...fun loving....i know how to make people laugh...most people who meet me like me....but then something happens...its like... there not bothered in following up with me..getting to know me more as a person...it scares me to think that im going to be struggling with this situation for years to come... im on cloud nine when im with a group of people who i get on with...almost like a drug.... ive so much going for me and i feel ive no-one to share it with??.. im sorry if i sound a bit moany..hehe...but im trying to explain it the best i can....i dont have time for joining clubs etc as ive a fairly busy life.. its hard to type down a few years of how things have been with me... but i hope this explains a bit more??.. anyones input is as per usual...lovingly appreciated.... thanks again guys P.S hey horse....im doing Vis Comm.....(Visual Communication...designing posters...cd covers..book covers....advertisement ) Link to post Share on other sites
Opium Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 You just need to be happy with the person you are, that's all. Sooner or later you're going to realize that most friendships are just for convenience sake, as are most romances. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try, nor does it mean you should. Westernxer, Man are you on the money with this one!! As you get older friends tend to fade away and you do what's called "growing up". Teddi, don't feel down on yourself. One day you'll come to realize that all you need is just ONE person, whether it's a friend/girlfriend/or family member to talk too. I personally like the fact that my circle of friends are small, because it's hard to find honest and true people out thier. (Read my quote ) Link to post Share on other sites
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