Venna Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 This question isn't for me, but for my guy friend. My male friend has been "in a relationship" with a woman for about 4yrs now. Things recently got shaky and they both agreed to having an open relationship (which I'm sure she is not really ok with). Soon after, he met a woman and has been seeing her for about 5mo now. In the beginning, he really liked this woman and saw himself leaving his girlfriend for her (the girl is aware of his girlfriend) But as time went by he realized she isn't really the one for him and he wants to stick it out with his girlfriend. The problem is this woman is madly in love with him now and he has no idea how to cut it off with her. He says she's a nice girl so he doesn't want to hurt her too bad. How should he go about this? The last conversation /text they had was him asking her "what is your intuition about me" she said "idk you tell me about you" PS they both have children ages 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 The best thing is probably the most hurtful. But it's like a band aid..its better in the long run if you rip it off fast than drag the pain out. He need to be up front and direct. She knows his girlfriend is his primary relationship anyway. He needs to say, he wants to focus on his primary relationship and to do that he need to break things off with her. She knew he WS taken getting into this. Did he future fake with her? Tell her he was going to leave the girlfriend? Then he needs to be open and say he was caught up in things and doesn't feel that way anymore. That their contact is hurting his GF and he's putting her first. Then stop contact and block and don't answer any phone calls or whatever Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 Ummm this isn't what having an open relationship is. Open relationships are usually quick, just for sex, and no getting emotionally involved. Your friend probably never disclosed anything about this other women to his GF. I bet money on it if she knew all the details she would dump him.....I think this is his true fear....retaliation. Of course he isn't going to tell you this, he wants to keeps his innocence in tact with you. He's in a lot of trouble and he knows it....this is going to blow up in his face for sure. I wouldn't give him any real advice....he's just going to have to suck it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 This question isn't for me, but for my guy friend. My male friend has been "in a relationship" with a woman for about 4yrs now. Things recently got shaky and they both agreed to having an open relationship (which I'm sure she is not really ok with). Soon after, he met a woman and has been seeing her for about 5mo now. In the beginning, he really liked this woman and saw himself leaving his girlfriend for her (the girl is aware of his girlfriend) But as time went by he realized she isn't really the one for him and he wants to stick it out with his girlfriend. The problem is this woman is madly in love with him now and he has no idea how to cut it off with her. He says she's a nice girl so he doesn't want to hurt her too bad. How should he go about this? The last conversation /text they had was him asking her "what is your intuition about me" she said "idk you tell me about you" PS they both have children ages 4 This is not an open relationship. This is situation where your friend got selfish and it is blowing up in his face. Open relationships take a boatload of honesty and communication between all parties involved. There is nether communication nor honesty, so basically your buddy has his balls in a vice. He needs to man up, tell her the truth, tell his partner the full truth and deal with the fallout. Open relationships that have success are for those who are super secure with that lifestyle and are adept at navigating the waters that come with it. Your friend does not have what it takes. And that's ok, as neither do I. However I never desired an open relationship of any sort as I knew what my limits were and knew I was never secure enough emotionally to handle it. It all sounds good on paper, but in practical application it is for very few. And I was not one of them, by admission. Tell him to just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. It's his mess, he gets to clean it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Darien 76 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Is his primary girlfriend the mother of his child? What are his reasons for wanting to reconcile with his girlfriend or is he still looking to keep an open relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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