Almost every time I tell a woman what I do for work they stop replying

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I know, but he shouldn't really be doing that, should he?

He needs to get out amongst other people and widen his horizons.

Attending college would do that.

 

He can do distance learning and still network.

[mortensorchid]

That's nothing to be ashamed of. I think it's other things that make the person myself. Although, truth be told, I did go out with someone a few years ago who I decided not to pursue things with. We'd been out 3 times, once I came to pick him up at his place. I picked him up, we went on our way, then I returned him home. On the phone a day or two later he said the reason he didn't invite me in was because he lived with his parents. I said that's nothing to be ashamed of, things are hard for all of us right now in terms of economics. He said he also lived with his sister, who has a baby. She looked up some guy she went to high school with, they had sex, then she got pregnant. She was blackmailing the guy into supporting her because he's married and has kids and his wife did not know about the existence of her and the baby she had with him. I decided then "Okay, maybe he's not trash but we're certainly skirting the edge of the garbage can and I think the best thing for me to do is move on." And I did.

 

Keep moving forward, these women who stop replying are not for you anyway.

[xxoo]

He can do distance learning and still network.

 

What would recommend for someone struggling to network: in person networking, or distance learning networking?

[Gaeta]

OP if you wanted to be in college or follow college courses you'd have done it already.

 

Maybe school isn't for you and you should search for a trade course that would give you a good life: welder, heavy equipment operator, mechanic, plumber, truck driver. All those trades are learn under 2 years and are paid more than any college degree career, some of those trade pay in 6 digits.

 

You live at your parents so you have no fixed living expense just get on a course full time and you'll be working and earning money in 16 months.

 

As for your retail job and living at parents still at 30, I will only say this: You live the life of a 19 year old. It's normal to live at your parents at 19 and work retail while in college or Uni, it's not the norm to still work a retail job and live at your parents at 30. Look around, what other 30 something do? Then you'll know why women won't date you. You are still living the life of a teenager.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

What would recommend for someone struggling to network: in person networking, or distance learning networking?

 

You can do distance learning and still have face-to-face tutorials as well as opportunities to engage with fellow distant learning students as well as attending events set up. If the OP does choose distance learning he can still engage in social events and events where he can meet fellow students.

[xxoo]

You can do distance learning and still have face-to-face tutorials as well as opportunities to engage with fellow distant learning students as well as attending events set up. If the OP does choose distance learning he can still engage in social events and events where he can meet fellow students.

 

He can, but he has a history of staying within his comfort zone as much as possible. History suggests that, if he doesn't have to, he won't.

 

Which is why I suggest that he choose in person courses, where interacting with classmates and professors on a daily/weekly basis is a given. Plus, as a bonus, it'll help him meet women who see him doing something impressive.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

 

As for your retail job and living at parents still at 30, I will only say this: You live the life of a 19 year old. It's normal to live at your parents at 19 and work retail while in college or Uni, it's not the norm to still work a retail job and live at your parents at 30. Look around, what other 30 something do? Then you'll know why women won't date you. You are still living the life of a teenager.

 

Do you know the reason(s) why he is in the situation he is in? How do you know that the OP hasn't had some negative events in his life that have led to him being in this position? There are plenty of thirty plus, even forty plus people still living at home with their parents and they will be in far higher paying jobs than the OP. Are they living like nineteen year old's too? In my country, private renting is very expensive, the cost of living is expensive and will only increase once inflation rises. People's wages aren't rising and even married couples earning tens of thousands between them annually are stuck on the renting market with no real way of getting onto the property market. Perhaps you should think before you type?

 

To the OP, forget about women, fill the voids in your life, go and get your degree, study hard, study well, get a better job and then look for a woman if you want to. Personally a man doesn't need a woman, you can easily join MGTOW like me and a lot of other men I know and have a fantastic life.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

What would recommend for someone struggling to network: in person networking, or distance learning networking?

 

Networking is networking as far as I am concerned. Distance learning has given me the opportunity to work independently without being hand held and spoon fed like a majority of students and it has also given me fantastic opportunities to meet fellow students from all backgrounds and faiths from across the various catchment areas.

 

I wouldn't say I am a networking expert or someone that has a good network but I believe I can get a much better job without the need to network, there are things known as postgraduate schemes.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

He can, but he has a history of staying within his comfort zone as much as possible. History suggests that, if he doesn't have to, he won't.

 

Which is why I suggest that he choose in person courses, where interacting with classmates and professors on a daily/weekly basis is a given. Plus, as a bonus, it'll help him meet women who see him doing something impressive.

 

He will interact digitally with students and tutors if he does distance learning. It's not the same thing as interacting personally but he can do both, I often interact with people in person and digitally. I think it's fantastic to have both options.

[Gaeta]

Do you know the reason(s) why he is in the situation he is in? How do you know that the OP hasn't had some negative events in his life that have led to him being in this position? .

 

Look at the number of posts I have. I have been on here for a few years and I am familiar with OP's stories. Other established members have told you to read OP's history to better understand him. Have you?

 

There is no tragic events laying underneath.

[ChickiePops]

How do you know that?

 

I'm in a similar position to the OP and it's not down to a lack of motivation believe you me. My dream growing up was to be a soldier and when I was 16 I wanted to become an elite soldier for my country's Army but I couldn't join until I was 22 because I had a history of asthma and had to be clear for four years, so during that time I spent every single day running with 40kg on my back, I ran for miles and miles. I built my body and my mind up for the challenge ahead only to have my entire family turn against me because they didn't want me to go out to war zones and risk my life. They became incredibly nasty to me and in the end I had to get a job because my dead beat Mother needed financial support and threatened to evict me, so I got a dead end job and I spent a year not knowing what to do before I enrolled on a part -time business degree and that's what I am doing now.

 

I accept that a majority of women will find my position unacceptable and will not view me as dating material and that's fine, I don't have any problem with that but to call me unmotivated is not something I will tolerate.

 

I'd like to see women like you getting up at 5 am, putting 40kg on your back and running for several miles. I'd like to see you carrying 40 kg jerry cans without placing them on the floor or running 1.5 miles in 8:57 seconds. When you can do all of that is when you can come to me and call me unmotivated.

 

Woah there buddy, I didn't call you unmotivated. I called the OP unmotivated. It's his thread so I was responding specifically to his issues. You are extremely motivated, and I hope a woman gives you the chance to tell her all that (but perhaps without the hostility) because she'd probably like you more.

 

There's a huge difference between you and the OP though.

 

I took care of my mother too. She was sick for 7 years before she died and I cared for her physically for the first 2 (including bathing, diaper changing, changing the bandages on her open stomach wound, and a number of other soul-sucking tasks) until we could get her into a hospital that I had to help pay for. So please don't make assumptions about other people. Like you, I deserve the benefit of the doubt..you don't know what kind of person I am.

Edited October 16, 2016 by ChickiePops

[Gaeta]

In my country, private renting is very expensive, the cost of living is expensive and will only increase once inflation rises.

 

But OP is not from your country and does not live under the same condition as you. I am from a very liberal culture and when I post on here I have to consider where poster is from and what is his reality.

[Wade Lamare]

Basically you're saying that I should get with someone that views me as a beta provider.

 

Dude.

 

I've probably got one of the least sexy jobs you can imagine. I'm a techy geek, always have been always will be. I'm an electronics tech who maintains and repairs navigational aids on an airport, RADAR, DME, AFTN etc.

 

My techy geekiness probably worked against me as a young guy but paid off as I grew older.

 

Between my wife and I we have brought up kids, put a roof over our heads, we eat well, go on holidays and buy what we want within reason. Our future going through into old age is secure due to investments and pensions.

 

So am I a 'beta' provider?

 

Damn straight I am, and I'm damn good at it. I've done the very best I can for my family within my capabilities and if that is viewed negatively by the world (beta? SMH) then the world is fu**ed up, not me.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Look at the number of posts I have. I have been on here for a few years and I am familiar with OP's stories. Other established members have told you to read OP's history to better understand him. Have you?

 

There is no tragic events laying underneath.

 

No, I haven't but from what I have seen so far, it seems the OP has genuine problems and he could do with some encouragement in bettering his position. Maybe he lacks confidence, I know I have struggled to build confidence and despite making strides forwards, I am still not as confident as I'd like to be. Maybe the OP is much the same way, I don't know, but I am prepared to help motivate him if he needs a push in the right direction.

[Gaeta]

Networking is networking as far as I am concerned. Distance learning has given me the opportunity to work independently without being hand held and spoon fed.

 

It worked for you because you are motivated and disciplined. Not everybody is cut out for online learning.

 

OP does not have the personality to take online courses. Most people I know that have followed online courses made their decision within a few days, registered and did it. They didn't spend 5 years thinking about it. At 30 I'd be in a hurry to get registered in any course that could have me!

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Woah there buddy, I didn't call you unmotivated. I called the OP unmotivated. It's his thread so I was responding specifically to his issues. You are extremely motivated, and I hope a woman gives you the chance to tell her all that (but perhaps without the hostility) because she'd probably like you more.

 

There's a huge difference between you and the OP though.

 

I took care of my mother too. She was sick for 7 years before she died and I cared for her physically for the first 2 (including bathing, diaper changing, changing the bandages on her open stomach wound, and a number of other soul-sucking tasks) until we could get her into a hospital that I had to help pay for. So please don't make assumptions about other people. Like you, I deserve the benefit of the doubt..you don't know what kind of person I am.

 

I never made any assumptions about who you are as a person. I was simply responding to what I felt was an unfair comment about the OP which I also felt indirectly applied to me as I am in a similar position to the OP. I apologize if I came across as hostile. It's something I will have to work on when engaging in dialogue with other users.

[Gaeta]

No, I haven't but from what I have seen so far, it seems the OP has genuine problems and he could do with some encouragement in bettering his position. Maybe he lacks confidence, I know I have struggled to build confidence and despite making strides forwards, I am still not as confident as I'd like to be. Maybe the OP is much the same way, I don't know, but I am prepared to help motivate him if he needs a push in the right direction.

 

OP has been on here since 2014, always going around and around and around, about the same thing. You are new to his story it's normal you just want to give him a pat on the shoulder and encourage him, we're passed that phase.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

It worked for you because you are motivated and disciplined. Not everybody is cut out for online learning.

 

OP does not have the personality to take online courses. Most people I know that have followed online courses made their decision within a few days, registered and did it. They didn't spend 5 years thinking about it. At 30 I'd be in a hurry to get registered in any course that could have me!

 

Anyone can do distance learning, they have to want to do it. I am not the most disciplined person in the world but I am able to do it because I realize that this is possibly last chance saloon for me, if I don't make a success of my thirties which I should have done in my twenties, then my life will be a total write off. If I can do distance learning then anyone can. I quit smoking cold turkey too after struggling to kick the habit, but I've managed it, so again it boils down to whether or not a person wants to do something.

 

Just because someone is not necessarily disciplined doesn't mean they cannot change tact and become disciplined. If the OP wants to do distance learning then I think he should give it a shot. What's the worst thing that can happen? He studies one year and decides it's not for him? I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

 

I definitely feel the OP should give distance learning a try.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

OP has been on here since 2014, always going around and around and around, about the same thing. You are new to his story it's normal you just want to give him a pat on the shoulder and encourage him, we're passed that phase.

 

That's understandable, I will not give up on the OP just yet. He needs a swift kick up the jacksie to get on with embracing the new opportunities which can present themselves to himself. He just needs to roll up his sleeves and get stuck in.

[GemmaUK]

Anyone can do distance learning, they have to want to do it. I am not the most disciplined person in the world but I am able to do it because I realize that this is possibly last chance saloon for me, if I don't make a success of my thirties which I should have done in my twenties, then my life will be a total write off. If I can do distance learning then anyone can. I quit smoking cold turkey too after struggling to kick the habit, but I've managed it, so again it boils down to whether or not a person wants to do something.

 

Just because someone is not necessarily disciplined doesn't mean they cannot change tact and become disciplined. If the OP wants to do distance learning then I think he should give it a shot. What's the worst thing that can happen? He studies one year and decides it's not for him? I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

 

I definitely feel the OP should give distance learning a try.

 

OP generally does not try and fail, he doesn't try.

 

Perhaps your posts might make him try.

We will soon see when he returns and replies.

[ChickiePops]

I never made any assumptions about who you are as a person. I was simply responding to what I felt was an unfair comment about the OP which I also felt indirectly applied to me as I am in a similar position to the OP. I apologize if I came across as hostile. It's something I will have to work on when engaging in dialogue with other users.

 

I know you're trying to identify with him and it is entirely possible that we are missing a piece of the story and if the OP wants to provide it, or at least tell us that it exists, then I'm happy to listen and re-evaluate. But at the moment all I see in HIM (not you) is laziness.

 

I'm sure he appreciates the empathy but sometimes people need a good kick in the pants more than they need empathy. I'd be willing to bet that the parents of this 30 year old man who has yet to care for himself let alone anyone else would agree.

 

And actually..you did make assumptions about me. Big ones. Telling someone that you'd like to see them working as hard as you work implies that you don't think they ever could or would. In the two years I cared for my mother, I graduated from high school, earned a scholarship to an Ivy League college, and worked to help sustain us (thankfully we had my grandfather to help out financially as well so we were lucky there, but my family was several states away from us so nobody helped physically). I'm an only child to a single parent so I did all of this alone, and as a teenager.

 

I understand hard work. And just as you don't like people casting aspersions on your work ethic, I don't appreciate you casting aspersions on mine.

[ChickiePops]

Dude.

 

I've probably got one of the least sexy jobs you can imagine. I'm a techy geek, always have been always will be. I'm an electronics tech who maintains and repairs navigational aids on an airport, RADAR, DME, AFTN etc.

 

My techy geekiness probably worked against me as a young guy but paid off as I grew older.

 

Between my wife and I we have brought up kids, put a roof over our heads, we eat well, go on holidays and buy what we want within reason. Our future going through into old age is secure due to investments and pensions.

 

So am I a 'beta' provider?

 

Damn straight I am, and I'm damn good at it. I've done the very best I can for my family within my capabilities and if that is viewed negatively by the world (beta? SMH) then the world is fu**ed up, not me.

 

Whaaaaat??? Who says being a techie isn't sexy??

[losangelena]

That's understandable, I will not give up on the OP just yet. He needs a swift kick up the jacksie to get on with embracing the new opportunities which can present themselves to himself. He just needs to roll up his sleeves and get stuck in.

 

Haha, no duh.

 

And if you can illicit that outcome in OP, well bully for you.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I know you're trying to identify with him and it is entirely possible that we are missing a piece of the story and if the OP wants to provide it, or at least tell us that it exists, then I'm happy to listen and re-evaluate. But at the moment all I see in HIM (not you) is laziness.

 

I'm sure he appreciates the empathy but sometimes people need a good kick in the pants more than they need empathy. I'd be willing to bet that the parents of this 30 year old man who has yet to care for himself let alone anyone else would agree.

 

And actually..you did make assumptions about me. Big ones. Telling someone that you'd like to see them working as hard as you work implies that you don't think they ever could or would. In the two years I cared for my mother, I graduated from high school, earned a scholarship to an Ivy League college, and worked to help sustain us (thankfully we had my grandfather to help out financially as well so we were lucky there, but my family was several states away from us so nobody helped physically). I'm an only child to a single parent so I did all of this alone, and as a teenager.

 

I understand hard work. And just as you don't like people casting aspersions on your work ethic, I don't appreciate you casting aspersions on mine.

 

I made no assumptions about you. All I said was that I'd like to see you do the very things I had to do to prepare myself to join my country's elite regiment. I never said you lacked motivation or that you couldn't do the stuff that I did to prepare. Nor did I imply or say that you didn't have problems and that you didn't come through difficult periods in your life. I was addressing your criticism of a lack of motivation which I felt applied to me. I did not make any assumptions about you because I do not know you.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Haha, no duh.

 

And if you can illicit that outcome in OP, well bully for you.

 

That's not my role, the OP has to motivate himself to roll up his sleeves and make the changes he wishes to see in his own life. All I can do is offer support, some advice and my own experience of failure and my determination to succeed and enjoy a brighter and more prosperous future.