Gloria25 Posted October 16, 2016 Share Posted October 16, 2016 (edited) Uh, a guy that couldn't please me in bed would not last past our first sexual encounter. Well, might give him a 2nd try cuz first times can be awkward... I definitely would not even marry him. Why do people marry thinking things will get better? Red flags fly even higher once you get married. Like others said, regardless of the reasons (he's into artificial sex by masturbating to porn, has intimacy issues, is closet gay, selfish) thing is - it's not gonna get better. IMO, forget counseling. He is what he is. I would have moved on and not even given him a month of dating, much less engaged and married such a guy. Edited October 16, 2016 by Gloria25 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Check his computer and electronic devices. I'm willing to bet a whole brand new crisp dollar that he is spanking to porn daily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeLearner Posted October 17, 2016 Author Share Posted October 17, 2016 (edited) Check his computer and electronic devices. I'm willing to bet a whole brand new crisp dollar that he is spanking to porn daily. I know he has porn on his computer and phone. If he does do it it's when I'm at school or sleeping I guess. Edited October 17, 2016 by LifeLearner Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I know he has porn on his computer and phone. If he does do it it's when I'm at school or sleeping I guess. I'll be honest, at your age and with no kids, mortgage etc it will be quicker, easier, more efficient and better outcome if you divorce and walk away now. But if you insist on staying, you'll have to treat the porn like it was another woman and draw a line in the sand and have him focus all his attentions and energies on you or let him go be with his computer while you move on with your own life and find someone that would rather be with you than a flat screen (and there are about 3 billion men in the world that would rather be with a real woman) 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Is Your Boyfriend Secretly Gay? - worth a read Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Life, Like others have said, a guy your husbands age should be chasing you around the house from morning until night. Only a few possibilities" (1) he has a medical problem or something caused by meds (2) he is addicted to porn (3) he has a girlfriend that you do not know about (4) he is gay or has some other sexual issues I would first before you threaten him with cheating try to get the two of you to a frefgistered sex therapist. At age 22, this is not going to have a happy ending if not addressed. And at your age the stupidest thing to do is tell him you want any open marriage crap. You are young enough to have many opportunities to find an ELIGIBLE single man that WILL chase you around the house but you do that AFTER you are divorced. You are making a big mistake if you go the cheating route and destroy the lives of some other innocent woman and her kids in order to satisfy your needs. Your husband is not being too bright shrugging off your statements of displeasure and rejecting your advances. But if you have any respect for him as a person you will take the high road and set him free rather than disrespect him be cheating on him and blaming him. You do not have to do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Ask him for an open marriage, or at least permission to get your needs met elsewhere. If he says no. Leave him. If he says yes. Leave him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 (edited) He might be asexual. Asexuals don't need sex to have a relationship/marriage. Talk to him about his feelings towards sex, he may not enjoy it as he could be asexual. Discuss your needs with him and get him to tell you his needs. Asexuals usually marry other asexuals as their needs are similar. If your sexualities or sexual needs don't match neither of you will be happy. Edited October 19, 2016 by Dolfin80 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeLearner Posted October 20, 2016 Author Share Posted October 20, 2016 He might be asexual. Asexuals don't need sex to have a relationship/marriage. Talk to him about his feelings towards sex, he may not enjoy it as he could be asexual. Discuss your needs with him and get him to tell you his needs. Asexuals usually marry other asexuals as their needs are similar. If your sexualities or sexual needs don't match neither of you will be happy. He told me the other day that vaginas scare him. He used to watch porn all the time. Now he doesn't even watch it. At least that I know of. He can't even keep his dick up. If he is asexual, gay, whatever, that's fine. We can both go our separate ways and be happy. He doesn't want or need sex that I know of. But I do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 He told me the other day that vaginas scare him. He used to watch porn all the time. Now he doesn't even watch it. At least that I know of. He can't even keep his dick up. If he is asexual, gay, whatever, that's fine. We can both go our separate ways and be happy. He doesn't want or need sex that I know of. But I do. Uh yeah. That's not going to work well. The only other guy I ever heard day that was gay. Very gay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 He told me the other day that vaginas scare him. And he couldn't have told you that before you married him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 He told me the other day that vaginas scare him. He used to watch porn all the time. Now he doesn't even watch it. At least that I know of. He can't even keep his dick up. If he is asexual, gay, whatever, that's fine. We can both go our separate ways and be happy. He doesn't want or need sex that I know of. But I do. Seems you've pretty clearly identified the problem. Now what, as a couple, are you going to do about it? Is he open to therapy, marital or sexual? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I’m so sorry about your situation, friend. I would strongly suggest that you and your husband seek the help of a therapist. Sending you hugs! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Vaginas scare him? Oh wow. Something's wrong wit dat boy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Isn't that the truth... I mean next to just women in general. That piece of anatomy is one of my most favorite things in the world... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stedml Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I'm a 22 year old female...and I consider myself fairly sexually active. Well, I did. I started dating my husband in 2014 and we just got married in March of 2016. Our sex life as never been really active. It was enough that I didn't complain, let's say maybe three times every 3 or 4 months. But ever since last year it has just completely plummeted. Like I'm talking maybe once every 6 months or so. I haven't had sex with my husband since November or December of 2015. We didn't even have sex on our wedding night. I guess you could say we had sex 2 months ago but it was literally FIVE minutes and he didn't even finish so to me that doesn't really count. I don't know what to do. I literally ask every single day, hoping and praying that he will say yes, but he never does. It's gotten so bad I'm having dreams about other men, sex dreams, and I've told him about it and it doesn't bother him. He just blows it off with "Maybe you saw an attractive guy." I have honestly thought about cheating on him. And I don't want to do that. I feel like a horrible wife just having the sex dreams about other men. I am not in this relationship just for sex and he knows that. I like his personality and pretty much everything about him. But here lately it's like we are growing more and more distant. Mostly me. Im starting to feel like I don't matter, like I'm ugly, something is wrong with me, that it's my fault and like I'm living and sharing a room and bed with a roommate. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I promised him I would never leave him and I'm not a fan of divorce but I can't stay in a sexless marriage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im a 28 year old man in the same situation and I feel like I have tried everything let me know if you figure out something that works 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Why on earth did you marry him? Link to post Share on other sites
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