It's over.

[Joie]

It may be helpful if you take a step back and look at this objectively. It does sound like you are acting out of character. It is easy to say what a horrible person his girlfriend is and that you see it. But from an outside perspective it appears that some of your judgment is being clouded. It sounds like she is a hard worker. Not every female wants to be a stay at home mom taking care of the family. That does not make her a bad person. It does sound like their dynamic is not working. If he doesn't want to be the primary caregiver he needs to talk to her about it. You would be shock at how obvious the flaws in their relationship appear to you but are unknown to her. That is because instead of talking to her he is talking to you.

 

Now if she is abusive to his children then it is his job to protect them. You sound like a good mom. Can you imagine any situation that you would stay with someone who is horrible to your child? Take off the glasses. Either he is lying or he is failing to protect his kids.

 

Finally, think about the person you want to be. You are NOT saving him. You are stealing moments from his family. Do you really want to be the person who pretended to be friends with someone so you could sleep with her husband? That is seriously messed up. Additionally, if that information gets around it can harm you. Do you think other women will want you around if they are worried you friendship is based on whether or not you are trying to sleep with their husband. She may be the most terrible person in the world but you are not going to come out of this looking like a peach.

 

Please step back and see what you are doing.

[LaurAnn378]

Thank you all, again. These responses are all helpful. There's no magic bullet, but everything helps, even and especially the criticism of what I've done and how I'm handling this.

 

Buddyx, you asked if I enjoy the drama. The answer is no. He thrives on it. I've always hated it. Truly the only reason I got involved with him was because we just fell for each other, had this crazy chemistry, and I really really always thought it was fated that we'd end up together. Stupid but true. He was never just a conquest or anything for me, and he never made me feel like I was that, to him.

 

I have not re-blocked him but I'm realizing I should. There is nothing he can say that will make me feel better. He keeps asking how the kids can keep their friendships outside of school, and telling me I'M wrong for letting our mistakes mess them up. He's also consumed with her not finding out--telling me that if I don't start showing up at school soon, she'll become more and more suspicious and THAT will hurt him and his boys. Like, I'm hearing, "You claim to love my boys so much, but now you're doing something to hurt them."

 

It's crazy-making.

 

If I could find the motivation to fill my hours I might be doing a little better by now, but I'm still a lump on the couch. I can't eat or sleep well and I'm slacking in everything in my life. I need to get up and get going but I can't seem to do it. My son spent most of the weekend with my sister, and went to my best friend's house after school yesterday. He's going there again today. I am barely keeping it together for him, and I hate myself for that. I should be able to focus on him and smile and remind myself that he's all that matters; somehow I can't, so I'm sending him with other people who love and adore him so he doesn't have to be around my misery and bitterness.

 

I wish I was a stronger person.

[ChickiePops]

You are a mother. You need to be a stronger person. The two of you are permanently damaging these kids with this selfish nonsense.

[sandylee1]

LaurR,

 

Don't let him try that emotional blackmail crap about you showing up at school. In fact the more he says it ... The longer you should keep it up. Her suspicions are not your problem. Tell him to man up and stop whinging.

 

If he hasn't got the balls to protect his own kids, then he can stay well away from you.

 

He's just trying to use the kids friendship to make you keep the playdates ... He says if you love them ... I'd turn it and say if he loved them ... he wouldn't be with her.

 

They're his flesh and blood, yet he can't stand up for them ... and he's going on about them playing.

 

They play in school. They have other friends as well.

 

You're not his childminder and yes ... she better wake up and collect the kids from school.

 

Stick to your guns and stay away from the school.

[Hailiee7]

Reading your post, I can see that your heart is breaking. It sounds like a very difficult situation. Sounds like you both made tough decisions, but what is done is done. Now could be the time to start investing more time with your children and your life. Get out, perhaps have coffee with friends, or it might be a great time to take stock of your life and visualize a new and better future.