the_opposite_sex Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 he just came home and said a guy from work invited him to go to a topless bar....i told him i was uncomfortable w/ it and he said he wouldnt go out of respect for me.....but he reassured me that if he did go, it'd be strictly for entertainment purposes and to hang out w/the guys. After coming to the conclusion that he wasn't gonna go, he suggested that him and I should go sometime. But was I wrong in saying that I was uncomfortable in him going? If I trust him and am secure in myself, would it be ok if he went? Neither of us have ever been to those kinda clubs, so i dont know about all this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Dookie_Dont Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Well I don't think I would like it if my girlfriend went some place where there would be alot of guys exposed. I don't think it would tickle my fancy that well. So I think you have very good reason to feel uncomfortable. Now considering on whether you 2 should go together, I don't think I would want to go with my g/f. Shew. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by the_opposite_sex he suggested that him and I should go sometime. WTF? Why?!?! It's good to trust your partner but the trust should be "updated" from time to time. His decision to not go is completely oka, but why would he go there with you? It started from the invitation by his friends and was presented as another place to go and continued as a must-visit club. In any case, guys are crazy about female bodies. They like to watch naked boobs and butts. It doesn't mean anything if you know he is faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I see nothing wrong with him going....look at it this way....if you are worried abouthim cheating, he can do that anywhere! Not just at a topless bar. It is for entertainment. Usually, now I say usually, men outgrow that and realize it is much more fun to go home to their topless girl. Bous will be boys.....at least he told you and was not hiding it Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 yeah - i think it was cool he was up front about the whole thing. it's probably not a big deal but whatever you are comfortable with. I know some guys at work go to these type of bars sometimes after work and hang out - no big deal - they like the view and the beer - lol. I've also known some couples who went together to these type of places - just probably for some spice or get turned on. That is probably why he asked Never been to a place like that myself but i've also know a group of guys and girls that went to one together - lol - guess for something different. It would be a diff story if he was lying about it, was going every night, getting strange phone calls, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Maby you should go togeather Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by the_opposite_sex he reassured me that if he did go, it'd be strictly for entertainment purposes and to hang out w/the guys. Nothing to worry about. Looking is good, it's the touching that's bad I don't think they are allowed to do that anyway. After coming to the conclusion that he wasn't gonna go, he suggested that him and I should go sometime. Good idea. This all rests with the amount of trust you have in him. I don't think it was wrong for you to tell him you were uncomfortable - at least you are honest. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Strip clubs really are not what I had in my head. I imagined a lot worse than they are...you should go so that you can see for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Strip clubs really are not what I had in my head. I imagined a lot worse than they are...you should go so that you can see for yourself. You must not have been to some of the ones I was at - hehe. Back to the original question, my opinion is he shouldn't go, but it depends on what type of relationship you two have. There is no right or wrong answer. It's up to the two of you establish what guidelines you would both like to follow for your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I thought that I would see supermodels and playboy bunnies there.....NOT THE CASE!!! NO airbrushing on that stage!!! These are normal women who mostly have big boobs. I found none attractive. But that is just me. It actaully made me feel better. I would not like it if he went with friends and not me...unless it was a bachelor party or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 yea thats exactly what i said beth5201...i told him to get back w/ me when it came time for his bachelors party but he didnt understand what the difference would be in him goin now compared to then...well THEN, he'd be w/ guys i would trust, i.e., guys who know me, know about me, etc...this guy who invited him to go, i didnt know and didnt know what his intentions are/were....like try to get him a lap dance or something which is absolutely out of the question! Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I had to chuckle at the response from Dookie Don't--my illustrious ex once sent me to the male strippers thinking that I would be in a frenzy when I got home and he wouldn't have to bother with foreplay, lol. Humungous red flag there! I agree with Virginia Bob--it depends on the relationship and guidelines are essential AND they have to be universal. Same rules for each person. The thing is, the guidelines need to be clear (no assumptions as everyone seems to have a different idea of what is ok) and you need to be honest, both with your partner and yourself. Sometimes you ok things without really giving it enough thought and then discover that you are not ok with it after all. I think that it's obvious here that he wants to go, one way or another. Maybe it's just curiousity on his part. If you weren't comfortable with him going with the guys from work, then if he could get you to go with him it would make it ok. This way, he gets what he wants and you can't be upset because you agreed to go with him. It's a manipulative tactic that I see in my kids and I have witnessed in my ex and a number of other people. This is why you sometimes get gifts from SO's that are so not you. It was actually an excuse to buy a gift for themselves! Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I think he was cool about it. Thats a good sign. Overall strip clubs to me are fine if both people are honest about it and are ok with it. I see strip clubs as being no worse than dance clubs really. Some of the grinding on the dance floor is just as sexual as most lap dances. Actually I think dance clubs probably lead to more cheating than strip clubs. I used to date a girl who thought she should be allowed to go to dance clubs and dance with other guys but she didn't want me going to strip clubs. Needless to say I ended that relationship pretty quick. Another way dance clubs and strip clubs are similar is girls sometimes have a problem with their guys going to strip clubs and the opposite is true of dance clubs, its the guys who don't want their girls going. My girlfriend and I have a rule, both are ok as long as we're both there. And neither of us crosses any lines that the other is uncomfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Let him go to the topless bar, those places are for entertainment purposes. But take this piece of advise, before he goes, have him sit in a chair and give him the lap dance of his life. Then when he goes to the topless bar, all he will think back on is the great, hot, mmmm good dance he had from you. THEN when he gets home, expect to get some. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by the_opposite_sex But was I wrong in saying that I was uncomfortable in him going? No. Plenty of women are comfortable with their women going to strip clubs. Plenty of others aren't. If you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable. Saying you're okay with it when you're not is only going to make you upset/jealous/hurt/etc and leave him wondering what the problem is. I've been to a few, and there's really nothing to worry about. But if you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable. Originally posted by Sal Paradise Actually I think dance clubs probably lead to more cheating than strip clubs. That's probably true, because the strippers usually aren't out for sex or anything but money from the guys that come in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_opposite_sex Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 for the record, many of you have asked/commented on the extent of our relationship. We've been together almost 4 1/2yrs, planning on gettin married sometime in the near future, etc etc...neither of us have ever been to a strip club either. It wasn't a big deal to him that I was uncomfortable w/ him going. He just simply said he wasn't gonna go out of respect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by the_opposite_sex for the record, many of you have asked/commented on the extent of our relationship. We've been together almost 4 1/2yrs, planning on gettin married sometime in the near future, etc etc...neither of us have ever been to a strip club either. It wasn't a big deal to him that I was uncomfortable w/ him going. He just simply said he wasn't gonna go out of respect for me. That's awesome then. Sounds like you have a quality guy. If he doesn't have a problem with you being uncomfortable with it, then don't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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