jmargel Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Someone PMed me asking to put my advice into this. Personally sending a card is the wrong thing to do. Why try to let someone know that they are being cheated on by using deceit? You don't know if she'll get the card either. He could get it and just trash it. The best thing to do is either have the woman write a letter to his wife, and then give a phone call to let her know a letter is being sent to her. That or talk to her in person asking not to be identified. Thing is, when she finds out by this method and she confronts her husband, he is going to deny everything. He's going to ask for the source of this information. If she says she's received a card from someone, he's going to say someone is out to get him due to a business venture. That he's being blackmailed. If he has GFs everywhere then this guy is pretty smart in keeping this a secret. It's probably like a part-time job for him to keep this all covered up. If you face this situation with honesty and be upfront with the wife about this, she's going to know in her heart that the source of this information is valid. Her receiving a card like that is just going to put her into a panic and will leave her with a million questions with only him as the bearer of the answers. I believe she should know, I know I would want to. This isn't being nosey or trying to get into 'other people's business'. This cheater has made it your business by doing these things and leaving things out in the open enough for you to find out about it. All these things that are going on behind this woman's back is denying her the opportunity to make a very important decision in her life. She has the RIGHT to know and to decide on how she wants to live her life. Just because she might get that information to allow her to do this by other means doesn't mean she still shouldn't get it. However it must be given to her with care. This is something that will affect her life, forever. Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by jmargel Thing is, when she finds out by this method and she confronts her husband, he is going to deny everything. He's going to ask for the source of this information. If she says she's received a card from someone, he's going to say someone is out to get him due to a business venture. That he's being blackmailed. If he has GFs everywhere then this guy is pretty smart in keeping this a secret. It's probably like a part-time job for him to keep this all covered up. Um, damn, I hadn't considered this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 If you dont understand how it applies then I cant tell you Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I would start off by saying your intentions seem good but your delivery is the problem......BUT I'm not sure about your intentions when you approach such a delicate and life altering matter so irresponsibly and heartless. You say you want to do this this woman a favor and tell her what her adultering husband is up to but why present it to her in this manner? Your disgust and emotions towards this cheating husband has clouded your better sense of reason on how to approach this. You seem more hell bent on causing him problems and heart ache than you do the feelings and welfare for this wife. You are trying to teach a lesson with this bogus card but in presenting it in the manner you are it offers no credibility on your part. I think you should stay out of it if the best way you can think of to help this woman out is to not only rip her heart out but then stomp on it and light in on fire as well. That is what you will do by approaching such a delicate matter with so little thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 This isn't being nosey or trying to get into 'other people's business'. This cheater has made it your business by doing these things and leaving things out in the open enough for you to find out about it. All these things that are going on behind this woman's back is denying her the opportunity to make a very important decision in her life. She has the RIGHT to know and to decide on how she wants to live her life. Just because she might get that information to allow her to do this by other means doesn't mean she still shouldn't get it. However it must be given to her with care. This is something that will affect her life, forever. You make an excellent point Jmargel. If they've already sent the card, then perhaps one of them could just write a letter with more explicit details. It would be nice to divulge your identity, but if the writer feels they cannot, I still think that the letter is a good idea. Even while remaining anonymous, a well planned letter could STILL make the difference, say for instance, providing details ... dates, places, names of girlfriends and / or people who ALSO saw this snake out on his booty calls. These could POSSIBLY serve as reference. Additionally, Jmargel has a good point about the man's lying. I think this should be addressed in letter as a warning that he will try to lie and wife should investigate BEFORE she makes accusations to husband ... perhaps closing the letter stating that lying is the hallmark of the cheater and she should be aware, because everyone else is. Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I'm pretty sure this man is NO child of god !! "And you shall know them by their fruits" Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I did not read all the replies but if anyone is interested in my 2 cents---- Keep your yap shut! OK, I will agree you do not shyt where you sleep (or screw where you work) and that is just bad business. But that aside, this is not an issue for work--partners or especially their wives. Yes it sucks, but it is happening and she obviously knows it can happen again if there is a history of past indiscretions. Spilling your guts will more likely than not ruin a lot of things--your hubbys job, any friendship with the wife, and anyone else that may know will be scratching their head going "WTF was she thinking?" He is making his own bed and needs to lay in it. Keep out of it--there are already too many women involved here! Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I'd say mind your own business. I would go this route unless asked for it..... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear I would go this route unless asked for it..... That's why today's society is in such moral decay. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by jmargel That's why today's society is in such moral decay. *huge sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Ok, to ask it once again: Who the hell would like to be cheated on, not once, but repeatedly with different people and not get told??? If so, why do you object to someone telling this woman what's going on? Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by millefiori Ok, to ask it once again: Who the hell would like to be cheated on, not once, but repeated with different people and not get told??? If so, why do you object to someone telling this woman what's going? There is right and wrong way to go about it though and this particular road of good intensions seems to be off base from the right way. Sure I would want to know, but not with it being presented like she has set out to do. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 No one! But is it your god given right to interfere? Except under some archane blue laws, adultery is not illegal and happens all the time. Thats not to say it is right. But for all you know, she is aware of this , she knows it is an addiction, she knows it will not change, and she is merely dealing with it by allowing or ignoring it. Can you say Hillary Clinton? This does not seem to be a situation of someone's best friend knowing, this is the spouse of a co-worker, and from her position it is only innuendo and rumor. Who knows, maybe this is all bunk and her hubby has the agenda to start soem crap to get this guy ousted and he can be the sole partner in the business. Maybe if he forces a divorce, the company will be forced to be sold and he will have to sell his share to pay her off--sounds like he would owe to me. Keep out of it! Wanting to tell is admirable, but sometimes it does more harm than good because most of the time no one knows the entire story! Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Yeah, it's too much involvment because none of you guys has been in the situation where every single one of your co-workers knows about your wife doing a football team. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by millefiori Yeah, it's too much involvment because none of you guys has been in the situation where every single one of your co-workers knows about your wife doing a football team. She is NOT his co-worker, and she DOES NOT EVEN KNOW HIS WIFE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Not one person in here has the right to say she SHOULDN't know ! We aren't talking about "God given rights" here, we're talking about another human being's life and wellbeing Just because it goes on all the time doesnt make it right NOT to tell either. Everyone should have an opportunity to make that judgement call for themselves, and anyone who says they wouldnt want to know their spouse is cheating on them is either a liar or a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 everytime I see you Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Rosalind if you don't have anything constructive to say, please then just don't post. I'd hate to see this thread closed or turn into a war of words. You have your opinion and others have theirs. I respect both sides of the argument. However, one must ask themselves this: 'If I am being cheated on, would I want to know?'. It doesn't matter by who is the bearer of bad news, that's pretty irrelvent. It's the message itself that is the important thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Really? And since the OP has never even MET this couple, how can she be sure that the wife doesn't have some heart condition, or other critical ailment that would cause her to go right over the edge if she received such shocking news? Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Well, and my theory is that the business man is in fact a very benevolent man who is only trying to satisfy the needs of wild sex deprived women in order to bring more peace and harmony to this world. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 obviously it's the poster's choice as to whether or not to get involved and it sounds like she didn't necessarily come here REALLY asking if she should tell or mind her own business, she just wanted people to agree. but hey, that happens all over these boards. whether she or her H choose to tell or not is their choice, personally i wouldn't feel it was my business to get involved but then again, that's me, i don't know the whole story, nor do they, but i'd keep my nose out of it. too many bad things can happen if one sets off a chain of events like that and there's no way i'd want to be responsible for intentionally hurting another person, even if i could convince myself that it was "for their own good." if they are going to tell, i'd say they should at least have the ba!!s to tell her to her face, so they can explain how they know and why. he may be a cheat and a scoundral who's treated her like crap and she deserves better, but she also deserves to find out differently than receiving a forged card in the mail similar to what's been described by the OP. and how easy would it be for him to lie his way out of that anyway? and who knows.... maybe after his previous indiscretions they decided to have an open marriage and she may just tell them to mind their own business .... and then promptly get the H fired! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlutterBug Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 Who the heck said I haven't even MET the couple? I said I didn't know her very well. Meeting someone and knowing someone are two entirely different matters. And while I'm responding here, the wife has a high profile, very responsible position. She is in no way, weak or ill, or suffering from the vapors! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FlutterBug Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 What a load... He can't get fired. What's he gonna do? Fire himself? Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 No problem ...do what you want...I'm through with this thread...byeeeee Link to post Share on other sites
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