lattimershotgun Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Met a girl online started talking.. started innocent at first.. she had a boyfreind but we both found each other attractive. Eventually in a week or two it turned into cyber sex on webcams and phonesex alot.. then week or two later we talked on webcam like every day for the past 2 months. we talk on it and we talk on the phone a bunch every day. we text each alot, we really like each other more then just for sexual reasons. we really want to meet each other, but she isnt single! she says one minute how she will do all this and that to me when we meet then coupel days later she says she watns too soo bad but cant cause she has a boyfreind and how hard it will be to hold back form jumping me. She really seems to like me and i really want to just hug her and kiss her when i see her as well. I mean we say we are crazy about each other and think about each other alot. she is having trouble with her boyfirend from time to time but never breaks up with him for more then a day. he seems to be very insecure and its really pushing her away but at the same time she isnt single soo i dont know what im supposed to do. She wants to come out and visit me in a couple days weeks, what should i do? she lives 5 hours away in another state soo i know LONG DISTANCE isnt compleltly out of the questoin but she would have to get rid of him first! she says she is confussed and dosn't know what to do. Neither of us have ever been in such a situatoin and never been into someone from online before. I wonder if i should just not talk to her anymore and tell her i relize she likes me but has a boyfreind and loves him and i cant be mentally screwed with like this.. i cant be told how she wants to be there and cuddle wiht me and lay with me but still have this boyfreind at home. i dont know if i should explain to her that or what i should do? what should i say or what should i do? I am 24 and she is 22. Both not out of school and both dont have real real jobs yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 She's playing you both. She is really enjoying the attention from 2 guys and likes teasing you with w/sexual promises but then tells you of the b/f. She sounds immature and a game player. She doesn't want to break up with the b/f because she doesn't know how much she will like you until you met face to face. She's really enjoying making you squirm and being jealous. I would tell her, after you met and you find out that you really like each other, then, the other guy has to go. You really can't expect her to drop the b/f until she knows what you are like in the flesh. She has the upper hand right now but if she really likes you then you will be in a position to tell her your rules. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted July 10, 2005 Senior Moderators Share Posted July 10, 2005 It's my guess the boyfriend story is a bunch of bunk. I don't think she really has a boyfriend. That's a story she uses to avoid an intimate relationship, just like she uses the Internet and webcams to avoid intimacy. A lot of people have this fear and it's real. Unless they seek therapy, they seldom get over it. Unless you are into a lifetime of love games over your computer, I hope you will consider going out and finding a three dimensional, real life girlfriend where you live. If you insist on meeting people over the Internet, make it a rule that if you can't meet them IN PERSON within 30 days, it's all over. You have to do that for yourself. Right now you a victim of the psychological baggage of someone else and you don't need to be that. That's my take on the situation. Once in a while I'm wrong, but this smells so much like she's putting one over on you. If she was really into you big time as you describe, she would want to meet you despite any boyfriend she may have. If she had a boyfriend, she wouldn't be communicating with you so often. If you really want to get to her, tell her you are going to be at her doorstep next Saturday to meet her in person. You want to take her to lunch and spend a few hours with her Saturday afternoon...and then you will leave. See if she has a heart attack, gets a bad case of indigestion, or if her computer suddenly crashes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 no she has a boyfreind i have seen his pic and talked to her freind about him.... I know he is real she has texted me while with him cause she cant be calling some guy she met on teh internet in front of him.. i have seen him on webcam once and she had ot turn it off cuase he showed up at her house.. he is a real person. they have dated for 8 months. I have heard of there arguments before i have heard of her going over his dads houe and ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted July 10, 2005 Author Share Posted July 10, 2005 we are going to meet. thats not the issue i just dont know if we should cuase what happens if we hit it off well and she goes back to NY with the boyfreind.. that might make matters worse. Link to post Share on other sites
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I'd bail right now. Tony is right. Find a real, 3-D girlfriend and forget the web thing. Think of it this way: Sure, she may want you and is all confused about her BF, but once you dated her what makes you think she won't do this to you? She is being a b*tch to her current BF, so what makes you think you're so special you won't get the same treatment? Or, you could meet her, have some sex for a while, and then when her boyfriend finds out either be with her until she cheats on you, or enjoy the torture that comes when a woman picks another guy over you. Or, one day a guy you have never seen before is standing outside of your house waiting to kick your ass. Try making a list of all the good things that can happen, and all the bad things, and see which list is longer. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 This chick likes drama - stay away from her. She'll complain to a guy about the guy she's dating, baits him into thinking that she's into him while at the same time baiting her current guy into believing he's got competition. Who needs this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 ya well supposedly she never can tell him about me or any other guy cause he would get soo jealous he would dump her. so i dont think she is telling him that he has competition. But maybe she likes telling me all this **** for attention. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I've SOMEwhat done this before (not exactly, but kind of), so if she's anything like me, here's the deal: She probably feels stuck with this boyfriend, and wants to get out...but she'll only get out of it if she's found someone better first. There's probably a strong connection keeping her there, based on insecurity. She doesnt want to be alone, and she doesnt want to lose what she has (even if its bad/wrong for her) until she knows that youre worth it and better than him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 Yes, Kat according to her bestfreind that is what she is doing.. She is probably going to break up with him fi she comes here and sees im good in real life too.. if we hit it off i think she might dump him. if she doesnt and stays with him after she comes to stay with me then i will jsut cut off contact. I will not wait aroudn for her but i have ot give her a chance and meet her and hangout. she is coming the 29th of this month! so i shall see soon.. i still jsut dont like the idea that even though she is falling for me she says.. that she sitll sleeps with him and tells him all these lovey dovey things too. but like u said she is just probably comfortable and not able to let go and be alone. so i hope it works out i shall jstu sit back and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 You probably already know this, but I wanted to remind you, as others on here probably would, that its really not a good idea to jump from relationship to relationship. Its usually a good idea to take it easy for a while before jumping into another one, and to learn from your mistakes. If she breaks up w/ him, I'd take it slow...dont have sex w/ her....and dont let her take charge (dont cater to her yet). Youre more likely to be a rebound if things arent done right....and if she ends up choosing you, be sure to TELL HER that you want to take things slow (so that she doesnt think youre brushing her off or something) I wish you all the best in this situation!! You seem like a really great guy. Are you nervous, worried, happy, __ about all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 ya i dotn want to take it fast either.. i knwo when we go out when she gets here.. it will be hard not too if we go out and drink and dance.. im sure jumping her will sound great but ill try not too. i know she wants too but if we just take it slow and kiss at most things will be ok. I plan on trying to get this going right. and i also don't think its smart to go from relationship to relationship.. she just did that with this past one. SHe didint make too many mistakes in this one it is mainly him being really insecure but still she needs time to calm down adn get him out of her mind, i don't like being a rebound or number 2! thanks for the advice and yes i am very excited! just a little bit nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 well she came out here and visited me we ended up hitting it off and she and i had sex. which i know isnt a great idea. she mentoined she doesnt regret it one bit and really enjoyed being with me physically. she hadnt planned on it and felt liek i woudl think less of her at first but still said if i diddint mind then she didnt mind. she went back home on sunday and monday broke up with her boyfreind. orginally she had went home and was still with him on monday unitl i told her that she cant keep holding onto a guy that isnt someone she really likes and she shoudl make a choice. she cant just have both of us and keep plaing us cause it isnt fair to us. so she dropped him hours later and now says she watns things to be the same and wants us to keep talking on the phone and on cam like usual. she told me she liked me even more once she left and it sucks because she is there and im here. the distance thing bothers her i think.. more so now then ever because she had to travel all the way here and realizes how far it is. she said she dosnt want a relationship with anyone because she has been jumping from relationship to relatinship for the past 7 years. she wants to be able to do her **** and woudltn be able to give anyone 100% if she were to get in a relationship. she said she has done long distance before and it coudl work but at the same time she bring sup how far away we are. she wants us to still talk the same. she even said she wants me to come visit her soon. so do i jsut play it safe and wait around some? i told her she is worth waiting for and i will be there for her for some time.. not waiting forever but i will be there for awhile. she siad she dosnt want me to sit aorudn adn jsut wait for her. she said she undretands since im single if i want to date people and go do things. she said it would hurt her some but she woudl be over it and would understand. so what do i do? cause we hit it off soo well here and we are compatible but she has these issues with distance and her being in such a hard place and needing time to clear her head. i want to be there but i just dont want to turn into her freind.. by keeping talking with her adn it not going anywhere.. do u think i haev a chance of being overlooked in time if i stick aroudn adn we keep talking while shes not looking for anyone to date? any clue? Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 This is a tough one to answer b/c we dont know anything about her. She might be the kind of person to string you along when she already knows it wont go anywhere with you. On the other hand, she might be the kind of person who's genuine, and wants to take it slow w/ you b/c she knows that it's doomed if she doesnt. (even though she had sex w/ you.....a common occurance that just makes things more confusing) I tend to think 'what the heck, try it out'. I'd keep talking to her...not too romantically, but not as 'just friends' either. You could give it a few months (2-3) and see if anything happens by then. In that time, if she wants more with you you'll be able to tell at some point. (hopefully it wont take the full 3 months though!) I agree that you should date other people during this time. she's made it a point to basically say that the 2 of you arent going to be exclusive right now, so try out other girls in the meantime. You'd hate to lose out on someone better for you b/c you were waiting for some girl that might or might not make a turn around, ya know? Just be sure that you dont tell her about your dates and stuff....b/c then it might seem like youre dating in order to make her jealous and make her be with you. Even if she asks, just tell her that you went out w/ 'people'. (if youre not going to be exclusive then she doesnt get to hear the details...but dont tell her THAT!!) Anyway, dont get yourself too deep into her. Right now its too risky. Protect yourself, but slowly progress into more if it seems like its going that way. I dont know if this helps any or not, but I hope it does Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 thats the problem im alreayd soo deep.. i mean teh fact she said she loved me and we hit it off soo well when she was here, really makes it tough now. her freind keeps saying how tough it is for this girl now and how confused she is. So im not sure what im supposed to do.. i geuss talk to her but dont call her as much? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 i still cant undrstand how after like 3 months of tlaking and all the flirting and her saying this and that. it just turn into this.. i always thought if u really liked someone it woudlnt matter if you were jsut getting out of a relationship, u woudlnt think about that. you would jsut follow your heart wihtout thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 well here we go.. he is dumped.. but im not there either.. and i called her lastnight to tell her that i dont think i can sit around adn talk to her like normal and listen to her say she loves me and vice versa or we miss each other. cant sit there and tell each other how much we like each other adn be in differnt states adn know that she isnt ready for a relationship and is sitll getting over this recent breakup.. she answerd adn told me she was just thinking the same thing.. and that it isnt fair for me or her to keep doing this while she is trying to get her **** straight. so we decided not to talk on the phone or on texting. but maybe if we see each other on aol we can say Hi or whats up but never on cam anymore.. she said maybe in a couple months she wil give me a ring to see whats up and we agreed if it is ment to be it will be, only time will tell. so i have to see..... soo for the mean time i will get on with life, but of course in teh back of my mind i have a shred of hope, cause this girl really did somethign to me. she was pretty upset u can tell she hates this situatoin as well but we knew this might happen if she came to visit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 8, 2005 Author Share Posted August 8, 2005 after one day we went back to talking... we said we cant help it and she suppseodly lieks me soo much and feels soo bad for putting me through this game.. she said she wants things to wokr out but they jsut cant rigth this second.. but she wants to be with me. then a day later she stays the nigth at her ex's cuase she got tired adn went to visit her cats.... hmmm then the next night cause there was a wedding they wre invited too soo they went and she jsut stayed there the night for convience purposes... hmmm then lasntight she gave her car to her freind who broke her car. so seh had to use the ex's car therefore she had tto stay the ngith at his house for some reason.. hmmm sounds liek bull**** to me... she suppseodly tells him how much she lieks me and **** but, i doubt that.. she dsont call me ever when she is at his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted August 8, 2005 Author Share Posted August 8, 2005 ? Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 Yeah...you know she's full of crap. I'm sorry its turned out like this. You gotta drop her, and move on. Someone like her isnt worth your thoughts or time....youre better than this Link to post Share on other sites
infinitehorizon Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 okay, let me get this straight. She is currently cheating on her boyfriend with you and her boyfriend has insecurity/trust issues - wake up and smell the java. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she has given him reasons to be insecure and distrust her. Maybe she has cheated on him previously with yet another guy and as a result he became insecure. Knowing that she would cheat evidently by her actions with you, do you think it is wise to develop a relationship with her? Besides, what did her guy ever do to you? Just imagine how you'd feel in his shoes. Karma - what comes around goes around. Maybe if we were all a little more responsible of our actions - the world would be a better place. Someday when we are all wiser and the world is older, I shall hope that we are better than this. NoOne Link to post Share on other sites
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