New to LDR and so amazed

[Robot_heart]

I was never looking for a LDR it just sort of fell into my lap. I've been single for the last year. A few dates but nothing that worked out.

I recently met a guy on Facebook. He had seen a comment I made on a public site and found it funny so he messaged me. I accepted the message request and started talking to him. We immediately hit it off. We had so much in common it was crazy. There was no intentions of us being romantic at first it just sort of morphed into that...

 

Here's few facts about us I'm American and he's a British guy living in New Zealand on a work visa.

 

I like this guy alot and I can tell he likes me just as much. We laugh so much much when we are talking I can't even breath lol. I must say British men are hilarious and so charming. I think the cultural differences make it even more exciting to us. We talk every night on the phone for hours and video chat ocassionally.

 

We have been talking for a few months now and I can honestly say I'm going crazy. Like crazy in a good way. I adore this person. It's the best feeling ever. he recently bought a plane ticket here to the States but the flight isn't until next year.

 

The only thing bothering me about this is basically what's next? I've had a few relationships over time but none of them were anything extrodinary... What I feel for him is so strong.

 

Could this actually work? Living in two different countries? He seems confident about it. Says we will fly back and forth twice or maybe three times a year. We both have decent jobs to do it so money is not an issue. Not rich but we could save up easy.

 

Something I find interesting as well is that we talk so much on the phone that I have gotten the chance to know him better than guys I have shared a bed with. It's very strange and new to me.

 

Everything seems perfect right now but I'm wondering how long we can hold this up?

[smackie9]

It's fun and all exciting at first BUT after awhile you really start to miss the physical aspect of a relationship to the point it becomes heart breaking. It's so expensive too with all that traveling. Not to mention, trust being so difficult....it's so easy for them to keep dating others, or meet someone locally. I know those words are hard to swallow but it's a reality.

 

For now, put all that aside and wait til you two meet which I hope it's sooner than sometime next year. You can put all this time in with chatting and then be very disappointed when you see them in person. Keep yourself grounded, don't get yourself too caught up in this.

[Gr8fuln2020]

It's fun and all exciting at first BUT after awhile you really start to miss the physical aspect of a relationship to the point it becomes heart breaking. It's so expensive too with all that traveling. Not to mention, trust being so difficult....it's so easy for them to keep dating others, or meet someone locally. I know those words are hard to swallow but it's a reality.

 

For now, put all that aside and wait til you two meet which I hope it's sooner than sometime next year. You can put all this time in with chatting and then be very disappointed when you see them in person. Keep yourself grounded, don't get yourself too caught up in this.

 

Absolutely.

 

I was involved in a LDR relationship once. Made every effort to visit at least once a month. I could manage financially, but the lack of continuous contact was difficult. In fact, the whole logistics of it was somewhat difficult. I made it work. Or, I should say, we made it work. I ended up marrying her, then ended it literally within months of the marriage. I invested a lot of time and money, status, community getting involved with someone I thought I knew. I didn't.

 

One of the monumental problems with LDR is that you don't really get to know the person as much as you should. Just b/c you're laughing over the phone for hours is the easy part. The hard part is what is he/she like in person? After you've spent time together, physically, consistently. What skeletons in the closet are you not privy to until it's too late?

 

I am not closed to another LDR, but if it happens, which I am not pushing for, one of us will need to commit to moving in the same city at least, among other things. Eventually....

 

Good luck. Be objective about this. You have a digital/phone relationship...hardly real right now.

 

Oh, all of this and I was in the same country! You can only imagine how much more complicated with someone in a different country...

Edited October 17, 2016 by simpleNfit

[Els]

Sure they can work. Mine has worked (if by 'worked' you mean endured the distance, closed it and were together for the long term after that) and I know several others on this forum that have as well.

 

It really isn't easy though. Honestly I wouldn't wish a LDR on my worst enemy. It's like an investment - it can really be worth it but only if you choose wisely. The long stretches without physical contact can eat at you. You also need to really know and trust the other person.

 

I would also recommend meeting in person for a couple weeks at least before going wholeheartedly into this.

[Robot_heart]

I'm trying very hard to be objective in this situation but I can see that my head is in the clouds right now lol. I notice a lot of negativity towards online dating and long distance things so why do I feel like i just stumbled upon a treasure I never knew existed...?

 

I'm going to put in my best effort to make this work and by work I mean keep it going for as long as possible.

 

I have not thought about trust yet because it's to soon for that... I do believe though that not all love is physical. This is not a physical relationship yet... I can only hope that I like him as much in person as I do over the phone. I hope that I'm not so superficial that I would not be attracted to him in person after seeing tons of pics, vids and even face time... I know it's fully possible though.

 

I'm more concerned with the pain or longing I would feel in between seeing him in person. That's what really scares me.

[klf_2713]

spend at least 4 weeks per year together.. and of course make them separated. like a week each three months or so.. believe me, i am still trying to recover from a break up in such a similar and amazing LDR (even though we share the same nationality yet she lives abroad).. everything was perfect until she realized we're not getting too physical and decided to end the whole thing. I will share my full story with her later on.. Cheers and best of luck

Edited October 17, 2016 by klf_2713

[Gr8fuln2020]

I'm trying very hard to be objective in this situation but I can see that my head is in the clouds right now lol. I notice a lot of negativity towards online dating and long distance things so why do I feel like i just stumbled upon a treasure I never knew existed...?

 

I'm going to put in my best effort to make this work and by work I mean keep it going for as long as possible.

 

I have not thought about trust yet because it's to soon for that... I do believe though that not all love is physical. This is not a physical relationship yet... I can only hope that I like him as much in person as I do over the phone. I hope that I'm not so superficial that I would not be attracted to him in person after seeing tons of pics, vids and even face time... I know it's fully possible though.

 

I'm more concerned with the pain or longing I would feel in between seeing him in person. That's what really scares me.

 

I have to say that a LDR is not for the faint of heart. It's definitely a ROMANTIC direction for hopelessly romantic people.

 

But it's also much more stressful and the success rate is probably very low. Too many "local" temptations especially when you're hard-up for the closeness and intimacy.

 

Another thing that is crucial is a timetable. I believe, once you feel that you both are on the same page, that there needs to be a timetable, plans in place to breach the gap. An 'indefinite' LDR is demoralizing after a point. One or the other, preferably both, needs to be a person(s) that makes things happen.

[Els]

I'm trying very hard to be objective in this situation but I can see that my head is in the clouds right now lol. I notice a lot of negativity towards online dating and long distance things so why do I feel like i just stumbled upon a treasure I never knew existed...?

 

I'm really not a fan of online dating, but I don't think what you're doing is online dating per se. That usually involves putting up a profile and requirements on an online dating site and seeing who bites. If you just happened to meet online but organically, I wouldn't call it online dating.

 

Beautiful relationships can exist in all guises. While they can be really hard, some of the absolutely most beautiful relationships I've known have been long distance at some point.

 

I'm going to put in my best effort to make this work and by work I mean keep it going for as long as possible.

 

I have not thought about trust yet because it's to soon for that... I do believe though that not all love is physical. This is not a physical relationship yet... I can only hope that I like him as much in person as I do over the phone. I hope that I'm not so superficial that I would not be attracted to him in person after seeing tons of pics, vids and even face time... I know it's fully possible though.

 

It isn't superficial to be turned off after seeing someone's mannerisms in person, or behavior that you wouldn't otherwise have seen online (eg how they treated wait staff). I'm not saying you will definitely feel differently about them - lots of people have had great first meetings where they really hit things off. Just cautioning that it is best to not invest your heart completely into this before you've met.

 

I'm more concerned with the pain or longing I would feel in between seeing him in person. That's what really scares me.

 

That is indeed the worst part.

[xxcazaxx]

Hi It isn't all negativity. I have been dating my OH for just over a year and it has been long distance throughout. Yes, sometimes the longing is very hard, but one year on and I still feel like I have that head in the clouds loved up feeling. The hardest bit for me has been coming home after meeting (because of the distance we can only meet once per year).

[Chris516]

Absolutely.

 

I was involved in a LDR relationship once. Made every effort to visit at least once a month. I could manage financially, but the lack of continuous contact was difficult. In fact, the whole logistics of it was somewhat difficult. I made it work. Or, I should say, we made it work. I ended up marrying her, then ended it literally within months of the marriage. I invested a lot of time and money, status, community getting involved with someone I thought I knew. I didn't.

 

One of the monumental problems with LDR is that you don't really get to know the person as much as you should. Just b/c you're laughing over the phone for hours is the easy part. The hard part is what is he/she like in person? After you've spent time together, physically, consistently. What skeletons in the closet are you not privy to until it's too late?

 

I am not closed to another LDR, but if it happens, which I am not pushing for, one of us will need to commit to moving in the same city at least, among other things. Eventually....

 

Good luck. Be objective about this. You have a digital/phone relationship...hardly real right now.

 

Oh, all of this and I was in the same country! You can only imagine how much more complicated with someone in a different country...

This is subjective. Both a girlfriend in high school, and my (ex)wife were local. Both lied to me from the start. But society says 'men lie, women don't'. My first LDR with a mentally ill woman, and did last 4.5yrs. going CD in a couple months. It was a testy relationship. But while it never materialized beyond being engaged. We didn't fail each other when it counted so, she was definitely better than my (ex)wife. I was in a second LDR for four years. No CD, but not a mean bone in her body. I visited her several times. I am in another LDR. I have visited her once already and she doesn't run from my (physical)health issues. I will be flying out there to see her again be with her, on her birthday.