Jammydodger7 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I left my much loved job, in a hurry, as I had made the decision that I needed to remove myself permenantly from being the other woman to my boss. I was very sad to leave, I was well respected, loved and integrated into the company, and despite the job having problems - as all do - I was happy and challenged in my work. I left a month ago. My xMM did not leave me alone, when we were off, he would hound me, and I would give in. I couldn't take it anymore so I created distance by leaving. Fast forward to now, the new job is wrong for me career wise. I know I've made a HUGE mistake. I want to go back to work under someone else. I will threaten to tell his wife and friends if he persists and stops me from moving on again, but I want my old work back. This job move helped me put into perspective the pin of getting over someone who I work with vs knowing I've moved into a job that I can't get up for, and left a dream job in a rare and dream industry. I would really appreciate support or advice. I can't think straight so I'm sorry if this is a bit rambling I just don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I left my much loved job, in a hurry, as I had made the decision that I needed to remove myself permenantly from being the other woman to my boss. I was very sad to leave, I was well respected, loved and integrated into the company, and despite the job having problems - as all do - I was happy and challenged in my work. I left a month ago. My xMM did not leave me alone, when we were off, he would hound me, and I would give in. I couldn't take it anymore so I created distance by leaving. Fast forward to now, the new job is wrong for me career wise. I know I've made a HUGE mistake. I want to go back to work under someone else. I will threaten to tell his wife and friends if he persists and stops me from moving on again, but I want my old work back. This job move helped me put into perspective the pin of getting over someone who I work with vs knowing I've moved into a job that I can't get up for, and left a dream job in a rare and dream industry. I would really appreciate support or advice. I can't think straight so I'm sorry if this is a bit rambling I just don't know what to do This is why I have stuck it out. Let me ask you, can you go back? Is your job still there? What would happen if HR knew? Honestly, I would consult an employment lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 How is he hounding you exactly? You can't block his calls and texts? I'd watch it with the threats of telling his friends and wife. It would not bode well for you if you're trying to get back to your old job. Is it possible to get back into your career field without working under this man? Like a different company where you would not come into contact with him? If not, you certainly are in a pickle. You left your job because you couldn't say no to him. How is that going to change if you go back there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 or, leave the job you have for another one, not the old one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I think you are moving into dangerous territory when threatening anybody. Get yourself some legal advice. Find out how you stand, since your were a consenting partner in the A. I don't know.... just thinking outloud. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 This is a consequence of a workplace affair. Look for another job altogether. The further away from him that you are, the better. Getting in the sack with your boss is career suicide. If you go back there you'd see him regularly. Why do you want that. You've left. ... so block him. Delete him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean your whole life should change. Men don't leave jobs/areas because of a failed relationship. If that really is your dream job and you could go back without having too much contact go for it life's too short and we spend most of it at work 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 It sounds to me like a case of constructive dismissal. I'd speak to a labour lawyer and have them negotiate your return, reporting to someone else, in return for you not filing a case of constructive dismissal against the company. Link to post Share on other sites
starswewillnavigate Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean your whole life should change. Men don't leave jobs/areas because of a failed relationship. If that really is your dream job and you could go back without having too much contact go for it life's too short and we spend most of it at work I agree with this wholeheartedly. OP, just don't make any threats to get it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 This is your career and your life. You already effed it all up once for a loser Don't do it again. Get your job back, hold your head high and if he bothers you...file harassment charges with HR and get a restraining order. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 This is your career and your life. You already effed it all up once for a loser Don't do it again. Get your job back, hold your head high and if he bothers you...file harassment charges with HR and get a restraining order. OP, If you do go back to that job working for same boss, you really do need legal advice. Threatening him to go to HR may not be OK since you had a consensual relationship with him and you might wind up in hot water also. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 OP, If you do go back to that job working for same boss, you really do need legal advice. Threatening him to go to HR may not be OK since you had a consensual relationship with him and you might wind up in hot water also. It might have started consensually, but when he "hounded" a subordinate during a "off time", itmwas not consensual, it was sexual harassment - and the workplace owes it to its employees to protect them from that. Like you I agree she should not threaten - but unlike you, i feel she should confront that head on and insist that she report elsewhere to protect her from further harassment. That is her right as an employee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 It might have started consensually, but when he "hounded" a subordinate during a "off time", itmwas not consensual, it was sexual harassment - and the workplace owes it to its employees to protect them from that. Like you I agree she should not threaten - but unlike you, i feel she should confront that head on and insist that she report elsewhere to protect her from further harassment. That is her right as an employee. Exactly. And just because a relationship was consensual at one point doesn't mean that he gets free reign to harass you after that relationship is over and you've asked him not to. Also, never threaten. Just do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 It sounds to me like a case of constructive dismissal. I'd speak to a labour lawyer and have them negotiate your return, reporting to someone else, in return for you not filing a case of constructive dismissal against the company. In order for it to be constructive discharge, the OP would have needed to provide notice of her claims before quitting. The company will not hire you back. In fact, if you come forward with the affair, you'll never get back into the company in the future either. Lesson learned here. As I've said before, one way or another, affairs with coworkers/bosses ruin women while men keep moving forward. Suck it up and make the best of it. Put a year in with the new job then look elsewhere. Anything else makes you look impulsive and irresponsible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I left my much loved job, in a hurry, as I had made the decision that I needed to remove myself permenantly from being the other woman to my boss. I was very sad to leave, I was well respected, loved and integrated into the company, and despite the job having problems - as all do - I was happy and challenged in my work. I left a month ago. My xMM did not leave me alone, when we were off, he would hound me, and I would give in. I couldn't take it anymore so I created distance by leaving. I would really appreciate support or advice. I can't think straight so I'm sorry if this is a bit rambling I just don't know what to do I think the first bolded may well change once /if your affair is known. Now as for the second ..... once you give in. ... you're consenting. You should have done something before you left. Claiming any kind of constructive dismissal now would prove rather difficult, as it's his word against yours. Unless you have written evidence of his harassment. He could say you left when he dumped you, and you couldn't take his rejection. Do you know if your old job is still open? One thing for sure ..... is that taking this through any kind of employment tribunal or equivalent, will no doubt expose your sexual relations with him (and other men), by his defence lawyer. It will paint you in a bad light and getting a job in that rare field again, will not go well for you. I wish you came here to ask before resigning. I would have given you some very clear advice and he would have had to back off or risk a sexual harassment claim. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Now as for the second ..... once you give in. ... you're consenting. Fortunately the law doesn't agree with this. The law acknowledges the difference between submission and consent. A woman threatened with a firearm that acquiesces to rape is not giving consent, she is submitting, and the law recognises this. A woman agreeing to marriage can still be raped within that marriage. Consent is not givenonce for all time - it is contextual and needs to be renegotiated, especially if things change. Forcing someone to do something under duresss - with overt or implied threat (e.g. as their manager, their teacher, their priest, their doctor) - is still coercion, and submission to hat is*not* consent. Unless you're the bill Cosby type who thinks if a woman smiles at you you're entitled to drug and rape her. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 In order for it to be constructive discharge, the OP would have needed to provide notice of her claims before quitting. I don't know where you are, or where the OP is, but this is definitely not standard. Link to post Share on other sites
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