I'm new ....

[Louisaneve]

My ex broke up with me the beginning of this year, after a year together. We kept in touch, with a few spells of not speaking, but hooked up all the time. We still acted like a couple, going home with each other etc. In August, he disappeared. Stopped reading/replying to messages & ignored me if I saw him around the neighborhood. He sent me a message at the end of last month telling me our situation needed to end. It wasn't doing either of us any good. I spilled my heart out to him, and asked him to give me time & space to get over him.

 

He messaged me last week which was 9 days NC. We had a chat. The end. Nothing exciting. Although he ended the messages with heart emojis.

 

I messaged him on Saturday as a mutual friend was taken ill, & i was asked to tell him. He seemed different. The messages were more friendly. He asked how I'd been, we went back & forth from around 5pm - 10.30pm. I mentioned my son (who he never met) had started playing the iPad game that my ex plays constantly. He said 'I'm sure me, him & (game) would of worked well'.

I ignored that & made a comment about how my son lays in bed playing this game same as my ex, he sent the laughing emoji & put sounds Slightly familiar!

He then told me he hopes I'm resting as he's heard I've been ill. I said yeah, in bed watching Netflix, he then called me by the nickname & emoji he always called me. I ended the messages by putting 'off to bed. Enjoy your weekend. Night!'

 

I don't know if it's my false hope kicking in again. But I feel like he's thawed. The nickname & emoji hurt. A lot. I'm desperate to hear from him again, which is why I'm on day 2 NC. To make me feel better. I hate it. It's so hard. I guess I want other people's opinion.

[Zahara]

Why don't you ask him? Plain and simple.

 

You've allowed a man to come in and out of your life when he chose to end a relationship with you and it seems he's doing it again.

 

You get your answer -- if he wants to try again, then it's a choice you have to make. If he just wants to hook up again, then it would be time to stop giving him benefits without the commitment.

[aloneinaz]

Sweetie, you're simply being and accepting his decision for you to be his second choice. A few weeks pass by, he maybe gets horney or lonely and decides to talk to you again. Why? Because you're allowing it.

 

What you should do? Next time he contacts you, TELL HIM you have no further aspirations of this on/off contact or hook ups. You are moving on with your life to find someone who does want you as a priority in their life. Wish him good luck and tell him to take care and don't respond again.

 

Then, vanish from his life. Block him or change your phone number. Don't engage with him anymore. He keeps telling you he doesn't want you. Give that to him. Let him see what it's like w/out you being available to him at his whim.

 

Then, get out and date others. It clearly didn't work the first time with him. "IF" he suddenly misses you and comes beating down your door (he will if he does) then decide if you want to recycle that already failed relationship and risk getting dumped again.

 

Don't ever settle for being someone's second choice or fill in when they are bored, lonely or horny. There's far too many folks out there wanting what you do.