Play hard?

[Fran85]

So, by way of background: I'm recently married (6 months), MM has been married 14 months, and we've been heavily involved on an emotional and physically level for 8 months. No children. I didn't want to call off my wedding because I naively thought that this affair would fizzle out after a short while, but it has become more and more intense. His wife confronted him a month ago as she had noticed his odd behaviour. He denied the physical affair but admitted to having an "emotional affair where we could talk about our failed marriages". His wife has decided to forgive him for now and they are "working on their marriage."

We love each other, and I'm ready to make a decision - to end my marriage and start something with MM. Despite what he's telling me about his own marriage (the usual - no sex, fighting, he thinks she dumb, etc) he insists that he has an obligation to fix his marriage before he is ready to divorce. I understand that but he also wants to continue being in contact with me constantly and to continue sleeping with me. I have cut off the physical aspect but not the communication. Am I delusional? Will he ever leave his wife? Do I cut him off cold turkey so that he is forced to make a decision? I hate these mind games!

[Birdies]

Do I cut him off cold turkey so that he is forced to make a decision?

 

Yes.

 

And tell your husband either way. He has a right to know about the sham of his marriage. You clearly do not want to be married to him.

[Forever broken]

Take time and read through the forums and you will realize your story sounds familiar. Most of these married men took the same courses and graduated with honors in master's of cheating and manipulation.

 

He may never leave his wife. If you feel you are not in love with your spouse, is best to separate now before you start having kids.

 

Trust me affairs end in disaster. I have been there.

[stillafool]

At 6 months can you have the marriage annulled? MM will not leave his wife so forget that. Will you still divorce your Husband if MM doesn't leave his wife?

[anika99]

I believe her husband can get an annulment and cite fraud as the reason. He married her under false pretenses, believing that she loved and respected him meanwhile he was being betrayed before the marriage even took place.

 

OP do the right thing and leave your husband regardless of whatever your MM is doing. Neither you or your husband deserve to be trapped in this joke of a marriage.

[aileD]

Yes you are delusional.

 

And you shouldn't leave your marriage for someone else, you should leave it because you aren't happy and don't have the desire to work on your marriage.

 

this is the problem I see with you and you might want to take a deeper look into yourself--- you didn't call off the wedding because you thought the affair wouldn't last...so, you settled because you didn't have another relationship to fall into. Now, you want to leave your h because you think there IS another relationship to be into...(FYI- there's not. He's working on his marriages. You will continues to be side cake)

 

Why can't you be alone? You obviously don't care for your husband if you were cheating on him before the marriage and also went thru with a wedding when you were with someone else. It takes a special kind of disrespect to do that to someone.

 

My advice? Divorce your husband. Cut off all contact with MM. Live by yourself and figure out that you DONT NEED A MAN to survive. Then you will find someone singl who will treat you well. If you want to wait around for MM go ahead. But do it as a single woman. And the more you let him stay in contact the more you make it certain he will never leave for you because he has his cake and is eating it too. Why would he leave ?

 

You need to do some serious souls searching

[sandylee1]

So, by way of background: I'm recently married (6 months), MM has been married 14 months, and we've been heavily involved on an emotional and physically level for 8 months. No children. I didn't want to call off my wedding because I naively thought that this affair would fizzle out after a short while, but it has become more and more intense.

 

His wife has decided to forgive him for now and they are "working on their marriage."

 

I understand that but he also wants to continue being in contact with me constantly and to continue sleeping with me.

 

Am I delusional? Possibly.

 

Will he ever leave his wife? Unlikely.

 

Do I cut him off cold turkey so that he is forced to make a decision?[/b] Yes. Definitely.

 

 

You never took this marriage seriously from the get go. Taking your vow of fidelity when it meant nothing.

 

Do the right thing, leave your husband and allow him to find someone who loves him. Because you clearly don't.

[Grapesofwrath]

So, by way of background: I'm recently married (6 months), MM has been married 14 months, and we've been heavily involved on an emotional and physically level for 8 months. No children. I didn't want to call off my wedding because I naively thought that this affair would fizzle out after a short while, but it has become more and more intense. His wife confronted him a month ago as she had noticed his odd behaviour. He denied the physical affair but admitted to having an "emotional affair where we could talk about our failed marriages". His wife has decided to forgive him for now and they are "working on their marriage."

We love each other, and I'm ready to make a decision - to end my marriage and start something with MM. Despite what he's telling me about his own marriage (the usual - no sex, fighting, he thinks she dumb, etc) he insists that he has an obligation to fix his marriage before he is ready to divorce. I understand that but he also wants to continue being in contact with me constantly and to continue sleeping with me. I have cut off the physical aspect but not the communication. Am I delusional? Will he ever leave his wife? Do I cut him off cold turkey so that he is forced to make a decision? I hate these mind games!

 

Let me get this straight:

 

You = married for 6 months, cheating for 8. Not your first marriage. Was infidelity a factor in the demise of your first marriage? Is your husband aware of your actions?

 

MM = Married for 14 months, cheating for 8. He claims the affair because of no sex (after only 6 months?) and that "he thinks she is dumb." I'm going to assume that her intellectual horsepower has not suffered a major decrease since they exchanged vows, so he knew how bright she was when he married her. Gaslighting his wife, who is beginning to suspect that something is up. (not THAT dumb, I reckon.) Is this his first marriage?

 

In your case, I would suggest that you divorce. There are no children involved, which is a blessing. I would suggest that he divorce as well, but he's not here asking for advice. You do not seem equipped for marriage at this time, so I'd say best to wrap up the one you have and then avoid the institution entirely until you've done some work on yourself.

[Fran85]

Thank you everybody for your thoughtful and honest responses. I recognize that I've got some serious soul searching to do. My husband is a very caring, trustworthy, and loyal person and i know what I've done is anything but. He's "safe" and I know I can rely on him. The problem is that I'm bored and not sexually satisfied. So I strayed and ignorantly thought that I could control myself if things got too out of hand. Now, unfortunately, my decision regarding my own marriage is contingent on MM's decision and I know this is ludicrous. I didn't realize how bored I was until MM arrived and I can't kick the intense emotional feelings I have for him. Unfortunately I think that I showed too much vulnerability with him, and now he's using it for his own benefit. Ugh.

[aileD]

The mere fact that your entire marriage is contingent on if another married man will dump his wife for you or not just goes to show that you shouldn't be married no matter what MM decision is.

 

It's not ludicrous, it's disgusting and mean and hurtful and selfish

 

Please start the soul searching asap

[DKT3]

So, by way of background: I'm recently married (6 months), MM has been married 14 months, and we've been heavily involved on an emotional and physically level for 8 months. No children. I didn't want to call off my wedding because I naively thought that this affair would fizzle out after a short while, but it has become more and more intense. His wife confronted him a month ago as she had noticed his odd behaviour. He denied the physical affair but admitted to having an "emotional affair where we could talk about our failed marriages". His wife has decided to forgive him for now and they are "working on their marriage."

We love each other, and I'm ready to make a decision - to end my marriage and start something with MM. Despite what he's telling me about his own marriage (the usual - no sex, fighting, he thinks she dumb, etc) he insists that he has an obligation to fix his marriage before he is ready to divorce. I understand that but he also wants to continue being in contact with me constantly and to continue sleeping with me. I have cut off the physical aspect but not the communication. Am I delusional? Will he ever leave his wife? Do I cut him off cold turkey so that he is forced to make a decision? I hate these mind games!

 

Are you delusional? Check

 

Failed marriages? You never gave you marriage a chance.

[stillafool]

Thank you everybody for your thoughtful and honest responses. I recognize that I've got some serious soul searching to do. My husband is a very caring, trustworthy, and loyal person and i know what I've done is anything but. He's "safe" and I know I can rely on him. The problem is that I'm bored and not sexually satisfied. So I strayed and ignorantly thought that I could control myself if things got too out of hand. Now, unfortunately, my decision regarding my own marriage is contingent on MM's decision and I know this is ludicrous. I didn't realize how bored I was until MM arrived and I can't kick the intense emotional feelings I have for him. Unfortunately I think that I showed too much vulnerability with him, and now he's using it for his own benefit. Ugh.

 

No it isn't ludicrous, it's selfish as all get out! So even though you are bored, sexually unsatisfied and cheating after just 6 mos of marriage you will stay if you don't get MM just so you have a man. Is that right? Lady you need to be single until you can figure yourself out and I would suggest you get professional help to do it. Don't count on MM leaving his wife for you because he won't. You are not his first side woman and you won't be his last. You married a "safe" man but what you really want is a "player" who you will never be able to conquer. Your poor, poor husband deserves so much better and should be told so he can get checked for stds.