Declined ice-cream invite but wants to have coffee!

[redbaron007]

The long version of the story first (TL;DR version follows at end):

Last month, I was at my local bookstore where I spotted a new girl working there. The moment I saw her, I was just mesmerized by her beauty...she had all physical traits that I find very attractive...beautiful face, long hair, model's body, tall...but of course, I have to speak to her to get to know her. So I approach with a genuine question on mythology books. I explain that I'm building iPad apps for kids on the subject (again, 100% true). She takes me to the relevant section and spends a good amount of time talking on the subject, how she always had a liking for it, and even though she is 20, she still reads Rick Riordan's books (yea, thanks to my lousy local demographics, yet again, I chat up someone who apparently is under 21, sigh!)...

 

Anyways, I see her again yesterday. She remembers me after 3+ weeks(ding!), and now wants to show me a particular book (ding!). She tells me Egyptian mythology is her favorite (ding!). I mention the mummy exhibit at the Legion of Honor in SF, and we look it up on my cell, and chat a bit. We introduce ourselves, and when I say my obscure Indian name, she says, "I like that name!"(ding!)...She keeps asking me questions about my project, how difficult it is to find artists, how interesting it is, how child psychology comes into play, etc. etc. She keeps saying:"I think what you're doing is really cool!" (ding!) I then ask her what she is majoring in at college. She says she enrolled in the local community college but found it was jokingly easy, which threw her into a bout of depression..she said she had top SAT scores and was confident of getting into Stanford and wanted to do something challenging to stay sane. I said, wow, take it easy, you have your whole life ahead of you, no need to hurry! She said everybody says that, but she wants it to happen fast, in fact, she wants to have her kids by 25! Now I normally would not ask out someone under 21, but I found her frankness very sexy so I said we should go out for ice-cream sometime. She said that she broke up with her BF just a month ago...BUT she really liked talking to me, and really liked the stuff I talked about, so would love to talk about it over coffee. At first, i thought she was just being polite, so I said, well sure, but it will be a while before I actually get a demo together. She replies that she would be happy just listening to my thoughts, no demos needed! (ding!) I asked her if her coffee break was coming up, she laughed and said she just finished it, but it would happen at some point, since she knows I keep going to the store (or something to that effect)...with that we parted.

 

Now I fully intend to make a move on her whether it's a coffee date or an ice-cream date, whether we start off with mythology or psychology...what's important is that I get her undivided attention at a cafe/ice-cream parlor...but I'm still puzzled: why did she decline an ice-cream date but offer a coffee date? she seems like a really smart girl whose eyes did not glaze over when I talked about mythology/history/kid psychology/technology, so I'm sure she is perfectly aware that I'm going to hit on her, and not just hop, skip and jump happily into the dreaded Friend Zone.

 

TL;DR version: I meet a cute girl, ask her out for ice-cream, she declines, says she just split from her BF a month ago, but wants to do coffee with me. She seems smart enough to realize I'll be hitting on her whether it's coffee, ice-cream or corn-dog, so why did she offer the coffee date?

[Poe77]

Her declining the "ice cream date" and then bringing up her ex was her way of saying shes not interested in ether you romantically at all or not right now..the coffee "meet up" to me however sounds like shes genuinely interested in your work and wants to chat further about that and that's about it.

 

So that said she didn't want to completely blow you off cause shes interested in what you do and maybe being friends how ever she clearly put up a huge stop sign as to taking it any further.Honestly I would respect that and not push it in a romantic sense plus how old are you? it seams her age was a issue a few times why cant you find women closer to your own age?

[JuneJulySeptember]

The long version of the story first (TL;DR version follows at end):

Last month, I was at my local bookstore where I spotted a new girl working there. The moment I saw her, I was just mesmerized by her beauty...she had all physical traits that I find very attractive...beautiful face, long hair, model's body, tall...but of course, I have to speak to her to get to know her. So I approach with a genuine question on mythology books. I explain that I'm building iPad apps for kids on the subject (again, 100% true). She takes me to the relevant section and spends a good amount of time talking on the subject, how she always had a liking for it, and even though she is 20, she still reads Rick Riordan's books (yea, thanks to my lousy local demographics, yet again, I chat up someone who apparently is under 21, sigh!)...

 

Anyways, I see her again yesterday. She remembers me after 3+ weeks(ding!), and now wants to show me a particular book (ding!). She tells me Egyptian mythology is her favorite (ding!). I mention the mummy exhibit at the Legion of Honor in SF, and we look it up on my cell, and chat a bit. We introduce ourselves, and when I say my obscure Indian name, she says, "I like that name!"(ding!)...She keeps asking me questions about my project, how difficult it is to find artists, how interesting it is, how child psychology comes into play, etc. etc. She keeps saying:"I think what you're doing is really cool!" (ding!) I then ask her what she is majoring in at college. She says she enrolled in the local community college but found it was jokingly easy, which threw her into a bout of depression..she said she had top SAT scores and was confident of getting into Stanford and wanted to do something challenging to stay sane. I said, wow, take it easy, you have your whole life ahead of you, no need to hurry! She said everybody says that, but she wants it to happen fast, in fact, she wants to have her kids by 25! Now I normally would not ask out someone under 21, but I found her frankness very sexy so I said we should go out for ice-cream sometime. She said that she broke up with her BF just a month ago...BUT she really liked talking to me, and really liked the stuff I talked about, so would love to talk about it over coffee. At first, i thought she was just being polite, so I said, well sure, but it will be a while before I actually get a demo together. She replies that she would be happy just listening to my thoughts, no demos needed! (ding!) I asked her if her coffee break was coming up, she laughed and said she just finished it, but it would happen at some point, since she knows I keep going to the store (or something to that effect)...with that we parted.

 

Now I fully intend to make a move on her whether it's a coffee date or an ice-cream date, whether we start off with mythology or psychology...what's important is that I get her undivided attention at a cafe/ice-cream parlor...but I'm still puzzled: why did she decline an ice-cream date but offer a coffee date? she seems like a really smart girl whose eyes did not glaze over when I talked about mythology/history/kid psychology/technology, so I'm sure she is perfectly aware that I'm going to hit on her, and not just hop, skip and jump happily into the dreaded Friend Zone.

 

TL;DR version: I meet a cute girl, ask her out for ice-cream, she declines, says she just split from her BF a month ago, but wants to do coffee with me. She seems smart enough to realize I'll be hitting on her whether it's coffee, ice-cream or corn-dog, so why did she offer the coffee date?

 

Well, let's see. She's beautiful and young and smart and works in a bookstore where starting a conversation with her is as easy as coming up with a subject you need and she is then required to spend 5 minutes talking to you.

 

OK, I'm a bit on the pessimistic side, but I think it's a long shot. Just treat it like such, and approach her boldly next time you see her.

[redbaron007]

Her declining the "ice cream date" and then bringing up her ex was her way of saying shes not interested in ether you romantically at all or not right now..the coffee "meet up" to me however sounds like shes genuinely interested in your work and wants to chat further about that and that's about it.

 

So that said she didn't want to completely blow you off cause shes interested in what you do and maybe being friends how ever she clearly put up a huge stop sign as to taking it any further.Honestly I would respect that and not push it in a romantic sense plus how old are you? it seams her age was a issue a few times why cant you find women closer to your own age?

 

I've been approaching a LOT of women lately and by now I can differentiate the "yes/maybe" women from the "no" ones.

The "yes/maybe" women:

- maintain strong eye contact while speaking,

- make it obvious they are not only happy to speak to me, but they ask a LOT of questions about me

- divulge personal stuff within a few minutes of talking

- they explicitly say they like something about me like my name/ideas/thoughts/attire/attitude.

- do not flinch when I touch them on their arm, or hold the handshake for more than a few seconds

 

The "no" women:

- do not maintain strong eye contact

- try to be circumspect with their responses to my questions

- they ask no questions themselves nor do they say anything appreciative to me

- try to end the convo quickly by saying they need to get going

 

Now this girl showed all signs of the former. My take is that her reason seems to be genuine and/or she views the coffee interaction (cafe is in-house) as a litmus test.

[redbaron007]

Well, let's see. She's beautiful and young and smart and works in a bookstore where starting a conversation with her is as easy as coming up with a subject you need and she is then required to spend 5 minutes talking to you.

 

OK, I'm a bit on the pessimistic side, but I think it's a long shot. Just treat it like such, and approach her boldly next time you see her.

 

Read the long version. It would have been very easy for her to walk me to the relevant section and walk off - it's busy on weekends. Spending 20-25 minutes chatting, divulging personal stuff including her recent bout of depression and wish to do something challenging to "be sane", appreciating my ideas (and my name!), indicates she was more comfortable with me than with the average customer. I will be surprised if she is so forthright with every customer who inquires about a topic.

 

Now when she mentioned her break-up, I took it that she was not interested, but she herself offered to have coffee in the in-house cafe. I know I will see her again, so we'll see how it goes.

[SammySammy]

I agree with enigma32. Maybe she's trying to stay in shape. Maybe she's lactose intolerant. Who knows?

 

Learn to flow in situations like this. Don't ask why is there a rock or bend in the river, just flow downstream.

[normal person]

I don't really have a strong opinion on this scenario (other than that I think dinner is a much better date idea than ice cream, but that's beside the point) as I could see it playing out both favorably and unfavorably.

 

However, I just wanted to say good job on being proactive, taking chances, stepping out of your comfort zone, dissecting the situation and the circumstances, learning from what you're doing and applying it. If more of the struggling guys here took the same approach, as I always try to suggest, they'd be much better off. The next time I see one of those "struggling" threads, I'll try and remember to link them this one as an example of a good way to go about things.

 

It's refreshing to see someone putting the effort in.

 

Best of luck, I'll be pulling for you.