Online date...he didn't text :(

[olivetree]

No call..don't think I even wanna date anymore . I feel so rejected and unattractive . I thought maybe since I may have came off disinterested I should have sent a text thanking him and saying I had a good time. Not sure if that ship has sailed. I got the impression he's picky

 

You are a hot mess. Did you even read the responses?

 

You didn't even like the guy, but you're so worried about what he thinks of you. Your self-esteem is in the gutter. But you know this.

 

Any decent guy is not going to be attracted to you in your state. If you want a good guy, you have to be a healthy, confident person. If he calls you and wants to see you again, the dude is desperate too. And dysfunction + dysfunction = dysfunction.

 

Here is a harsh truth: you are alone your entire life. You are always with yourself. Until you get comfortable in your aloneness and learn to like yourself, you are not capable of having a happy, healthy relationship.

[Erik30]

No call..don't think I even wanna date anymore . I feel so rejected and unattractive . I thought maybe since I may have came off disinterested I should have sent a text thanking him and saying I had a good time. Not sure if that ship has sailed. I got the impression he's picky

 

Really? I don't understand why you hoped that he'd text or call you... He's probably the one who's feeling rejected and unattractive right now. You made it pretty clear you didn't like him. The entire date was just you displaying multiple times how much you're not into him. He's not going to embaress himself even more by following up after that.

 

He's not being picky, he knows that you're not interested. Why should it affect you, when you're basically the one who rejected him?

[eightytwenty]

Instead of going out with guys on dates, can't you go out with girlfriends? Do you have any friends to go have fun with? I'm sure they hear the same thing and think this is a bit over board? Will you go to counseling, I really think you need it, for you mainly but the men and everyone else that keeps telling you things over and over... You can't have this many threads, this many problems, and not learn from one of them. Which you haven't

 

 

You blew up that ship at the docks, it didn't even get to sail! Btw, he wasn't picky, he just knows to avoid you... lol

 

 

Best part about being single is being SINGLE. You get to have fun, no strings, and do whatever. Why would you hate it to where you're seeking men to fill a void in yourself, and then questioning when you know you completely blew it...

[ExpatInItaly]

You acted incredibly rude on this date.

 

Instead of positioning yourself as the victim, try using a little compassion. This is not about you being unattractive or uninteresting.

 

It is about you lacking basic courtesy and respect.

[joseb]

No call..don't think I even wanna date anymore . I feel so rejected and unattractive . I thought maybe since I may have came off disinterested I should have sent a text thanking him and saying I had a good time. Not sure if that ship has sailed. I got the impression he's picky

 

Did you read any of the responses on the thread?

If you did, you will know exactly why he didn't call.

Several posters have spelled it out in 1.2.3.4.5 format.

 

Him not calling is the least of your worries.

[basil67]

If you're lonely, change your life so that you have friends. Female friends. The kind where there's no romantic entanglement. Just friendship and company.

 

But don't expect these new friends to be your whole support network. Friends can only offer so much before they break.

[dumbass2]

As others have suggested, you need to have a life outside of dating in order to not put so much pressure on it. If dating is your only way of trying to cure loneliness, then it is not going to work. Dates are going to sense it and run for the hills. You should consider making a serious change in your life style before you date again for it to work.

[Cookiesandough]

I dunno why everyone here seems to think I'm such a broken person...

Yea I have insecurities and anxiety issues which I'm going to start seeing someone about on the 27th

But I do have a life outside of dating. I have a job and hobbies. I do have friends. Yes I've bothered them about it enough

 

I think the way I wrote it made it come off worse than it was. That wasn't the entire date and we did laugh and connect many other times.

 

I told them I was shy and also tired. I said "I wish I could still be dating the person, but things didn't work out" not "I wish was dating him instead of you"

I do like being single, but also like having dates too - what I think is a healthy mindset. I didn't order food or drink because I already ate and drink rarely. I should have ordered something I didn't want?? The reason I checked my phone was because I knew we both had work early and read the woman should always end the date early. I didn't do it because displeasure. Contrarily. I think this was mostly a case of him not being that attracted to me, which hits hard considering what I had just been through with other online date. I have another date lined up but I'm feeling so 'meh' about this whole thing now. It feels like being single was way less stress and I'm just collecting baggage at this point

Edited October 18, 2016 by Cookiesandough

[Kamille]

You're contradicting yourself. In your first post, you list a series of actions you did in the course of a one hour date and state this could explain why he wasn't getting in touch. In your last post, you stipulate none of these things are really big deals. Which is it?

 

If I were you, I would prefer understanding why this guy isn't interested. That's the beauty of your op: you identify areas where you could have done better. It gives you power to change. In your last post, you basically ask to be excused for how you come off to on dates. It might feel good at the moment if someone agreed with you that none of those things are a big deal, but it thinking like that leaves very little room for improvement.

[Redhead14]

I dunno why everyone here seems to think I'm such a broken person...

Yea I have insecurities and anxiety issues which I'm going to start seeing someone about on the 27th

But I do have a life outside of dating. I have a job and hobbies. I do have friends. Yes I've bothered them about it enough

 

I think the way I wrote it made it come off worse than it was. That wasn't the entire date and we did laugh and connect many other times.

 

I told them I was shy and also tired. I said "I wish I could still be dating the person, but things didn't work out" not "I wish was dating him instead of you"

I do like being single, but also like having dates too - what I think is a healthy mindset. I didn't order food or drink because I already ate and drink rarely. I should have ordered something I didn't want?? The reason I checked my phone was because I knew we both had work early and read the woman should always end the date early. I didn't do it because displeasure. Contrarily. I think this was mostly a case of him not being that attracted to me, which hits hard considering what I had just been through with other online date. I have another date lined up but I'm feeling so 'meh' about this whole thing now. It feels like being single was way less stress and I'm just collecting baggage at this point

 

That wasn't the entire date and we did laugh and connect many other times. -- You negated the positive moments, that's for sure.

 

I dunno why everyone here seems to think I'm such a broken person... -- No one said you were a broken person, but your dating skills clearly need a lot of work.

 

I have another date lined up -- Cancel it for this reason: I'm just collecting baggage at this point

[Nightwriter]

OP, I haven't read your whole history but from the posts here, I have some questions.

 

Are your afraid of not having a boyfriend or being alone for a while? The reason I ask is because, if you are, it makes it harder to both be yourself, and to judge whether a guy is right for you. You might be projecting too much of your insecurities to the other guy. If you can look at being with someone as additive and positive to your life rather than necessary, it will allow you to relax, have fun, and evaluate guys more objectively.

 

That line in the one movie, "you complete me" is one of the worst lines ever. I don't know why it's so popular but it makes for unrealistic expectations for relationships.

[basil67]

I dunno why everyone here seems to think I'm such a broken person...

Yea I have insecurities and anxiety issues which I'm going to start seeing someone about on the 27th

But I do have a life outside of dating. I have a job and hobbies. I do have friends. Yes I've bothered them about it enough

 

So why did you tell us that you were dating to fill your lonliness? And the reason I think you're broken is because of what you've told us about how you behave with dates. And I've read what you've written. Emotionally healthy people do not behave like you do.

 

I think the way I wrote it made it come off worse than it was. That wasn't the entire date and we did laugh and connect many other times.

 

But the bad was REALLY BAD. It was bad enough to cancel out all the good.

 

I said "I wish I could still be dating the person, but things didn't work out"

 

This is what you tell your girlfriends. It's not what you tell a prospective boyfriend! What on earth were you thinking?! And why would he want to date you if you were wishing you were with someone else?

 

I didn't order food or drink because I already ate and drink rarely. I should have ordered something I didn't want??

 

Yes, you should have. Even if it was just a juice or a plate of salad or fries. Even if you didn't finish them. It's beyond rude to go to a food or drink place with someone and not eat or drink anything. And if you know you're going to a place with food, DON'T eat or drink before you go. It's not rocket science.

 

The reason I checked my phone was because I knew we both had work early and read the woman should always end the date early. I didn't do it because displeasure.

 

Tell me where a book says that you should dash out on a date when he hasn't even finished his drink. Again, it was beyond rude.

 

Contrarily. I think this was mostly a case of him not being that attracted to me, which hits hard considering what I had just been through with other online date.

 

Of course he wasn't attracted to you. You acted like a madwoman.

 

I have another date lined up but I'm feeling so 'meh' about this whole thing now. It feels like being single was way less stress and I'm just collecting baggage at this point

 

You already have far too much baggage to even consider dating. I know you will ignore this but I'll say it anyway "do not date until you are healed"

[rester]

OP, I think the negativity of the posts might be due to you not reflecting on what people are saying and not putting yourself in your date's shoes.

 

How would feel if you had a date that went like this:

 

1. He was late and looked like a nervous wreck

2. He kept talking about his last failed long distance O.L.D. He said he felt bad about her still and still wishes he could be dating her.

3. He said he likes being single

4. He didn't order any food and drank water. He said he already ate and had to work tomorrow. He watched me eat and I gave him a sip of my drink.

5.He checked his phone to see the time. He said something like "well.. I had a lot of fun are ready to..? And started to get up and I motioned to my half full beer. He said "oh sorry that's so rude of me, please take your time. I just figured you have to be up early for work". I said no it's fine and I'm sorry I'm a slow drinker.

 

2nd question: What advice do you think your friends would give you if you came back from a date like that?

[Toodaloo]

No call..don't think I even wanna date anymore . I feel so rejected and unattractive . I thought maybe since I may have came off disinterested I should have sent a text thanking him and saying I had a good time. Not sure if that ship has sailed. I got the impression he's picky

 

Give it 24 hours...

 

By then you will have had yet another text exchange where you act like a crazy lady and you will be back on line hooking the next poor sucker... Only to go on one date and start this all over again...

 

Stet that. Just seen you have another date lined up already. So thats less than 12 hours you are able to cope on your own...

 

Its going to be a long wait until the 27th...

[ChickiePops]

I dunno why everyone here seems to think I'm such a broken person...

Yea I have insecurities and anxiety issues which I'm going to start seeing someone about on the 27th

But I do have a life outside of dating. I have a job and hobbies. I do have friends. Yes I've bothered them about it enough

 

I think the way I wrote it made it come off worse than it was. That wasn't the entire date and we did laugh and connect many other times.

 

I told them I was shy and also tired. I said "I wish I could still be dating the person, but things didn't work out" not "I wish was dating him instead of you"

I do like being single, but also like having dates too - what I think is a healthy mindset. I didn't order food or drink because I already ate and drink rarely. I should have ordered something I didn't want?? The reason I checked my phone was because I knew we both had work early and read the woman should always end the date early. I didn't do it because displeasure. Contrarily. I think this was mostly a case of him not being that attracted to me, which hits hard considering what I had just been through with other online date. I have another date lined up but I'm feeling so 'meh' about this whole thing now. It feels like being single was way less stress and I'm just collecting baggage at this point

 

You ARE damaged! Undamaged people do not do what you did in your last dating mess.

 

Do you truly not understand how utterly insane that was? You dumped him three times in six dates! You texted him 50 times in a row!

 

This is truly psychotic behavior, and now you're setting yourself up to do it to another guy instead of taking some time off to figure out WHY you're behaving like a psychopath.

 

Nobody is JUDGING you for being damaged. We're all telling you to get some help and fix some of this damage so you don't just end up in situations like this, which are only damaging you more.

 

SLOW DOWN! You don't need a boyfriend right this second..you need to sort your sh*t out first. If you DON'T sort your sh*t out, you will keep getting yourself into situations like this where you drive yourself and the guys you date insane obsessing about everything.

 

Truth be told, you did make a fool of yourself on this date..and you're not going to stop making a fool of yourself until you figure out why you act this way.

 

STOP! JUST STOP! Stop torturing yourself and stop torturing these guys!

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you for the insights, I am reading and taking heed to the words, trust me. I blocked and deleted this guy yesterday so I'm not tempted to contact and accept my mistakes. I postponed new date.

[Versacehottie]

Basil I know I didn't listen but I really don't see how staying alone is going to help my loneliness. I am lacking confidence and security, so shouldn't I be practicing and learning from my mistakes in order to build that ? I wasn't using I was trying to find potential new partner or at least person to date and have fun with

 

If we had a great date otherwise might it be too soon to tell if he's over it or is"talk again soon?" almost guaranteed rejection. I don't know.

 

Joseb I feel like the reason I feel this heartbreak is scarcity mentality. I had such a connection with the guy I was i first dated online since a bad relationship- then I lost him. I think unless I put myself out and meet new people I connect with, I'll always think this way

 

Fish, I see your point. But I did think about his time wasted. I'm embarrassed by my mistakes and Felt disappointed I couldn't feel sparks right away. I could barely sleep so upset over it

 

Bolded above is pretty much the worst reason to date. Scarcity mentality and desperation really, coupled with treating the other person like they are just filling a slot (they are) rather than considering them as the humans and their individuality. Ugh, seriously, no. Step back. Work on your insecurity & yes you can do that without "using" people.

 

I'm glad you are willing to put yourself out there. Maybe do it in a more genuine way. I think it's bad karma (rarely use that term) to do it for the reasons you say you are. Another person may cure loneliness BUT IT shouldn't be their sole purpose to have them in your life. No one else is gonna fix you. You need to love yourself and be more comfortable and confident about yourself first.

 

Secondly, I think you need a reality check. That sure doesn't sound like a fun date!! Other than being nervous, item #1 (which is ok and understandable), the rest of it sounds pretty awful and like you were only focused on yourself, not the guy. Talking about your previous dating situation unsolicited--um, hell no! That's so rude and dismissive. You didn't even write much of what happened and it sounded like a train wreck. You don't want to be pathetic and unconfident by talking about negative stuff & bad dating experiences--because what does that say about you? That you have poor coping skills, that you visit your problems on others with little filter, you have poor judgement and don't treat the other person like you care enough to show your best self. What you say on a date, especially a first date is your advertisement about yourself! If someone was telling you he was a damaged person who pretty much was just lonely because some other girl just broke his heart and he's not that good at online dating anyway, would you want to date him? How would that make you feel? Like, whoa, sign me up?!?! I don't think so.

 

I'm sorry. I think you need to work on your self-esteem and dating skills. I could absolutely be wrong but I don't think you will hear from this guy or be suspect of his intentions if you do BECAUSE OF what you you put out there on the date.

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry to rez this thread...but I'm back on app and I match with this guy again. He popped up so he matched me first. Now, if I recall correctly, this guy didn't call or text after our date for 3 days til I got fed up and blocked/deleted him

 

 

But I'm curious what this guys angle is so I said hey

 

He says: Long time no see. How's life in (my side of town)?

 

I say: Yeah...what happened? I mean besides me being a bit weird and not ordering food or drink? I thought we got along well. Okay don't answer that lol. Its nice 'seeing' you again *blah blah I'm well blah*

 

He says: It was funny that you couldn't participate in the dinner date.

I figured we just got busy with other things. This year has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. I think my sense, too, was that it was probably a good idea for you to gain more dating experience, because you seemed like you were new to it(from what I recall).

 

Oh jeez, guy, thanks.

 

I say: haha my apologies for that. Yeah, your assessment was right. It's nice to talk to you again, nevertheless. Keeping busy.

 

He says:

Yeah! I mean, I think you're cute, and I wouldn't mind going out again if you're up for it. Have you been staying busy, too?

 

I lie and say yeah. I also tell him I'd be up for it give me his number again and he waits a DAY to shoot it to me and ask me my schedule

 

 

I'm wondering if I should go for round 2 with him... I kinda want to but It seems like his whole interaction was kinda passive aggressive and I'm just a pot he may put on the stove if hungry enough, not even 'backburner chick'. He wasn't interested the first time now he's telling me" You can't date for shoes, but you're cute, you're alright, so yeah, I mean, why not, when I'm not busy, when I get around to it. Maybe you've learned to eat along with your date now."

 

 

Eh...

Edited March 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

There's no passive aggressiveness on his part. Just an honest appraisal of the date you had. Also, I don't see that you have any right to criticise him for appearing to want a casual thing with you when you've been talking about wanting just a casual thing with a man.

 

I still stand by my advice that you should make a date with a therapist instead of a man.

Edited March 16, 2017 by basil67

[Cookiesandough]

There's no passive aggressiveness on his part. Just an honest appraisal of the date you had. Also, I don't see that you have any right to criticise him for appearing to want a casual thing with you when you've been talking about wanting just a casual thing with a man.

 

I still stand by my advice that you should make a date with a therapist instead of a man.

 

Fair enough, basil. I had my mind in the place it originally was when I met him..looking for a rship. So I found his dismissive a little insulting. I couldn't do casual with him because I don't feel sparks when we met so I doubt I will now.

 

I have one date tmrw and depending on how it goes I will stop and take the advice to quit this.

 

Thanks, again.