Talking out of both sides of his mouth?

[Ladybug]

I met a guy online, and we corresponded back and forth some by email. In his very first letter he talked about looking for a friend first, then said he was looking for someone to share his life with - a good wife.

 

I thought this rather odd for a first letter, but,didn't say much. Then in another letter he said he met lots of women online, and they talked and got along well until he asked to meet them in person, and he said they just quit writing, or said they were too scared to meet in person.

 

He went on to say, that is why he keeps looking. Toward the end of that letter, he said,maybe the right one will come along, and maybe not - that he wasn't looking anymore. If the right one was out there - she'd have to find him.

 

I haven't heard back from him since, but, his words confused me. Maybe he's confused, or talking out of both sides of his mouth?? Any comments about this - or does this confuse others as much as it does me?

[2ply]

it's all confusing cause he's male......they never make any sence....lol all joking asside he's probly just concerned about scaring you off so he added the tidbit bout the others for kind of sympathy. so you'd keep writing. you said he hasn't contacted you since.....but have you writen him? he may be confused ... he may be just typing everything that's running through his head. I think he's just as normal as the rest of em. maybe just tends to be a little to upfront...blunt...honest and scares em off. Good Luck

[sparkle]

I think it's great to chat with friends online, but keep your relationship with this guy on the level of "just friends". Don't worry so much about the hidden meaning in his email. Most likely, he's probably being honest about what he said. But he could also be feeding you these lines so that you sympathize with him and continue to contact him.

 

But then again, all this shouldn't really matter.

 

Whether he's looking for a wife or not or is looking for "the one", it's not something you need to worry about.

 

What you DO need to worry about is making sure that you don't get involved with this guy.

 

First of all, he's DEFINITELY looking in the wrong place if he's looking for "the right one" online. Because if I knew that some guy was looking for relationships with people he met online, I would steer clear of this guy.

 

The best relationships are found OFFline.

[Laurynn]

I understand where you're coming from, and yes, most likely the best relationships ARE OFFline....but many people nowadays, for various reasons, don't have the time or opportunities to get out there and meet good people. Busy work schedules, working in a career where you work with all the same-gender people, having friends who are all married with kids/no single friends, etc.

 

I think the majority of single people are looking for "the one"..otherwise, why would they even bother to date? Meeting someone through the personals is simply another method of making contact. Really no different than meeting at a club, at the grocery store, at a function, etc. It's what happens ONCE you actually meet face to face, that's important. That's when, and only when, you can begin the process of really getting to know one another.

 

I consider myself a normal, well balanced, successful, decent single person...but do to the fact that I'm a student and I do all my schooling through distance education, I don't have the opportunities to get out there and meet someone, and I'm new to this big city, and my friends are all married with kids. I've placed a few Online Personal Ads....in hopes that I'll meet someone with common interests/goals/values, etc...to start out as friends, and hopefully it will progress to a serious relationship. If I'm a normal person who has my head on straight, surely there are men out there who are in a similar boat.

 

Meeting online, or through online personals is just one of the many ways to 'find someone'.....it's meeting them in person and getting to know them from there, that counts the most.

 

L

[Laurynn]

Hi there...

 

When he first said that he was looking for friends first, I believe he really meant that.....that he's obviously not looking to get hitched next week LOL ......but most people (depending on age, of course), hope to start out as friends and then proceed to a serious relationship somewhere down the line. I think what he was saying was, he's not in a huge rush to settle down..just wants to be friends first...take things slow....and if he finds someone he 'clicks with', then fine. If not, then that's fine too...that he's not desperately searching for someone..more or less just taking things as they come.

 

I wonder, though, about his admission that other women he's corresponded with, have stopped doing so after he suggested meeting. My only thought about this is that maybe he suggested meeting TOO EARLY ON, and it scared them off. Doens't sound like he's been pushy with you. Some guys just don't know how long to wait, before suggesting a first meeting. Some just aren't sure what the 'protocol' is, and that's fair..particularly for someone who's never placed an online personal ad before (or met someone online).

 

Maybe he's a little afraid of rejection, due to past experiences, so he's backing off a little, to keep from getting hurt.

 

So he just suddenly stopped writing you? How many days has it been since he wrote you?

 

L