ChaneyLane Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise. I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 There is no way I would sign that. Making a fair, legal financial agreement is one thing, as you move through life and accumulate assets. But, a document saying you will do what he wants, when he wants, without hesitation... Um, no thanks. That's not a partnership, that's a job contract. 19 Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I agree with the above. Does he want a marriage or someone to accompany him to social events? What if one time you don't want to/ can't go? Will he waft this contract in your face? Sue you? You say you've been with him for 5 years, what has your arrangement been up to now re attending work functions and trips? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise. I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's? That is strange. Has he given you any reason as to why he wants this contract? It sounds to me as though he is insecure and possessive. Could he be worried that you might see another guy while he is away? Has he experienced cheating in the past? I have a technical job which requires infrequent training and retraining. This training sometimes takes place in, for instance, Brussels or Vienna. I often take my wife with me. It gives us a chance for a shared experience in a foreign country, but she doesn't have to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 This is just bizarre. What has your relationship been like over the past 5 years? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise. I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's? That is the most ridiculous request ever so if you are sick or something and he wishes to travel to Europe you'll have to obey even though you are not physically fit to. Also what is this thing about marrying him and not wanting anything from him?? You are setting yourself up to be put in the streets with nothing in a few years. YES you should be entitled to something when this marriage ends. You should have a pre-nup agreement that is details per years you will spend together. If you get divorced 1 year later sure you leave with nothing but if you divorce after 20 years later than yes you are entitled to be set up somewhere and not be put in the streets. If you chose to have children with this man you will have to stay home, you'll have to delay your own financial security to give him children! That is worth money!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 ^^^^^ Exactly. Spot on post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what I'm understanding: this guy doesn't want you to sign a "normal" pre-nup regarding assets and financial terms, but instead wants you to sign something ostensibly obligating you to play hostess at his whim. Confirm with a couple of attorneys that such a contract is unenforceable, as I suspect it is, and decide whether signing it or not is worth your relationship. If you do sign, it sounds like you'll come out ahead financially if things go south. Which I'm thinking may be fairly likely given his strange ideas at least about certain things. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Are these work gatherings/European trips a bone of contention in your relationship? Have you refused to go before? I particularly like the "without hesitation" part. LOL! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 NO contracts. Link to post Share on other sites
gorf Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 A prenuptial agreement .. I get that. Fine. But this? I mean this is straight up un-natural. Is he a lawyer or something? Are you one of his clients or work assistants? Am I weird for asking that.. cause it sounds like you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChaneyLane Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 That is strange. Has he given you any reason as to why he wants this contract? It sounds to me as though he is insecure and possessive. Could he be worried that you might see another guy while he is away? Has he experienced cheating in the past? No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side. Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [i absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid. I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side. Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [i absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid. I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him. Why are you marrying someone who has already been unfaithful? If you are a corporate wife to an executive, it's a given that you will be a hostess dependent on your husband's position. However, this is mainly an unspoken expectation rather than a firm contract. There are far too many red flags here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise. I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's? He is insecure and is scared you only love him for his money, and that you will drop your panties for some other guy at a moment's notice the second he leaves town. In lieu of that, my suggestion to you is that you end the relationship right now. If you end up marrying this guy with that piece of paper signed, it will give him license in his own mind to treat you like a slave and slap you around when he deems fit. He does not love you, he wants to own you. That is reason enough to get rid of him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side. Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [i absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid. I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him. I'm sorry I didn't read this response. He is a cheater on top of if it? Continue this relationship at your own peril. This is a no brainer. Get rid of him. No level of fiscal comfort can compare with someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve. There is no price tag on that. There is however, a heavy price to pay for being treated like property, which is exactly how he will treat you when you marry him. Stevie Wonder could see this coming, young lady. Do not do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I am very much in favor of prenups. The problem I have is that he's essentially asking you to give up your friends, family, job, roots, etc. for him. What is the trade off for you? How likely is this scenario? Are we talking 1 day per year or months? I agree with the other posters I've never heard of such an agreement but to each their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Are you pursuing your own career now, and plan to continue in the future? If so, then you probably can't travel with him extensively, and may not have the time to fill the role he's asking of you. However, if you do not, then his career and future success is supporting you both, and it may be important for him to have your support in doing so, as hostess, companion, sounding board, or whatever. It's a rather traditional role, but not necessarily an unreasonable one. Of course, if you have kids in the future, travel may not always be an option, so that's an issue to discuss. BTW, marriage is a contract, with the default benefits and responsibilities - and penalties for dissolution - set by the location of your legal residence. If you want to modify that default contract, then you need a prenup, a postnup, or other potentially binding agreement - or which at least sets expectations and documents intent. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 He has already cheated on you???? You are mad to continue this. So many people on this forum, with marriages, kids,houses and cheating spouses on further discussion tell us "He/she cheated on me before we got married and I forgave as he/she promised me it was a one off and I love him/her and now he/she is cheating again, what can I do?" I am not saying once a cheater always a cheater, but when someone shows they are a doormat once, they tend to get big muddy boots wiped on them time and time again.. Along with this ridiculous contract and his paranoia, best to just run away and forget him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Men and women have agreements and make deals with each other all the time. Trophy wives and arm-candy women are often expected to play a certain role in a man's life. Most of the time it's an implied expectation and agreement. Having an explicit agreement isn't necessarily bad. I don't think any of us can determine what's right or wrong in your relationship. The determining factors should be, do you feel comfortable making that agreement and can you abide by it? It seems that you don't feel comfortable with it and it's almost impossible to abide by. How can you know if you'll be able to attend every trip? Attend every event? At best, this agreement needs some work. I don't have a problem with you having a written agreement with your husband, I just think a contract should be something both of your agree on and can abide by. Maybe it's time to renegotiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Men and women have agreements and make deals with each other all the time. Trophy wives and arm-candy women are often expected to play a certain role in a man's life. Most of the time it's an implied expectation and agreement. Having an explicit agreement isn't necessarily bad. I don't think any of us can determine what's right or wrong in your relationship. The determining factors should be, do you feel comfortable making that agreement and can you abide by it? It seems that you don't feel comfortable with it and it's almost impossible to abide by. How can you know if you'll be able to attend every trip? Attend every event? At best, this agreement needs some work. I don't have a problem with you having a written agreement with your husband, I just think a contract should be something both of your agree on and can abide by. Maybe it's time to renegotiate. Well said and wisely conveyed. I am pre nup advocate which outlines EACH person's latitude. One sided agreements are well...one sided. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 What are your thoughts on this guy's? That you are engaged to quite possibly one of the biggest control freaks on the planet. I would return the wedding dress. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise. I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's? Eww. Please don't sign that contract! He sounds controlling and not someone who would put you first, let alone compromise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. OP, do you work? Have you been hesitant to accompany him on trips like this in the past? Are there other similar conditions in this contract? Seems like a strangely specific demand, can't help but wonder at the history behind it. If he's worried his absence would give you time to reciprocate his infidelity, he should understand most affairs (his included I'd assume) occur much closer to home ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Run OP run....I don't care how "comfortable" financially he is....money can't buy eternal happiness. It's like signing your soul over to the devil. I agree this is about "Control" in a real sick way....he may as well get himself an escort instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 If my guy came up to me with that. I would say no, I might be married to him but I have my own life and goals! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts