Husband constantly gropes me, wants sex all the time?

[NTV]

Have you done anything to that would cause him to be distrustful?

[sandylee1]

I think my husband wouldn't be too impressed with the message on the coffee cup either TBH.

 

Do you enjoy sex with him?

 

Can you tell him you need a bit of space without him feeling rejected?

 

I've had a similar experience of being groped and the wanting sex a lot, but not in public, although that could add a bit of spice to it... don't you think?

 

Much as it's great to feel that my man desires me so much .... it also feels like harassment or another term I heard for this was 'sex pest'.

 

It can feel like you're a piece of meat when you get groped and I have told my husband that. Grabbing my rear and my boobs isn't something that I find attractive. For him ... he thinks it shows his desire and attraction, but I've made it clear that groping will not end in sex, so he's more or less stopped, but cant help grabbing those parts now and then. ... which is okay.

 

I've had women say they literally have to run and sleep in the kids bedroom because their husband wouldn't stop bothering them for sex.

 

I wouldn't say to end the marriage.

Don't trigger his jealousy.

 

If mornings aren't great for you then tell him.

[Buddhist]

It's stories like the OP that make me glad I am single. Aggression in men is something particularly troubling because they have a habit of taking it out on you. Anger, jealousy and a tendency towards violence (yes him grabbing you that way is violence) is not the cocktail I'd be looking for in a partner.

[NikkiSky]

Have you done anything to that would cause him to be distrustful?

 

Honestly, no I haven't done anything to cause distrust in him. He's just sexually aggressive with me, I'll admit at first I loved it but I'm exhausted and truthfully I am sore. I said this to him last night and he says he'll be gentle but when I kept telling him no he got defensive.

[elaine567]

Honestly, no I haven't done anything to cause distrust in him. He's just sexually aggressive with me, I'll admit at first I loved it but I'm exhausted and truthfully I am sore. I said this to him last night and he says he'll be gentle but when I kept telling him no he got defensive.

 

Has this been going on since day one of your relationship?

[NikkiSky]

Has this been going on since day one of your relationship?

 

Yes it has so I know deep down I shouldn't be complaining since I knew what I was getting into.

[MissCongeniality]

Yes it has so I know deep down I shouldn't be complaining since I knew what I was getting into.

Nikki what's your relationship with your mother and father like? Was your father a strong part of your life and if not did your mother have a history of dating shall we say aggressive men?

 

You sound a lot like me before I met my husband. Would you say these personality traits drew you to him? Do you feel you deserve any of this?

[Lion Heart]

Nikki my first M was so similar to yours.

 

At first I truly didn't NOTICE my bfs behaviours (before M). I thought it was kinda "cute" that he wanted to come on all my gfs pre-wedding GNOs. He was drop dead GORGEOUS (model looks) so none of gfs complained either! He was a fabulous dancer so they always had a safe dance partner...

 

The first 6 weeks of M seemed fine.

Then I noticed strange behaviours. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOURS I can call them now.

 

He wanted me to leave University and never let up the ENTIRE YEAR. I had to push back so hard to STAY at University. It was my last year for goodness sake.

I did finish and only JUST passed because of all the demanding chores he insisted upon me doing at critical times like exams.

 

Then when I was earning alot more than H he got COMPLETELY CONTROLLING over FINANCES.

"HE OWNED ME SO HE OWNED MY MONEY" type of thing.

 

I thought it was "our money" anyway so let it pass.

 

For the next few years Hs behaviours were escalating worse and worse UNTIL.....I couldn't use the toilet without leaving the door open. This was WELL before mobile phones and any Internet in homes.

 

He stalked me on his days off..(I didn't see it as stalking then). When he was at work I had to go in to see him.

 

The sex became almost mechanical.

Less tenderness and ONLY pleasing him etcetera but relentless (control).

 

I had to write LONG lists of everything I did wherever I went for one of my jobs (I ended up having 5 jobs at his insistence ugh).

 

I got ill and was not allowed to use the car to see a Dr.

I had to ride my bike the 10klm to the Dr.

 

He listened to ALL my phone conversations on the other phone. My Aunty just "SENSED" something was wrong so one day she drove to me and INSISTED I LEAVE with her.

I did but boy did I pay for that.

My Aunty INSISTED we have MC. Then she's allow me to return. She didn't know anything.

 

He EMPLOYED me to mind his child relatives during ALL MY LEAVE TIME from work for $20 per day. My employment paid well over $100 per day in my main job.

 

I ended up refusing to take up the secretarial job he applied for me OVERSEAS (NOTHING TO DO WITH MY field of work) WHILST he played football all over Europe on no pay.

 

During MC he got worse and one day he tied me up and raped me. He left me tied up and in shock. It took ages for me to get out of the binding. I couldn't call the neighbours as I was naked etc. I grabbed my pillow and got in the old car (I left him with the new car) and left him that day.

 

He basically tracked me for 20 years. I can confidently call this stalking. Even though he M after our D.

 

I have far more CLARITY about this and other relationships only since this year.

31y AFTER this M.

 

Because I enrolled in a domestic violence course recently.

 

My mother was excessively controlling.

 

Be careful and leave if you feel in danger.

 

Best wishes

Lion Heart

[twosadthings]

Talk to him. You shouldn't have deliberately pushed his button with your remark about the Starbuck guy and by the way you should have asked for another cup.

 

 

Look closer at yourself.

 

 

Twosadthings

[TrustedthenBusted]

The guy who served me wrote You're Gorgeous x on the take away cup, As i was still drinking it when i got home I had honestly forgotten about the writing

 

I call BS on this part. You wanted him to see it and he saw it. Now what?

[PrettyEmily77]

I call BS on this part. You wanted him to see it and he saw it. Now what?

 

Some random guy from Starbucks wrote something on a cup, which OP brought home - whether BS OP forgot or not, not really sure it justifies any of the behaviour displayed by the husband.

 

OP, you have a few choices:

 

1. not antagonise the H, do what he wants when he wants (including sex all the time) regardless of what you want yourself and all will be fine, until it won't.

 

2. react to his controlling ways by pushing his buttons, and be prepared not only for the controlling behaviour to crank up up a notch, but also to see his poor behaviour getting justified by those actions - if you hadn't flirted with Starbucks guy / brought the cup home on purpose for me to find it / talked to me in a bad way / etc, none of this would have happened, so it's all your fault and you deserve everything you get.

 

3. act on your instincts: MC / individual counselling / talking things over with him / ending it).

[S2B]

I am with my husband two years, married one, We have had a volatile relationship since we met but we love each other dearly. As much as I love him, lately I feel i can't breathe with him.. he is always around me and wanting sex- most mornings, every night, when out sometimes he'll follow me into the public bathroom and even now i cant have a shower in peace the only break i get is when i am in work, Dont get me wrong I love him and want to please him but its constant, im exhaused! On top of this he is really jealous, more than I thought

 

For example: The other day when i got back from a day with my friend, I had a Starbucks coffee, The guy who served me wrote You're Gorgeous x on the take away cup, As i was still drinking it when i got home I had honestly forgotten about the writing but my husband spotted it and freaked out, again. After yet another argument just to p!ss him off i stupidly said that 'maybe the Starbucks guy wouldnt be as insecure with me like he is'

 

This triggered him and he threw the cup at the wall, Grabbed my chin, put his head level with mine and told me to behave myself. We are okay now but his reaction annoyed me, My best friend always says that his fear of losing me is so intense that he'll end up pushing me away. Is there any truth to that? I love him so much & i know i shouldnt complain but he's driving me crazy. How do i handle this?

 

This makes me nervous for you.

 

These are big indicators of an abuser. You should be more than concerned and figuring a way to end the marriage. It will escalate. Have a plan - stick to the plan to be safe.

[noelle303]

Honestly, no I haven't done anything to cause distrust in him. He's just sexually aggressive with me, I'll admit at first I loved it but I'm exhausted and truthfully I am sore. I said this to him last night and he says he'll be gentle but when I kept telling him no he got defensive.

 

He is definitely displaying some dangerous behaviors. Keep in mind that abuse always escalates. So it starts with some ''cute'' jelaousy and then you realize that hidden behind this is actually insecurity that drives him to control and ''own'' you at all times.

 

He is not so horny that he has to follow you into public bathrooms, he is doing that to follow you and claim you. It's especially alarming that you expressed this to him and said no to sex while he kept coercing you.

 

That reaction to something as innocent as a coffee cup and turning the argument physical is a serious red flag. I suggest marriage counseling and individual counseling for him because he just does not seem like a healthy individual.

[VeveCakes]

I call BS on this part. You wanted him to see it and he saw it. Now what?

 

oh whatever.....^^

 

OP...this man is dangerous, end of story.

 

Been there...have the divorce and the ex in jail to prove it. It's all fun and love until your husband rapes you or your bf beats you up.

 

I've been in both those situations and BOTH guys started out WAY less aggressive than that chin grab.

 

I would run for the nearest exit.

[Grapesofwrath]

Agree with previous posters that there are many areas of concern here. I think it's one thing to have a man who wants to make love all the time. It's another thing to be followed to a public bathroom for sex,uninvited. That is oppressive and very controlling. The chin grab and manhandling, along with threats, are the next level. You are now in the cycle of domestic violence.

 

You describe him as "groping" you. This is not a man who is gently and lovingly trying to seduce you. He is grabbing you and pushing you to have sex even when you say you aren't that interestsed. All bad signs.

 

I agree that you're not going to end your marriage based on responses from an internet forum, nor should you. But do make some moves to be safer. Tell your family and friends about what is happening. Make an escape plan for yourself, in case it comes to that. By that I mean

 

1) Identify a safe location you can run to, where you will not be found

2) Set aside some money for yourself in case you need to support yourself for a while

3) Document any and all incidents of domestic violence. Even things you aren't sure qualify as domestic violence. Write them down and email them to yourself or put them somewhere else that is safe.

4) Confide in family/friends about your concerns. Watch their reactions. This will tell you a lot, as they also know your husband.