freebird31 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 It took me a little over 3 years. And it was only because the memory of him has pretty much faded. And we do not speak. I will always have the scar which is why I cannot ever be friends with him. But I'm at the point where I am healed enough to be able to completely move on and meet someone new without carrying any baggage into the next relationship. For the most part I would say I am past it and have moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
freebird31 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 It's nearly 3 years since my first love broke up with me. I have 'moved on' and been in other relationships and loved again without giving him a thought. But I don't think I will ever truly get over it. Now that I am alone again, I find that I do still love and miss him. I wish that things had worked out. Wow smiley1. How long were you guys together for ? It has been three years for me as well since we have broken up. I feel like I am for the most part over it. I feel like the harboring feelings of anger and resentment went away when I saw that the girl he was with dumped him and broke his heart. I don't think anyone will ever truly 100% forget how someone rejected you, someone u really loved. But I guess you just learn to live with it huh? Sort of accept it. Maybe it's bc there's nothing quite like your first love either. Your first relationship you just get sort of lost in it and there's almost zero boundaries and walls. The next relationships after that you're a little more smarter and cautious. So it would probably take me 3 times the time to become as vulnerable as I was in my first relationship. I was overly emotionally invested in the first one. Maybe that has something to do with why u never forget the first love. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 When I'm done - truly done - with a relationship, I've always been able to move on very quickly. It took me only a couple of weeks to feel fabulous and free again after leaving my first husband. And those couple of weeks were more about shock than and sadness. It took the ex-h years to move on. Same when I broke up with my first long term boyfriend. When it ended, we were both ready. There was no grief or sadness. Nor were there unpleasant feelings towards each other. It was simply time to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Perhaps, but I had clearly moved on. The new woman was someone who was interested in me. Said she would not be involved with me because she knew I was with someone. I respected that. Reached out to her after my fiancee moved out. I have the ability to compartmentalize things. Put them in a box and put them away. That may be good or bad, but I don't find it necessary to spend a long time dwelling over past relationships. I can close one door and open another with relative ease. So does that mean you were over it before it ended with your fiancee? And yes... you already knew you had someone else lined up waiting in the wings... that certainly helps move the process along I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Wow smiley1. How long were you guys together for ? Hi, we were together for 9 months and it was all very special to me. We shared a lot of really beautiful moments together and the relationship was a positive one, no arguments, caring, all good. He didn't fall in love with me and broke it off. its still tough.. When I'm done - truly done - with a relationship, I've always been able to move on very quickly. It took me only a couple of weeks to feel fabulous and free again after leaving my first husband. And those couple of weeks were more about shock than and sadness. It took the ex-h years to move on. Same when I broke up with my first long term boyfriend. When it ended, we were both ready. There was no grief or sadness. Nor were there unpleasant feelings towards each other. It was simply time to move on. I wish I could be (slightly) more like that. I can't imagine walking away from a relationship without ANY grief or sadness at all though. Link to post Share on other sites
Justm3x Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 It's been almost 3 years and I still think about him every day... the feelings aren't as strong as they used to be. So I hope I'm getting over it and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
RyanO1991 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Imagine that your ex got in touch and said they had made a mistake and were desperate to prove that they can change. If you can honestly tell yourself that you would say no, I reckon you're over them. Doesn't mean you stop thinking about them. In my opinion, it just means that you're free. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I don't feel free, as I would say no. But I guess if it was different circumstances and not cheating who knows .... Imagine that your ex got in touch and said they had made a mistake and were desperate to prove that they can change. If you can honestly tell yourself that you would say no, I reckon you're over them. Doesn't mean you stop thinking about them. In my opinion, it just means that you're free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fatty23 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 I don't feel free, as I would say no. But I guess if it was different circumstances and not cheating who knows .... I agree with this. Sometimes you wish you could take back what they did, not take them back. I really don't know what I would say to my ex. I would want to try, but I'd be afraid he's gonna do the same sh*t. I think after a relationship ends you start to realize all of their flaws. I wonder if I could live with all of his for the rest of my life. And then sometimes I'll be thinking about doing something and realize he won't be there and i just feel this sinking feeling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm just waiting for the love to fade and I know that will take a long time! I hate him sometimes others I just love him a lot as simple as that. I know everyone says I won't love like that again, connect like that, but so far I haven't loved anyone like I did him. But I'm happy to stay single for as long as it takes to be completely over this so I have a chance at deep love again in the future. It takes as long as it takes and where you need to be before you can give your heart to another. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 It will vary, depending on length and depth of the relationship, and who is dumped. The dumpee usually takes longer to get over it. It will take less time if you seen the break coming for a long time, as you're already changing your perspective and may have started to mourn the end. People tend to overestimate how long it takes to get over an ex. For moderate length relationships, they estimate 20 weeks, but in reality take 10 weeks on average. When I left my 24 year marriage - which had really been over for years - I was happily and healthily dating within weeks of moving out. Link to post Share on other sites
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