My wife has emotionally checked out. How do I save my marriage?

[Shard]

The last couple days have been stressful. On New Years Day, we sat down with our daughters and told them we were seperating. We told them, that we loved them, but we are having some problems, which have noting to do with them or in any way their fault, and that we would be going our seperate ways. THe first thing my older duaghter asked was if it was forever. We told her we didn't know but we would let her know and answer any questions we had. Our younger daughter didn't really understand, and didn't seem sad.

 

That night our older daughter wouldn't go to sleep. She was saying she was scared of the dark, she even wet the bed, something she hadn't done in two years. The following days she has been having tantrums, not listening and bullying her sister. We are trying to distract her while we wait for her appointment with the councellor. I expected this out of her, so I mentally prepared myself for it.

 

As for my wife and I. We had talked about where we are going from here. She is going to rent out the basement in her sister's basement. I made it clear about what I would tolerate and what I wouldn't. I told her if I find out she is talking, flirting, texting inapproriately another man I would be done. If she wanted to truly be with me, then I needed to see some consistency. WE both agreed we would benefit from seeking individual therapy and we'd still go on date nights and possibly some family outings. But we will be living seperately, fiancially.

[sandylee1]

I hope you are able to work things out in time. There's been a lot of negativity from some on this thread, but maybe after seperation, you can reconnect with each other. If not, then be the best coparents that you can.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I believe that most relationships can be saved, if both parties work to resolve the issues. There are appears to be lots of trust issues and animosity on both sides. You can separate or stay together, but I just don't see anyway for this to be fixed unless you two go to professional counseling.

[Chaparral]

The last couple days have been stressful. On New Years Day, we sat down with our daughters and told them we were seperating. We told them, that we loved them, but we are having some problems, which have noting to do with them or in any way their fault, and that we would be going our seperate ways. THe first thing my older duaghter asked was if it was forever. We told her we didn't know but we would let her know and answer any questions we had. Our younger daughter didn't really understand, and didn't seem sad.

 

That night our older daughter wouldn't go to sleep. She was saying she was scared of the dark, she even wet the bed, something she hadn't done in two years. The following days she has been having tantrums, not listening and bullying her sister. We are trying to distract her while we wait for her appointment with the councellor. I expected this out of her, so I mentally prepared myself for it.

 

As for my wife and I. We had talked about where we are going from here. She is going to rent out the basement in her sister's basement. I made it clear about what I would tolerate and what I wouldn't. I told her if I find out she is talking, flirting, texting inapproriately another man I would be done. If she wanted to truly be with me, then I needed to see some consistency. WE both agreed we would benefit from seeking individual therapy and we'd still go on date nights and possibly some family outings. But we will be living seperately, fiancially.

 

Stay strong. I think you need to make a short succinct list of what you need from your wife. I do think you need to date your wife. Men have to never stop romancing their wives. By the same token, it is ancient knowledge that husbands and wives are the main ingredient in a marriage. Children come second to spouses. Children grow up and leave home at least they used too. haha

 

Be careful though, distance makes the heart grow fonder but statistics say 80% of separations end in divorce. At this point the 180 should end. You both work toward saving the marriage. Talk to your counselor and give your self goals and a timeline to work under. Don't just play it by ear.

 

Heard this song this morning and thought of you. Sang by a great female singer but its a disco song that still makes sense.

 

Good luck and prayers for your family.

 

Chap

 

[Chaparral]

BTW, did you say you read the MMSLP book?

[Shard]

A little over two weeks until I move. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with everything. Even though we have discussed and agreed to try to reconcile while we separate, it just really hitting me.

 

As for those who are asking how I can monitor her. I can't for sure monitor her one hundred percent. I still have access to her social media, and email. Sure she can open a new email account to continue to cheat, or meet someone else. I do think I might drive by her place or where she says she is at odd times to see if she is really there. I'm not going to be super vigilant because I don't want to drive myself crazy.

 

I hope in the end we both can come out of this better people. I hope we end this journey together but if not, I'm okay with that too.