Every part of me hurts

[FoundMyStrength]

I've been really feeling good since I took control over my own reactions and actions.

However, I started feeling like my heart is closing if not has done.

Literally I feel like I'm not feeling anything personally people, especially male say to me.

Like I don't trust any single word they say.

I don't get mad at bad things they say or happy for good things they say.

It's like my emotions are totally shutted down.

It's been like this for couple weeks now.

There is a voice deep in my heart and mind says "Ok, whatever they say. Who cares."

But I'm not acting coldhearted. Still talk happily to people, get excited if something is funny.

I hope I said above makes sense to everyone.

Would be really good if anyone shares the same feelings.

 

I wouldn't say my heart is closed. But I feel like there's there's now a wall up, particularly when it comes to interacting with men on a casual, acquaintance level. It's like I don't trust them -- or myself. Which is sad, because I've always gotten along better with guys. I tend to think like a guy, act like a guy. But xMM brought back all of my abandonment issues from my childhood, and I feel like there's now a wariness there. A hesitation to share or connect, for fear it might lead to that place. After all, I never expected or intended to go to that place with xMM. It's a big step backward for me, as I had trust issues for much of my life, and I had lowered the walls a bit in the last 5-10 years. Now they're back up.

 

Sorry you're feeling this way too. This experience is just life-altering in so many ways.

[confusingme]

I like what I saw the other day here on LS, somebody said something like "on SL we might have empathy, but the world does not."

 

What I'm gonna say today, is, how I look and feel about an emotional attempt from a woman to my husband.

 

So what happened was this married woman who was my husband's college classmate, but she dropped out of school because she met some cute guy in a club, got pregnant, had kids... She was my friend as well when I moved here... But at some point 2 years ago, she started texting my husband messages like "Did you have a crush on me ?" "I wonder if you have time for a cup of coffee?" My husband told me everything, so I started talking to her, I told her if she needs a friend to talk about things, call me. Not my husband.

 

I was mad about her stupid "crush" question, my husband showed me every single message but he never stopped replying to her although I told him to. However, he didn't seem like having an emotion affair with her, well I don't know. But I wasn't worried because she is overweight and just not attractive at all, I would say she looks kind of dumb... Well...

 

She's been trying to talk or meet my husband these years, I don't think my husband ever met her solo. I had stopped talking to her. My husband has been keeping showing me all the messages from her. I'm not saying I trust my husband 100%, I'm just saying not her because she's not attractive enough. But deep in my heart, since I feel my husband doesn't care about me enough, I will still think that it's possible he will talk to someone somehow....I don't know.

 

Just after having an affair myself, it's hard not to suspect. I know it doesn't make sense to suspect other people when I am the one who was cheating. See how an affair can destroy one's mind.

 

Nevertheless, this morning, this woman sent my husband another text message asking for one of our other friends' number.A guy who she met once on my daughter's bday party, seems like she is trying to talk to that guy now ?! My husband showed me the message and we were like "wow!" So my husband finally decided it was time to ignore her and if she texts again, he'll block her.

 

I mean, I kind of feel her sorrow, I feel how she's struggling in her marriage. They are having finance problems. And that leads to emotional disconnection, I guess...

 

But my point is, when I see her behavior, my first impression was "Wow, she's nasty." And then I say to myself "You were nasty too." Wasn't I ? Poor husband, yes that's what I was thinking about next... Who cares if you were struggling in your marriage when you are attempt to cheat on your husband ? You are a cheater and that's it. All your reasons, are bull****.

 

I feel very shameful when I see other woman doing this to my husband.

 

I hope all the women who are grieving in their As, understand that, no matter how hard your marriage/relationship is, it is never a reason for you to look comfort from other men. it is never a solution. If you really are not happy, get divorce. At least, you will still have self-respect after a couple of years. You won't want that shameful feeling.

 

I know you think what you have in your affair is love, but it is just lust. And it will destroy you.

Edited December 21, 2016 by confusingme
addition information

[FoundMyStrength]

I like what I saw the other day here on LS, somebody said something like "on SL we might have empathy, but the world does not."

 

This is so very true. I just visited a very old friend from college, and as she was asking how I've been, I really wanted to be honest and tell her about xMM and the affair. I'm at the point where it's no longer "I want xMM" but "I made a terrible mistake. I hope xMM stays away. It was so painful." But I still felt like I couldn't tell her, even as someone who feels true remorse for what happened.

 

I know her very well, and I know this is something she could never understand. There would be no support, no empathy. OW are one of society's pariahs. The thing I don't understand is why cheating husbands aren't. After all, they're the ones that looked into their wife's eyes and took a vow of fidelity. And then broke it every which way.