Has any other female here been rejected a lot? I'm starting to feel bitter

[JelatineDessert]

Has anyone else ever been in this boat? I'm not talking about 3 or 4 rejections, I mean a lot more than that. Do you ever find yourself googling small, meaningless things a guy does, trying to convince yourself that he may actually like you? Only to have read over 30 articles that lead to the idea that "He's just not that into you." That's pretty much me.

 

I'm in my early twenties and am getting really discouraged by men rejecting me/never wanting to be with me. (I've never had a bf)

Before I go on, I am confident in myself and that I have a lot to offer a guy. But consistent rejection from men makes me get down about myself regardless of how confident I may be.

Majority of my life, the men I was into were not into me enough to make me their girlfriend or even call me after a few dates.

I started dating later than most people and have had my fair share of dating mistakes and faux pas that I used as learning opportunities. I would always self-assess myself and read up on dating books and books on communication between both genders.

I recently went on a date with a guy and I thought everything went great & thought that I did a good job not messing it up. I stayed pleasant, positive, and kept things light and fun. After our date, he showed no interest in getting to know me.

I am getting discouraged to the point where I feel like if I go out with another guy, he's just gonna reject me. I am getting kind of bitter about it as I see other girls with their boyfriends, and I wonder what is so special about them that they can get and keep a man but I require so much practice, books, videos, and conscious effort to even get one call back.

I am in no way trying to brag but I like to think of myself as a catch and often end up analyzing what could have gone wrong. Some people say "Well some guys don't want a gf" and then some others say "if a guy likes you enough, he'll want a gf." Well, if it's that case, then no guy has ever liked me enough to want one.

 

Is this just going to pass with more practice or is there something inherently wrong with me? I honestly would find more comfort to know that I am not the only one in this situation and that I'm not the odd one out.

[kmack513]

You are really young, don't worry about it. Also, don't get bitter and transfer that over and take it out on another guy who did not reject you.

1) What makes you a catch?

2) Looks wise 1-10 what are you

3) Dates with guys, 1-10 what are they

[JelatineDessert]

You are really young, don't worry about it. Also, don't get bitter and transfer that over and take it out on another guy who did not reject you.

1) What makes you a catch?

2) Looks wise 1-10 what are you

3) Dates with guys, 1-10 what are they

 

I don't think numbers one and two are important since those questions can be answers subjectively and everyone has a different opinion. I have dated guys who were 4's and guys who were 10s. It ranges.

[kmack513]

I don't think numbers one and two are important since those questions can be answers subjectively and everyone has a different opinion. I have dated guys who were 4's and guys who were 10s. It ranges.

 

Play along with me. How you view yourself "being a catch" is important.

How would people you know rate you 1-10.

[basil67]

What does your social group look like? Is it a decent sized group of mixed gender? Is there opportunity to meet new people at their house parties and group events?

[Cookiesandough]

Yes. If it helps, you are not alone. You described me. I don't know what's wrong with me either. I just went on a date I thought went decently. Rejected. Can I ask you what is the closest you got to having a bf? How do they reject you? What sort of things do they say?

[JelatineDessert]

What does your social group look like? Is it a decent sized group of mixed gender? Is there opportunity to meet new people at their house parties and group events?

 

I have mixed gender friends and i'm also in a sorority. I go out every week and go to bdays/social events maybe 1 or two times a month. Yes, there's opportunities, it's just hard to meet a guy where the interest is mutual. I'm not picky either, but yeah.

[JewelD]

As long as you keep yourself well groomed and healthy, I agree that looks have little to do with it. I knew a very pretty girl who was dumb as a rock. She was a true airhead. She might get a lot of dates, but no one would take her serious as a gf because she's so annoying and dimwitted.

 

I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation for what it is. You're young, how many boyfriends were you expecting to have by now? I'm 25 and I've only had one significant LTR and he was cheating with other girls most of the time.

 

If I had a negative outlook, I would say that, "All my friends are getting engaged and having babies. I've only had one bf and even he didn't like me very much. There must be something wrong with me".

 

But the reality is, you can have MANY boyfriends. Almost anyone can. You just have to lower your standards and not care who you let into your life, but why would you want to do that? Wouldn't you rather get rid of the duds until you find the right guy? It might take longer, but you're saving yourself a lot of drama and heartache that comes with being with the wrong person.

 

I haven't been on a date since before my last relationship, but I have been dicked around by several different people I've met on OLD. It's discouraging, but there's always another person out there. And those dates/flings not working out isn't a reflection of me, but rather a reflection on that other person. Just because someone turns down a cheesecake doesn't mean the cheesecake isn't good af.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others. You never know the full story. I had a friend who was engaged, but her fiancee was a nut and she was paying majority of the bills. I have another friend who lives with her bf, but he tells her he likes thin women and she needs to drop some pounds, even though he's very overweight himself. There's a lot of women in relationships that are complete bs. They might look happy on the outside but there's always more to the story.

 

It also helps to appreciate being single. You don't have to share, you don't have to call anyone every night, you don't have to stay put in once location, you don't have to argue or worry about someone else's problems, you can do whatever you want and you don't have to answer to anyone. If a relationship comes along at the right time, cool, but you don't have to get frustrated while you're waiting.

[JelatineDessert]

Play along with me. How you view yourself "being a catch" is important.

How would people you know rate you 1-10.

 

I feel i bring positivity, laughs, comfort people when they're down, care for others, have goals and am working on them, do the "little things" that people appreciate, love to go on adventures, am affectionate, appreciative of everyone's efforts, I like to have a variety of different conversations, I like to make people feel good about themselves. that's just what i can think of right now

and I would say that I dont know exactly where I stand on the 1-10 with people, but I would say I'm at least a 7

[JelatineDessert]

Yes. If it helps, you are not alone. You described me. I don't know what's wrong with me either. I just went on a date I thought went decently. Rejected. Can I ask you what is the closest you got to having a bf? How do they reject you? What sort of things do they say?

The closest I had was a guy I dated for almost 4 months. He said "I think you have a lot of qualities that are hard to find, but our age difference is big and you are probably just starting out in your 20s phase, while I'm already at the tail of it." I think he was also mad that I wasn't as interested in him as he was. I don't know really...He got a girlfriend like a month after he broke it off with me, so I think he was dating her at the same time or something and chose her over me.

[kmack513]

I feel i bring positivity, laughs, comfort people when they're down, care for others, have goals and am working on them, do the "little things" that people appreciate, love to go on adventures, am affectionate, appreciative of everyone's efforts, I like to have a variety of different conversations, I like to make people feel good about themselves. that's just what i can think of right now

and I would say that I dont know exactly where I stand on the 1-10 with people, but I would say I'm at least a 7

 

Gotcha, you are in college. Not sure guys even want to date in college and have legit GF's. They can get the prize without having a legit GF. Trust me you will have lots of suitors after graduation and you get a job.

 

Look girls give it up real easy in college and Men, well Boys have been trained that this is how it is.

[JelatineDessert]

As long as you keep yourself well groomed and healthy, I agree that looks have little to do with it. I knew a very pretty girl who was dumb as a rock. She was a true airhead. She might get a lot of dates, but no one would take her serious as a gf because she's so annoying and dimwitted.

 

I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation for what it is. You're young, how many boyfriends were you expecting to have by now? I'm 25 and I've only had one significant LTR and he was cheating with other girls most of the time.

 

If I had a negative outlook, I would say that, "All my friends are getting engaged and having babies. I've only had one bf and even he didn't like me very much. There must be something wrong with me".

 

But the reality is, you can have MANY boyfriends. Almost anyone can. You just have to lower your standards and not care who you let into your life, but why would you want to do that? Wouldn't you rather get rid of the duds until you find the right guy? It might take longer, but you're saving yourself a lot of drama and heartache that comes with being with the wrong person.

 

I haven't been on a date since before my last relationship, but I have been dicked around by several different people I've met on OLD. It's discouraging, but there's always another person out there. And those dates/flings not working out isn't a reflection of me, but rather a reflection on that other person. Just because someone turns down a cheesecake doesn't mean the cheesecake isn't good af.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others. You never know the full story. I had a friend who was engaged, but her fiancee was a nut and she was paying majority of the bills. I have another friend who lives with her bf, but he tells her he likes thin women and she needs to drop some pounds, even though he's very overweight himself. There's a lot of women in relationships that are complete bs. They might look happy on the outside but there's always more to the story.

 

It also helps to appreciate being single. You don't have to share, you don't have to call anyone every night, you don't have to stay put in once location, you don't have to argue or worry about someone else's problems, you can do whatever you want and you don't have to answer to anyone. If a relationship comes along at the right time, cool, but you don't have to get frustrated while you're waiting.

 

Aw thank you girl for your words of encouragement. I appreciate the time you took to answer

[Cookiesandough]

The closest I had was a guy I dated for almost 4 months. He said "I think you have a lot of qualities that are hard to find, but our age difference is big and you are probably just starting out in your 20s phase, while I'm already at the tail of it." I think he was also mad that I wasn't as interested in him as he was. I don't know really...He got a girlfriend like a month after he broke it off with me, so I think he was dating her at the same time or something and chose her over me.

 

 

That was his response when you initiated the DTR? How do you usually go about it? Do tell guys you're looking for a relationship at the beginning?

 

Do you go out with guys you're not interested just because you want a bf so bad? What kind of guys do you go out with vs ones that are genuinely your type?

[basil67]

The closest I had was a guy I dated for almost 4 months. He said "I think you have a lot of qualities that are hard to find, but our age difference is big and you are probably just starting out in your 20s phase, while I'm already at the tail of it." I think he was also mad that I wasn't as interested in him as he was. I don't know really...He got a girlfriend like a month after he broke it off with me, so I think he was dating her at the same time or something and chose her over me.

 

I wouldn't assume he left you for her. If he is good with women, it would have been fairly easy for him to pick up a new person within a month.

 

Anyway, if you weren't equally interested in him, he was right to break it off. And likewise, don't be sad if someone you weren't equally into breaks it off: be glad that they saved you the trouble.

[Cookiesandough]

I feel i bring positivity, laughs, comfort people when they're down, care for others, have goals and am working on them, do the "little things" that people appreciate, love to go on adventures, am affectionate, appreciative of everyone's efforts, I like to have a variety of different conversations, I like to make people feel good about themselves. that's just what i can think of right now

and I would say that I dont know exactly where I stand on the 1-10 with people, but I would say I'm at least a 7

 

 

Do you have a job or lots of hobbies/interests? I mean to you keep a wide aray of knowledge about different subjects and add it to the conversation. Also, if you don't mind me asking, what about sexuality? Are you saving for marriage? When do you typically first sleep with these men? Sorry for all these questions. Just wanna compare charts to see why something so seemingly natural for everyone else is so damn hard for us

[JelatineDessert]

That was his response when you initiated the DTR? How do you usually go about it? Do tell guys you're looking for a relationship at the beginning?

 

Do you go out with guys you're not interested just because you want a bf so bad? What kind of guys do you go out with vs ones that are genuinely your type?

 

Sorry, I don't know what DTR stands for.

I don't tell guys I'm looking for a long term relationship unless they ask.

And no, I don't force myself to go out with guys that I don't like out of "desperation" if that's what you mean. I went out with this guy because I had interest. I dated him for that long because he had almost all the qualities I look for in a man and was willing to see where the relationship went and if I would grow to like him more as time went by. I don't believe that a few dates is enough to say someone is not worth my time. I gave it a lot of time and realized I didn't like him enough to want to be with him I guess

[JelatineDessert]

Do you have a job or lots of hobbies/interests? I mean to you keep a wide aray of knowledge about different subjects and add it to the conversation. Also, if you don't mind me asking, what about sexuality? Are you saving for marriage? When do you typically first sleep with these men? Sorry for all these questions. Just wanna compare charts to see why something so seemingly natural for everyone else is so damn hard for us

 

Yes, I have hobbies, friends, interests, I go out often, multiple times a week, I am involved in things on campus. I am sexually active but don't give it up right away. I've only given it up too soon one time and that was only because I wasn't sure if I was going to take the guy seriously or not. No, I'm not saving myself for marriage.

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry, I don't know what DTR stands for.

I don't tell guys I'm looking for a long term relationship unless they ask.

And no, I don't force myself to go out with guys that I don't like out of "desperation" if that's what you mean. I went out with this guy because I had interest. I dated him for that long because he had almost all the qualities I look for in a man and was willing to see where the relationship went and if I would grow to like him more as time went by. I don't believe that a few dates is enough to say someone is not worth my time. I gave it a lot of time and realized I didn't like him enough to want to be with him I guess

 

 

Sorry. I meant the "define the relationship" talk. You don't sound like you were excited about him from the get go, but you were trying to get him to "grow" on you. You liked him enough to give it a try.. If you didn't like him enough to want to be with him why didn't you call it off and start dating others? You're right, just because you are thrilled and feel lots of mental/physical attraction in a couple dates doesn't mean it's a going to work out. Sure, you can grow hot for someone you feel lukewarm about, but think if you have that spark about someone within the first handful of dates, it decreases the likelihood of wasting your time.

[JelatineDessert]

Sorry. I meant the "define the relationship" talk. You don't sound like you were excited about him from the get go, but you were trying to get him to "grow" on you. You liked him enough to give it a try.. If you didn't like him enough to want to be with him why didn't you call it off and start dating others? You're right, just because you are thrilled and feel lots of mental/physical attraction in a couple dates doesn't mean it's a going to work out. Sure, you can grow hot for someone you feel lukewarm about, but think if you have that spark about someone within the first handful of dates, it decreases the likelihood of wasting your time.

 

He was good enough for me to keep wanting to get to know and see where things go, yeah. I didn't call it off because I still wanted to get to know him. I'm patient and didn't see it as wasting my time at all, no.

[Cookiesandough]

Hmm okay so you were still seeing some progress with him 4 months in, but he broke it off. I'm sorry I'm at an impasse. I don't know. I guess it's hard for others to know when you can't even see it yourself, unless maybe they were directly observing you. It could be he didn't see it going anywhere due to your lack of interest and he was wasting his time ;(

[JelatineDessert]

Hmm okay so you were still seeing some progress with him 4 months in, but he broke it off. I'm sorry I'm at an impasse. I don't know. I guess it's hard for others to know when you can't even see it yourself, unless maybe they were directly observing you. It could be he didn't see it going anywhere due to your lack of interest and he was wasting his time ;(

I think so

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Yes! I have been rejected over and over and over by guys to the point where I just prepared for it when I liked a guy with thoughts such as " this won't work out" or " this won't last" and " he doesn't actually like me" they are self-sabotaging thoughts. They're opinions that exist because you see a pattern and you try to rectify it by always "reading up" or "changing it."

 

One regret was I ended up rejecting a man who liked me. I was not use to being loved or liked, I was expecting rejection. It was a pattern that I was use to. Perhaps you're use to it now. I wasted an opportunity, only because I wasn't use to being liked and I was afraid of being liked because It was a foreign concept to me. A guy that wanted a relationship with me? He came on super strong, and I freaked out. I shouldn't have, I should have accepted it. But my " rejection baggage" was what ended a fantastic romantic connection.

 

Because you're young, you can do something about this now by going to see a thearpist and a consellor. Do not wait till your'e thirties of a decade of rejection and comparrison killing your chances and destroying your happiness. Even if a guy likes you but you don't like him back intially, I would always accept his interest in you, perhaps he can lead you into a love connection and show you what love is. If someone tells you they like you or even love you, for God's sake, believe them. Rejection baggage will make you believe that their feelings for you is a bunch of B.S. Believe me I know.

 

It could be that some of those guys weren't the right men for you. But at the same time, If I could spare any of my young friends a decade of lonliness and depression I would. Go get either a relationship with God or a good trusted thearpist. You might see a pattern, rectify it, start again and then before you know it, find love.

[major_merrick]

Yes, I have hobbies, friends, interests, I go out often, multiple times a week, I am involved in things on campus. I am sexually active but don't give it up right away. I've only given it up too soon one time and that was only because I wasn't sure if I was going to take the guy seriously or not. No, I'm not saving myself for marriage.

 

I think here's your problem. I've noticed that a lot of the guys who are great catches want a less experienced girl. They are more traditional. Being sexually active and being open about it actually lower your chances of finding the "right one" a lot of the time.

 

When I found my GF#1, I was used to having lots of sex. She was a virgin, and made me WORK for it so hard.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I think here's your problem. I've noticed that a lot of the guys who are great catches want a less experienced girl. They are more traditional. Being sexually active and being open about it lower your chances of finding the "right one" a lot of the time.

 

When I found my GF#1, I was used to having lots of sex. She was a virgin and made me WORK for it so hard.

 

Not a double standard at all. Your advice is not to have sex and to enjoy your sexuality even if a man has, because as soon as you do, you won't get a serious boyfriend. Even if you ( which you have admitted Sir) have been sexually free in the past.

 

Yuck. I hate these sexist double standards. Do not listen to this advice.

[JelatineDessert]

Yes! I have been rejected over and over and over by guys to the point where I just prepared for it when I liked a guy with thoughts such as " this won't work out" or " this won't last" and " he doesn't actually like me" they are self-sabotaging thoughts. They're opinions that exist because you see a pattern and you try to rectify it by always "reading up" or "changing it."

 

One regret was I ended up rejecting a man who liked me. I was not use to being loved or liked, I was expecting rejection. It was a pattern that I was use to. Perhaps you're use to it now. I wasted an opportunity, only because I wasn't use to being liked and I was afraid of being liked because It was a foreign concept to me. A guy that wanted a relationship with me? He came on super strong, and I freaked out. I shouldn't have, I should have accepted it. But my " rejection baggage" was what ended a fantastic romantic connection.

 

Because you're young, you can do something about this now by going to see a thearpist and a consellor. Do not wait till your'e thirties of a decade of rejection and comparrison killing your chances and destroying your happiness. Even if a guy likes you but you don't like him back intially, I would always accept his interest in you, perhaps he can lead you into a love connection and show you what love is. If someone tells you they like you or even love you, for God's sake, believe them. Rejection baggage will make you believe that their feelings for you is a bunch of B.S. Believe me I know.

 

It could be that some of those guys weren't the right men for you. But at the same time, If I could spare any of my young friends a decade of lonliness and depression I would. Go get either a relationship with God or a good trusted thearpist. You might see a pattern, rectify it, start again and then before you know it, find love.

 

You're right that the pattern has happened so much that I just end up thinking that he won't like me or that it won't last long before he ghosts me. But I just have to keep reminding myself that a lot of the rejections I've experienced were #1) from guys who were not even serious about finding a girl and just wanted to be young and hookup and #2) of the ones that DID want something serious, 75% of them wanted to see me again. and #3) alot of the rejections just came from inexperience and not knowing that certain things i did or said were no-nos. I just really hope that one day I'll meet someone where the feeling is mutual. I really really do. I guess the only thing I can do is keep trying no matter how much it hurts me.

Also, when I DO do all the right things and yet the guy still doesn't like me, I think, "Oh well I guess he just isn't that into me cause maybe we're not a good fit or something" but even that makes me feel "Damn, why can't my luck be better? Why is it taking so long for God to just send me the right guy? How many more years am I going to have to go out, put myself out there in order to meet the guy for me? I don't want to wait forever, I want it soon! Especially since I've never had a boyfriend! I just want that feeling of being loved finally after decades of being single and watching others be in relationships you know? When will I finally get lucky and meet him?