Why is money so important?

[jnel921]

Originally posted by Kat

Why do peple keep reminding people to make sure they get child support of the other parent?

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

 

Is the world really that materalistic that they care about what they ca buy their child, rather than provide?

 

Do you have children? Apparently not or you may be well off to say something like that...

 

First of all....There is nothing wrong with spending time...Its just as important. But securing your childs welfare and education is even more important. All of that costs money and it is not fair that many men dump the financial responsibilty on the mothers and dont want to own up. Why should women feel bad for the guys? They have free time and I am sure the money they are not sending to their kids are being spent on themselves or someone else.

 

In order to Provide as you state...You need money...

 

Life isn't free sweetie, so if you are thinking about cutting some guy a break because he feels quality time is more important than your childs quality of life...then I feel bad for you...and you are really taking something away from your child that he totally deserves.

[Kat]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

After all, that is the entrepreneurial spirit . Not everybody has millionaire parents, who can offer support.

I am sensing the world I live in (Australia) is a lot differrent to yours (USA). Because people keep coming back to either the father or the parents paying for stuff and no one bothers to acknowledge that a mother can support her own children, alone.

[d'Arthez]

I dare you to try that on a $5 / hour job. It is easy to manage if you are earning say $95K a year.

[Kat]

Originally posted by jnel921

Do you have children? Apparently not or you may be well off to say something like that...

Sorry, but I do and their father pays me $20 a month

 

Life isn't free sweetie, so if you are thinking about cutting some guy a break because he feels quality time is more important than your childs quality of life...then I feel bad for you...and you are really taking something away from your child that he totally deserves.

My child's biological father doesn't see his child, by his own choice and he doesn't pay any more than the minimum (20 per mth), because he chooses not to get a job.

 

He has no quality time and he pays practically nothing, but my child has never gone without. I am not saying let guys off at all..never have. I am just saying that when dead beat dads and mothers don't step up to the plate, why not do it yourself and be proud of that?

[Kat]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

I dare you to try that on a $5 / hour job. It is easy to manage if you are earning say $95K a year.

What about those who don't earn $5 an hour and who don't earn 95k a year (or close)?

[shygurl]

Originally posted by Kat

Sorry, but I do and their father pays me $20 a month

 

 

My child's biological father doesn't see his child, by his own choice and he doesn't pay any more than the minimum (20 per mth), because he chooses not to get a job.

 

He has no quality time and he pays practically nothing, but my child has never gone without. I am not saying let guys off at all..never have. I am just saying that when dead beat dads and mothers don't step up to the plate, why not do it yourself and be proud of that?

 

Kat, it is really easy - once again - for you to sit on your high horse and make these statements because you're clearly not in any kind of dire situation.

 

With your first child (I'm sure the old posts are in the archives) - you post many times about how you couldn't afford to live in your own place with your child.........so you were living with your dope smoking brother and mother, in your mom's home. So again, you didn't have to worry about rent, utilities, a babysitter (I remember you posting that your brother and/or mom would babysit your first child)..............at that time, you were working. Get a clue. Not all single moms had the luxuries you had - not all of them have family they can move in with, rent-free....not all of them have live-in babysitters, either.

 

I remember your many posts about how badly and desperately you wanted to move in with your current boyfriend (who's the father now of your new unborn child) - you were almost obsessed with it (he didn't want to for a very long time and this caused you a lot of distress).

 

Now here you are, you're living with him. In his home that he purchased. So again, you're not actuallly a 'single mom'........you have a man who's putting a roof over your head - so that's one HUGE thing you don't even have to worry about. Many single Moms don't have the luxury of having a live-in boyfriend to provide them with a free home. Who knows what else your guy pays for, too...........not even sure if you work or not.

 

You're not even thinking about this realistically. There's many single moms out there who have no family to turn to. They live in areas where even the most meager rental home or 1 bedroom apartment is $800+/month. Then there's the cost of daycare or a babysitter - so that they can actually leave their child and go to work - often at a $5/hr job which barely pays the rent. Do you have any idea what childcare in North America costs? It can be up to $1000 a month.

 

Chances are the single Mom who's @ a $5/hr job isn't receiving benefits........so no health insurance. Do you know what doctor's visits and medication cost?

 

What about diapers? clothes? shoes? gas for the car (if she can afford one) to get her to her job and home? What about car insurance? what about tenant insurance? Nevermind that she might need some basic things for herself - clothing, basic toiletries.........then there's groceries, etc.

 

You have been and remain in a fairly cushy position for someone with a child and one on the way who's not even married. You have clearly never been in the typical situation of a single woman who is barely scraping by.

 

I think it's very arrogant for you, as a mother, to sit there in judgment and be so sanctimonious about poor single women who need child support to be able to raise their children alone and provide them with the very basics. You seem very spoiled and naive.

[jnel921]

Originally posted by Kat

Sorry, but I do and their father pays me $20 a month

 

 

My child's biological father doesn't see his child, by his own choice and he doesn't pay any more than the minimum (20 per mth), because he chooses not to get a job.

 

He has no quality time and he pays practically nothing, but my child has never gone without. I am not saying let guys off at all..never have. I am just saying that when dead beat dads and mothers don't step up to the plate, why not do it yourself and be proud of that?

 

 

A mother should step up to the plate regardless. I was a single parent for 5 and a half years. My ex H did his part financially and physically with out kids and still does. Even if he wasn't there that inspired me to do better for myself.

 

$20....sorry to hear that. I have friends who have baby daddies who owe them thousands in arrears. I'm not sure how they do it out there...But here if you dont pay your license gets suspended and the money may be garnished from his wages. Which is great for all the moms looking to give their kids a little extra. I've done well for myself and take nearly half of the child support and have put it in a saving account for both of my kids...I've saved thousands of dollars which is to be used for their education and I've invested a portion too.

 

I am remarried... But will always do the right thing with the $$ my ex gives me for our kids.

[d'Arthez]

You can't simply say that only love is enough. Just as you can't sat that only money is enough. Money has a function, and that is to pay for the needs of the child. Of course it would be unjust if the non-involved parent would pay for all, but it should not be the case that almost all of the financial burden should fall on the shoulders of the involved parent.

 

The more money you have / earn, the easier it would be without child support, or with minimal child support. If you have parents or other relatives around, so you won't have to pay for day-care when you are working, it would help a lot.

 

The problem is about the issue, is that it depends on the place where you live, to determine how necessary that money is.

 

The place where you live, makes a huge difference. Both between countries, as in countries.

The laws and support systems in the US may be completely different from the laws in Australia. For instance: what does a year of college cost in Australia, compared to the US? These are things that must be taken in consideration. If the State is paying most of the costs for education (as in quite a number of European countries), that is one big worry less for the parent than when that is not the case.

If you live in a country, where you can get benefits from your government, as you are renting a place to stay, that will save quite a substantial amount of money.

You could be living in an extremely expensive part of the country, or a relatively cheap part of the country.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Kat

I am just saying that when dead beat dads and mothers don't step up to the plate, why not do it yourself and be proud of that?

 

I didn't regard this post to be about being *proud* or not proud for that matter of taking care of your Wee Peeps on your own, I took this to be about why ask for or accept support at all

 

Men and Women should be proud to support thier offspring and raise them... it isn't IMO a matter of gender it is a matter that it takes 2 people to make a child, and IMO it should BOTH parties who contribute to that child or children financially as well as emotionally regardless of the status of the relationship between Mom and Dad.

 

In a case where there is a dead beat Mom or Dad then the other parent has no other option but to take care of business on thier own, and while I'm sure that person feels just as proud to support thier offspring by themselves again it is my opinion that BOTH parties should feel that way and no Mom or Dad should feel bad about asking for or accepting financial or emotional support from the other parent for their Little Peeps.

[RecordProducer]

Even if you forget the money (let's say you're wealthy yourself), it's terrible to have a child from a man who doesn't want it knowing that he might refuse to be his parent. But it's all life and we're human. I know a person whose BF ran away when he found out she was pregnant. She never saw him again. She re-married when her girl was a few years old and her new husband adopted her daughter. He also has a daughter from his first marriage and they have a 7-year old son together. This man is my BF's twin brother.

[Kat]

 

I think I will back away slowly from this one. Looks like people have taken what I have said and taken as some sort of personal attack.

 

I don't live in luxury, but I don't live on the streets either. It seems that there is no middle ground for you people.

I am not rich, but I don't dig food out of bins either. But it seems that there is no middle ground for you people.

I support my child, by myself. If my partner was to leave me, my daughter and I would be fine. I don't need a man OR anyone else paying my way.

 

If this makes me a terrible person then so be it.

 

Shygurl, I think you need to stop obessing over my posts sweetheart, there is a lot of anger there

[Merin]

Originally posted by Kat

 

I think I will back away slowly from this one. Looks like people have taken what I have said and taken as some sort of personal attack.

 

I don't live in luxury, but I don't live on the streets either. It seems that there is no middle ground for you people.

I am not rich, but I don't dig food out of bins either. But it seems that there is no middle ground for you people.

I support my child, by myself. If my partner was to leave me, my daughter and I would be fine. I don't need a man OR anyone else paying my way.

 

Wait.. how do you see a parent paying support for thier Child as supporting YOU?

This is making a lot of people pissed off because it seems you're saying that IF you are a single parent and getting child support for your wee peep you share with your EX that is somehow means your EX is paying to support YOU not his/her CHILD.

 

My EXH pays support for our Little People and that money pays for things for my KIDS not for ME personally. I don't get a child support check and go "Whoo now I can go shoppin for ME" more like "Whoo now I can go and get some summer clothes for my kiddo's OR now I can go get some school supplies"

 

Child support while I'm sure is misused by some I don't believe that is true for most.

 

If my EXH didn't pay any support for our Little people would I have to find a way to work around that and take care of my kiddos.. yes I would. Would I be all okay doing so.. yes I would. Does that mean he SHOULDN'T pay support for the Little people he helped make.. hell nah!

[Moose]

shygurl,

 

Your last post, if these two were married, how would the arrangement be different?

 

1. She wouldn't be getting the child support anymore, and I doubt the father would be willing to pay for it.

 

2. They would both be legally responsible for all of the bills.

 

Would this arrangement better suit you?

 

Is this what the problem is with you and the OP?

 

Cause, I think you're coming down kinda harsh on her. I don't agree that she should be receiving benefits from the father if she's getting total support elsewhere. And I would hope she knows that she shouldn't. For that matter, I don't think living together without being married is acceptable, but that seems to be the norm now and days.

 

Fact is, some people do things differently.

[Chris777]

Originally posted by Kat

Why do peple keep reminding people to make sure they get child support of the other parent?

Why does money come before spending time with the child and giving it the best family support network it can get?

 

Is the world really that materalistic that they care about what they ca buy their child, rather than provide?

 

the botton line yes

 

the world is

 

 

 

I worked in an office for 7 years, and I heard the gossip, A LOT of gossip.

Your post reminds me of (many of) the women I worked with.

An almost hate men attitude, as I was always told not to pay attention, or "no offence"

 

but it was the take what you can geT from em sort of viewpoint.

 

I was sick a few years back, and had to apply for assistance from DFACS and they basically forced me to file charges of unpaid child support, from my ex wife.

now she has rarely paid, and keeps putting herself into jerry springer type situations, but I couldn't be the one who sent my childs mother to prison, because she was insane.

 

And as for government help, I am ill now, jobless, and unless it is the last resort I have little plan on getting government aid other than possibly education.

The system is set up in exactly the same arrangement as a drug dealer works upon, just enough

just enough to get you started, and trapped in an endless loop, but never enough to help one get out of it.

 

maby thats where some of the resent ment ive heard came from,

 

I see where some of the other posters might have misconstrewed what you were originally saying, but going back and re reading it, you have raised a valid point, have we become a society where everything has a monetary value, and can be bought or sold?