My MM and I in love again

[ChickiePops]

When is he getting divorced?

[lftbehind]

Ridiculous. If you read my previous posts, I was so determined. I would never think I will break and go off guard. And here we are: "madly in love again".

This time we have been without each other just to realize that emptiness in our marriages led us to seek validation somewhere else. We both tried to focus on our spouses and even when apart, we tried to find a spark with someone else unintentionally (we both noticed we could innocently flirt with coworkers). We admitted that none of us would complicate things even more. None of us is willing to act on shallow chemistry with other people. We are not animals. We are both paranoid of deseases. We tested before we slept with each other. During the hike today we analyzed our emotions and talked about how serial cheating occurs if not careful with uncontrolled animal instincts.

 

We are back together professing our love to each other. I am high again from my love to MM. I have my stability at home and don't want to change anything. I don't want my MM to be my life partner, but I love him. I want us to keep our thrill and love madness. I told him that I would be afraid to have the same marriage if we stay together. I enjoy our hikes, getaways, lunches, business trips, etc. Romantic part is amazing! I know I sound completely selfish, but I started to think we have more to us. Something deeper. We are open with each other and realistic. Yes, we are both cowards and selfish to confess to our spouses the second time. But I don't want him to and I will never tell my husband the truth. I am a bad person.

 

If you have both tried to find a spark with other people unintentionally, do you ad MM really want each other or are you falling back on each other, because it's easy? Unfortunately you'll probably go through the same things as you did before with him. Romance is nice, but it doesn't seem to last and men don't seem to value it as much as women. You both have a lot of family obligations. It's an escape for you from your marriage and makes your life happier, but you need to try to let it go. It sounds like it will end again.

[KateHR]

When is he getting divorced?

 

I dont want him to divorce! I am not getting divorced.

[imsosad]

Kate,what is it you do want?

You don't want to divorce,but you won't stop your affair.

What is it that you truely want?

[Birdies]

Ridiculous. If you read my previous posts, I was so determined. I would never think I will break and go off guard. And here we are: "madly in love again".

This time we have been without each other just to realize that emptiness in our marriages led us to seek validation somewhere else. We both tried to focus on our spouses and even when apart, we tried to find a spark with someone else unintentionally (we both noticed we could innocently flirt with coworkers). We admitted that none of us would complicate things even more. None of us is willing to act on shallow chemistry with other people. We are not animals. We are both paranoid of deseases. We tested before we slept with each other. During the hike today we analyzed our emotions and talked about how serial cheating occurs if not careful with uncontrolled animal instincts.

 

We are back together professing our love to each other. I am high again from my love to MM. I have my stability at home and don't want to change anything. I don't want my MM to be my life partner, but I love him. I want us to keep our thrill and love madness. I told him that I would be afraid to have the same marriage if we stay together. I enjoy our hikes, getaways, lunches, business trips, etc. Romantic part is amazing! I know I sound completely selfish, but I started to think we have more to us. Something deeper. We are open with each other and realistic. Yes, we are both cowards and selfish to confess to our spouses the second time. But I don't want him to and I will never tell my husband the truth. I am a bad person.

 

Girl, if you love your husband at all and care about him as a person whatsoever, you have to either divorce him or break it off 100%with the MM NOW! You are going to devastate your husband and child so much more than you ever thought possible. False reconciliation is the cruelest possible thing to do in this situation.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Kate,what is it you do want?

You don't want to divorce,but you won't stop your affair.

What is it that you truely want?

 

Obviously she wants both, the stability of a marriage with the excitement and romance of a long term affair. It is exactly what xmm wanted and after speaking with a few female friends IRL, there are women out there who want this.

 

I don't, I want the excitement and romance in my marriage with my husband but there are women out there who like that arrangement, it meets their needs.

[KateHR]

I love my marriage. My husband and I are a good team. We both invest finacially and emotionally in our child. We both have fun. Sex is good. But after I met my MM and being without him, I feel some emptiness that only HE can fulfill. Male pay attention to me at work and it boosts my ego, but I noticed that only my MM can truly complete me. It is only his attention that I need. I don't want him to leave his family because I am not going to ruin the status quo in mine. My marriage is what I want and in addition I want something for myself. Not a family routine. Just romantic carefree love. It sucks to be an adult when you feel those teenage feelings again. I do understand risks, but I am continuing anyway. I don't really care about losing my MM. I functioned well without him. But I love that momentous thrill. I melt in his eyes. Just holding each other's hands while hiking makes me high. A 30-minute lunch with him makes me high. Staring at each other's eyes makes me high. I will never experience it with my husband anymore. We have family love. Routine love. I care about him. I love him.

 

I dont want my MM ever be my husband. I want him to belong to his family. But I do love him. Romantically. I am in love with him. Big deal. My heart is pumping when we are together or just text. If we lived together, it would disappear overtime.

[heartwhole]

I love my marriage. My husband and I are a good team. We both invest finacially and emotionally in our child. We both have fun. Sex is good. But after I met my MM and being without him, I feel some emptiness that only HE can fulfill. Male pay attention to me at work and it boosts my ego, but I noticed that only my MM can truly complete me. It is only his attention that I need. I don't want him to leave his family because I am not going to ruin the status quo in mine. My marriage is what I want and in addition I want something for myself. Not a family routine. Just romantic carefree love. It sucks to be an adult when you feel those teenage feelings again. I do understand risks, but I am continuing anyway. I don't really care about losing my MM. I functioned well without him. But I love that momentous thrill. I melt in his eyes. Just holding each other's hands while hiking makes me high. A 30-minute lunch with him makes me high. Staring at each other's eyes makes me high. I will never experience it with my husband anymore. We have family love. Routine love. I care about him. I love him.

 

I dont want my MM ever be my husband. I want him to belong to his family. But I do love him. Romantically. I am in love with him. Big deal. My heart is pumping when we are together or just text. If we lived together, it would disappear overtime.

 

I think it all comes down to the fact that you haven't made peace with adulthood yet. I don't know a lot of grown, married mothers who spend a lot of time thinking about whether the flirting they do at work gives them the ego boost they need. That's an empty source for your self-esteem -- that needs to come from within. I'm glad that you can see that MM wouldn't complete you if you divorced your spouses and married each other, but I'm a bit horrified that this contradiction is OK with you and worth hurting all the other innocent parties involved. Whether you stay in the affair or not, I hope you will seek out professional help to mature emotionally.

[lftbehind]

I love my marriage. My husband and I are a good team. We both invest finacially and emotionally in our child. We both have fun. Sex is good. But after I met my MM and being without him, I feel some emptiness that only HE can fulfill. Male pay attention to me at work and it boosts my ego, but I noticed that only my MM can truly complete me. It is only his attention that I need. I don't want him to leave his family because I am not going to ruin the status quo in mine. My marriage is what I want and in addition I want something for myself. Not a family routine. Just romantic carefree love. It sucks to be an adult when you feel those teenage feelings again. I do understand risks, but I am continuing anyway. I don't really care about losing my MM. I functioned well without him. But I love that momentous thrill. I melt in his eyes. Just holding each other's hands while hiking makes me high. A 30-minute lunch with him makes me high. Staring at each other's eyes makes me high. I will never experience it with my husband anymore. We have family love. Routine love. I care about him. I love him.

 

I dont want my MM ever be my husband. I want him to belong to his family. But I do love him. Romantically. I am in love with him. Big deal. My heart is pumping when we are together or just text. If we lived together, it would disappear overtime.

 

I noticed that you said that you love your marriage, didn't say that you loved your H until the end of what you wrote. If you need to supplement your marriage with this OM, I think that you're being really unfair to your H. How would your feel if he had to have an OW to be happy? You say that you don't care if you lose your MM, so why don't you lose him now.

[ChickiePops]

I love my marriage. My husband and I are a good team. We both invest finacially and emotionally in our child. We both have fun. Sex is good. But after I met my MM and being without him, I feel some emptiness that only HE can fulfill. Male pay attention to me at work and it boosts my ego, but I noticed that only my MM can truly complete me. It is only his attention that I need. I don't want him to leave his family because I am not going to ruin the status quo in mine. My marriage is what I want and in addition I want something for myself. Not a family routine. Just romantic carefree love. It sucks to be an adult when you feel those teenage feelings again. I do understand risks, but I am continuing anyway. I don't really care about losing my MM. I functioned well without him. But I love that momentous thrill. I melt in his eyes. Just holding each other's hands while hiking makes me high. A 30-minute lunch with him makes me high. Staring at each other's eyes makes me high. I will never experience it with my husband anymore. We have family love. Routine love. I care about him. I love him.

 

I dont want my MM ever be my husband. I want him to belong to his family. But I do love him. Romantically. I am in love with him. Big deal. My heart is pumping when we are together or just text. If we lived together, it would disappear overtime.

 

So your husband is ok with your affair then?

[imsosad]

Thing is, being an adult you must realise everything comes at a price. So many people harbor these fantasies of maintaining a stable life at home while having a thrill on the side. Sounds perfect in theory. We are people,though,and are not perfect .so things get messed up.

You must know that eithet of you getti.g caught will blow this whole magical arrangement to pieces.

You know, even if you guys carry on for years and never get caught, I still believe it comeswith a price,because that's the way life is. Undercurrents can be just as powerful as the obvious,maybe more.

You can keep on hoping for the best, but prepare for the worst. Notice Im not even getting into moral aspects. From a practical point of view, you are setting a fire under your own home.

[sandylee1]

I actually think the OP is being very honest in saying she wants both ....which is what many cheaters MW/MM want, but won't admit.

 

I noticed people spoke of your hypocrisy when you first posted, but I don't see a lot of difference in you and other OWs in that respect. You are admitting you want 2 men. The MMs generally want the same, but because of the nonsesical excuses they give, the OW believes he's torn between his wife and them.

 

You want the comfort and stability of marriage and fun on the side. Except your fun is a MM with 3 kids and one on the way. So you're at risk of destroying 2 families.

 

Your husband seems very accommodating, why not ask how he feels about an open marriage, as long as neither of you seek to leave for the other person.

 

You speak of it being worth the risk? So you will be fine if divorce is an outcome for you then? If your husband decides he's had enough of your cheating ... then you'll accept it's over?

[stillafool]

OP, have you tried to figure out why you need so much male attention?

[SweetiePi]

Kate, I understand where you are coming from in that you love your husband in a family way and enjoy your marriage as it is a great partnership. You have that chemical, passionate, romantic love with your MM. That strong desire that makes you feel high. I had this situation too and xMM did also... He told me him and his wife in the past made a great team in life and he wanted that back with her. He had passion with me, but that is not enough to throw away over 25 years with his wife, rightfully so. xMM and I have no chance at a stable life together as a couple as our current situations exist. I'm polyamorous and don't believe all of us go through life loving only one person (I envy those that do). I learned I have the capability to love more than one person and in very different ways. They each fill the kind of love that I want in my life. Not everything is black and white as we are human.

 

 

I agree fully with the quote below. Unless you and your H have the agreement that this is okay, it will eventually blow up for you and/or him. And even if you and him don't get caught and it doesn't blow up, we are human, always with changing needs and desires. One day this arrangement might not be good enough for either of u. With my situation, I have backed off the close friendship xMM and I had. We still see each other about once a month -prior obligations that will last at least another year, not social. I wish this was not the case because I would rather not see him at all and rip the bandaid off in one shot. I do miss him still, but as an adult, i need to make the right decisions even though they don't feel great and don't line up with my selfish desires. At times it causes me sadness. I ache heavily on the inside because of my lack of boundaries and good choices. If you go the route you are, I think you might end up with the same painful aching inside.

 

 

Thing is, being an adult you must realise everything comes at a price. So many people harbor these fantasies of maintaining a stable life at home while having a thrill on the side. Sounds perfect in theory. We are people,though,and are not perfect .so things get messed up.

You must know that eithet of you getti.g caught will blow this whole magical arrangement to pieces.

You know, even if you guys carry on for years and never get caught, I still believe it comeswith a price,because that's the way life is. Undercurrents can be just as powerful as the obvious,maybe more.

You can keep on hoping for the best, but prepare for the worst. Notice Im not even getting into moral aspects. From a practical point of view, you are setting a fire under your own home.

[malvern99]

I actually think the OP is being very honest in saying she wants both ....which is what many cheaters MW/MM want, but won't admit.

 

I noticed people spoke of your hypocrisy when you first posted, but I don't see a lot of difference in you and other OWs in that respect. You are admitting you want 2 men. The MMs generally want the same, but because of the nonsesical excuses they give, the OW believes he's torn between his wife and them.

 

You want the comfort and stability of marriage and fun on the side. Except your fun is a MM with 3 kids and one on the way. So you're at risk of destroying 2 families.

 

Your husband seems very accommodating, why not ask how he feels about an open marriage, as long as neither of you seek to leave for the other person.

 

You speak of it being worth the risk? So you will be fine if divorce is an outcome for you then? If your husband decides he's had enough of your cheating ... then you'll accept it's over?

 

I reread OP's first post in this thread. Everything she said about the MM is applicable to herself. Just like her MM, the only person OP loves is herself. No one else matters... not her children, not her husband, nobody. Just like her MM, OP has no respect for anybody else. Don't let her fool us with this whole "I'm a bad person" shtick, feel sorry for me etc etc. She knows exactly what she is doing. The fact of the matter is that she just does not give a sh*t. She lives for herself and everybody else can go f*ck themselves, her children and husband included.

 

She talks of love but in my humble opinion, she has no idea what that word means. Love builds... it does not destroy. All she is doing is allowing her selfishness to destroy the lives of those who love her the most, and that in my mind, is unspeakably cruel. It is the very antithesis of love. At some point, it will all come crashing down. I just hope OP is ready to deal with the fallout. Good luck to her.

[ShatteredLady]

I reread OP's first post in this thread. Everything she said about the MM is applicable to herself. Just like her MM, the only person OP loves is herself. No one else matters... not her children, not her husband, nobody. Just like her MM, OP has no respect for anybody else. Don't let her fool us with this whole "I'm a bad person" shtick, feel sorry for me etc etc. She knows exactly what she is doing. The fact of the matter is that she just does not give a sh*t. She lives for herself and everybody else can go f*ck themselves, her children and husband included.

 

She talks of love but in my humble opinion, she has no idea what that word means. Love builds... it does not destroy. All she is doing is allowing her selfishness to destroy the lives of those who love her the most, and that in my mind, is unspeakably cruel. It is the very antithesis of love. At some point, it will all come crashing down. I just hope OP is ready to deal with the fallout. Good luck to her.

 

 

When I read this revolting story I feel disgusted that it's apparently a wife & mother writing it. Not quite sure why it's being posted. She seems very happy using & abusing to her hearts content. :sick:

 

I agree with everything you've said here Malvern99, EXCEPT the last 2 sentences.

 

I'm out!

[sandylee1]

IlThe fact of the matter is that she just does not give a sh*t. She lives for herself and everybody else can go f*ck themselves, her children and husband included.

 

She talks of love but in my humble opinion, she has no idea what that word means. Love builds... it does not destroy. All she is doing is allowing her selfishness to destroy the lives of those who love her the most, and that in my mind, is unspeakably cruel. It is the very antithesis of love. At some point, it will all come crashing down. I just hope OP is ready to deal with the fallout. Good luck to her.

 

I agree with you. My point was that the selfishness, the only thinking about herself, the not caring about the kids involved is no different than anyone else who other cheaters and OWs. They all want what they want and damn the consequences or whoever gets hurt in the process.

 

The OP is only different, in that she is honest about wanting it all. i.e. being selfish.

[wmacbride]

I love my marriage. My husband and I are a good team. We both invest finacially and emotionally in our child. We both have fun. Sex is good. But after I met my MM and being without him, I feel some emptiness that only HE can fulfill. Male pay attention to me at work and it boosts my ego, but I noticed that only my MM can truly complete me. It is only his attention that I need. I don't want him to leave his family because I am not going to ruin the status quo in mine. My marriage is what I want and in addition I want something for myself. Not a family routine. Just romantic carefree love. It sucks to be an adult when you feel those teenage feelings again. I do understand risks, but I am continuing anyway. I don't really care about losing my MM. I functioned well without him. But I love that momentous thrill. I melt in his eyes. Just holding each other's hands while hiking makes me high. A 30-minute lunch with him makes me high. Staring at each other's eyes makes me high. I will never experience it with my husband anymore. We have family love. Routine love. I care about him. I love him.

 

I dont want my MM ever be my husband. I want him to belong to his family. But I do love him. Romantically. I am in love with him. Big deal. My heart is pumping when we are together or just text. If we lived together, it would disappear overtime.

 

Bull.

I don't know if you really are a bad person or you have the least insight into what you are doing of just about anyone i have ever heard of.

 

You blather and on about how you don't want to hurt your husband,your mm, his wife and new baby. You complain about how your both work long hours and it would be better for your child if your husband quit his job to spend more time with the kids as a family unit.

 

So your bh should quit his job because it would be best for the kids? Madam, why don't you quit YOUR job? If being around for the kids is so important ,why are you not spending your spare time doing that instead of squeezing in an affair?

 

You say you feel bad for his wife and hope their family stays together and she has a healthy pregnancy, yet you are sleeping with her husband, which could devastate her?

 

I don't know if I'd categorize this as deluded, hypocritical or just plain selfish. Really,I guess the answer is it's all three.

 

Tell your poor husband the truth and let him go. At least that way, he can find someone who treats him decently, isn't screwing around behind his back and blaming him for her actions.

 

 

btw...no,you don't love your husband in any way that matters. your love is selfish, you love him for what he can do for you. if you really loved him, you wouldn't have started the A back up.

[anika99]

"Building your own happiness on someone's pain is the worst and it will come back to haunt you"

 

OP the above quote are your own words from your first post in this thread. You should ponder them.

[wmacbride]

I do respect his wife. When she contacted me, I felt her pain. I do feel sorry for her. I wish her healthy pregnancy. The baby needs an emotionally stable mom.

 

The lies we tell ourselves are the worst of all.

 

These are just hollow words, as if you did really wish that, you would stay away.

[aileD]

The lies we tell ourselves are the worst of all.

 

These are just hollow words, as if you did really wish that, you would stay away.

 

Truer words were never spoken