blue16 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 I really think you still have more feelings for your ex than you're trying to lead on. The very fact that you are making an entire thread about her...replying constantly shows you are thinking about her very often. Theres nothing wrong with that, but I think it's useless to try to pretend that 'you don't care.' If you don't care, then why are you posting about it so much? If someone I didn't have feelings for was giving me all these signs and signals, I probably wouldn't even think about it for 2 seconds let alone post it here, because I wasn't interested to begin with. Trust me I've been down the same road...the ex does these little signs which confuse me and I tell myself "I don't really care either way, I'm just curious." but when it comes down to it I still cared greatly. I agree with the J Dubster, she's probably feels bad and wants to make herself feel better. Personally, I would just make a vague excuse and say you're 'busy' and then see what she does. But if we can't change your mind, and you want to go under the prenotion of 'wanting to get laid' then go for it I guess...just keep in mind that the situation is a lot more complicated than you think and there is definitely a potential to reset the healing process if you go through with it. Good luck with whatever decision you make though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 actually i'm bored as hell at work and have nothing better to do than to post here....but your right i still do care about my ex a lot. I don't desire to be in a committed relationship with her, but yea I do miss her (especially the sex). I guess that's natural though when you've been with someone for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 alright you've convinced me guys. i'm going to politely decline. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Totally dude, theres nothing wrong with still caring about her. I mean if you really want to go with her, go...but just realize what you may be getting yourself into before you do. But the easy way to spare all the trouble is just to say you're busy and then see what she does next... Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne alright you've convinced me guys. i'm going to politely decline. You'll be glad you did I promise. She'll want to know what the heck you have better to do than hang with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 your right jdub, in all the time i've known her i think i've only ever cancelled or bailed on her twice (all for good reasons too). the thing is I can't just tell her i won't be able to go because we can go any weekend during the summer. i have to tell her it's not a good idea that we see each other anymore, which is definitely a lot harsher. but hey this is what she wanted, so i'm giving it to her. let her eat her own words. hehe she just txted me saying "we'll have fun I promise". Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne your right jdub, in all the time i've known her i think i've only ever cancelled or bailed on her twice (all for good reasons too). the thing is I can't just tell her i won't be able to go because we can go any weekend during the summer. i have to tell her it's not a good idea that we see each other anymore, which is definitely a lot harsher. but hey this is what she wanted, so i'm giving it to her. let her eat her own words. hehe she just txted me saying "we'll have fun I promise". If I were you I wouldnt say you cant EVER do anything, just keep turning her down over and over. You'll get more pleasure out of it. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Ok so how bout this message: "I'm sorry I would love to go but I just don't think its a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne Ok so how bout this message: "I'm sorry I would love to go but I just don't think its a good idea. Nooooo say youre busy, remember? You wanna be mysterious!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Ok so I just sent her that message. She responded twice: "I don't understand why your doing this to me." "How did you stop caring about me so fast?" Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne Ok so I just sent her that message. She responded twice: "I don't understand why your doing this to me." "How did you stop caring about me so fast?" I wont even say it. I wont. Wait...yes I will.... I TOLD YOU SO Shes feelings like a shmuck Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 see jdub, i'm not so hard headed. it just takes me a while. i dunno how to really respond to those questions to be honest. it just seems crazy that she would even say that to me. i mean she flat out told me we should never talk or speak to each other again, and now she's asking how I can stop caring about her so fast? Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 because she loooooooooves you she just needs a swift kick in the a$$ to get her to acknowledge it. And youre going to give her the kick, by not responding at all. Or, you can say something along the lines of "dont be silly" BUT DO NOT REASSURE HER. that is what she wants, once you do that, youve lost all that ground youve covered. Please please PLEASE do not say anything like "no i still love you" she'll disappear all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 DUDE...this is awesome. That is soooooo hilarious "how did you stop caring about me so fast?" lol....man I'm sensing a hint of desperation on her part. DO NOT give in and start saying things like "oh I still care about you I just don't think it's a good idea." because you are still saying you love her but aren't going out of principle. Saying you would really like to go gave her a little more power than I would like, but it's 10x better than just blindly agreeing to go with her. You have almost complete control of this situation, don't blow it. You have to realize the second you start running back to her, she will run away because once she knows you still care a lot about her she will take off since she got her ego boost and her guilt is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne ah what the hell, it's a free trip to six flags. damn you women, you make relationships so needlessly complex.... So u going to reward her for bad behavior(she broke-up with u,and broke your heart) ,now u going to reward her by going out with her,and now being her friend. Boy u looking for another emotional beat down. I hope u win this time. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 So u going to reward her for bad behavior(she broke-up with u,and broke your heart) ,now u going to reward her by going out with her,and now being her friend. Boy u looking for another emotional beat down. I hope u win this time. Umm...read the other posts before you make comments, because he decided not to go... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 now i'm confused about what to do. i told her i can't talk right now because i was busy at work and that i'd talk to her tonight. so what the heck am i supposed to say tonight? Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne now i'm confused about what to do. i told her i can't talk right now because i was busy at work and that i'd talk to her tonight. so what the heck am i supposed to say tonight? What the heck did you tell her you'd talk to her for? Just dont talk to her if you dont know what to say. To me it sounds you are not emotionally stable enough to handle whatever blow she might throw at you, and you'll be back at square one again which I dont want to see you do considering how far you've come. I'd say, dont say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 well if i didn't respond, there would have been unnecessary drama. i was thinking about just agreeing to go with her to six flags, it would make this all so much easier, but i know that isn't what i should be doing. i just don't wanna ruin the progress i've made. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by sanne well if i didn't respond, there would have been unnecessary drama. Really? Like what? Perhaps, she would be WONDERING WHAT YOU ARE DOING? Wasnt that the point?? Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 All I have to say is, you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink. I thought by now with all this progress you made, you would see the light and understand how to follow this track. I am clearly wrong. Do whatever it is your heart desires, all I can say is you WERE on your way to making your life easier...now? I dont know anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 well there would be many repeated txt messages throughout the rest of the day, followed by more the next, more the next, until she finally stops with the txt messages and starts calling, gets sick of calling and then comes over to my apt. a hysterical mess. that is not what i want. she knows i'm at work right now anyways, not much to wonder about. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Repeated texts? Ugh, dont talk to her at ALL, who cares if she comes over in a messy state - she dumped your a$$ and youre still concerned about how SHE feels? Shouldnt you worry about yourself? Dude, you just arent getting it are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 seems like i'm making this complicated for myself. it's not that i don't know what to do, it's just hard to finally do it. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 no one said anything rewarding would be EASY I can see why she took off. I'm sorry to say, but you are being a total pushover and that is NOT attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
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