She has a boyfriend but has feelings for me. My Story.

[ajz]

Hi everyone first time user here, I've been reading around forums to find some input on what I'm dealing with but I decided to write some of it here.

 

So first off, I stream a game full-time on twitch.tv, she also streams it occasionally but she has other jobs too. We've talked briefly just as acquaintances and seen eachother in-game. She's seen my stream before, and I looked at hers one time looking at the twitch directory, nothing special, carried on doing my own things. One day her hair looked really nice and I actually watched her stream for quite some time and typed in chat a few times. I think she was surprised I was watching her stream because she thought she was some lowly person no one would really notice whereas I was well-known in the community. Sometime after that she was watching my stream and I think found out I live in Canada. She got matched up with me one day while playing and was nervous I think seeing me in her game.

 

She private messaged me after telling me she lived in Ottawa and asking me where I lived which was Mississauga only a few hours away. We talked every other day which quickly transitioned into everyday. She started to ask me to play with her more and aside from that we started to really enjoy talking to eachother. She seemed pretty nervous still because she would get upset if we would lose and apologize to me, I honestly didn't care about winning though just wanted to play with her and she felt the same.

 

After a couple weeks of playing together and streaming she asked to add her on Snapchat and we started talking there but we still private messaged on twitch frequently. Nothing serious, and I didn't intend on anything. She just sent me lots of pictures of her pets. But then a couple more weeks passed of talking every day and looking forward to chatting each morning after waking up and after work. Again, nothing serious as we talked to eachother just very friendly and played/streamed the same game.

 

At some point we talked about some things IRL (in-real-life) to eachother and she apparently thought I was her age. I knew how old she was and I thought she knew as well (not revealing ages). I'm younger than her by a few years which is definitely something I'm not uncomfortable about since I've been surrounded by older people my entire life so I guess I seemed more mature in her mind. She reminded me that there's a private messenger on Snapchat to talk to her about anything if need be, basically saying our friendship became closer. Few more weeks pass talking everyday and playing/streaming. Still nothing serious but we did start to talk about our personal lives. Keep in mind I was being very respectful of her time, that she had a job and was busy a lot and I still was doing my own thing. I appreciated her as a friend and left it at that for the time being.

 

Fast forward a little farther cause all that was happening was just talking everyday and occasionally playing games together if there was time. At this point it does some like a normal friendship but I or her didn't expect to talk to eachother as much as we did. I thought it would originally be some short talk and done, back to doing my own thing after a week. It was wierd because I'm a pretty serious gamer and she usually gets upset sometimes when losing but when whenever we were around eachother and got to talk we were both very relaxed and happy. Don't know if those were signs of anything because still at the time I wasn't intending on getting very close with a girl. Oh and, she had a boyfriend. Everyday there was lots of meaning put into saying good morning and good night so we really looked forward to talking to eachother it was wierd. But again I was still keeping my distance and boundaries with what I was saying and she was too, it was a strong friendship I guess.

 

This probably sounds like a pretty basic friendship and that stage lasted a long time because I knew she had a boyfriend and I wasn't looking for anyone at the time, we both focused on our own things. But let me fast forward a little bit now even though most of these paragraphs don't seem special I feel like it's important you guys are informed of how not close we were before you read the end and comment. One night we talked for a long time about personal details because the topic just somehow came up and I was someone to never reveal such things. She was supportive of my goals and had an idea of the kind of person I was. I told her about my younger life growing up and she found it hard to believe the hardships because I'm a much different person now. She told me about her family and stuff too but anyways I think I messed up here by saying she makes me smile a lot, I mean we both really enjoy talking to eachother but comments like that were never really directly put out there for obvious reasons. Some time passed and one day she said on twitch that we could text eachother but I didn't remember it after we were always on Snapchat. There were obvious signs about what we felt about eachother but it was never serious and I still tried to again, focus on my own things. It was just so wierd, we talked about the nearly the same things everyday and SOMETIMES played together but we never got bored and enjoyed eachother's presence. Again, she has a boyfriend so I never said anything serious to her and neither did she. We both tried to stay in touch regularly.

 

Fast forward a bit when we talk about this event the developers for the game do where they invite streamers to their HQ. I gave her the idea that I didn't really interact with a lot of people and I probably wouldn't go but just imagining about it if we got invited she said she would love to meet me IRL. And she talked about being my light and some other cute stuff cause it was just a fantasy/joke being invited there together. There was a week where we kept having really good conversations at night and she didn't want to leave. I can tell she cared about me when one day she was mad I didn't respond for half an hour. I knew what she looked like already but she did send me some funny pictures on Snapchat occasionally, usually just of her face. I wasn't the type of person to take pictures cause I'm not photogenic like she is. I think she did want to see me though and one night I sent her a picture, she thought I was super cute. It wasn't common we were talking about super personal things, like 70-80% of the time each day it was about streaming and sometimes games, simple stuff that didn't alert either of us the friendship might be going to another level because we obviously both didn't want it to when she had a boyfriend. We enjoyed eachother's attention and she said she was glad and happy that we've become amazing friends.

 

Couple more weeks pass and we slowly stopped using twitch to message eachother and just used Snapchat everyday. At some point our conversations started to be a little more intimate and we both were super comfortable about saying anything. Fast forward several days of talking everyday with some intimacy. Our friendship was really good... but wierd because I knew she had a boyfriend and I was always trying to be respectful at first.

 

Now I'm going to talk about the two days where we barely talked at all. Of course I was always wondering what was going on in her relationship that she kept talking to me. One day she told me about something she was unproud of. She was talking to some other guy during her relationship not because she wanted to but this person was very sexual and she fell to the attention, she was not proud of it at all. Now the reason I didn't talk to her for almost the rest of the day was because she knew this person not a very long time before me. I over-reacted started to think she just liked my attention but didn't actually care and that my feelings were being played with. We talked later and were both very honest that night. She said she thinks about me a lot and has never in her life talked with someone like me before. I felt the same about her, we both loved each other's personality and got along well. She said that she that her boyfriend has been a part of her life for a long time but she isn't sexually attracted to him the way she is to me. Which really surprised me I never would have expected that. I did develop strong feelings for her as time went on I just wasn't open about them ever. I thought she was a beautiful girl, everything about her. I told her I loved her and I felt so guilty and she might have as well. We were both being honest and I was at that stage where I just didn't care about letting it all out. She asked if she can see me one day and that she would love for me to meet her pets cause they were her life and she was always happy to have them around. I've never felt so much emotion in my life for a girl, I always seen myself as a very independent person and isolated myself from people.

 

It was confusing for a week after that... we both have a lot of feelings for eachother but she has a boyfriend that I always respected until now. This was the first time we both felt somewhat uncomfortable and unsure, mostly me. I was so unsure that I had to for the first time contact a friend about my situation and I never talked about her to anyone ever. He referred me to his girlfriend who gave me some valuable feedback. Told me to be upfront and honest, very straightforward.

 

Fast forward to last night... I told her everything about how I felt, that I was so unsure about her relationship and why she was still talking to me... I told her about every good thing that started happening in my life since I met her and that she helped me to believe in myself. It was a long message but basically I told her I wanted to be with her and slept.

 

I woke up to my phone ringing, she was calling me. She sounded happy and we just talked for an hour or so about normal things, I knew she read before calling me in my mind but I don't know if she responded.. After we finished talking on the phone I read what she responded. This is part of what she said.

 

"I've thought about it, how we could get together. I'm not gonna lie. But that requires one of us to leave everything. And your age doesn't scare me either. But I'm at a stage in my life that I'm ready to just settle down and live. And I feel slightly horrible for giving you all these feelings that I don't know how to give back. You are amazing and never would I ever expected to get anywhere this close to when we started talking. At this point I don't know what to do. Does it mean our friendship is ruined if we don't take that other step, because if you don't you will most likely keep your distance. I've lost more people that anyone can count on, and I don't want you to be another person I used to know... you brighten my day when everything else tends to want to crumble down. And that gives me strength to keep going. I'm not sure where we go from here. But it's your call, your decision and I will support it regardless what the outcome is."

 

Fast forwarding to me being straight forward and honest about her leaving her boyfriend if she's going to be with me. After so much, she says she isn't going to leave her relationship and hopes to still talk to me and have me around. Something along the lines of not wanting to lose you. We haven't talked at all after that. This is the first time we ever didn't talk the whole day.

 

 

Conclusion: I'm pretty sure I was played. That she wanted attention for whenever she was having problems with her boyfriend. Her feelings for me weren't real because she was always unsure about leaving him. After a certain point I'm pretty sure she felt bad and just wanted to keep me around just so she doesn't have to go on thinking about leaving me heartbroken. It's okay though, I learned a lot from this experience and I will let her know one last thing "I'm going to give you time and when you're ready decide" because at this point I'm sick of being used and being hopeful. I might update the thread with her response.

 

Also any input obviously is appreciated. I will come back here to read comments if anything I don't know I can learn. Thanks a lot for reading this story.

[smackie9]

Sorry but that is waaaaaaaaay too long....point form please. We don't need to know about what social media you communicate with, etc.....just get down to the crucial details like ages, distance, expectations and the ending question. We will ask more details if need be.

 

I will just go by the title......she has a BF and she is using you for attention......yes you got played and should never get involved with someone who isn't available. Better to seek out a GF by going out and socializing, and stop with the guessing and tell method of meeting girls on gaming sites and crap.

Edited October 23, 2016 by smackie9

[justwhoiam]

I actually took the time to read your entire post. In the process, I felt like skipping lines, honestly, but I resisted.

 

Sometimes people are left to draw their own conclusions, but that doesn't mean they are the real facts.

 

Now, my opinion: I wouldn't be so sure to think she was just using you. First of all, you didn't give us any clue about your ages, and that doesn't help us form an opinion about the whole situation. You tried to be very detailed regarding some aspects, and completely skipped others. But anyway, I think it takes guts to leave something you know and makes you comfortable to some degree, or let's say gives you peace of mind, for something quite unknown that you have no idea whether it'll even work out or not. Basically, you asked her to leave her boyfriend, but what did you offer in turn? Nothing. That's not how you go about it.

 

What you should have done, had you really wanted to pursue her, was asking her to meet you in real life, as in: I can come down to your city on XX October, would you meet me for a couple of hours? You can take me anywhere you want. We can drink something together in a café or so, I'd really love that. Then after meeting her, and seeing her 3D, you'd go from there. Like, how long was she with her bf? Is she attached to him? Are their families involved like spending Christmas together and/or sharing other important events? How's their social life as a couple? Would she feel guilty for leaving him? Does he see him as a weak man? Etc.

And then, if things click the right way, you'd decide what to do with your life... moving? Asking her to move? Offer her something real? Etc.

 

So don't be so harsh on her. She seems wise, she told you she would never leave a boyfriend to follow a fantasy. That sort of seems like a keeper. Maybe she has sound values and wants to stick to them.