What is wrong with me?

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Hi, I'm 21, female. I'm not the most conventionally beautiful girl in the room, but I do think I'm attractive and I definitely take care of my appearance. I'm smart (at a top 10 school). I'm talented, kind, sweet, and funny.

 

But last night, a guy I had been talking to told me he didn't want a relationship within two weeks of us talking (he said he got burned by an ex in a four year relationship). This is fine, screw him, I know. Move on, I know. But the thing is, I've only had one boyfriend, and this is the fifth guy in a row to tell me he isn't over his ex.

 

Is this normal? There has to be something wrong with me, right? Is it just this age group? Please help! And also, any tips on how I can improve my chances of finding a boyfriend? Thanks so much.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add paragraphs and move to ISO

[Fishfingersareyummy]

There's nothing wrong with you, you're just potentially meeting the right guy(s) at the wrong time. Props to these guys if they are being genuine because relationship hopping is never a sensible idea. OP you just have to go through the motions. Don't give up, you are young enough, time is on your side. Just keep being you and you'll meet a guy that wants what you want.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[kmack513]

At 21 in college the problem you will have is that girls will have sex with guys who are not their BFs no commitment of any kind etc. As long as girls are happy to hook up guys won't be interested in a serious relationship until they desire dating for marriage.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[mortensorchid]

There's nothing wrong with you, it's them. You don't have to be the most beautiful or the wealthiest or whatever else. As a matter of fact, if you are the most of anything, and this will sound bitter of me to say so, that decreases your chances. Men want someone who is lesser than they are deep down. Part of them goes for trashy women because they're a lot of fun when an actual woman is less than appealing, or when given a choice they will choose the less attractive woman because they will feel superior to them. The bottom line is that you need to find a man who deserves you, not some dirty frat boy or scene boy. If there was an answer as to how to find that man, I would tell you (or anyone else) but I don't have the answer. Just keep trying.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

There's nothing wrong with you, it's them. You don't have to be the most beautiful or the wealthiest or whatever else. As a matter of fact, if you are the most of anything, and this will sound bitter of me to say so, that decreases your chances. Men want someone who is lesser than they are deep down. Part of them goes for trashy women because they're a lot of fun when an actual woman is less than appealing, or when given a choice they will choose the less attractive woman because they will feel superior to them. The bottom line is that you need to find a man who deserves you, not some dirty frat boy or scene boy. If there was an answer as to how to find that man, I would tell you (or anyone else) but I don't have the answer. Just keep trying.

[] You may well be addressing a certain type of men but that's not true of myself and other men. She needs to find a man who wants what she wants and will have the characteristics necessary to sustain a healthy and loving relationship.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[mikeylo]

After 2 weeks of ' talking', you want a relationship? Am I off ?

[nothingsintheflowerz]

I didn't ask for a relationship, he just straight up told me that he wouldn't want one.

[joseb]

How are you meeting these guys?

 

If you want a serious relationship (can't imagine why at 21 tbh, but whatever!) stay away from guys just out of one.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Clearly that isn't on purpose

[LargoLagg]

Hi, I'm 21, female. I'm not the most conventionally beautiful girl in the room, but I do think I'm attractive and I definitely take care of my appearance. I'm smart (at a top 10 school). I'm talented, kind, sweet, and funny.

 

But last night, a guy I had been talking to told me he didn't want a relationship within two weeks of us talking (he said he got burned by an ex in a four year relationship). This is fine, screw him, I know. Move on, I know. But the thing is, I've only had one boyfriend, and this is the fifth guy in a row to tell me he isn't over his ex.

 

Is this normal? There has to be something wrong with me, right? Is it just this age group? Please help! And also, any tips on how I can improve my chances of finding a boyfriend? Thanks so much.

My guess is based on my college experience. There are three kinds of guys in college:

 

1) Decent people who are reasonably attractive, have good personalities who are very open to being in relationships. These come in two varieties:

 

a) they're in relationships right now

b) they're pining over the relationships they've lost recently

 

You don't consider type A's, and you're running into a crop of the B's. Breakups happen more in the fall. It's a bigger transition time than the spring, people break up after last year, after the summer, after they've been apart for a while.

 

2) Decent people who are reasonably attractive, have good personalities that are getting laid right and left. It's going to be difficult to get them to give that up, and they aren't interested in girlfriends. At least, not steady, committed ones.

 

3) People who are physically unattractive or socially awkward or have problems with people, especially girls, who are dying to have a girlfriend. You're probably not interested in them.

 

I would join a couple of intramural sports teams or clubs where you do things in groups. I'm sure you'll meet plenty of prospects doing that.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

That's so right and is exactly what I feel. I'll try that.

[LastAcorn99]

I don’t think anything is wrong with you. That said, i would suggest that you focus on developing friendship -- get to know the guys around you as a friend, rather than possibly sending out signals that you’re looking for a committed relationship. Hope this helps!

[nothingsintheflowerz]

They never want to really be friends- They want to hook opp or else, they don't want to talk to me anymore.

[joseb]

Clearly that isn't on purpose

 

Maybe not on purpose, but you don't seem to be applying much of a filter.

E.g. finding out how long they have been single, etc.

[nothingsintheflowerz]

Lol no comment. Makes no sense. It is purely coincidence.

[preraph]

So many guys in your age group are just looking to get laid. They're not ready for "a relationship." If you got in one with any of them, it would likely not benefit you much because you both still have a lot of exploring to do and a lot of work to do to get your life in order and on track before you're ready to settle down or anything like that. That said, there are some out there who do want a girlfriend, although at your young age, that isn't likely to last that long, because young people are still changing rapidly until they're in their late 20s, so people outgrow each other or realize what they used to want has changed.

 

Be chill about it and just enjoy life and any companionship you do get. Keep your own boundaries in place and set standards. Don't keep anyone around who isn't treating you right, and that includes the common disrespect of hiding their activities from you because they're still on the prowl. Do a lot with your friends and stay social and busy and just try to have fun. Men start wanting to settle down a bit more about age 30 and make much better mates after they have tired of exploring and stop wanting to be with every woman they pass on the street.