Comet Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 I just recently broke with what I considered the love of my life, the hardest break up I have ever experienced. It was so out of the blue, six years of friendship down the drain. We were best friends for 5 years and moved on to lovers about a year ago. Everything was amazing, we were the happiest we had ever been, we talked about the future and marriage and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Just being in the same room as each other made us happy, we were so comfortable and honest with each other. Then one day she just woke up and was very distant, wouldn't look me in the eye or answer me. No more intimacy, no more openness. She started lying about where she was going, or who she was with. Then I came home from work one night and she was drunk, and I could see that it hurt her to be around me. I had to be the one to break it off, which hurt the most, I can only suspect she was cheating or found someone new. I have to move on though. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 I'm so sorry for you. At least you did what you had to do for yourself. You didn't drag it on trying to find out why. Because sometimes you just know when it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cucumber95 Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 Sorry sorry for you :/ You did good thing breaking up with her, if you would wait she would, and you would be in more pain. Good luck on getting over, it's hard but it will get easier every day. Memories which you made are going to make you sad when you think about them, what good times you had, but later you will remember them as nice time in your life and it won't be so hard. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 Did you at least ask her if there was someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 Doesn't matter if she's seeing someone else or not. Tell her to look you up if she changes her mind, get out of there and go NC. Look after yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Comet Posted October 23, 2016 Author Share Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) I didn't ask her if there was someone else, I didn't want to know. After the break up she told me why she was feeling that way and how she's glad I did it because she didn't have the strength to. She said she wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship, and how I deserve better than her. She told me she still thinks I'm the most amazing man she has ever met and how much better I made her life, but she thinks that if I had stayed with her she would have ruined me. She had already given up, so there was nothing I could do but reassure her that she made my life so much better also and I have no regrets. Even our friends and family were surprised at this, they said we had the best example of love they had ever seen. It hurts though, it hurts because it was so sudden. I was planning my future with her and now I'm planning it without her, it's confusing. Edited October 23, 2016 by Comet Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 You couldn't do it any better then you did. Strong enough to endorse but you didn't make the mistake of getting the details. I honestly think I wished I would have done what you did. Just end it when the relationship was at its end. Not have to find out on the small details that actually made me feel worse-sometimes your better off not knowing the details-they can do more harm then good. Your way is while your still hurting you left on good terms so it will be easier to heal from. No I hate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 They should put a sticky on this so people can see how you handled the situation.You addressed the situation. She said she wasn't happy. You ended it. No who did what to who. Who screwed who over. Because you knew none of that mattered. I wish I would have read your post before I broke up with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 I’m sorry about your relationship. Like the others mentioned, while it must be painful right now, you at least got to have a proper closure with your girlfriend. It’s quite impressive how you handled your situation -- good for you! I wish you the best for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 She told me she still thinks I'm the most amazing man she has ever met and how much better I made her life, but she thinks that if I had stayed with her she would have ruined me. She had already given up, so there was nothing I could do but reassure her that she made my life so much better also and I have no regrets. I just got out of a relationship with someone who clearly didn't really want to be there anymore.. was distant, didn't look at me the same, was unhappy. I waited several months, hoping things would improve.. before I finally gave up and left. It destroyed my self esteem and made me very unhappy. It is so painful having to let go of the future you thought you would have. Link to post Share on other sites
Conc444 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 I just recently broke with what I considered the love of my life, the hardest break up I have ever experienced. It was so out of the blue, six years of friendship down the drain. We were best friends for 5 years and moved on to lovers about a year ago. Everything was amazing, we were the happiest we had ever been, we talked about the future and marriage and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Just being in the same room as each other made us happy, we were so comfortable and honest with each other. Then one day she just woke up and was very distant, wouldn't look me in the eye or answer me. No more intimacy, no more openness. She started lying about where she was going, or who she was with. Then I came home from work one night and she was drunk, and I could see that it hurt her to be around me. I had to be the one to break it off, which hurt the most, I can only suspect she was cheating or found someone new. I have to move on though. I'm really really sorry for you. But before coming to a decision, please take some time to ask her what happened. She may have some other problem. You say that you have 6 years of friendship, so it is not easy to get interest in someone else. Ask her what's the matter. I hope you know her very well, so you'll be able to understand her change in behavior. Is she ignoring you or does she have some other problem ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Comet Posted October 24, 2016 Author Share Posted October 24, 2016 Well I got answers, and she's not cheating. I'm not sure, something is going on in her head that I can't explain. She's texted me after the break up saying things like she's not going anywhere and I'm not going to lose her, and she'll always be there for me. She also said she might want to go back and start from the dating phase again and take things slowly. It's just so confusing to me, it's like she doesn't know what she's really feeling and there's nothing I can do to help. All of her exes were *******s and treated her poorly. She says she is afraid because she has never been in a relationship this good or met someone who cared about her so much, or cared about her feelings and so she locked away all her emotions and feelings from and towards me out of fear of burdening me. She said all these new things and feelings were overwhelming her. I love this woman and I still care about her deeply and I do want to spend my life with her, and I told her that, but this is something she needs to work through. Maybe things will work out, I really hope. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Well I got answers, and she's not cheating. I'm not sure, something is going on in her head that I can't explain. She's texted me after the break up saying things like she's not going anywhere and I'm not going to lose her, and she'll always be there for me. She also said she might want to go back and start from the dating phase again and take things slowly. It's just so confusing to me, it's like she doesn't know what she's really feeling and there's nothing I can do to help. All of her exes were *******s and treated her poorly. She says she is afraid because she has never been in a relationship this good or met someone who cared about her so much, or cared about her feelings and so she locked away all her emotions and feelings from and towards me out of fear of burdening me. She said all these new things and feelings were overwhelming her. I love this woman and I still care about her deeply and I do want to spend my life with her, and I told her that, but this is something she needs to work through. Maybe things will work out, I really hope. Hello Comet, You have handled everything so far perfectly. Sadly, I would put money on there being someone else in the picture. Her actions are screaming that. I'm one of the older folks on these boards and have a ton of life experience, and in what I'm reading it would appear she is lining her ducks up. In other words, there is someone that has her attention but she is trying to keep you on the hook. A dead giveaway is her stating that her emotions and feelings are overwhelming her. She's confused. You really need to step back and go no contact. Do not try to help her come to grips with her confusion as doing so will crush you in the end. Live for yourself right now, and only you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Don't fall into that. Your the greatest man ever to her yet she's unhappy being with you. Weak excuse. You did the right thing by not asking a lot of questions. You won't ever get the full truth. And if you did it might be worse then you imagined. She's keeping a line open to you. Trust me on this one. You need to cut that line. She can't have it both ways-doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want to not talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 See you did something rare. You had a clean break. You realized she wasn't happy and growing distant. So you sat her down and told her you knew she was unhappy so she shouldn't be with you. And then you wished her the best and told her you were happy to have been with her. You didn't fish around asking the whys. No name calling or any arguments. 99 per cent of break ups don't occur like that. And you had the courage to do this even though you were hurting. She wasn't ready for that. She expected some sort of drama but you eliminated that. YOU were in full control. Your gut already tells you what you need to know. LISTEN to it. Don't dip back into this-she said she wasn't happy so you left. And on YOUR terms. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nycguy89 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Well I got answers, and she's not cheating. I'm not sure, something is going on in her head that I can't explain. She's texted me after the break up saying things like she's not going anywhere and I'm not going to lose her, and she'll always be there for me. She also said she might want to go back and start from the dating phase again and take things slowly. It's just so confusing to me, it's like she doesn't know what she's really feeling and there's nothing I can do to help. All of her exes were *******s and treated her poorly. She says she is afraid because she has never been in a relationship this good or met someone who cared about her so much, or cared about her feelings and so she locked away all her emotions and feelings from and towards me out of fear of burdening me. She said all these new things and feelings were overwhelming her. I love this woman and I still care about her deeply and I do want to spend my life with her, and I told her that, but this is something she needs to work through. Maybe things will work out, I really hope. Comet, I had similar feelings in my most recent breakup. I'm several months down the road from dealing with it, and I guess the silver lining is that it does get better over time. Here are a few suggestions on things to read that may help you put some context around what you're going through and what she may be going through. Some require a lot of self-reflection: The book He's Scared She's Scared - talks about commitmentphobes and how they are in relationships (lots of surprising takeaways) The book Attached - talks about attachment theory and how they subconsciously effect relationships Some things I've read online which I thought were relevant were articles on the topics of emotional unavailability, narcissism, emotional immaturity, etc. Not saying they apply to your particular situation, perhaps not at all, but from reading your post I did feel like there were some similiarities to mine. Anyways, hope those help. Link to post Share on other sites
cucumber95 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 I wish I was so strong as you, and did same. Link to post Share on other sites
Vanguard_50 Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 I just read your post.. You handled this (and yourself) the best way you possibly could, and I must say - keep on going brother. She's either lying, or is "damaged goods", or both. In either case, I wouldn't invest anything more in it with her. You can (and will) find better. Kudos !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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