Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up?

[Xtine733]

Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up after reconnecting on facebook 2 mths ago, what does that mean?

We werent really exclusive before, but just friends with benefits ( a lot of sexual connection between us) and i ended it after 6 mths coz i wanted something more, feelings started to develop. So i stopped talking to him. 4 mths later after that, he left me a long text mssg apologizing and wanting me to call him back but I never did. Twelve years has passed ( I am now 33 and he's 38) and ive been looking for him on FB for so many years, and he just popped up 2 mths ago, now married with a son. The next day he messaged me and asked for my number and been wanting to meet up really bad, but i kept making excuses that i cant because im too nervous to show myself now. Why does he want to meet so bad? I still have feelings for this guy.... he only texts me every 2 weeks to see how im doing and hoping that im free to meet up. He said he has no bad intentions and just want to be friends, but Ive been starting to obsess over him, and cant stop thinking of him everyday. Those flashbacks and memories are coming back. He did mention on text "How nice it would be to be young again." Does he have feelings or is it just sex?

[Chica80]

If you were FWB before safe to say just sex.... sorry

 

stay away you will only entangle yourself and cause yourself more pain

[basil67]

Has he actually said that he wants sex with you or that he has feelings? If not, I wouldn't make any presumptions of the kind. It's not out of the question that he may just want to see how you're doing. That's how my reunions with exes have turned out.

 

Suggest a BBQ. Tell him it would be lovely to meet his wife and bring your partner (if you have one). In other words, make it clear that you have zero interest in an inappropriate relationship.

 

Meanwhile, remind yourself that you haven't really known him for 12 years and he would have changed a lot. The person you're getting all bothered over doesn't exist anymore. He's just a memory.

[S2B]

It's just for the sex. He's married! This is only going to cause you pain and heartache if you meet him.

 

You're better off cutting off all contact. Did I mention he's married? Ya... how would you like being his wife and having him meet up with an old FWB that had strong feelings for him?

 

You know he wants to meet for sex - nothing good can come from that meeting.

[Xtine733]

Has he actually said that he wants sex with you or that he has feelings?

 

He didnt say neither. He just said that he wants to see me even if its just for just 10 minutes...he said we can meet at a public place or even bring his son along. He said that he has no bad intentions and doesnt want me to think that. I told him that Im scared to meet up with him because I fell for him before and im afraid that those feelings will come back. He said that he still wants to see me, and that we can keep it friendly with no strings attached.. that it would be nice to see me in person and catch up.

[CarrieT]

he said we can meet at a public place or even bring his son along.

Ask him if he is willing to bring along his wife so you can meet her and talk to her as well as him.

 

THAT will tell you of his intentions....

[Xtine733]

So his intentions could be that he just wants to use me for sex? He did say that he wishes that his wife is more active in bed because he is very sexual, and that "new is always exciting."

[SnowWhiteWins]

"He wishes his wife was more active in bed..."

 

Do I hear the sound of shattering boundaries??? Run run run away from this douche. Sharing intimate details of his marriage with a former FWB??? Ugh. And you encouraging him with all the "I'm afraid my strong feelings for you will come back..."

 

THIS is how infidelity starts. THIS RIGHT HERE. Shut this **** down. No contact with him at all. And BLOCK him.

[dubliner]

You're playing with fire here.

It's obvious from your obsessing over him that you are conflicted as to whether or not you'd be willing to start up another round of FWB.

He says his intentions are innocent yet he is discussing his sex life with you, texting you and hounding you to meet up. Big red flags.

This is how it starts, 10mins, then meets for lunch, dinner, cosy chats in the car....you wanting more and more...

Don't go there. What could you possibly get from this relationship to enhance your life? All I can see is pain and destruction on this path. Cut contact, block and save yourself.

[dubliner]

And don't even think if you meet his wife that will stop him, AP's are masters of deception, he will pull the old 'hiding in plain sight' routine.

[aileD]

Red flags everywhere.

 

The "I wish my wife was more active in bed" is a setup. It's how he gets sex into the conversation. Makes you feel bad for him. Makes you maybe want to think about how you could help him because he deserves it. (Rolls eyes)

 

I had a "friend" once. We were actually really close in HS. Hooked up once. A few years back he started messaging me and asking to go to lunch. I would say "that's would be great, why don't we get our families together!"

 

Then he wouldn't reply...that happened a bunch of times til it was obvious to me he didn't care about really knowing me which means knowing my husband and family but that he wanted to meet alone. Oh yeah and he volunteered that him and his wife only have sex on Sundays.

 

Classic trap. If he TRULY wants to be friends then he's going to want ou to know the most important people in his life.

 

He doesn't. He wants to strike up he FWB again because marriage sex is boring and stale and his wife is probably busy with their son and doesn't give his ego the attention it wants.

 

Run fast from this one. You're vulnerable because you're catching feelings. Stop and read a ton of posts here. Stories with similar chapters that all end in pain. Don't let that be you.

[Forever broken]

Unfortunately, that's a dangerous path which will lead to heartbreak and disaster. I will politely decline his invite and remain no contact. No good will come out of this. If he wishes his wife was more active in bed, communication with the wife is the solution not communication with you.

[basil67]

So his intentions could be that he just wants to use me for sex? He did say that he wishes that his wife is more active in bed because he is very sexual, and that "new is always exciting."

 

I withdraw my comments. While my hubby and I have each met up with exes with the rest of our family, conversations like this would *never* happen.

 

This is a completely inappropriate line of conversation. Does he have no respect for his wife?!

 

Yes, he wants sex. You don't have to tell him that you're nervous. Tell him that you don't want to meet him because he's a douche for talking so disrespectfully behind his wife's back. And if she can't trust him to behave, you certainly can't trust him.

 

What a sleazebag.

[Miss Clavel]

He didnt say neither. He just said that he wants to see me even if its just for just 10 minutes...he said we can meet at a public place or even bring his son along. He said that he has no bad intentions and doesnt want me to think that. I told him that Im scared to meet up with him because I fell for him before and im afraid that those feelings will come back. He said that he still wants to see me, and that we can keep it friendly with no strings attached.. that it would be nice to see me in person and catch up.

 

 

you told him you're scared, and he said he still wants what HE wants.

 

he doesn't care what you say.

 

read that again.

 

he doesn't care what you say, he just keeps telling you what he WANTS.

 

you would have a better chance at happiness if you douse your shoes in gasoline and attend a bonfire.

 

if you give in, and he will keep trying to get you to give in, cuz he wants to use you, he will hurt you, demean you and in the end leave you for dead.

 

tell yourself, "i'm worth more", "im worth more" "i'm worth more" 100 times a day until you believe it.

 

and you should believe it. you had good instincts years ago and you used those instincts to get away from him, don't fail to protect yourself.

 

he only cares about himself. he doesn't care about you. he doesn't care about his wife, he doesn't care about his kid.

 

if i was his wife i would feel like ****. give in to him and you will too.

 

he's married and i for one do not hold with married people being "friends" with anyone of the opposite sex.

 

ask yourself, what would a friendship with this man entail? you two gonna go to a movie? you going bowling, over to starbucks after?

 

his wife is going to stay home and look after the dishes, garbage, laundry and

get their child ready for bed while her HUSBAND is somewhere with his old flame? hahaha

 

he chose someone else. he married someone else. it's over.

 

since you are wavering, since you can't really trust yourself, block him. and if you can, change your phone number. he's a creepin creep.

 

next he will be telling you that his wife is mean, they are roommates, they never have sex, he has never stopped thinking about you. you will go check his wife's facebook and find out they are trying for another baby.

 

i know because that's what my wasband did, that's what cheaters do, they lie. and they're very very good at it because they are self serving, self seeking, selfish liars.

 

get away from him and stay away from him.

 

for your own good. because you matter. what he wants does NOT matter.

 

good luck

[Cloudcuckoo]

Oh for goodness sake...

 

You already KNOW the answer to your dilemma.

 

He's telling you very loudly that he has a wife taking care of his baby son, who is most likely to be feeling SO far removed from sexy because she's exhausted/feeding/getting little sleep and so on, and instead of helping his wife so that they can actually find a little space together, he's feeling oh so rejected, pulling the sulky lip face and being a complete wassack by fishing around in your Facebook to see if your up for giving him a bit on the side!

 

While it's common for men to feel overwhelmed after their baby arrives, it's only the immature, needy and selfish ones who react the way you're 'friend' has. Isn't that telling?

 

What he told you about his wife says everything you need to know, but I have a feeling you will do it anyway....

[elaine567]

He did say that he wishes that his wife is more active in bed because he is very sexual, and that "new is always exciting."

 

So after 12 years of no contact whatsoever, he just happened to bring up the subject of his wife being a dud in bed...

 

...and his intentions are purely honourable.

 

He is out looking for sex and has consulted his little black book.

Married men trawl social media "catching up" with exes and FWBs/FBs and any other woman they can think of, in case there may be some lingering affection left for him, and he can thus persuade her to have sex with him as a married man.

Next he will be telling you he never ever forgot you and you were always on his mind and fate has brought you back together...

Pinch of salt.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Don't set yourself up for a very tumultuous and painful experience now that he's married with a child sweet, just don't.

 

You'll feel so awful it will cripple you eventually. Ask the other women here who've been through it.

 

Him? He's full of horse manure....no bad intent my ass....

[Miss Clavel]

So his intentions could be that he just wants to use me for sex? He did say that he wishes that his wife is more active in bed because he is very sexual, and that "new is always exciting."

 

and there it is. when people show you who they are and what they want, believe them!

 

i'll bet his wife's got a few wishes of her own.

 

he's married. again, he's married. he's already talking to you about the most personal private matter a husband and a wife have together. the life they carry on naked. together.

 

he has violated his wife, the mother of his child, behind her back.

 

what kind of man he is is clear.

 

what kind of a person are you?

[Xtine733]

Thank you all... I'm very vulnerable right now too coz I just got out of a 10 year relationship five months ago, so now I'm a single mommy of a 10 year old girl... and he knows that... I'm pretty broken and damaged at this time coz I went through a lot of mental abuse from that relationship... I jus got free but now here I am in another tough situation....i am not going to meet up with him, I don't wanna disrespect his family I'll have to leave the past in the past....

Edited October 25, 2016 by Xtine733

[salparadise]

Twelve years has passed ( I am now 33 and he's 38) and ive been looking for him on FB for so many years, and he just popped up 2 mths ago, now married with a son.

 

I still have feelings for this guy.... he only texts me every 2 weeks to see how im doing and hoping that im free to meet up. He said he has no bad intentions and just want to be friends, but Ive been starting to obsess over him, and cant stop thinking of him everyday. Those flashbacks and memories...

 

Does he have feelings or is it just sex?

 

Whew! He must've really done a number on you all those years ago. And your question is, "does he have feelings or is it just sex?" Sex causes feelings, ya know, and visa versa. And it sounds like you have some first hand experience with that phenomenon.

 

So, if people on here told you, oh it's feelings, definitely feelings... would that make it ok to have a fling, phukk a married man, or try to take him away from his wife and son?

 

The problem is that YOU have feelings. If you see this guy "just to catch up" your life is going to get very complicated very fast... and it may tie the two of you in knots for a lot longer than twelve years. You know what's going on here. Don't be in denial. Be wise.

[elaine567]

Thank you all... I'm very vulnerable right now too coz I just got out of a 10 year relationship five months ago, so now I'm a single mommy of a 10 year old girl... and he knows that... I'm pretty broken and damaged at this time coz I went through a lot of mental abuse from that relationship... I jus got free but now here I am in another tough situation....i am not going to meet up with him, I don't wanna disrespect his family �� I'll have to leave the past in the past....

 

YOU will find reading on the boards here that women often become OW, when they are weak and vulnerable and you fit the bill perfectly.

They are in a bad place and along comes Mr MarriedMan on his charger and he swoops in to "save" them.

Had they been in a good place in their lives, they would have told him to go back to his wife. It is probably no coincidence that he contacted you now, when you are at your lowest.

 

I am glad you are staying away.

[sandylee1]

.i am not going to meet up with him, I don't wanna disrespect his family �� I'll have to leave the past in the past....

 

Good call.

 

He just wants to have some easy NSA sex and pretends it's innocent by saying he'll bring his son along.

 

I think it's a new kind of low using your children as a cover in affair situations.

 

Just block him on your phone and FB. He's a chancer.