Hold on or Let go

[notthatintome]

I was wondering whether someone could help.

 

I met this guy who I fell head over heals in love with (infatuation) in January earlier this year. Unfortunately, shortly I after I met him he moved country. We kept messaging, every day, and things seemed to go well. Sometimes he would message a lot and other times he would seem really distant. I really liked him though. We met up 5 weeks later and spent the weekend together. It was amazing. He did say he didn’t want a girlfriend but did want to see me again. He made it clear he did not want a long distance relationship as he had a bad experience in the past. I was sad but accepted it as I really liked him.

 

 

 

We met up again 8 weeks later and it was so good, much better than the last time and there was a closeness that I hadn’t felt before. It felt perfect. He still said he did not want a long distance girlfriend. In the meantime I was seeing someone else and so was he.

 

 

 

A change of jobs meant I went home for two months (same country he was staying). I was no longer seeing the guy I was seeing and wanted to make a go of it with him. He was reluctant as he was seeing someone else but he broke it off with them immediately when I said I couldn’t keep in contact if that was the case. We had some wonderful weekends together, and each time we fell a little more in love.

 

 

 

He messaged me all the time saying he missed me and said he loved me when we were together. He still maintained that he did not want a long distance girlfriend.

 

 

 

I had to return to the country I worked in. It was great at first, we messaged everyday, but the pressure of being apart and not knowing when I was going to see him next was too much and I was reacting to everything he was doing. He said we should cool things down a bit and we did.

 

 

 

Now we hardly ever message and it makes me sad. I am trying to move back to my home country, I want to be with him so badly. I messaged him today asking what we were; play it cool and be friends, see how it goes or let go completely. I said whatever he decides, I would be ok with, could let go and there would be no hard feelings. He said it is good that we have taken a step back and when we actually see each other again, see what happens.

 

 

 

Now I don’t know whether to just to leave it and let go or hold on. Is he still brushing me off or should I wait until I move back to my home country and see what happens? It is likely I will be moving back in the next couple of months. Sometimes I think if he really liked me, he wouldn’t be willing to let me go that easily, or am I being unrealistic?

[Redhead14]

[]

 

Hold on to what? He told you a number of times he didn't want a long distance girlfriend. He keeps in touch so he can have a little sumpin sumpin when it's convenient for him and he's traveling near you. When you push things with him, he distances himself to manage your emotions -- get you to chill out.

 

You are stringing yourself along . . .

Edited October 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted quoted post due to length ~6

[smackie9]

If you have concrete plans to permanently move back just let him know, then let him come to you.

 

He really likes you but he is being realistic. He told you repeatedly he will not invest himself in a LDR....he made it CLEAR. So all you can do is put it out there that you are moving back, then access the situation after the move. If he has met someone else before then, oh well you can't win them all.

[lazcas]

The man has been honest, but you are refusing to listen. He has said a number of times that he doesn't want a long distance girlfriend, you better believe him and let your hopes of having something with him go. He isn't tricking you at all, it is you doing this to yourself.

[justwhoiam]

He actually said he doesn't even want a girlfriend. That means he wants to be free. So he feels like enjoying being with girls, but taking out the downsides of any commitment. In short, as long as he can find girls like you who are up to playing his game, he'll have it his way.

 

And I sense that no one from that pool of young ladies will make him fall in love. He's just leading the game.

 

I guess you already compromised by putting aside your expectations (having a boyfriend). You're like a dormant volcano, trying to play along in sight of getting to your goal, but ready to explode, letting out the magma, when s will hit the fan. Because we all know, there's a limit to everything.