Need -- he took off in the car in a panic and wouldn't let me out

[hellorhighwater22]

went through a very disturbing situation last night and need advice. My husband was arrested last year for domestic violence that was reported by a friend of mine who heard what was going on in my life.

It was very difficult on him and his self worth, reputation etc. He blamed me for talking too much and basically said I “framed him”. To a degree, I did…because I knew that something had to get him under control. I had tried to leave him 3 times before that and he kept begging me back — even chasing me down on the highway at one point…another time..he jumped on top of my car.

I didn’t seem to have the strength to leave him.. and I knew if I got legal attention ….that something would stop this viscous cycle.

It did — he told his family and friends that I was a liar and they all hated me…he took me back after I ended up begging him back….I felt so horrible without him.

Anyway, there was a lot of damage.

well, last night we were sitting at a coffee shop and he started arguing with me about something again. It’s non stop lately.

All of a sudden he got an alert on the security cameras. He saw that a police officer had come to the door of our house. He panicked and told me to pack up my things and LEAVE immediately with him. I got up and walked out and told him to stop overreacting…that I’m sure he’s jumping to conclusions.

He almost drove off without me. Then when I stood firm about US not going anywhere he demanded I get in the car. I did….and I asked him what the heck was going on.

He started shaking and crying…driving erratically and saying that cops were coming to arrest him and he was blaming me for “framing him again”. I asked him to stop. I yelled, screamed everything…that I DID NOT call police! I asked him to return to the coffee shop and I will go to the house to figure out what was going on …if he was all upset.

He would not. I asked him to pull over MANY times — DEMANDING. He wouldn’t stop.

He was texting and driving and screaming that he was going to call him mother. He wanted to drive to her house an hour away and he would not go home. He yanked my phone out of my hand and started checking to see who i had called and texted!

I said NO! Stop this. Then he called the bail bonds person and found out there was NOT a warrant for his arrest. Then he called his criminal attorney who proceeded to tell him he shouldn’t have taken me back…and that I was probably setting him up again.

He started screaming at me.. and freaking out! I couldn’t get him to let me out of the car. He offered to get out and he would just call his mother to come pick him up. But, he would not let me out of the car….(he knew I would never leave him stranded on the side of the road).

When we drove past the airport.. I said LET ME OUT! He would not. He said he would drive to his mom’s house and I could turn around and go home.. AN HOUR AWAY! He was acting insane!

He kept blaming me and saying that I have done this again. I began melting down. Screaming and crying….he said “this behavior is even more insane to me… and Now I’m very worried about what you have done.”

what happened? His lawyer called back and told him that the cop when to the house because apparently the house next door had an alarm going off and they wondered if we knew the family.

He calmed down of course — but then started a fight saying that THIS is what I have done and that since I didn’t have any compassion for him … that something was wrong with me.

Summary question How do you deal with a husband who takes off in a car —acting unstable and won’t let you out of the car when you request? Things have calmed down — but what would you do? He is blaming my history for his behavior..part of me wants to go to police again, but the incident is over.

[mrs rubble]

Unless you really leave him, you can expect more of the same and possibly worse. Why on earth did you beg for him to take you back? Why do you feel "horrible" without him, being with him sounds unbearable to me.

Edited February 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[RecentChange]

How do you deal with it!?!

 

YOU GET OUT OF THIS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!

 

Holy cow what is wrong with people.

 

Well, he is now also guilty of faulse imprisonment.

 

"False imprisonment is the unlawful restraint of a person against her will by someone without legal authority or justification."

 

So why did you beg and plead an abuser to take you back? You understand that this chaos is not healthy right? He sounds quite unstable.

 

Do you have any children?

[basil67]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. How can we help you?

[hellorhighwater22]

Part or my problem (my request for help) is I feel very concerned about reporting him again. But I worry About the ramifications of it. I did this the last time and I backed off and begged him back. Now I feel again like I need to go teach him a lesson about acting this way.

[Raena]

You don't need to teach him a lesson... you just need to get out of that relationship.

 

Unless you like the drama. Do you like it? Do you enjoy feeling like you are walking on eggshells all the time not know when he'll freak out next?

 

Some people do, they are drawn to it.

 

If you don't then you need to end it. It's the only way the drama will stop.

[hellorhighwater22]

I want to go to the police. Do you think they will believe and listen? I had part of it recorded on my phone

[Mr. Lucky]

I want to go to the police.

 

To what purpose? You have plenty already to get an RO. You also have more than enough history and information to make a decision about your marriage.

 

There's nothing anyone here can do for you - you have to do for yourself. Hopefully this kidnapping/wild ride is enough to motivate you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[hellorhighwater22]

Would someone fault me for reporting this incident in the car? Would you consider this being held against your will?

[Cephalopod]

Would someone fault me for reporting this incident in the car? Would you consider this being held against your will?

 

Nope. Report it. Let the cops decide what laws were violated.

 

 

Your ex is mentally ill. He needs serious psychiatric help.

[hellorhighwater22]

We have had some great times. I keep holding onto that. But, when he threatens me verbally and again blames me for this kind of behavior ...I want to punish him.

 

It's very scary to me that he threatens to sue me for everything and it gets crazy.

[Poutrew]

You need to get away from him NOW. When I read your first post, I could literally feel the Angel of Death hanging over my shoulder and ginning a deathshead grin. He sounds like he has deep seated mental issues. If he thinks you are going to set him up, well he could do you physical harm - get a restraining order, get psychological help, but do please Get Out whilst you can...

[basil67]

Don't mess about trying to punish him. All you will achieve is to rile him further.

 

What you need to do is leave. And then get a divorce lawyer. As far as him suing you......have you done anything he could sue you over?

[hellorhighwater22]

He tried to say some of the details in MJ affidavit during the first arrest were not completely accurate and wanted to prosecute me. I honestly Sony know what he is talking about. But he would do whatever he could to hurt me. That's why I have felt it is necessary to go as far as i can to prove my point.

[ShatteredLady]

"Prove my point", "Punish Him",

 

What on earth is going on here?

 

Do you feel like you walk on eggshells all the time?

Did you tell the absolute truth 'the first time'?

 

Do you often do things to prove your point or to teach him a lesson? I'm sorry, is English your first language? (Sometimes phrases can sound strange & the I realize that the poster is just very good with English as a 2nd language)

 

His behavior was frighteningly erratic. He was behaving completely paranoid & very dangerous. Did something awful (PTSD) happen to him the first time?

 

Does he often have these 'reality breaks'? Does he show severe paranoia often?

 

I'm very worried for you!!

 

Why do you talk about getting the police to teach him a lesson when you should be talking about getting him a mental health diagnosis?

[ChickiePops]

The absolute most important thing is to get yourself to safety, which means AWAY from this disgusting excuse for a human being. Have you done that?

[hellorhighwater22]

A few weeks ago we got into an argument and I said I was leaving for various reasons. He threatened suicide.

 

I called his mother ( I had a few drinks and was very upset) but she protected him. When I told her that he was threatening suivide she said he will not do that! He just says this! And he is proven that's true. It's not true.

 

But he won't get help. His family won't support me either.

[hellorhighwater22]

I have not. I told myself I would leave today. Instead I am here and feeling paralyzed. I'm angry but at same time. I feel gutless to leave.

 

The absolute most important thing is to get yourself to safety, which means AWAY from this disgusting excuse for a human being. Have you done that?

[ChickiePops]

A few weeks ago we got into an argument and I said I was leaving for various reasons. He threatened suicide.

 

I called his mother ( I had a few drinks and was very upset) but she protected him. When I told her that he was threatening suivide she said he will not do that! He just says this! And he is proven that's true. It's not true.

 

But he won't get help. His family won't support me either.

 

Get. Away. From. Him.

[BaileyB]

He is abusive and you need to leave - do what you need to do to protect yourself.

 

Don't justify it. Don't seek opinions and think about it. Just do what you need to do to be safe.

 

This is not love. You are in danger from this man.

[ChickiePops]

I have not. I told myself I would leave today. Instead I am here and feeling paralyzed. I'm angry but at same time. I feel gutless to leave.

 

 

Why?

 

.......

[ShatteredLady]

Can you buy a flight home to your parents? How long would it take you to drive? Don't get into a fight!!!! Act 'normal' & go when he's at work.

 

Have you been drinking now?

Were you both drunk the other night in the car?

 

This is such a dangerous situation.

 

Paranoia & threats of suicide can equal disaster!!

 

YOU ARE IN DANGER!!

[hellorhighwater22]

We were not drinking when this happened. He just went nuts. It was pure paranoia and he feels that my lack of understanding is ...just guilt etc.

 

I could leave in the am. With just a few belongings. But I am scared I will end up going back OR he will block me and I will go nuts wanting to talk to him.

 

As someone said earlier. I am addicted to him. I am scared I won't survive well on the other side

[aileD]

You're going to end up dead if you stay with him

 

Please call a domestic abuse hotline and have them advise you on the best way to exit the situation.

 

You need advice from professionals in this areas because you don't want to do anything that will set him off worse

 

Please help save your own life

[ChickiePops]

Sweetheart, unfortunately I don't think anyone here can help you the way you need to be helped. You need counseling. This guy will straight up murder you if you don't walk away.

 

Please call an abuse hotline.