Kissing a friend in front of you while drunk?

[Joga_31]

This is a personal thing, but I thought I would share since this is a dating forum and would like to know people's opinion.

 

My girlfriend awhile back would kiss her friend another female when she went clubbing.

 

She did this twice during the relationship. The first time happened in the beginning of the relationship, I just laughed it off at first, but I started noticing it bugs me. I used to club very often as well.

 

The second time was done in front of my face and both my girlfriend and her friend were drunk. Her friend is a bisexual though.

 

Some men would be very happy to have this situation, and so would I if I was single and not in a serious relationship.

 

But I actually want my girlfriend in a serious monogamous relationship. We then had a huge fight that day and I broke up with her, but she came begging and asking for me to come back and cried and moped on the floor and asked for forgiveness.

 

We have continued on in the relationship and she is still friends with this girl and they still socialize and everything. But I never feel comfortable when she is out clubbing with her or in general, but I try to not let it bother me, and yes she does make a lot of time for me and sometimes invites me to club as well.

 

so my question is I know I got cheated on, but I feel like a fool sometimes, for forgiving her. What if she is doing to this me again? I don't have any proof of it right now though.

 

What am I supposed to do? Also I would join in a threesome, but then I for sure would not take my girlfriend serious anymore and she wants me to take her serious and not cheat on her.

[Joga_31]

How does one defeat insecurity towards your partner?

 

It is such a popular topic because it leads to many breakups and I am sure divorces?

 

What things are justified in creating insecurity and how much of it is actually in your control?

 

Thoughts? Opinions?

[Poutrew]

Your girlfriend is a drunk bisexual, meaning that she is into women, or at least that particular woman, but it takes alcohol to free her up enough to get her bang on. If you stay with her, get used to her cheating on you with this other girl with regularity, because she isn't gonna give her up. Now is there anything about this scenario that upsets you? Yes? Then get rid of her. Find a hetro woman and never look back...

[Space Ritual]

It seems to always be fine and good to cheer it on unless it is happening to you, right? I know that movie...lol

 

For every guy who says they find it hot and it would not bather them, there are 3 guys who would sit there seething in the dark wanting to dump their GF.

 

To each their own. My GF would be welcome to go ahead and do it, just not as my GF. lol

[Joga_31]

Your girlfriend is a drunk bisexual, meaning that she is into women, or at least that particular woman, but it takes alcohol to free her up enough to get her bang on. If you stay with her, get used to her cheating on you with this other girl with regularity, because she isn't gonna give her up. Now is there anything about this scenario that upsets you? Yes? Then get rid of her. Find a hetro woman and never look back...

 

I asked her if she is a bisexual and she said no.

[MsJayne]

That's a very hard question. I think if one partner is insecure and jealous then there is something intrinsically wrong with a relationship, in that the insecurity isn't necessarily a personality trait so much as a reaction to the circumstances of the relationship. The most common scenario of insecurity I see is when one partner just 'cares' while the other partner is 'in love'. It's the imbalance of mutual attraction that can be felt by the insecure partner, like they're always afraid that the end is just 'round the corner. I knew a couple like that, she was crazy in love and he was just there for convenience, and even though they lived together you could see that he wasn't really happy with her. If he was friendly, (not flirty, just friendly), towards another woman she would start. First she'd get the thundercloud expression going, she'd go silent, and then she'd go all out and sit there eyeing up the other woman like she was going to kill her. And of course he found that behaviour embarrassing and a huge turn off, so they'd have a fight and he'd tell her how insecure she was......some people actually think that's an acceptable way to have a relationship. Anyway, I just believe that when someone is only half in a relationship, they're physically there but the emotional commitment is missing, the other person feels it and becomes insecure.

[smackie9]

She has no control when she drinks......I would say, if she stopped drinking realizing she has a problem with alcohol, then she is sincere enough to be trusted.......but dude, come on, she did it twice, she has not made any changes.....she still drinks while she's out with this girl.

 

If it was a guy she would be out the door already....why is it so forgiving when it's another girl??? cheating is cheating.

Edited October 26, 2016 by smackie9

[Darren Steez]

Did it in front of you.

 

Continues to hang out with the girl.

 

I'd say stay if they were not hanging out but she's already cheated in front of you, if she continues to go out it will be a dude she cheats with next time because she knows she can get away with it if you don't find out..after all..

 

She's cheated in front of you and you've forgiven her.

 

 

Good luck. You'll need it.

[Joga_31]

she tells me she drinks less and in front of me that is true

and she does go out less from that point the situation happened

 

I can't find any evidence on her doing anything wrong though right now.

 

She just came from seeing this friend and her other friends were present too.

She explained to me that she is really happy that I trust her enough to have given her the 2nd chance and to let her hang with her friends including this one she kissed.

 

Her friends and my girlfriend are happy for her. But she don't really know how it still bugs me.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Joga_31

[doyathinkso]

She just came from seeing this friend and her other friends were present too.

She explained to me that she is really happy that I trust her enough to have given her the 2nd chance and to let her hang with her friends including this one she kissed.

 

 

 

[]

 

She is not the one for you.

 

Dating is like a job interview process. She has failed the interview.

Edited October 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Poutrew]

she tells me she drinks less and in front of me that is true

and she does go out less from that point the situation happened

 

I can't find any evidence on her doing anything wrong though right now.

 

She just came from seeing this friend and her other friends were present too.

She explained to me that she is really happy that I trust her enough to have given her the 2nd chance and to let her hang with her friends including this one she kissed.

 

Her friends and my girlfriend are happy for her. But she don't really know how it still bugs me.

 

 

Of course she and her friends are happy. They think she has finally found a chump simple enough to trust her. She can get away with anything. As far as her friends go, well, they protect each other: "Oh look at Trudy - she is drunk and making out with Emily again. Ha Ha... Trudy must be really drunk tonight, seeing as how she has ripped Emily's panties off and is doing her best to suck the gold nugget from the bottom of the river... Ok, fun's over. Lets get her flushed out with some coffee and cleaned up so that her BF Joga wont suspect a thing. Remember gals, Tru just got a little tipsy and fell asleep ;) ". Never trust friends; they are observers and accomplices. They have a vested interest in you staying with their pal... they are not your friends.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Poutrew

[smackie9]

Maybe she did it in front of you thinking it was something you would want. The second time you finally spoke up, and she just ditched the idea. Sounds to me she is making an effort to keep things right with you.

[RecentChange]

I asked her if she is a bisexual and she said no.

 

Umm why is she kissing girls then?

 

Would a guy be considered "straight" if he liked to get drunk and make out with his male friend?

 

Why is this okay for one gender but not the other?

 

Idk- I consider girls, who like to make out with girls at least a little bisexual.

 

Orientation isn't black or white, this or that, but tends to be on a gradient scale. I would say she leans towards straight, but certainly has a bisexual streak.

[jen1447]

Not sure I agree w the kissing = cheating thing but ....I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I think it's like 0.1% chance she isn't sleeping w her GF or at least slept w her in the past. Take it from a bona-fide - it just doesn't happen that way.

[Joga_31]

Maybe she did it in front of you thinking it was something you would want. The second time you finally spoke up, and she just ditched the idea. Sounds to me she is making an effort to keep things right with you.

 

Yeah she did think it is something that would attract me.

She met me at the club and thought I was open to certain things, like many of wild guys are.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Joga_31

[Darren Steez]

Yeah she did think it is something that would attract me.

She met me at the club and thought I was open to certain things, like many of wild guys are.

 

Wild guy turned bunny when your girl kissed another girl in front of you.. wild guy indeed

[sandylee1]

I remember when I was younger out clubbing and I'd see girls who were normally into men ... Start kissing each other when they'd had a few drinks and were drunk.

 

Not my thing, but it was something I noticed a bit.

 

I think as it's still bugging you. ..you should just end it with her.

[EveryWomanJ2911]

It sounds like you are uncomfortable with her and this whole situation with clubbing and the bisexual girlfriend. You say she wants you to take her seriously...so maybe you should tell her how uncomfortable this is for you. Then she will be able to make some choices that reflect your relationship with her on a real level. Clubbing and getting intoxicated isn't necessary for a healthy relationship, but knowing your boundaries is healthy. Maybe she was trying to impress you, or maybe she has some issues to work out with her sexuality. Whatever the issues really are, you two need to level with each other. What are your values in a serious relationship? What does that look like to you? Is she willing to go forward with you, or is she at her limit with what she can genuinely offer you right now?

 

Whatever ends up happening, you need clarity and peace from this point forward. You won't find peace with her in a club or with people who tempt her to behave in ways that disrespect your relationship. You both need to be on the same page, whether you remain together or part ways. Really though, its a good idea to evaluate what is important to you in a partner, and let that guide you to make a good decision here. Don't ignore your gut feelings/instincts here. If something is "off" then address it asap. I hope things go well with you friend.

 

Blessings!

[Joga_31]

It sounds like you are uncomfortable with her and this whole situation with clubbing and the bisexual girlfriend. You say she wants you to take her seriously...so maybe you should tell her how uncomfortable this is for you. Then she will be able to make some choices that reflect your relationship with her on a real level. Clubbing and getting intoxicated isn't necessary for a healthy relationship, but knowing your boundaries is healthy. Maybe she was trying to impress you, or maybe she has some issues to work out with her sexuality. Whatever the issues really are, you two need to level with each other. What are your values in a serious relationship? What does that look like to you? Is she willing to go forward with you, or is she at her limit with what she can genuinely offer you right now?

 

Whatever ends up happening, you need clarity and peace from this point forward. You won't find peace with her in a club or with people who tempt her to behave in ways that disrespect your relationship. You both need to be on the same page, whether you remain together or part ways. Really though, its a good idea to evaluate what is important to you in a partner, and let that guide you to make a good decision here. Don't ignore your gut feelings/instincts here. If something is "off" then address it asap. I hope things go well with you friend.

 

Blessings!

 

yes she tried to impress me, but I ended up getting very angry and up this day still am.

 

She now knows that I hate it and has stopped and knows my boundaries and hers.

 

I said do that again and I will cut you out and not even let you know.

[Joga_31]

My girlfriend's friend invited me to dinner to apologize, but the dinner was too expensive and my girlfriend and I have spent 4 days together and I needed to be back home.

 

Since my parents would start to get angry. I am 26 she is 21 my girlfriend.

 

Anyways, my girlfriend still went to the dinner without me and the bar to grab drinks and food.

 

I have a problem with her friend as some of you know she made out with my girlfriend when both were drunk.

 

My girlfriend knows how uncomfortable I get with that woman, and reassures me she is not bisexual. Yet still went to the event, so we spent the whole arguing on the phone of her not respecting me while she was out at the bar and restaurant with that.....

 

What the hell do I do?

[Joga_31]

I have strong feelings for my girlfriend, but I told her to stop seeing her friend that she made out with when drunk in front of my face. My gf explains she was trying to please me, but now feels horrible about it. It has been like 6-7 months since said situation but I can't get over it.

 

She did not listen to me.When I asked her to not hang out with her friend, is it foolish of me to accept her continuing to talk to her friend.

 

My girlfriend explains she has never kissed her after that and realizes that getting that drunk is a bad thing too.

 

That she does not want to hurt anyone.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm not sure I understand your reasons for rejecting the friend's apology dinner.

 

"Too expensive": Ok, well, it seems that turned into just going to a bar, which presumably you could have managed.

 

"Parents angry": I don't understand how that situation could apply to a grown 26-year-old man.

 

If this situation has been bothering you as much as you've said, I think you should have prioritized meeting up with this girl to clear the air and get on better terms. She made an effort to repair the damage, and you rejected it - so you can't be surprised that that created more negativity.

 

It's clear that your GF and her friend are unwilling to stop hanging out with each other. If you can't find a way to integrate this girl into your life in some kind of positive way, and to trust your GF with their dynamic, you will find yourself more and more cast in this "bad guy" role.

 

And if you don't think you CAN find a positive and trusting approach here, then you do have the option of ending the relationship with your GF.

[Joga_31]

I'm not sure I understand your reasons for rejecting the friend's apology dinner.

 

"Too expensive": Ok, well, it seems that turned into just going to a bar, which presumably you could have managed.

 

"Parents angry": I don't understand how that situation could apply to a grown 26-year-old man.

 

If this situation has been bothering you as much as you've said, I think you should have prioritized meeting up with this girl to clear the air and get on better terms. She made an effort to repair the damage, and you rejected it - so you can't be surprised that that created more negativity.

 

It's clear that your GF and her friend are unwilling to stop hanging out with each other. If you can't find a way to integrate this girl into your life in some kind of positive way, and to trust your GF with their dynamic, you will find yourself more and more cast in this "bad guy" role.

 

And if you don't think you CAN find a positive and trusting approach here, then you do have the option of ending the relationship with your GF.

 

I was out of the house for 4 days and my parents were irritated, they are like this, out of my hands.

 

The dinner really was expensive. They did go to dinner, but I guess I could have not eaten anything and ended up in the bar.

 

But the bar thing was unplanned it was random happened out of the blue.

 

Do you really think getting to know her friend would be a good idea? would that make me look like a bigger fool?

[Standard-Fare]

Okay, I won't comment on the detail of a 26-year-old man living at home and having his parents dictate his schedule. That's a whole 'nother can of worms.

 

But with your GF: If you're at the point of distrust where you feel that getting to know her friend would be "playing the fool," then things are pretty broken here.

 

No one here can tell you whether you're overreacting or whether your feelings of distrust are actually valid. We don't know if the drunken makeout in the club was a one-time blip that truly meant nothing, or whether there actually is a sexual dynamic between your GF and her friend that you should feel threatened by.

 

You obviously seem to believe the latter — and this is obviously damaging your relationship.

 

Your options are either 1) Find a way to accept this friendship and restore your trust, or 2) Acknowledge that you can't handle your GF's friendship, so therefore you need to step away from the relationship.

 

The other option that you're trying — being jealous and angry and controlling, and pushing your GF to drop a friendship which she clearly has no intention of dropping — is not going to work out well for anyone.

[Poutrew]

Ummmm.... she has no problems kissing another woman, but claims she is not bisexual. So at what point would she admit to being bisex? What about if you got turned on and told her to do oral sex on the girlfriend? No, sorry. Your girlfriend is bisexual. She has no problems being with another woman. She disrespects you totally and goes out with the same girl again and does who knows what with her. She doesn't give a rat's a*s about your feelings. She probably laughs at you behind your back with the other woman when she describes how wrapped around her finger you are... Because right now, my friend, your are the very definition of a cuckold. You honestly don't know what to do at this point? Ok, I'll tell you. Get rid of the girlfriend. Right now, throw her out on the curb where the trash pickup is. Believe me, the other woman will stop her car and load up your ex-girlfriend into the trunk of her car before the garbage truck arrives. She'll give her a new home once the putrid aroma of trash evaporates. You need to find yourself a real woman who wants a real man...now get to it.