She Cheated and Wants Out, But...

[Mr. Lucky]

Thanks, Frisky. To be clear, I told her I don't want to be friends when she said that. And to stillafool, I didn't push her, but when she hugged me, I didn't raise my arms. I don't need to be "nice," but I don't need to rock the boat until I have a legal plan in place. Make her think everything is going according to her plan and that nothing is going on behind the scenes.

 

Sounds like you're playing it cool, calm and collected, way to go. You want to present a neutral facade as things play out during the legal process of separation and divorce. Don't provoke and don't react to provocation.

 

There may come a time to tell her what you really think of her. That time isn't now...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Friskyone4u]

Thanks, Frisky. To be clear, I told her I don't want to be friends when she said that. And to stillafool, I didn't push her, but when she hugged me, I didn't raise my arms. I don't need to be "nice," but I don't need to rock the boat until I have a legal plan in place. Make her think everything is going according to her plan and that nothing is going on behind the scenes.

 

 

I do not know this guy's name, so I can't find out if he is married, etc. I have a first name, a city and a job, but can't find anything else out and at this point, I care less each day.

 

 

She actually has told very few people (maybe a couple of non-mutual friends). She wants to maintain things as they are for as long as possible. My guess is if this doesn't work out, she expects to come back to me and her friends and family will never know. I already told her that isn't happening; that I am not a Plan B and the trust is gone, etc.

 

I don't remember if I mentioned this, but two days ago, she said she wishes she hadn't gone on the trip with her friends during which she met this guy. Gee, thanks. That's especially sweet and meaningful since you're still seeing him.

 

MJK,

 

The part highlighted is EXACTLY what she wants. Even if you do not care as much, you still should keep trying to find out who he is to tell his wife if there is a wife.

 

My guess is the same girlfriends who were with her when she hooked up with this guy are advising her how to try to play you as Plan B. i would bet that all of them think you will beg her and take her back whenever she is done with her fun. make sure you do not backtrack on that one.

 

once your lawyer swings in to action, that little fantasy of living with you in the open relationship she thinks she has will disappear quickly and then she will turn nasty.

[MJK16]

Yes, I am dreading how nasty things will get once she gets served with whatever I serve her with. If I had moved already, I wouldn't care much, but again, I'm not leaving my daughter behind.

 

 

As for finding out if this guy is married, I'd love to, but am not sure how unless I hire a PI. I have a first name, job, city, age and two kids. My only other option at this point is to try to sneak a peak on her phone when it's on, but she doesn't make that easy for obvious reasons.

 

 

I have to get this moving, though. Staying here is bad for two reasons: it sucks for me psychologically and it's great for her as it's part of her controlling plan.

[LostOnes05]

You wouldn't believe what you can find with a first name, city, and job. Google and Facebook could be your best friends for this. Then if you see a guy with two kids and by chance see her in a picture, you'll know you've found him. Stay strong and as cordial as possible. Have your recorder on you when she gets served because I'm sure she'll have an outburst. Just remain calm and don't say anything else.

[stillafool]

 

As for finding out if this guy is married, I'd love to, but am not sure how unless I hire a PI. I have a first name, job, city, age and two kids. My only other option at this point is to try to sneak a peak on her phone when it's on, but she doesn't make that easy for obvious reasons.

 

 

.

 

It's really not worth all of that. Yeah it would be nice but his wife will find out sooner or later.

[sandylee1]

Do her parents know?

 

Do your family know?

 

I would refrain from family time with her. You can go out with your daughter on your own ... but not as a family.

 

You just need to be matter of fact about it.

 

I reckon exposing would bring out vindictiveness from her. So don't bother with it. She knows what she did. You aren't her back up plan. When she spins the we drifted apart story ... you can say yeah. She drifted into the arms of another man, so that caused us to drift apart.

 

I don't know where cheaters get off thinking they can try out someone else then decide. Most think it but wouldn't say it. She must think she's God's gift to men and totally irresistible.