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Husband left for younger woman now wants to talk.

Harriet1

By Harriet1,
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Harriet1

Harriet1

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My husband left me 5 months ago for another woman, they met at work and have formed a bond over a few years. She is considerably younger than him but all the same he went for it. I had no idea this was going on. My kind, caring wonderful husband was living a double life for a couple of years. I met her and as you can imagine it was not pleasant, I remained dignified whilst she fought for him In front of me. Today she gets on a plane to go home, back to her country so he can decide what he wants. He has asked to talk to me later in the week. I my know what hee wants or why. He has treated me appaulingly with no remorse whatsoever, told me he hasn't !over me for years but thinks at times that he wants to come back. He said he's still living in the past. The affair re started a year ago, he left me and came out so to speak months ago so why is he still !living I the past, surely he should have moved on by now. It's been a horrible time and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster why does he want to put me through more? He's changed considerably. I hate this. I'm scared he'll try and come back and do this all over again. Can anyone help me, I just can't see what's in front of me right now. Thank you.

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Kelley

Kelley

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You do have a choice you know. If you don't want him back tell him, he had no problems leaving you for what he wanted. Don't get back on the rollercoaster unless it's what YOU want and you think you can save your marriage.

 

 

 

My husband left me 5 months ago for another woman, they met at work and have formed a bond over a few years. She is considerably younger than him but all the same he went for it. I had no idea this was going on. My kind, caring wonderful husband was living a double life for a couple of years. I met her and as you can imagine it was not pleasant, I remained dignified whilst she fought for him In front of me. Today she gets on a plane to go home, back to her country so he can decide what he wants. He has asked to talk to me later in the week. I my know what hee wants or why. He has treated me appaulingly with no remorse whatsoever, told me he hasn't !over me for years but thinks at times that he wants to come back. He said he's still living in the past. The affair re started a year ago, he left me and came out so to speak months ago so why is he still !living I the past, surely he should have moved on by now. It's been a horrible time and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster why does he want to put me through more? He's changed considerably. I hate this. I'm scared he'll try and come back and do this all over again. Can anyone help me, I just can't see what's in front of me right now. Thank you.
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dojob1234

dojob1234

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someone who left you once will leave you again. end of story.

 

Strongly agreed...

 

Shared a story of mine which is similar to TS story...

 

My ex wife divorced with me due to she had an affair, and caught by me red-handed... Anyway, she left and I continue with my life..

 

About 1 year later after our divorced, she came back... At that point of time, I do still love her still, so accepted her back... After 3 months, I regretted my choice... As she's just 'using' me as a 'spare'.

 

She left me again, when that guy came back to her...

 

So well, I learnt my lesson...

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BluesPower

BluesPower

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You need to tell him to get lost...

 

For me, an affair is one thing, Ok it happens.

 

But when they leave, IMHO, that is the deal breaker. If they took it that far, there is no going back.

 

Tell him it is too late and move on with your life.

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stillafool

stillafool

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You should refuse to see him. You have the power and control over your life, not him. Don't let him come back after he has made you his second choice. He still wouldn't be happy and imagine the type of resentment you will feel. Please don't think life is over just because this loser left you for some young ass.

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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Just to echo what the others have said. This is your life and you do have choices of your own.

 

Do you want him back?

 

Do you want to try again?

 

Reading your post it doesn't sound like it so if I were you I would tell him in no uncertain terms that you simply can't be bothered to deal with all his emotional carping on all the time and you don't want him regardless of whether he is single or not you just don't want him.

 

It is that simple.

 

Your ex husband is a prize pillock and he has lost out. Well shame on him. If he wanted you so badly he should have made some effort before rather than as an after thought after poking his penis the the strange...

 

You don't have to take him back.

 

You don't have to speak to him.

 

You do not have to do anything you don't want to or are unsure of.

 

So what do YOU WANT.

 

That is the question you should ask yourself.

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ChickiePops

ChickiePops

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You need to tell him to get lost...

 

For me, an affair is one thing, Ok it happens.

 

But when they leave, IMHO, that is the deal breaker. If they took it that far, there is no going back.

 

Tell him it is too late and move on with your life.

 

For me, the affair IS the deal breaker. OP I hope you kick his worthless butt to the curb.

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CantEversay

CantEversay

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For me, the affair IS the deal breaker. OP I hope you kick his worthless butt to the curb.

 

Agreed. Anyone who cheats on a partner and doesn't tell them has the IQ of a turnip and I wouldn't ever want to associate with someone like that.

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Harriet1

Harriet1

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Yes I'm still her. I wish I was strong as some of you women but I'm struggling. It's exhausting. I gave him 25 years but I think he will bring her back. It's funny how I'm usually a level headed woman but I can't see outside the box when im the one living this. Your all right, he's a cheat and doesn't respect me, care or value me. I have seen this happen to many couples, some have survived many haven't. I Want to say no to him but I know I will probably see him. Financially I'm dependent on him, I am unable to work due to my health, I've been unwell for 3 years, hence the affair. I'm waiting for surgery in the next few months and I'm scared and don't want to go through it by myself, how sad am I? Weak, worthless and dependant- I have got to work on my self worth its taken a hammering lately, before I was unwell I was very active, had a career, loved entertaining and it stopped almost over night. I was trying to rebuild my life when he pulled the rug from under me. God I hate this ladies.

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Yes I'm still her. I wish I was strong as some of you women but I'm struggling. It's exhausting. I gave him 25 years but I think he will bring her back. It's funny how I'm usually a level headed woman but I can't see outside the box when im the one living this. Your all right, he's a cheat and doesn't respect me, care or value me. I have seen this happen to many couples, some have survived many haven't. I Want to say no to him but I know I will probably see him. Financially I'm dependent on him, I am unable to work due to my health, I've been unwell for 3 years, hence the affair. I'm waiting for surgery in the next few months and I'm scared and don't want to go through it by myself, how sad am I? Weak, worthless and dependant- I have got to work on my self worth its taken a hammering lately, before I was unwell I was very active, had a career, loved entertaining and it stopped almost over night. I was trying to rebuild my life when he pulled the rug from under me. God I hate this ladies.

 

That shows you how much MORE of a jerkface he is.

 

He kicked you while you were down.

 

Every time you feel sad, low or crappy. DO SOMETHING nice for yourself. Show yourself some care. Right away.

 

He doesn't have the power to take away your self-worth. It may seem like it and some of us automatically give that power to our partners. But he really, really doesn't deserve you.

 

You deserve so much better than that for 25 faithful years.

 

And the bastard didn't even show any remorse?

Let him sit on the curb. What a user he is.

 

He treated you like you were replaceable. And now it's "not working out." Of course it isn't. He tried to replace you with a skank that goes with a married guy. Yeah right.

 

He can follow her home.

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LostOnes05

LostOnes05

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As a young man, I implore you not to even consider entertaining his antics. Never let anyone walk in and out of your life during tough times. You deserve more than that. You do have the strength to look beyond him. [i don't know if you have children with him] Imagine if one of your sons or daughters came home saying their spouse had done something like this. Your advice would be the same as we have given you. He's hurt you deeply and I understand the pain of being cheated on...believe me. Out of that pain grew a new person, less trusting but also more aware. Maya Angelou has a famous quote that goes something like, "When people show you who they are, believe them; the first time". He has shown who he is and that his vows meant nothing to him. This is your opportunity to clear the fog and take back control of your life and happiness...it's yours after all.

 

I personally don't believe in having any type of relationship with someone after they cheat (unless I had to deal with them because of children). It's disrespectful to you as a person, in general. Quick question...Would you allow someone to spit in your face day after day? Would you then allow them back to explain why they spit in your face, just to get spit on again? If not, why would you invite this person back to have any sort of discussion? His thoughts and opinions are irrelevant now.

 

Like I said, I know how you feel but from the perspective of a man. It makes you wonder what was real, if any of it was real. Hurt is hurt...but understand that you can and will heal. When someone hurts you like that, it's your responsibility and duty to put yourself first. So as the famous actor Shia LaBeouf and the Nike slogan say [respectively], "Do It", "Just Do It".

 

The video is kinda ridiculous but the meaning is there. Best of luck and you can get through this. Believe it!

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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Yes I'm still her. I wish I was strong as some of you women but I'm struggling. It's exhausting. I gave him 25 years but I think he will bring her back. It's funny how I'm usually a level headed woman but I can't see outside the box when im the one living this. Your all right, he's a cheat and doesn't respect me, care or value me. I have seen this happen to many couples, some have survived many haven't. I Want to say no to him but I know I will probably see him. Financially I'm dependent on him, I am unable to work due to my health, I've been unwell for 3 years, hence the affair. I'm waiting for surgery in the next few months and I'm scared and don't want to go through it by myself, how sad am I? Weak, worthless and dependant- I have got to work on my self worth its taken a hammering lately, before I was unwell I was very active, had a career, loved entertaining and it stopped almost over night. I was trying to rebuild my life when he pulled the rug from under me. God I hate this ladies.

 

I completely understand. 3 years ago I was in a terrible relationship. So bad he left me dead. No, I am not exaggerating. It all came to a head and he ended it. He left. By God I was glad that I wasn't going to spend my last six months alive with that piece of s*** but it was still hard and that "pull" to him was still there. It took a few weeks and I had to be really tough on myself but life started getting a whole heap better after he left. Sometimes it still sucks and yes I get scared. But I figure i can get through and I can achieve whatever I want to.

 

No one wants to go through things alone. The problem is will your ex actually be there when you need him or will he be floating off to scag the other woman again when it gets tough?

 

I know it is awful and it hurts and its frightening but you DO have a choice as to whether or not you have this man back in your life. If you don't want him then throw him out! Concentrate on family and friends who will support you and help you out. There are people out there who love you. You just don't know it.

 

Take a deep breath and have the courage to go for what you want. Regardless of what we or anyone else says. What do YOU want?

 

P.S. If you want to stay where you are until after you get better then make that clear to him. He did the dirty so he can share the pain even if the pain is in his pocket! So don't worry about that just worry about what YOU want... Concentrate on getting better.

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Harriet1

Harriet1

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Your right I shouldn't entertain him. Our friends are mutual but I am getting support from some, they are very angry with him. My dearest friend said that I should see what he wants but to get rid of him after our discussion. Everyone is shocked we were were good together no one saw this coming and he hid it extremely well. I actually snooped at her profile on FB, I was very surprised that he traded me in for the jallopy.. bit nasty but I can't help it. People tell me that it will get better in time, frankly I'd rather go to sleep and wake up when it's all over. My stomach is eating itself out. I honestly never thought this would happen, I thought it was pipe and slipped time and that we'd grow old together. I never thought in my late 40's that I'd be starting all over again. Honestly where I live the gene pool is very limited I can't afford to move at the moment and travel is difficult. But you know if someone asked me out right now I'd go just to get through this, there is no one under 70 available!!!!

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dreamingoftigers

dreamingoftigers

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Your right I shouldn't entertain him. Our friends are mutual but I am getting support from some, they are very angry with him. My dearest friend said that I should see what he wants but to get rid of him after our discussion. Everyone is shocked we were were good together no one saw this coming and he hid it extremely well. I actually snooped at her profile on FB, I was very surprised that he traded me in for the jallopy.. bit nasty but I can't help it. People tell me that it will get better in time, frankly I'd rather go to sleep and wake up when it's all over. My stomach is eating itself out. I honestly never thought this would happen, I thought it was pipe and slipped time and that we'd grow old together. I never thought in my late 40's that I'd be starting all over again. Honestly where I live the gene pool is very limited I can't afford to move at the moment and travel is difficult. But you know if someone asked me out right now I'd go just to get through this, there is no one under 70 available!!!!

 

Import a refugee!

 

Just kidding.

 

The stomach stuff gets better when you show yourself love and detach from his scummy butt.

 

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

 

I am 34, but I fully expect to have to start over at some point. Either because I leave, he leaves or he dies. (No dying for me. No way. :p)

 

Life plays hardball sometimes. You get back up and finish the game.

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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Your right I shouldn't entertain him. Our friends are mutual but I am getting support from some, they are very angry with him. My dearest friend said that I should see what he wants but to get rid of him after our discussion. Everyone is shocked we were were good together no one saw this coming and he hid it extremely well. I actually snooped at her profile on FB, I was very surprised that he traded me in for the jallopy.. bit nasty but I can't help it. People tell me that it will get better in time, frankly I'd rather go to sleep and wake up when it's all over. My stomach is eating itself out. I honestly never thought this would happen, I thought it was pipe and slipped time and that we'd grow old together. I never thought in my late 40's that I'd be starting all over again. Honestly where I live the gene pool is very limited I can't afford to move at the moment and travel is difficult. But you know if someone asked me out right now I'd go just to get through this, there is no one under 70 available!!!!

 

Don't worry. My last fling went for a self absorbed selfie taker... I too snooped at her FB page and all it was was selfies of her in her bathroom, in the pub toilets... There was a selfie in a car which made a change of scenery. The woman had two children and there was hardly any mention of them or and of the usual "Hey my kids are great" that you would expect to see on a parents page... It was all "me me me me me me me" and a bit more "me"... Urgh. No class, no dignity. My first impression was she is selfish and drama queen. Sure enough in under 2 weeks he ditched her because *surprise surprise!* she is self absorbed and a drama queen... Didn't see that coming at all!!! :rolleyes: Sad to say that some women really are just a hole between 2 legs. I know that is wicked but at least you can see your worth far more. Sadly many men get stuck thinking about sex and they fall for it... But there are others who have a greater blood flow to their brains than their groin - thankfully I still believe that they are still in the majority.

 

Don't worry about dating for the moment. Just concentrate on getting better and getting through the day. Slowly it will come but there is no point trying to force it. As you start to feel better you will start feeling happier and more optimistic, you will start smiling and being happy again. Then all of a sudden you will find that you are going out more and meeting more people and somewhere in there a really great guy will turn up. Who knows you may even find yourself a devoted toy boy!!! :cool:

 

Chin up chook. It will and does get better because that is life! You get good times and bad and you get through it all.

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Harriet1

Harriet1

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I'm hurting guys, I really am. It's really heartwarming hearing your positive replies. I've just called a friend to come over. Went to see Dr today, they are trying to put my opp date forward o that I can have some relief from the pain. Im scared and lonley. I can't wait to hear the car come down my track. Thank God I have one friend who has a 4 x 4 and can get to me, the joys of living in the sticks. Still we soldier on! Cant believe he took up with a kiddie substitute whilst I was unwell. Bas***d, git, lethario, swine and git all rolled into one, they say after anger comes acceptance, roll on that. Sorry everyone Im a little needy right now. It too will pass.x

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BluesPower

BluesPower

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You know what?

 

After your operation and when you get to feeling better, starting over can really be a good thing.

 

Plus, any man our age should know that in so many ways, a grown woman with her head together is so much sexier that some young twit.

 

You hang in there. I think it will get a lot better over time...

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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I'm hurting guys, I really am. It's really heartwarming hearing your positive replies. I've just called a friend to come over. Went to see Dr today, they are trying to put my opp date forward o that I can have some relief from the pain. Im scared and lonley. I can't wait to hear the car come down my track. Thank God I have one friend who has a 4 x 4 and can get to me, the joys of living in the sticks. Still we soldier on! Cant believe he took up with a kiddie substitute whilst I was unwell. Bas***d, git, lethario, swine and git all rolled into one, they say after anger comes acceptance, roll on that. Sorry everyone Im a little needy right now. It too will pass.x

 

It does pass and you would be amazed at what you can achieve when you set your mind to it!

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