How some gauge success rates in online dating

[LookAtThisPOst]

Got into a conversation about success online dating with a group of friends and acquaintances and one woman, early 30s...said she's been on OK Cupid for 15 years, most of her long term relationships lasted around 2 years, all of which she's met from the site. She typically casually dates more than gets into relationships, but for now, just dating because that's what makes her happy.

 

She said when she IS ready for a relationship, it'll take her around a few weeks to a few months until she finds a boyfriend.

 

Some people from the group argued this "how is this considered success, if you are still on the site, for 15 years, and still single?

 

She does say with the relationships, the reason she ends them are rather arbitrary. Usually it's some lame excuse to get out of it and "be single again"...she said she is working on it as she see's a therapist. (Kind of reminds me of those sitcoms where there's always that one female character that has this 'therapist' as a running joke in the series)

 

"My therapist tells me..." (audience laughs)

 

With all the, "Date with purpose" or "Please, no serial daters" on women's profiles, she's the opposite.

 

In fact, she's taking a break from online dating, and since she rarely meets in public...at bars or whatever...then it's easy to simply delete the app and work on herself.

 

At first, she came off like she wasn't trying to work on it, but it's she talks about it like it's normal. It's like "Whatever, I'm seein' my therapist a bout it."

 

I think my point here is, I was wondering if she was put member of the population that is quite common when it comes to online dating? At least she's seeing someone about it, but...just how many people are not and just continue to have these 2 year relationships...as some people are considered easily replace-able asin her case?

[salparadise]

There are different levels of success, and I suppose it's relative and depends both on who you are and what you want.

 

Level one: able to get dates, get laid, enjoy meeting people and having social opportunities that otherwise wouldn't be possible. For men this probably means anything greater than zero. For women it probably means having a choice of men who meet their criteria.

 

Level X: getting what you really want. For many this means satisfying relationships, a happy marriage. For others, not being alone... knowing there are plenty of fish whenever they get the urge to wet their hook.

 

There are a lot of people who for one reason or another cannot sustain satisfying relationships long-term. I think this is what we're wired for, and what most people realize they want... and when it happens they're off the dating sites for good. The ones who are really good at it may not ever be on there to begin with. The ones who aren't are the perpetual daters––continuously online, or returning every few months or years.

[central]

Success is whatever you want it to be. There's nothing wrong with casual dating or serial relationships if that's what you want - as long as you tell people what you want so as to not waste their time if their goal is not the same. Even people seeking marriage date a variety of people who don't work out, though, so having the same goal provides no assurance that you will find it with that person.

 

 

For myself, I see OLD success as meeting interesting women whom I would not have met or dated otherwise; essentially expanding my candidate pool. I was looking for a lasting LTR, but had a lot of dates and short relationships that did not work out well enough for long term - until one finally did. I still dated some who were just looking for fun, too, knowing I'd have some fun - for a while.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is interesting, further follow-up had her talk about how others on the message board will hell-bent on trying to convince her "she's doing it wrong." When it comes to online dating.

 

One remarked:

 

"I wouldn't know. But did you ever think that at least some of those guys only said yes to a second date or more because they only thought about the possibility of sex?"

 

Her response, "

"Duh. Sometimes that's all I want too! But I've always been to able to convert the meaningful ones into relationships, so I do fine in that department."

 

So..."convert", what does she has a light switch that she flips on and off.

 

It's like she changes gears from "wanting a relationship" to "wanting a one night stand" and back again and forth. I dunno, there has to be some emotional element going on there, yes?

 

Basically, she's admitting to switching on and off her emotions or just wishy-washy and unpredictable?

[GunslingerRoland]

There are so many factors that go into determining if someone is right for you for the rest of your life. If you go on OLD and you date someone and it turns into an actual relationship (especially a 2 year long one) I think that has to be considered a success regardless of what happens eventually.

[GemmaUK]

This is interesting, further follow-up had her talk about how others on the message board will hell-bent on trying to convince her "she's doing it wrong." When it comes to online dating.

 

One remarked:

 

"I wouldn't know. But did you ever think that at least some of those guys only said yes to a second date or more because they only thought about the possibility of sex?"

 

Her response, "

"Duh. Sometimes that's all I want too! But I've always been to able to convert the meaningful ones into relationships, so I do fine in that department."

 

So..."convert", what does she has a light switch that she flips on and off.

 

It's like she changes gears from "wanting a relationship" to "wanting a one night stand" and back again and forth. I dunno, there has to be some emotional element going on there, yes?

 

Basically, she's admitting to switching on and off her emotions or just wishy-washy and unpredictable?

 

Um..well yeah!

 

It's her knowing the difference between a prospect who is just for fun and not long term potential and someone who is actually long term potential.

 

She doesn't switch emotions off she just knows a guy could be and can be a 3 date, 3 month time of fun (up to her if she goes for it or doesn't) and another guy could be a potential life partner (up to her if she goes for it or doesn't) - we all have those same thoughts LATP and it's no great shakes change it up and down depending on the man/woman - we pretty much all do it or have at some stage/age..

Edited October 26, 2016 by GemmaUK