Just found out fiance cheated on me

[theex]

Like the title says, I just found out my fiance cheated on me. We were together for 6 months and got engaged within the first 3 months. It moved fast but I felt I was ready for this relationship. He was charming and very helpful at the start. Then he got mean and often snapped at me over nothing. We went to a wedding in another state and he had gone online and met someone there, behind my back. Told her we were broken up when were were engaged and attending the wedding together! Told his friends I was "the one" while texting new girl, grooming her to be his next relationship. He moved in with me a month ago. I found out that just a week before the move, he had been sleeping with her. He lied constantly throughout the relationship. After breaking up with me over absolutely nothing, he moved out and went straight to her! He's now living with her. He had been texting me this whole time telling me how he wanted to end up with me and would come back in several months, after we both had time to work on ourselves. What a load of crock!

 

I ended up calling the new girlfriend and telling her who I was and what he's doing. She'd had some concerns, but also found him charming and very likable, enough to allow him to move into her life and her home.

 

I should be over this. I should be excited that he left me and has moved on to the next "victim." However, it hurts like hell. Although I am way past the person, I haven't moved past the lies and cheating. I am very relieved to be done with him, trust me, but then I look back at who I thought he was and start crying my eyes out. I once knew and loved this person who's actually a heartless monster. Why would someone do this? He is now threatening to block me after I confronted him about his infidelity and I'm glad because I don't want anything to do with him after this. But how do I get over the hurt of being lied to and cheated on by my fiance? We had planned a family together....

[doyathinkso]

Consider yourself fortunate that this happened when he was ONLY your fiance. How much worse to have your spouse do this.

 

Hmm, do you suppose he'll end up fiance to this other girl? Maybe he's a serial-fiance? Could be that's his game to get a girl to give him her all. Did you give him a place to live? financial support? sexual favours you wouldn't give to just any guy?

[Betrayed&Stayed]

We were together for 6 months and got engaged within the first 3 months.

 

WTH? What were you thinking?! This should have been your first red flag that this relationship was not healthy.

 

Consider yourself lucky. Live and learn from this relationship.

[40somethingGuy]

Like the title says, I just found out my fiance cheated on me. We were together for 6 months and got engaged within the first 3 months. It moved fast but I felt I was ready for this relationship. He was charming and very helpful at the start. Then he got mean and often snapped at me over nothing. We went to a wedding in another state and he had gone online and met someone there, behind my back. Told her we were broken up when were were engaged and attending the wedding together! Told his friends I was "the one" while texting new girl, grooming her to be his next relationship. He moved in with me a month ago. I found out that just a week before the move, he had been sleeping with her. He lied constantly throughout the relationship. After breaking up with me over absolutely nothing, he moved out and went straight to her! He's now living with her. He had been texting me this whole time telling me how he wanted to end up with me and would come back in several months, after we both had time to work on ourselves. What a load of crock!

 

I ended up calling the new girlfriend and telling her who I was and what he's doing. She'd had some concerns, but also found him charming and very likable, enough to allow him to move into her life and her home.

 

I should be over this. I should be excited that he left me and has moved on to the next "victim." However, it hurts like hell. Although I am way past the person, I haven't moved past the lies and cheating. I am very relieved to be done with him, trust me, but then I look back at who I thought he was and start crying my eyes out. I once knew and loved this person who's actually a heartless monster. Why would someone do this? He is now threatening to block me after I confronted him about his infidelity and I'm glad because I don't want anything to do with him after this. But how do I get over the hurt of being lied to and cheated on by my fiance? We had planned a family together....

Boy, he sounds like a real catch.

[sooshi]

The guy is apparently very charming and likable. He knows how to sway people to his side. He isn't interested in commitment. He's interested in attracting attention and having his way.

 

Next time, take things slowly while dating. It takes a lot of time to get to really know someone. You both agreed to having a shared life commitment when you two barely knew each other.

 

Take this as a (hard) lesson learned. Be glad that only invested a few months in this man, not six years. And be glad that you two did not married.

 

He has some nerve, getting caught in being unfaithful, and trying to turn the blame onto you.

 

Block this clown everywhere and do not contact him again. You're so much better off without him.

 

Next time, slow down. Take your time. Get to know your partner deeply.

[Grapesofwrath]

OP: If you have not already done so, google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Your ex-fiance shows some of the hallmarks. It may help your healing to know that, if he is a true narcissist, then you were manipulated by one of the best and you can blame yourself a little less and move forward a little wiser.

 

In the future, watch out for men who "love bomb" you in the early stages. Things like saying "i love you" waaaaay too soon. Or proposing marriage after just 3 months. Blame-shifting. Lying. Manipulation. Lack of empathy. All of these are signs of the narcissist. There is a book, "In Sheeps Clothing" that outines the dynamics very well.

 

At this point you are grieving the loss of a person who never really existed. Use this experience to make yourself wiser and smarter next time.

[Popsicle]

We were together for 6 months and got engaged within the first 3 months. It moved fast but I felt I was ready for this relationship.

 

You felt like you were ready but he obviously was not. It takes two to be ready.

[Whoknew30]

Your focus shouldn't be on why he did this, the focus should be why you were willing to make such a commitment to someone you rarely knew. There's absolutely no way one knows another person after just 3 months, I'd get some IC to get to the bottom of why you allowed yourself to be such a easy target...& also remember in life "if it seems to good to be true, it usually is".

[BTDT2012]

He moved in with me a month ago. I found out that just a week before the move, he had been sleeping with her.

 

I promise you that you will come to see this as a blessing. Take time to figure yourself out, and don't let anyone move in with you. Figure out why you continued with letting him move in.

Edited October 26, 2016 by BTDT2012

[Mr. Lucky]

Your focus shouldn't be on why he did this, the focus should be why you were willing to make such a commitment to someone you rarely knew. There's absolutely no way one knows another person after just 3 months, I'd get some IC to get to the bottom of why you allowed yourself to be such a easy target...

 

Amen. The four seasons rule is there for a reason, it takes a minimum of a year to know someone well enough to judge their suitability as a mate. In relationships as in life, haste makes waste...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

 

 

He is now threatening to block me after I confronted him about his infidelity and I'm glad because I don't want anything to do with him after this. But how do I get over the hurt of being lied to and cheated on by my fiance? We had planned a family together....

 

Why haven't you already blocked the lying cheating bas***d? Why would you want to say another word that doesn't end in off to the LCB? Good riddance to him. Who wants to procreate with a sleaze like him.

 

Truth is you didn't know him. You were prepared to spend a lifetime with a man you'd known for 90 days.

 

Be glad you found out what he was like and put him in the past where he belongs.

[Satu]

snip

*He is now threatening to block me after I confronted him about his infidelity and I'm glad because I don't want anything to do with him after this.

 

*You should block him from everything.

 

He's poison for you.

 

So you need to do a deep detox and get him out of your system.

 

It takes time to do that, but the first step is to sever all contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[theex]

Thank you to all those who responded. I feel very supported and that's exactly what I needed after all of this.

 

As for why I ended up accepting his marriage proposal only after 3 months, I am still trying to figure it out. I'd wanted this so badly. I realized it was rushed but it felt like the right person at the right time. Now I realized that he just manipulated the sh*t out of me. He also did it to the new girlfriend. When we were sharing our accounts of having met him, it was word for word, like a script that he uses to hook women.

 

It's scary to know people like this are out there, but now I feel more aware and guarded. I am still reeling from the shock of finding out I was cheated on; what gets me the most is the lying, not the cheating per se. I still cry a ton when I get home after work and sit in our apartment remembering how much I loved the good parts of him...the faked good parts.

[theex]

Consider yourself fortunate that this happened when he was ONLY your fiance. How much worse to have your spouse do this.

 

Hmm, do you suppose he'll end up fiance to this other girl? Maybe he's a serial-fiance? Could be that's his game to get a girl to give him her all. Did you give him a place to live? financial support? sexual favours you wouldn't give to just any guy?

 

No, I talk to his mom on a consistent basis and I know I was the first fiancee. There may be more. He moves very fast when he wants to hook someone! He did live with me rent-free...and he's living with the new girlfriend rent-free.

[theex]

snip

 

 

*You should block him from everything.

 

He's poison for you.

 

So you need to do a deep detox and get him out of your system.

 

It takes time to do that, but the first step is to sever all contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you! Will do. I don't have social media, so that's easy. And he hardly ever reaches out to me. He's happy to have gotten rid of the path of most resistance. My defense mechanism kicked in quite a bit with him and it annoyed him so severely that this was his reasoning for leaving me in the first place (little did I know that he was planning on shacking up with another woman).

[theex]

OP: If you have not already done so, google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Your ex-fiance shows some of the hallmarks. It may help your healing to know that, if he is a true narcissist, then you were manipulated by one of the best and you can blame yourself a little less and move forward a little wiser.

 

In the future, watch out for men who "love bomb" you in the early stages. Things like saying "i love you" waaaaay too soon. Or proposing marriage after just 3 months. Blame-shifting. Lying. Manipulation. Lack of empathy. All of these are signs of the narcissist. There is a book, "In Sheeps Clothing" that outines the dynamics very well.

 

At this point you are grieving the loss of a person who never really existed. Use this experience to make yourself wiser and smarter next time.

 

Good call. I think he was actually a sociopath the way he operated...he charmed his way into my life and then manipulated his way throughout the relationship only to coldly abandon me without any remorse or empathy.

[ChickiePops]

Good call. I think he was actually a sociopath the way he operated...he charmed his way into my life and then manipulated his way throughout the relationship only to coldly abandon me without any remorse or empathy.

 

Yup, sounds like a sociopath to me. Congrats on shedding this snake!

[Fugu]

You are lucky. This guy is not just a cheater but he also has the personality of a manipulative abuser. His cheating on you was probably a way to 'put you in your place'. He has a low opinion of himself internally but he probably compensates for it by having a personality that seems charming on the outside but turns manipulative and toxic when he doesn't get his way with people. Stay away from people like this -- far away.