Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 So I've been with this girl for about 4 months now. She's absolutely perfect for me, I believe. But even the relationship didn't start off too perfect cause she caught feelings for her ex one night she was drunk one month we were together. She admitted it to me, mainly cause one of her friends forced her to. She said she would change and be the girl I wish her to be. This time she went to a small kickback about a month ago without telling me because there was a guy that was gonna be there that her and I hated so she didn't tell me about it. She started drinking and met up with an old friend from HS who she played beer pong with. He asked her for her number and she gave it to him, the next day he texted her and she replied because he was also one of her friends little brother so she said she replied just to be nice and not be rude. They have been talking normally until a weeks later he invited her to Horror Nights. She initially didn't tell me about it because I didn't have the money to go. The guy told her that it was gonna be him and some coworkers so she said okay but the coworkers never went. She took shots before she went it and by the end of the night he kissed her and she didn't stop it. They kept texting 'as friends' two weeks later until I found out. I became suspicious when she would always leave her phone at home or just keep it hidden. I went to go pick her up from her female friends house where she was drinking and I saw her phone. The next day she told me that she went to horror nights with him and a bunch of friends...I believed that until two days later someone forced her to tell me or that they would tell me themselves and this is the text she sent me Monday morning. "Truth is we had been talking since I went to a friends small kb like maybe a month ago.. He texted me first the next day & I replied I guess cuhs of what that girl said 'I'm just being friendly' cuhs he was my friends brother so I might have flirted back without even realizing it but what I should've done was stop replying when he asked me to go to horror nights but he said he invited his friends from work so I thought nothing of it. When he picked me up I asked him on the way if his friends were meeting us there & he said 'oh no I couldn't go after all' so yeah it was just us. sorry I said we went with my friends that's how it was supposed to be. He kissed me I kissed him back once towards the end of the night I think it might have been the shots of Hennessy that he had but I took them before I knew his friends were going cuhs i thought they were going & I didn't want to be lame in front of them. I didn't catch feelings I didn't have sex with him.. I'm scared of it? & I know that for a fact even tho I was pretty buzzed bc I was dead asleep in the car probably snoring too. That's the truth I know it'll be hard to believe me" She says she's sorry and that she learned her lesson. She said that she felt so guilty everyday but that she was scared to tell me. She said that it won't happen ever again and that she wants to be with me. She said that she does need time for herself cause she still feels horrible so she wants to go ghost off of social media so she can forgive herself. She says she feels like **** and that it's hard for her to even think of it saying that she doesn't deserve me. But I guess I'm not so pissed at the act that she kissed another guy but it with the fact that she kept texting him for two weeks until I caught her. Makes me wonder what would've happened if I never did. She says that she should've stopped texting him after he invited her...so why didn't she stop texting him after the drunk kiss? What can I say to her? What can I do? I feel like I really do love this girl cause I can't do anything but think about her. She grew up having a horrible childhood even watching her mom get abused at a young age and also having her dad cheat with another woman for 2 years. She's not used to being in a relationship and being with an actual decent guy this time...so what do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 "I was drunk and then..." - Check Giving you trickle truth - Check "I was scared to tell you..." - Check "I just...wanted to be friends with him..." - Check These are all classic signs of a cheater. I repeat this saying often, in vino veritas, in wine truth. If in her alcohol influenced state, she felt it was okay to kiss another man, the truth is that she normally thinks that way. The alcohol lowered her inhibition, but that doesn't mean she did something she wouldn't normally do. If she had ANY respect for you at ALL, she'd have cut all contact with him. Take your self worth it bring it to a girl that won't kiss and talk to another guy behind your back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Honestly I wouldn't suggest you stay with her. She cheated and then continued to cheated until she was caught. Do she really sound like someone who is really remorseful? I hear regret but it probably is regret that she got caught. I doubt seriously this is the last of her cheating you will hear if you stay with her. I doubt it was just a kiss as well. People don't stay invested unless there is a reason to. She chose her feelings and his over yours. I think you should just wish her well with him and block her and move on. Its never worth it staying with a cheater. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I talked to the guy she kissed to and even said that it was only a kiss and that nothing happened. He said that she never told him anything about a boyfriend and that he initiated the kiss but they were both drunk. He also said that they only hung out once... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 He said that he didn't even think they were 'talking' like that. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Are you legit this much of a doormat? Lies Lies Cheating Lies... 4 months in? She will sleep with the next one...she doesnt feel bad, she is mad she got caught. She was bloody texting the guy for weeks after! Dude...have some self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I didn't even get through half of your post because it was so awful to read. Not that you are a bad writer, but that you have a terrible girlfriend. Continue this relationship at your own peril. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 She grew up having a horrible childhood even watching her mom get abused at a young age and also having her dad cheat with another woman for 2 years. She's not used to being in a relationship and being with an actual decent guy this time...so what do I do? Oh hell I did muddle through the whole thing,until this gem. Stop making excuses for someone that treats you like crap. That stuff is her problem, not yours. Get away from her. Jeeze dude it's only 4 months, it's not an eternity. She is showing you who she is...believe her and run screaming into the night and away from this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want to know why she would do this? Even her family says that I'm the first she's ever brought around. She told me once that she thinks that I may even be the one. I asked her if she even liked this guy and she said that no she didn't that they didn't even text all day everyday. That he kissed her but she didn't stop and and doesn't know why. I asked her why they kept talking after what happened and she doesn't know why...even after I found out about everything why does she keep saying that she had no feelings for this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want to know why she would do this? Even her family says that I'm the first she's ever brought around. She told me once that she thinks that I may even be the one. I asked her if she even liked this guy and she said that no she didn't that they didn't even text all day everyday. That he kissed her but she didn't stop and and doesn't know why. I asked her why they kept talking after what happened and she doesn't know why...even after I found out about everything why does she keep saying that she had no feelings for this guy? Shes lying. Because she is a cake eater, selfish, liar, attention seeker...I mean it could be any or all of those things. Cheaters always say they "love" you or that you are the one. You could be the best man in the world it doesn't matter, it's not about you its about them. They are the problem not you. You need to ask yourself why you would even consider staying with someone who is so untrustworthy and disrespectful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want to know why she would do this? Even her family says that I'm the first she's ever brought around. She told me once that she thinks that I may even be the one. I asked her if she even liked this guy and she said that no she didn't that they didn't even text all day everyday. That he kissed her but she didn't stop and and doesn't know why. I asked her why they kept talking after what happened and she doesn't know why...even after I found out about everything why does she keep saying that she had no feelings for this guy? Words are cheap. Actions have real meaning. She acted, by pressing her lips she uses to kiss you, to say all these words, into this other guys. She uses them to lie to you. They both know why, the answer though isn't what you want to accept, it's that they don't give a flying **** about you. She can say she has no feelings, but texting a guy you cheated on your BF with says all you need to know. Stop looking for why, and start looking for the exit door because this ship is sinking. Don't be it's anchor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Aaaaaaaand another one bites the dust. Time to move on my friend. The right girl for you is still out there. You just haven't met her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want to know why she would do this? Even her family says that I'm the first she's ever brought around. She told me once that she thinks that I may even be the one. I asked her if she even liked this guy and she said that no she didn't that they didn't even text all day everyday. That he kissed her but she didn't stop and and doesn't know why. I asked her why they kept talking after what happened and she doesn't know why...even after I found out about everything why does she keep saying that she had no feelings for this guy? Dude, Never mind trying to find out why? You won't ever get a satisfactory answer. You are trying to hang on to something that should be over with. Be happy you found out before you became engaged or worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 The guy she kissed said that she was drunk and the kiss had no feeling behind that he just did it. He says that after they would just text normally and not bring it up just saying things like how's was work and stuff like that. He said he blocked her after I told him she had a bf. He says he wants nothing to do with her cause it was dirty but even he says to give her a second chance cause she's a good woman and that it was totally his fault...then she says that she was scared the whole time that I would find out and thought it would hurt me less if she told me everything leaving out the fact that she went alone with a guy and kissed. I saw her two days ago to talk to her and she wouldn't even want to come outside...she said that I'm the one she wants to be with and that she promises that it won't ever happen again and that but that she needs to have her time cause she feels like ****. Right now she has her phone off and not talking to anyone even her family... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kylemopar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want closure I guess and even if I do move on it wouldn't be something I could get off my mind, that's just how I am. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Alright, it's obvious you're not looking for us to give you the hard and fast advice. You'd rather drag yourself through all the broken glass, because closure. You'll never get closure mate, that's not how it works. I've been there, it destroys you through and through. She's shutting her phone off and needs time alone? I bet she's seeing him during that time. She was scared you'd find out because she knew it was wrong but it didn't stop her from trying to talk to him. You've got to move on and let it go because right now you need to take a real good look at yourself. You're letting some woman control your emotions and actions because she was disloyal to you. If your friend told you what happened I'm almost 100% sure you'd tell him to leave. The more you search for answers the more you prove how much power she has over you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 the relationship didn't start off too perfect cause she caught feelings for her ex one night she was drunk one month we were together. She admitted it to me, mainly cause one of her friends forced her to. She said she would change and be the girl I wish her to be. She says she's sorry and that she learned her lesson. She said that she felt so guilty everyday but that she was scared to tell me. She said that it won't happen ever again and that she wants to be with me. She said that she does need time for herself cause she still feels horrible so she wants to go ghost off of social media so she can forgive herself. She says she feels like **** and that it's hard for her to even think of it saying that she doesn't deserve me. Christ! How many times does it take for her to learn a simple lesson? All this mess that she's saying---that's called manipulation. She's going in on herself as a way of preventing you from doing it--and you should have done it by dumping her. While she may feel sorry about what she did after the fact (and I seriously doubt it if this is a recurring issue with her), the truth is: she's going to go do what she wants to do, to hell with what you think/feel and she'll deal with the fall out with you as an afterthought. She feels like **** right now, but how did she feel while she was getting drunk, kissing the guy and texting with him behind your back? I'll bet ****-y didn't even cross her mind while she was swapping spit with him... and she knew she was with you while she was doing this. She's got a problem with self control. She keeps doing things and then later says she's sorry and will never do it again--then goes back and does it again. You need to lose her somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 She grew up having a horrible childhood even watching her mom get abused at a young age and also having her dad cheat with another woman for 2 years. She's not used to being in a relationship and being with an actual decent guy this time...so what do I do? 1. Realize that she is a grown woman, not some hapless child. Her past has nothing to do with her acting like she doesn't know she has a boyfriend. Plenty of people have less than ideal upbringings and they don't manipulate, lie and cheat on their partners. No, she chose to do everything that she did--no one was holding a gun to her head. 2. Realize that she needs a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend. 3. Figure out how much of your self-esteem you have left and stop being gullible to liars just because they turn on the waterworks. She knew you were her boyfriend before she made the decision to pour liquor down her throat. She knows how she behaves on liquor and she still went ahead and did exactly what she chose to do. Don't pretend that she has no autonomy and agency here and was easily influenced by her ex or this other guy. She was driving that train, not hanging off the caboose by her fingertips. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want closure I guess and even if I do move on it wouldn't be something I could get off my mind, that's just how I am. guess what...you don't get closure because you want it. The other person rarely gives it....we've all been through it. You have to learn to move on without. She's hiding out because she is playing the victim and trying to manipulate things so you take her back and it's working. Grow a spine man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I know that you have all these feelings. Just let it go. Understand that she is a cheater and not even a good one. She should have just broke up with you if she had an ounce of integrity. Just move on and put het out of your life. Find a new one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I just want closure I guess and even if I do move on it wouldn't be something I could get off my mind, that's just how I am. Listen, Closure is fleeting at best. It is an often used word that rarely ever has a desired result. Those who seek closure are usually left with more questions than they previously had, and feel foolish for seeking it with an unrepentant person. While "Closure" always looks like a satisfactory resolution in movies that star Richard Gere or Diane Lane, in real life, your search for closure will leave you scratching your head, if you are lucky. Leave that crap to the movies, and boot her from your life or you'll live to regret it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 I personally am OK with behavior like this but it has to be in the context of honesty and abiding by any agreements you two have made. She can't be honest and abide by what you two have agreed to so that behavior would be a deal breaker to me. You're not going to get closure from people like this. You just have to realize she's not going to be a good, healthy addition to your life, go NC, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 I just want to know why she would do this? Even her family says that I'm the first she's ever brought around. She told me once that she thinks that I may even be the one. I asked her if she even liked this guy and she said that no she didn't that they didn't even text all day everyday. That he kissed her but she didn't stop and and doesn't know why. I asked her why they kept talking after what happened and she doesn't know why...even after I found out about everything why does she keep saying that she had no feelings for this guy? She did it because she was hot for the other guy and the alcohol lowered her inhibitions which allowed her to go for it. She views you as a great guy (who is husband material, a supporter) but is hot for the bad boys when it comes to sex. She definitely has feelings for this guy. He probably doesn't want her for more than sex because he sees how she has treated you. She is not only a cheat but a liar because she knows exactly why she keeps talking to the other guy. She wants him! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 The guy she kissed said that she was drunk and the kiss had no feeling behind that he just did it. He says that after they would just text normally and not bring it up just saying things like how's was work and stuff like that. He said he blocked her after I told him she had a bf. He says he wants nothing to do with her cause it was dirty but even he says to give her a second chance cause she's a good woman and that it was totally his fault...then she says that she was scared the whole time that I would find out and thought it would hurt me less if she told me everything leaving out the fact that she went alone with a guy and kissed. I saw her two days ago to talk to her and she wouldn't even want to come outside...she said that I'm the one she wants to be with and that she promises that it won't ever happen again and that but that she needs to have her time cause she feels like ****. Right now she has her phone off and not talking to anyone even her family... You should be the one with your phone off blocking her. This guy is covering up for her and him. I can't believe you would actually go to him and ask him about this for a girl you've only been seeing for 4 months. He doesn't want her so he was trying to throw her back to you. It worked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 I talked to the guy she kissed to and even said that it was only a kiss and that nothing happened. He said that she never told him anything about a boyfriend and that he initiated the kiss but they were both drunk. He also said that they only hung out once... How is the bolded not a HUGE red flag to you? She went on a date with another guy who did not know she had a boyfriend! She's a cheater, plain and simple. It was NOT the other guy's fault, it was your lying girlfriend's fault. 100%. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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