People who prefer to keep their OLD and real worlds separate, healthy?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was chatting with this one woman, she has been doing online dating for a while now and with the talk here about you're just better meeting people in the real world, i.e. I mentioned Meetup to her.

 

She said she does enough activities outside of that and prefers to keep her dating world separate from her real life from her hobby circles. She actually said that meeting people via OKC is her primary way of finding romantic partners...these days.

 

Reason I am wondering about this is if this is a healthy way to meet people? To actually avoid hobby or other social circles.

 

I mean, I thought the most common way people have met were "through friends"...at least, that's the answers I've gotten when I meet a couple who haven' met online.

 

She said she USED to, before online dating was popular now, but now finds more it more effective for her.

 

Think this is an unhealthy crutch by sitting behind a computer all the time, meeting that way? Is it unhealthy to purposely keep those two worlds apart, even though the OLD route is more effective?

[Herbalist]

Maybe she had an experience where someone she dated turned out to be mean or crazy, and then they also had shared friends and places to hang out, and then she felt like she couldn't hang out in the same places anymore. So maybe now she does not mix the two until she is serious about someone.

 

I just think of this possibility because that sort of thing happened to me once several years ago, where I dated someone in a tabletop gaming group and it did not go well at all. And afterwards I no longer felt comfortable so I stopped going. And also since you say that she said she does have activities she already does, so then it wouldn't be like she does not activities at all. Just that she does not do them with people she might date.

[Imported]

IRC333, you never seem to run out of yet another micro topic or "a female friend/woman/group" that gave you the idea for it.

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm not sure why you think that using the internet to find a meetup group and then searching there for people to date, is so much better than just using the internet to find potential dates in the first place. I mean one is just the long way around to the other.

 

I would agree with you, that through friends is still probably the best way to meet someone, but it can get messy if things go wrong, and not every social circle is as well set up for providing dating opportunities.

[Imajerk17]

LATP, you have brought up this topic on here before, several times actually.

 

1. Whether someone decides to keep their dating lives separate from the rest of their lives e.g., they won't date someone they met at Meetup, is not a matter of "right vs wrong" or "healthy vs unhealthy" as you seem to be making it out to be, it is instead a matter of personal preference. You'd do better to look at it this way. (Advice along this vein could be given in a number of your threads actually, but I digress.)

 

2. I guarantee you that if the woman "who won't date anyone from Meetup", just happens to meet a guy she really connects with at, well, Meetup, she will throw her rule out and date him anyway.

[thecrucible]

I can see where she is coming from. If things go wrong, you can feel like avoiding things you previously enjoyed. I mean there's an exercise class I'd like to go back to but an ex goes to it so I'm avoiding it.

[NuevoYorko]

She said she does enough activities outside of that and prefers to keep her dating world separate from her real life from her hobby circles. She actually said that meeting people via OKC is her primary way of finding romantic partners...these days.

 

Reason I am wondering about this is if this is a healthy way to meet people? To actually avoid hobby or other social circles.

 

Probably if she feels interested in somebody from her hobbies, she would pursue it.

 

As opposed to using Meetups to look for dates, as you seem to do; she uses dating sites for that.

 

Seems normal to me.

[JustGettingBy]

I can see where she is coming from. If things go wrong, you can feel like avoiding things you previously enjoyed. I mean there's an exercise class I'd like to go back to but an ex goes to it so I'm avoiding it.

 

Pretty much the reason I can't seem to find any place to meet a potential gf.