Potential Friend/Mate In Game

[Herbalist]

I'm not sure which forum would be the best for this, but this one seems maybe the closest to the situation.

 

So I am a female who is a very stereotypical gamer nerd. I don't go out very much at all except for work shifts or to buy stuff. I prefer to stay at home and game online. I'm very introverted and just like a simply, comfy and very nerdy life. So even though I sometimes get lonely for companionship, it is just not really in the cards for me usually unless I was going to change myself, which I don't really think I will ever do.

 

However, I was recently browsing the platonics ads online thinking about trying to find a nerdy friend, someone more like me, where the things that make me weird wouldn't actually be a problem but more of a mutual thing.

 

And I **** you all not I found an ad from a guy who plays the same game as me, is close to my age and was looking for friends and possibly a girlfriend to game with, and he lives close by. So of course I about mentally tripped over myself with excitement and found him in the game.

 

We talked for a while and he seemed like a friendly, sane and funny person, and he was easy to talk to. He also joked about being excited to talk to a girl in the game, and I just ignored that part. I know some guys are very introverted and don't have much exposure to real life women, and plus I am like the female version of that, too, so I didn't want to give an impression like it was a big deal, but just have it be very chill.

 

He asked for my phone number, and I tried to nicely say no, but just that it wasn't personal and that I just like to take things slow when making new friends. He was respectful of this boundary, so that was a very good sign to me. We talked more about the game, and then we both needed to log off and go to bed. We both expressed that we would like to talk and play together in the future.

 

I know this is probably lame but I was excited all the rest of the next day for us to both log into the game, and when I logged in he was online.

 

And then I didn't know what to do lol. At first I just waited half an hour or so to see if he would message me, which he didn't. So then I thought maybe I should message him but I felt anxiety about it. Like what if he had changed his mind, what if I would be bothering him, what if it would be awkward because I had already been online for like an hour and neither of us had talked. Plus then I was feeling stupid because I was waiting and watching his status in the game for an hour like a psycho but never saying anything. Let alone what should I say. At the end of the night I logged off without saying anything and we didn't talk at all.

 

Okay so obviously I'm a bit "thirsty" as I have seen some people put it at times, since finding another nerd friend is rare, but then to also find one close to my age, a guy and living nearby. I am probably a little too excited on top of being socially weird I guess. So I'm gonna see what happens again tonight and maybe try messaging him first, and I will keep this thread updated as it goes along, thanks for any advice that anyone might have.

[Blackened Heart]

I would say message him and see if there is anything the two of you can do together in the game. Right now he's probably trying not to seem too needy or eager with you, in fear of running you off.

 

I use to play online games a lot, like really hard core where I revolved my life around it. What I noticed with the female gamers is that they would get a lot of attention from the male gamers, since they were the minority and online games typically have guys that don't get out too much but also desire companionship.

 

In this case you have very little risk by reaching out, as he will likely do something with you (unless his guild/group/whatever you game has it called as) has something planned he needs to attend. You'll both get to know each other better, and if things take a turn for the worse, you can end it with little reciprocation.

 

Think of it this way, would you rather wait and risk losing out on something that might happen, or risk by reaching out for something to happen?

[Herbalist]

Well I was online first, and I waited a few minutes after he came online, and then said hello and asked him how his day was. We talked for just a few minutes, he just gave short-ish answers to a couple questions, and then when I didn't follow up with a question, the conversation died.

 

So from what I've read, I guess now I shouldn't message him first anymore, and if he doesn't message me, then it means he suddenly lost interest in getting to know each other?

[PaperCrane]

These rules about messaging first or not or the time frames are all bull****. The same in relationships and in friends. The only thing that does is start you in a cat and mouse game which is fun at first and then loses it's luster.

 

If you enjoy spending time talking to someone, just do it. If you don't, don't.

[Herbalist]

But isn't there also the factor of not bothering someone? How do you know if someone is being polite and not interested, versus if they are just shy or something?

 

I agree that a lot of the articles on that topic feel like bull**** as they all are contradicting each other on signs and what you should do.

[PaperCrane]

But isn't there also the factor of not bothering someone? How do you know if someone is being polite and not interested, versus if they are just shy or something?

 

I agree that a lot of the articles on that topic feel like bull**** as they all are contradicting each other on signs and what you should do.

 

He is his own person. He is responsible for his boundaries. If you're annoying him, it's his job to say he isn't interested in talking.

 

The only thing I see possibly as to why he didn't say anything is he was maybe hurt about the number thing.

 

Nerdy guys have the most frail ego when it comes to women in almost any regard. It'll get stronger the more interaction they have. From his point of view, imagine he's had little or no interaction with girls. Suddenly a wild girl appears! She plays the same game I do! She wants to talk! We talk for hours! It's great and fun! Ask for phone number! REJECTED. She's online again! She's ignoring me...

 

Now like I said, he's responsible for himself. You don't need to walk on eggshells here. Talk when you feel like talking, and don't if you don't want to. Remember, he was also looking for a girlfriend as well. If you're remotely attractive at all I'm sure he already had butterflies.

[Herbalist]

Okay thanks that does make sense. I asked him to just give me a little while before trading numbers, and he seemed to be okay with that.

 

I didn't actually say this part, but it's because sometimes I have met people online who seemed like good and sane people at first, but then things got scary or bizarre, and I just would not want someone to have my phone number if that happened. But he respected that boundary when I asked to wait a while, so to me that was a good sign of his character versus someone who gets angry or pushy or defensive and such.

 

But I do hope he didn't take it as a rejection, I didn't mean it like that. I am just cautious.

[PaperCrane]

Okay thanks that does make sense. I asked him to just give me a little while before trading numbers, and he seemed to be okay with that.

 

I didn't actually say this part, but it's because sometimes I have met people online who seemed like good and sane people at first, but then things got scary or bizarre, and I just would not want someone to have my phone number if that happened. But he respected that boundary when I asked to wait a while, so to me that was a good sign of his character versus someone who gets angry or pushy or defensive and such.

 

But I do hope he didn't take it as a rejection, I didn't mean it like that. I am just cautious.

 

I'm probably way off, but this is just how I'm seeing it.

 

When girls say 'yeah maybe...', 'I need time...' or 'I need to go slow...' followed up with an opportunity to talk and you don't, well, if I was in his shoes I'd feel rejected. Everything after the 'no', many men learn is 90% of the time an excuse to let them down easy. He said okay because yes, he's respecting your decision. If you want to continue talking, you'll probably have to put in a little more legwork at the start because of this.

 

I've had my fair share of weird encounters online, so I know the apprehension. There's other ways of texting that allow you to block them without giving your number out. I believe whatsapp is one, facebook messenger (you can make a fake account), snapchat, etc.

 

I also typically only give my number to someone I want to talk to whom I know personally, but I have other ways open to talk as well just in case. I'm a terrible texter and don't particularly like it but I can see how it's important to people, so I have those options available.

[Herbalist]

Hmm well he is very into PvP and is probably pretty good at it, whereas I am pretty terrible at PvP because I move with my keys instead of the proper way. I have done well enough as a healer in PvP before, though, because the movement demands are less intense. I'm a clicker but I'd say I'm the fastest clicker in the West so to speak. Maybe I could switch to a healing spec again and offer to heal him in PvP. Will have to try dusting off my healing skills, it has been a while.

[PaperCrane]

Hmm well he is very into PvP and is probably pretty good at it, whereas I am pretty terrible at PvP because I move with my keys instead of the proper way. I have done well enough as a healer in PvP before, though, because the movement demands are less intense. I'm a clicker but I'd say I'm the fastest clicker in the West so to speak. Maybe I could switch to a healing spec again and offer to heal him in PvP. Will have to try dusting off my healing skills, it has been a while.

 

Sound like you two play WoW/FFXIV. If I had a pocket healer, that would be swell for pvp.

 

I'm adding heaps onto a pile that doesn't need to be there. Just talk to the guy. I'm sure everything will smooth out fine.

[Herbalist]

Yeah I like WoW and SWTOR. Haven't tried FFXIV.

 

Another thing he mentioned was that he used to be a trucker but lost his CDL for what he said were dumb reasons. I wasn't sure whether to ask for more info, because my stepfather is actually a higher up in a government-funded thing having to do with trucking regulations and whatnot, he actually does give advice and training to truckers all the time about regulations as part of his job. This has also included helping truckers appeal things if it really did seem it was unjust. But then it also sounded like maybe it was a sore point topic so I didn't mention it at the time.

[Herbalist]

I found him on PoF! He's exactly my type looks-wise, big teddy bear with a beard. Omg I hope the universe isn't just ****ing with me lol.

[Herbalist]

Uh well I started the conversation again. Waited about 15 mins and then went ahead when he didn't message me. It actually picked up a little for a couple minutes, and we made plans to do something in the game together tomorrow. But then I responded with something that was just about a game he might like based on something he had said, and then he abruptly logged off and didn't come back.

 

I hope it's not a case where the guy actually has a wife or girlfriend. He had originally wanted me number in order to text each other during the day while he was at work, but then it's like I am bothering him when I try to talk with him in the game.

 

Anyway I guess I should just mentally switch on the situation. He seemed so eager to talk and get to know each other the first day we talked, so I was really down for that, so that is why the sudden shift is a bit confusing. But I guess I should just roll with it.

[Herbalist]

Alright so we're supposed to play together today and I have my character ready to go, so I will log on later when he is probably already online and wait for him to message me. And if he doesn't then I should probably just accept it and let it go. I mean you know how it is I guess when something seems too good to be true lol.

[Herbalist]

Welp. Guess I got all excited over nothing. Oh well. Someone needed help running their alt through an old raid, though, and I was able to help them with that, had a bit of fun. Offered to add each other but they were not interested. Thankfully I have this spicy beef jerky and Van Halen to comfort me.

[Stillits]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. I know the pains of being quite an introverted, nerdy girl, it really isn't too easy to meet someone, let alone someone compatible/accepting. Keep up the good spirits