i didn't stop my affair because she said she'd tell....

[Lion Heart]

Quite merrmeade...I smelt horse manure in all that 'she made me do it' bollocks...

 

I took most of the 'saving my own ass' tales with a hefty dose of cynicism, UNTIL his concubine began her vendetta. Then I knew that in amongst that horse manure was a grain of truth....

 

"grain" for sure.

 

He BEGAN the A.

The rest rolling on from that is ALL ON HIM lol.

 

The STBexVWH here said EXACTLY the same thing.

"I ONLY kept seeing her and calling her everyday to APPEASE her" lol.

He was a sweating, scrambling MESS during that A.

Sweating from....???

 

Who cares.

 

The whole DEAL of As is garbage.

 

A M person BEGINS one and ???

Boo hoo cries that it all didn't work out THEIR way.

ie that their spouse didn't find out so

They could remain CAKE-EATERS.

 

Omg what a ridiculous way to live.

 

I'm GRATEFUL OW was a massive drama queen.

She suited WH perfectly except that they were both poor and unemployed. And he'd never be seen dead anywhere with OW.

 

So glad they both ran tattling to the Police and grassing each other up. What a waste of Police TIME.

 

WHAT A WASTE OF TIME full stop.

 

On that note I'm off to cook Osso Bucco lol that STBexVWH will smell when he comes to pick up the kids lol. Oh boy does he miss my cooking!

Oh dear rofl. Such ridiculous people.

 

:-))

Lion Heart

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I was talking with a chum who has had infidelity change her life too, and this is something that seems to be quite a common thing for a wayward to say when the bubble bursts, and I'm wondering just how common, and whether any of you believed it/then/now or if you thought/think that's bollocks?

 

Did anyone hear this codswallop after dday?.

 

My husband said he didn't end his affair of his own volition even though he had enough of the drama because he was terrified she'd grass him up. He claimed she consistently 'blackmailed' him into visiting her with threats of calling me. Even actually dialling my number in front of him so he says!

 

when I finally stopped laughing and dried my face, I rolled my eyes and asked my husband if he really thought I'd arrived on the last banana boat!

 

Over to you......

 

If he truly wanted out but was so concerned about being blackmailed, why did he not "bite the bullet" and confess all to you followed by him ending things with her? Then he would have been able to end it without fear of her grassing him up. It all came out in the end anyway.

[ladydesigner]

If he truly wanted out but was so concerned about being blackmailed, why did he not "bite the bullet" and confess all to you followed by him ending things with her? Then he would have been able to end it without fear of her grassing him up. It all came out in the end anyway.

 

Totally this is how my situation played out. It all came out anyway. Plus if the A were REALLY that bad the WS would have ended it. Methinks they still enjoy it!

[cocorico]

Also with all the love and passion that these affairs bring, why is no one shouting about his/her lover from every rooftop?

 

 

Some do. Read some more and see the insults levelled at those who are open with their A (keeping it hidden only from the BS).

 

We were an "open" couple. Only the BW "didn't know" (or chose not to believe). There was no "dirty secret". Several of the stories on here involve others being "in" on the R - just not the BW.

[ShatteredLady]

Yeh! It all depends on the level of disrespect & contempt for the BS & the type of friends one has.

[Ahurtgirl]

From the xOW viewpoint, the statement of being bl ackmailed is a lie. My xMM said this to me when I asked him why he continued to give me gifts and shower me with love if he was just going to end it with me. He said it was just easier to do so then worry about me contacting his wife. He was always paranoid about that. Then when I told him I wish I had never met him, he stated he always had loved me. Idiot. These men lie to everyone to try to fix both the relationship with their wife and the mistress.

[Lion Heart]

From the xOW viewpoint, the statement of being bl ackmailed is a lie. My xMM said this to me when I asked him why he continued to give me gifts and shower me with love if he was just going to end it with me. He said it was just easier to do so then worry about me contacting his wife. He was always paranoid about that. Then when I told him I wish I had never met him, he stated he always had loved me. Idiot. These men lie to everyone to try to fix both the relationship with their wife and the mistress.

 

ROFL "The CAKE-EATER'S Status Quo" I am SO HAPPY that exWHs BUBBLE burst lol. Omg if there's ONE thing I'm so joyful over, it's the TRUTH.

 

Hence me phoning OWs immediately.

Heck I don't blame THEM lol.

 

There's a whole WORLD full of potential APs ofcourse!

It's ALL down to the MARRIED people to protect their M.

No one else.

 

AHG thank goodness you could SEE the truth amongst all the bs flowing from it's mouth. Can you IMAGINE how much bs flowed out all over MMs wife and children, extended families and community in our case.

 

WH STRUGGLED BIG TIME and great!

 

Why should ANYTHING be EASY for him now.

When he used and abused an OW or 25+ in my case ugh it disgusts me.

 

I would have felt SO MUCH better if he HAD fallen in love with an OW. I WOULD GET THAT. Not that I have or anything but IDK at least it WAS love....maybe.

 

USING women for cake-eating is the pits.

 

Just D and knock about anywhere.

 

It's completely senseless to me.

 

Lion Heart

[Lion Heart]

Also with all the love and passion that these affairs bring, why is no one shouting about his/her lover from every rooftop? How is it fun to be a dirty secret? The more I read, the more I'm confused by these relationships. Seems to be a lot of convincing oneself of things that aren't there.

 

SNAP. EXACTLY.

 

The "true love" stuff they feed OW.

 

TRUE love or indeed just falling in love IS something you want to share with the world.

My bf put pictures of us in the airport at the moment of us meeting IRL on FB IMMEDIATELY. 10 MINUTES after meeting getting a stranger to take photos lol.

Then photos up from all over America and Europe.

So beautiful.

 

PROUD to tell the whole world. Lovely!

 

Apparently exWH never mentioned the L word to any OWs nor did SOME things but he had / has a VERY weird view of everything.

I had to ask OW 1 about herself. The moment she said her age - way older than WH, her employment status- unemployed, she was renting BANG I KNEW he was using her.

 

Indeed he used me as a gravy train.

Supplier of property.

I look younger than him. Which grieves him deeply now lol.

My womb was free of rent obviously.

 

BUT I HAD HIS M.O. he was / still is a sexual predator and the Psychologist said it first.

 

Number 1: if they aren't going to shout it from the hilltops or at least BE SINGLE then next them.

 

It's pretty basic. OWs seem to be sucked in too easily.

 

Lion Heart

[Cloudcuckoo]

Some do. Read some more and see the insults levelled at those who are open with their A (keeping it hidden only from the BS).

 

We were an "open" couple. Only the BW "didn't know" (or chose not to believe). There was no "dirty secret". Several of the stories on here involve others being "in" on the R - just not the BW.

 

That's hardly open if everyone BUT the other marriage partner knows...

 

Defies all logic, and frankly, the fact that the person who has become involved in an open marriage without their consent or knowledge makes it a 'dirty secret'.....

[HadMeOverABarrel]

From the xOW viewpoint, the statement of being bl ackmailed is a lie. My xMM said this to me when I asked him why he continued to give me gifts and shower me with love if he was just going to end it with me. He said it was just easier to do so then worry about me contacting his wife. He was always paranoid about that. Then when I told him I wish I had never met him, he stated he always had loved me. Idiot. These men lie to everyone to try to fix both the relationship with their wife and the mistress.

 

Yep! smh

[Bambi1234]

Yep. As an xOW that told the wife, it was all a lie. He told her I had threatened him which is why he had to keep seeing me. Total bull**** but she ate it up. Just like they lie to us to live a double life, they lie to you too. Its right up there with "my wife doesn't understand me"

Edited October 29, 2016 by Bambi1234

[Cloudcuckoo]

Yep. As an xOW that told the wife, it was all a lie. He told her I had threatened him which is why he had to keep seeing me. Total bull**** but she ate it up. Just like they lie to us to live a double life, they lie to you too. Its right up there with "my wife doesn't understand me"

 

My take on it all is that BOTH women get fed a crock by a self absorbed tosser.....

 

The only difference is he only shows the other woman his shiny side.....

[cocorico]

Yeh! It all depends on the level of disrespect & contempt for the BS & the type of friends one has.

 

Quite. Some look at context, while others are only concerned with paperwork.

[ladydesigner]

My take on it all is that BOTH women get fed a crock by a self absorbed tosser.....

 

The only difference is he only shows the other woman his shiny side.....

 

For sure! I got the turd side

[Cloudcuckoo]

For sure! I got the turd side

 

LD I nearly pee'd my pants then! ???

[dreamingoftigers]

Jeez, I got the turd side right up to the day where he finally told the damn truth and offered semi-annual polygraphs until I felt secure with trusting him again.

 

I think all it would uncover is that he can lie in six-month chunks

 

But wow, did I ever not deserve the crap he's pulled.

[dreamingoftigers]

Jeez, I got the turd side right up to the day where he finally told the damn truth and offered semi-annual polygraphs until I felt secure with trusting him again.

 

I think all it would uncover is that he can lie in six-month chunks

 

But wow, did I ever not deserve the crap he's pulled.

 

Total aside, Shattered Lady just have me my 10000th like!

 

:D:love:

[ShatteredLady]

Make that 10,001! :bunny::bunny:

[Lion Heart]

Total aside, Shattered Lady just have me my 10000th like!

 

:D:love:

 

Awww THAT'S how much we LUB you DOT! LOL.

 

BOY this page is entertaining!

I'm feelin' the Sistahood a growin'.

 

Look once ALL WOMEN GET that SO MANY "men" only wanna get their little member wet at ANY opportunity, the sooner we'll GET THEIR program.

 

As pi$$ weak as it is.

Kinda like them.

 

Real men ACTUALLY see a good thing and hold on to it!

Appreciate.

Regard.

CARE.

Love.

They absolutely KNOW what they've got and wouldn't RISK having an A no matter what. No matter WHO.

Sure these men are WAY smarter lol.

WAY better character because they HAVE CHARACTER and aren't riddled with the deficiencies and personality disorders that cheaters have.

 

I've got a real man now. I really hit the jackpot!

The sweetest thing is that he thinks he's hit the jackpot too, sighhh. Lol.

 

Meanwhile STBexVWH (lol) is burdened with a huge period of time with liitle ole me ladening all but trivial texts over his next debts with the ugly truth about himself...serial cheat...old crusty vjjs.....gambling addict...alcoholic....liar....thief.

Oh and sexual predator.

 

I've had more fun than being on Chump Lady.

I'm thinking each new gf or his wanna be next one is READING my texts.

 

Ok all but 1 OW dumped HIM. Then me. Now every female since...the circus continues.

 

:-))))

Lion Heart

Edited October 30, 2016 by Lion Heart

[cocorico]

That's hardly open if everyone BUT the other marriage partner knows...

 

Defies all logic, and frankly, the fact that the person who has become involved in an open marriage without their consent or knowledge makes it a 'dirty secret'.....

 

"Open" as in "not hidden", not as in "open marriage". It wasn't a secret. It wasn't hidden, everyone knew. He simply delayed telling her until later, when it would affect her.

 

Sorry for the confusion.

[wmacbride]

Yeh! It all depends on the level of disrespect & contempt for the BS & the type of friends one has.

 

this makes a lot of sense.

 

Some people only value honesty if they are the ones affected by it. They can lie all they want, but heaven help it if someone lies to them.

 

Of course they are going to surround themselves with people who think and act like they do. no one else would put up with that kind of crap.

 

 

ABout blackmail. If you reverse the situation, the mm/mw can do it tot he ow/om just as easily. The old line of " for god's sake man, don't shoot,I have a wife and family" is trotted out, but changed to " please don't tell/expose me, it will hurt my wife and family".

That shows such sa lack of understanding. It's not the truth that will hurt, it's the A itself.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Jeez, I got the turd side right up to the day where he finally told the damn truth and offered semi-annual polygraphs until I felt secure with trusting him again.

 

I think all it would uncover is that he can lie in six-month chunks

 

But wow, did I ever not deserve the crap he's pulled.

 

Dear DOT. You're SO undeserving of all the tragic events you've suffered, and

the humiliation you've endured at the hands of the one person you loved and were supposed to be able to trust most.

 

His loss at the end of the day darling girl, I bet you're AWESOME to be around!

 

Cuckoo x

[Cloudcuckoo]

"Open" as in "not hidden", not as in "open marriage". It wasn't a secret. It wasn't hidden, everyone knew. He simply delayed telling her until later, when it would affect her.

 

Sorry for the confusion.

 

I'm not confused...

 

You can't say it wasn't hidden and everyone knew because that's not true is it?

 

The one person who wasn't privy to your affair was the one person who WAS involved in an open marriage without any knowledge or consent.

 

You can't say, "oh well, he didn't tell his wife until later, when everyone else already knew, and she was the only one left who didn't, because we didn't want the s*** to hit the fan until WE were ready with fear-fu*k-all suits' .....

[whatatangledweb]

Black mail does happen. It happened to my husband. I read all their texts and emails and she threated many times. Such as if you think you can just walk away I will tell your wife. You end it and I will contact your wife. He finally asked her what would that accomplish and she replied Then someone else will hurt like I do and she can make you hurt.

 

I did ask why if he had the balls to cheat on me then why didn't he have the balls to tell me? He said he was afraid I would attempt suicide and he didn't want to hurt me or lose me. Now I do suffer from deep depression and always have. I have also attempted suicide many times in my past though it had not happened in over a decade. I understand that reasoning but with that he shouldn't have cheated in the first place.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Black mail does happen. It happened to my husband. I read all their texts and emails and she threated many times. Such as if you think you can just walk away I will tell your wife. You end it and I will contact your wife. He finally asked her what would that accomplish and she replied Then someone else will hurt like I do and she can make you hurt.

 

I did ask why if he had the balls to cheat on me then why didn't he have the balls to tell me? He said he was afraid I would attempt suicide and he didn't want to hurt me or lose me. Now I do suffer from deep depression and always have. I have also attempted suicide many times in my past though it had not happened in over a decade. I understand that reasoning but with that he shouldn't have cheated in the first place.

 

That's what I heard too tangled...

 

'She said if I left her she'd tell. She said If you don't come and visit me I'll tell. If you don't do XYZ, I'll tell. If you go home to see your wife on her birthday I'll phone her before you even get home and ruin her day'...

 

That last one made me really want to kick him so hard in the nuts he'd be singing falsetto for the rest of his days.....especially as it was a couple of weeks later that I found out what my subconscious had been nagging me about for so long.

 

The thing that stood out for me was what a complete whimp he was about it if that was really what was going on, and I do believe that there are desperate, insecure women who actually think this kind of approach will get them their man, after the experience I've had with one.

 

I can't stomach weak men personally,they make me nauseous, and I wasn't having any of that idiotic dithering after dday. Grow up, have some balls or F off. I don want you to be the circus clown, I want you to be the ringmaster!

 

Depression is a terrible, cyclic cross to bear tangled, and makes all that lack of understanding and empathy even more disrespectful, regardless of his excuses about suicidal tendencies, that just makes it so much worse doesn't it?

 

I sincerely hope he understands you better now.