i didn't stop my affair because she said she'd tell....

[cocorico]

I'm not confused...

 

You can't say it wasn't hidden and everyone knew because that's not true is it?

 

The one person who wasn't privy to your affair was the one person who WAS involved in an open marriage without any knowledge or consent.

 

You can't say, "oh well, he didn't tell his wife until later, when everyone else already knew, and she was the only one left who didn't, because we didn't want the s*** to hit the fan until WE were ready with fear-fu*k-all suits' .....

 

Actually, as it turns out, *he* was the one who didn't know he was in an open M as she hadn't stopped having her own As - although she continued to deny it to him, even during the D, as she was trying hard for some moral high ground.... - but it has all come out in the wash. Their first separation was her leaving the M to be with her OM-at-the-time, too - and begging to return to the M when the OM dumped her. So _she_ was the one to open the M, not he.

 

And, consent is moot. She'd told him she didn't care if he was faithful, as long as he didn't leave her. (When he reminded her of that, during the D, she claimed that "it was obvious she didn't really mean that, he should have known") She'd also only agreed to M (for tax purposes) as long as they both understood "that it didn't really change anything" about their R, as in, the vows didn't mean anything. Later, of course, she claimed she'd meant her vows, and lived by them, which were lies.... She left her collection of letters and journals here when she moved out (as well as a pile of broken dishes, filth and mess) and yes, i did read them to see if they were worth keeping for the kids or burning (as H wanted) so I have in writing her thoughts at the time. In her own words, in her own writing.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Actually, as it turns out, *he* was the one who didn't know he was in an open M as she hadn't stopped having her own As - although she continued to deny it to him, even during the D, as she was trying hard for some moral high ground.... - but it has all come out in the wash. Their first separation was her leaving the M to be with her OM-at-the-time, too - and begging to return to the M when the OM dumped her. So _she_ was the one to open the M, not he.

 

And, consent is moot. She'd told him she didn't care if he was faithful, as long as he didn't leave her. (When he reminded her of that, during the D, she claimed that "it was obvious she didn't really mean that, he should have known") She'd also only agreed to M (for tax purposes) as long as they both understood "that it didn't really change anything" about their R, as in, the vows didn't mean anything. Later, of course, she claimed she'd meant her vows, and lived by them, which were lies.... She left her collection of letters and journals here when she moved out (as well as a pile of broken dishes, filth and mess) and yes, i did read them to see if they were worth keeping for the kids or burning (as H wanted) so I have in writing her thoughts at the time. In her own words, in her own writing.

 

You read her personal correspondence AND her personal journals?? Really??

 

That's just vile...what an invasion into someone's life. I'm surprised she didn't knock you out.

 

I've never heard anything so disgusting.

 

You read them for the children? If you had any sense of decency, those very personal things should have either been returned, untouched, to the owner, or failing all else been passed to the children as appropriate for THEM to make that decision.

 

In light of your behaviour it's unsurprising his ex wife feels the way she does. That act alone is very revealing.

[cocorico]

You read her personal correspondence AND her personal journals?? Really??

 

That's just vile...what an invasion into someone's life. I'm surprised she didn't knock you out.

 

I've never heard anything so disgusting.

 

You read them for the children? If you had any sense of decency, those very personal things should have either been returned, untouched, to the owner, or failing all else been passed to the children as appropriate for THEM to make that decision.

 

In light of your behaviour it's unsurprising his ex wife feels the way she does. That act alone is very revealing.

 

Why would she leave them for us if she didn't want us to read them? In a big pile on the landing, with upturned boxes of old photos, clearly a "welcome" present with all the other rubbish and filth. If she'd wanted them she'd have taken them. She asset stripped pretty well anything of value in the place.

 

The kids weren't interested. H wanted to burn the lot. I thought it worth having a look to see if there was any merit keeping any of it for the kids, as well as any old photos, despite their saying they weren't interested, in case they changed their minds when they were older. They haven't been, but it's still stored in a crate in the loft if they change their minds one day.

 

Why should she knock me out? If I dumped a heap of rubbish, as well as old photos, journals and letters on her doorstep and then "knocked her out" if she read them, the men in white coats would stage me away.